Beauty is all around us

As you probably know, we love cats. We used to have two white cats, but Snowy passed at age 14 and we now have our little white cat, Xena left to love. Both of them were rescue cats.

Xena has brightened my day. She is so amusing. Thinking she is invisible, she crouches after the many birds in our back garden, only to dash back inside when they gang up on her and chirp her away.

She is not very brave or wise. Her white fur is visible to everything. Her demeanour is the yellow of a coward. This is the same cat who squealed when a mouse ran over her paw! She's such a girl! 

With isolation, one has time to watch the antics of cats and birds, and to enjoy the beauty that is all around us. For in spite of pestilence and mayhem, there is still beauty to be found.

It does help me with this current fibromyalgia flare, to go to "the beach" and let the sun play on my skin and listen to the birds and watch our cats' antics.

Not many people can find much beauty in the world today, but I make a point of looking for it- and when I find it, I make sure to thank the One Who made it, and give thanks.

Gratitude and thankfulness in the midst of pain goes a long way in coping mentally with it all. 

Try to take some time out and focus on the good that remains in this sad old world. There is beauty all around us.

Spitting chips!

     spit chips: 

slang To be loudly or vehemently angry. Primarily heard in Australia.Everyone's spitting chips over the recent tax law now, but in a month's time, no one will even remember that it happened.

Although I did get out of bed today, I haven't achieved much. I have managed to sort my dishes out from last night and they are soaking in hot soapy water in the sink.

The washing is still in the hampers, glaring at me when I pass them by, ignoring them as I go to the loo. They will keep! 

I have some minced steak thawing on the kitchen bench and I have no idea what I am going to do with it tonight for dinner. Pot luck! 

How I feel is pretty much the same in the graphic here. I am whacked and in pain that makes it hard to sit and talk to you. My neck and shoulders are killing me.

The rain is really heavy and the temperature is cold. Totally to be expected as it's winter here in Australia. And where we are, it even snows! 

My sister and daughter are Fibromites and are suffering as well, so maybe it's the weather changes..

My plans for baking and icecream making went out the window yesterday and certainly aren't in today's plans. Instead, I am here mentally shaking my fist at fibromyalgia and, sad that I can't do the few things I planned for today, I am sitting here, spitting chips! 

Again: it's just the nature of the beast!

Chris is going to help his son with car stuff so I will be home alone today. 

If I have enough spoons, I plan to make no sugar icecream that Karen posted in her vlog, bake a no sugar cake for Chris to enjoy and cook a beef stew for dinner. 

Last night I facetimed my grandaughter, Taylah. I miss her terribly!  Although the children have just returned to school, it will be school holidays again this Friday for two weeks. I plan to have her stay with us for a few days. She's excited too! 

My fibromyalgia is still flaring and my sugars were high today. I think maybe I need a nana nap before cooking... one can never plan anything with certainty. 

That's the emotional downside of fibro... it tries to run our life. I mean, really, is cooking a few things too much to ask in a whole day?

Somehow, with twenty-two years of fibromyalgia, my answer is: sometimes! Yes, it's all about spoons!  

No good whining about it: I've said it before and it's true- it's just the nature of the beast! 

Better days ahead!

We are still self isolating. Chris's sugars are slowly improving, as are his ears. I am planning on decluttering our home today as the home help lady is coming Wednesday to do our floors. I am looking forward to that. 

I ordered groceries online last night and they are going to be delivered this afternoon. Chris is the type of guy who could live on meat and two veg- as long as one of them is mashed potato! So that diet is great for his diabetes control. It is easy to do and I have a happy man! 

I ordered lots of frozen veg in packets that you steam in the microwave... and they do potato mash in white and sweet potato.  I usually make a gravy to pour over the vegetables.

With still feeling exhausted with my fibromyalgia flare, I am very appreciative of convenience foods that are still healthy. 

Anyway, with the sugars improving and Chris not so dizzy, I can not only see a light at the end of the tunnel, but I can see better days ahead!

Still the mistress of our home!

Yesterday I came to the realisation that my fibromyalgia is not going to get any better. Nor is my diabetes, hole in the heart, back pain, angina, asthma or torn meniscus. 

My blood sugars are also high, but not as high as Chris's, but it is a warning to me as well. I certainly do not want to go through what Chris is going through with trying to get the right amount of insulin and the horrid symptoms he endures.

My hole in the heart means my right lung is not oxygenating properly and because I need a fourth stent which I have refused (another story), I have constant stable angina. And asthma on exertion.

My blood pressure is high as the pain from my back and torn meniscus in my knee is bad. Finally, with Chris being ill now, my depression is back. I hurt when he is hurting.

Like any Sacrificial Home Keeper, I am trying to keep my home clean and tidy and here I too am failing. I see no end to it...

I was talking to my twin sister yesterday and she said that it is possible to get a bit of subsidised home help through the Australian Government's Age Care plan. So I applied and am going to be assessed tomorrow. I am eligible, as I am now 67 and my husband is 70 in a few weeks and is unable to do housework with me.

I can do some housework if it is waist level: dishes, cooking, washing, dusting. But I cannot even sweep let alone vacuum or wash my floors, as my tendons and muscles scream for mercy with my fibromyalgia and my back joins in sympathy, followed by angina and asthma. So basically I need someone to clean my floors and to change our bed.

As a woman who has been a house keeper since 1969 and brought up five children, it really galls me that I have to admit that I cannot maintain my own home by myself anymore. 

So, I am throwing in the towel.... well, mostly. But I still will be doing meal planning, grocery shopping (online),  cooking, cleaning my kitchen including dishes, bill paying and budgeting, washing, ironing as needed, refilling prescriptions, social planning and gift buying, looking after Xena our cat, and most importantly, looking after Chris's and my health.

In saying I am throwing in the towel, I forgot how much I still will be doing. I guess I will still be the mistress of our home! 

Kissing my phone screen!

Today I have woken up with a little less pain from my fibromyalgia and costochrondia than what I have had the last few weeks. I have a distinct lack of spoons, but I will take less pain over spoons any day!

I have dishes to catch up on and washing and cleaning to do, but I am letting it go one more day. Today the Victorian Government has lifted the lockdown a bit and allowed us to go see family,  as long as there are no more than 5 people at the one time.

So we are getting ready to go to see my youngest child, Dianne who I wrote about in my other blog yesterday.  She lives an hour's drive from us. No doubt I will fall asleep en route to her place. That's totally normal for me and Chris is used to seeing me nearly being garrotted with the seatbelt on long drives...

Schools in Victoria are gradually returning in a few weeks. I never thought I would say this, but I miss the mums taking their children to school and even the school buses! 

Life  is gradually returning to some semblance of normal and I am very happy about it. Online classes and visits with family are OK, but nothing compared to face to face! 

Mind you, we are still going to be careful. Lots of hand washing still and today, lots of theatrical kisses without actually kissing. A big Mwah each side of the cheeks at a respectful distance will have to suffice. But hey, it's better than kissing my phone screen on FaceTime! 

Light at the end of the tunnel

The Victorian Government has lifted some of the Corona Virus restrictions for us. Although Chris and I will be taking it slower than the recommendations, we are glad that there will be a little more freedom for everyone.

My fibromyalgia is badly effected by the stormy conditions we have had in the last few days, and I have not blogged because frankly I have done nothing here at home.

It is so hard to function when you wake up with no spoons. Today, I have managed to get dressed. Not bathed or showered- just dressed.

I will be cooking chicken chow mein for dinner and that's it!

I have experienced a new thing with my fibro: my tendons in my arms feel like they are tearing when I extend my arms. Truly excruciating! Plus I have pain in my sternum which is mimicking heart pain. I find no relief taking my Anginine tablets so I think it is the fibromyalgia.

I hate fibro with a passion: it is as debilitating as the Scheurmann's Disease back pain I endured before it finally fizzled out and my vertebrae recalcified or whatever they do to heal. Ten years in the making, whatever it was. With only a slight curveture and a foot that points inwards.

So, fibromyalia seems to be set to stay as my thorn in the side. But I won't let it snatch my joy away in knowing the virus seems to be controlled. At least with that there's light at the end of the tunnel. 

Old, fat but wiser

So I got on the scales today and now I wish I hadn't. It flashed "One at a time, please!" just prior to giving me a heart attack.

I am at my heaviest ever this morning. It's like everything is conspiring to make and keep me fat. Every single medication has a warning on it about effecting concentration but none say they will make you fat- but they do.

So with so much going on with Rona, my physical limitations and all the medicines I need to take daily, I haven't got much hope of losing any weight.

I am making wiser food choices and upped my water intake, but that's about it for me. No way am I ever going to take appetite suppressants. 

About 30 years ago I lost 84lbs. I was on Duromine tablets and they made me extremely tense and testy. I remember slamming the fridge door so hard the bottles inside clinked together violently.

I thought who needs this? So I stopped them and gradually gained back the weight. Topped off with my reading this morning, it was a shock to my system.

Anyway, I am nearly seventy now, so that makes me old as well as fat. But I do believe as well as that, that I am wiser. 

I am finally going to accept that I am probably too old and sick to safely lose the 100+ pounds that I need to lose in order to look great on a BMI Chart.  

Apart from a few steps like upping my water and reducing my plates of food, I have a brilliant plan...

I understand Miller's and Best and Less are selling clothes up to size 26... it will be nice to feel a loose waisted skirt again and I have Afterpay to help.

See, I am old and fat, but definitely wiser. 

My list of to do's are:

1. Fold and put away today's load of laundry
2. Cook potatoes, pumpkin, onion and peas to serve with the left over lamb from last night.
3. Check out the plus size clothes online
4. Finally chuck out those lying, treacherous scales.... :)

I aint no cry baby!

So a few days ago it was my birthday. The day started well with Chris giving me breakfast in bed. During the day I facetimed with my family. 

We usually go out for a meal on each other's birthday, but of course with Rona, we had a change of plans. So Chris took me to KFC drivethrough for dinner. We ordered our meal and then ate it in the carpark of Safeway, under the romantic light of the trolley bay!

The rain was belting down and we sat there reminiscing about earlier days and how different things are now.

But we never let Rona spoil our moment. At nearly 70, life teaches you many things. One thing appropriate for now is that you gotta bend or you will break..... 

Seems like at my stage of life and health, bending to difficult circumstances is the only bending I can do.... and laugh. Yes, you gotta laugh. Or else you cry. And I aint no cry baby!

Things on my to do list:

1. Fold and put away washing
2. Do a roast lamb in the air fryer for dinner
3. Clean my kitchen

Bed: my control centre!

Over the last 50 odd years, health issues have seen me having to take to my bed. It wasn't easy when I had 4 children under 5 years when glandular fever strikes and wouldn't go away. 

Likewise with schuermann's disease ravishing my vertebrae and spending weeks at a time in traction in hospital, I have learned to control my home from my bed.

With my back or heart problems requiring days of rest and my never-ending fibromyalgia flares, I still have to take to my bed at times. And apart from having a few nana naps, I have many hours to fill in. 

It is definitely possible for us chronically ill women to keep our households in order from our bed. Being ill or disabled does not preclude us from serving God or our families. 

With a bit of planning, we can be like that Proverbs 31 Woman.  God loves us regardless of how fast we spin our wheel. 

So today with the heavy rain we have been having last night and today, my fibromyalgia is beckoning me to my bed. There I will take my laptop and organise my finances, work out my week's meals and listen to scripture and worship music.  I will also pray. Blanket prayers, I call it.  And yes, I will be sleeping a little.

I have done a load of washing and it's in the dryer. I will be folding that up and putting it away sometime this afternoon when I get up. God willing: and spoons, of course! 

The dishes are soaking in hot soapy water and can wait. I will do them whilst I am cooking lamb chops, mashed potato and green veggies for dinner.

Not a lot will be done today except some resting up and controlling my household from my control centre: my bed.

The spoons can wait

So today I woke to a few more spoons or energy than lately. I am very grateful for that. I have a few things I want to do with them. 

But much as I want to accomplish my to do list today, I have a phone- or rather an ipad date with my little granddaughter after she's finished her online school lessons.

Like most people today who are in quarantine, I am missing my grandchildren, so needless to say, I am looking forward to speaking to and seeing her today.

The few things on my list today are to make pumpkin soup, some mini quiches and a shepherd's pie for dinner tonight.

I don't know how many spoons that will take me, especially after a lively chat with my little one, but I don't care: what gets done, gets done- what doesn't  get done can wait till tomorrow.

My spoons may think they dictate my life, but they are wrong. I will live it as I please! The spoons can wait! 

June Cleaver's dragging her heels

These last few days my fibromyalgia pain has increased to the point I cannot function without assistance in the home. In fact, just talking to you now has been an effort and typing has seen my muscle and tendons cramp and spasm.

So I will be doing some minimal housework today, just to keep the wheels moving, but I have enlisted some help from my husband.

My focus will be on clearing clothes from my clean laundry tub and cooking something for tonight. Chris will vacuum a bit for me later on.

We both will be doing dishes from last night and whatever accumulates as we eat breakfast and lunch and I cook dinner.

This is the time when I find myself weepy and inclined to lapse into false guilt. For some reason my perfectionism increases as my spoons decrease, and I have to put into practice what I have spoken about and believe: it is not my fault that I am chronically ill and God loves me just the way I am. Thank goodness, it's not about how fast I spin my wheel! 

Today, fibromyalgia has won: I am on a go slow, pacing and napping mode. It is all I can manage to keep awake. Today is going to be a wash out. The wanna be June Cleaver is dragging her heels.

Enjoying my home

Even though we haven't enjoyed the fact that we have been on lockdown, we have still enjoyed our home.

We have done things around the house, I have tried new recipes to cook and we spend a lot of time just watching the birds and our cat.

There is a lovely feeling of peace, no anxiety and just a sense of calm. I am enjoying Chris's company and the days are going fast.

We have gone to bed late and slept in. Which is just as well because the changeable weather has my fibromyalgia flaring nastily.  It is so nice to be able to just take a nana nap without feeling guilty. 

I have done my grocery shopping online and ordered our medications on an app. That way I only have to run in and pick them up instead of waiting forever for them to be made up.

Yesterday's doctor's visit was done by phone with him faxing our prescriptions through to our chemist.

We are enjoying the peace of scripture and worship music playing in the background and my Quiet Time is now any time I feel like doing it. 

I honestly thought that being in lockdown would drive me nuts, but quite the opposite. Apart from knowing that I can't go out like before, I am still enjoying my home

The Queen of List Making

So I did it again! Instead of cleaning up after dinner, I went to bed with dishes in the sink. I hate when I do that!

I mean, with fibromyalgia robbing me of a good restful sleep, the mornings are hard enough to face. Having a dirty kitchen to wake up to is the pits!

Most would think that it's just laziness, but by the time I have cooked dinner my spoons are almost gone. Yes gone! I am so done in by the end of the day that even lifting my arms up to put my nightie over them creates pain.

Oh, yes, I make lists and read motivational blogs and You tubes, but to no avail. I am the Queen of List Making. Yet my limited spoons dictate that I do very little and I am left with ashes in my mouth.

I know I said before that I have been keeping busy and that's true, but I now have a rebound fibro flare and coupled with our autumn cold snap with rain, I am in a lot of pain.

You would think that I would have worked out this fibromyalgia lurk after twenty years. And for the most part although I hate it, I have learned to exist with fibro without feeling false guilt that leads to depression.

Most days I accept my disability, but deep inside is a perfectionist screaming to get out! On days like our current lockdown days, due to Rona, I try to nest and I overextend my limits. Hello, Fibro Flare!

I am grateful to my husband Chris. He is an mild mannered man who is happy with how I do manage to keep our nest. He and most people who come to visit- well in better days obviously- are happy with the state of our home.

It must be that I am my own worst enemy: trying to do the work of a much younger healthier self: everything in its place and a place for everything. But always straining, never achieving thanks to Fibromyalgia.  I need to accept what is and hang up my crown as the Queen of List Making.

Today I am doing just a few things:

1. Cooking a chow mein in the slow cooker
2. Doing those dishes from last night
3. Giving in to the latest flare and taking a nana nap

Home is the new church

So today is Resurrection Sunday when Jesus rose from the dead. It is a joyful day in the Christian calendar and one I look forward to each year.

I am so grateful that Jesus saved me from my sins and that when I die, I will be with Him for eternity. That is a wonderful promise to hang onto in these uncertain times.

This year will see many of us viewing online Easter services and I will be doing that later, but today I will be taking Communion with my sister and one of my sons online. We will be FaceTiming.

We did this last week and it was very fulfilling. What better way of celebrating Resurrection Sunday than by worshiping and remembering Jesus Christ's sacrifice for us all?

I have some homemaking chores to do:

1. Make pumpkin soup
2. Fold a load of washing and put it away
3. Clean my kitchen

I will get to this hopefully after Communion today. I will be taking it under our picture of the Last Supper where Christ introduced Communion as a way for Christians to remember His sacrifice. 

It's quite pleasant to be home doing it: like other things we have to accept for the time being: home is the new church! 

Staying busy

So in the wake of the Corona Virus comes anxiety and uncertainty and I have been finding my adrenaline racing. With listening to too much news, I am inclined to get depressed and so, I am staying busy. Well, as busy as fibromyalgia and spoons allow.

I am finding by keeping busy that my mind slows down and this brings my blood pressure and heart rate down as well. There is less adrenaline pumping through me. And less angina.

My friend, Mrs Sylvia Britton of Christian HomeKeeper is a very gifted writer. She has blessed me so much with writing her Lists for the chronically ill woman. I follow them most days and they have helped me so much for many years now. 

Sylvia graciously allowed me to post her Lists here and on my other blog and I am eternally grateful.

Recently she has written a post which is so very helpful for us concerning coping with isolation and the Corona Virus.  Once again, she has graciously allowed me to share this with you. Thanks again, my friend.

Sylvia's advice is always scriptural and sensible, and I have found a sense of peace since staying busy.

So today I have:

1. Done a load of washing
2. Put it away as well as a load I found in the dryer! :)
3. Cleaned my kitchen
4. Made some Jewish Penicillin 
5. Roasted some chicken drumsticks for dinner
6. Sorted out our medications for the week
7. Watched Episode 7 of The Chosen  very moving... 

Highly recommend watching it.  He is our Hope and I am so grateful to Jesus for His sacrifice, His salvation and His grace to me.

My body is hurting with the fibromyalgia flaring, but I would prefer that to sitting fretting about Rona. 

I really think the answer to anxiety sometimes is staying busy.

And so Easter is upon us!

Today is Maundy Thursday, the eve of the Crucifixion of Christ. Usually I attend a Maundy Thursday service commemorating Christ washing the feet of His disciples and introducing the first Communion.

Of course with church services being banned, I won't be attending this year, but I will be focussing on Christ and His atoning sacrifice. 

I usually have a quiet time of a morning where I worship God and give thanks for His salvation. Not even Rona can stop that.  I will probably watch church services live streamed throughout Easter as well.

Today I have a few things on my to do list:

1. Go to the chemist and pick up our scripts that were ordered yesterday
2. Clean my kitchen
3. Go to the post office to pick up something I bought on ebay
4. Cook lamb steaks, mashed potatoes and salad for dinner

Obviously not a lot to do, but as much as my spoons will allow today. 

Staying home for real comfort.

So like most  of the world at the moment, we are staying at home to help stop the spread of the Corona Virus. 

We have accepted that this will be the new normal for at least six months and with acceptance comes a certain amount of peace.

As we talked about earlier, Chris and I are focussing on making our home a cosy nest. We have been getting a lot done that makes us both glad we have this home to nest in.

I have been cooking things I know Chris loves and have joined the local chemist's phone app for ordering our repeat prescriptions without going in. They make them up, then phone us when we can come and pick them up.

As spoons allow, I am doing my cleaning by zone according to FlyLady  However with my fibromyalgia flaring due to changing weather- lots of rain, that hasn't been a regular thing.

By and large I have enjoyed being home. There's a peace knowing we won't be likely to get Rona and also that by staying home, we in turn will not be passing it on should we get it.

I have been playing scripture in the background and changing to worship music at times as well. Whenever I find I am worried about Rona, I start praying. That is such a wonderful tool and brings an immediate sense of peace.

I have a few things I want to do today:

1. Do my dinner dishes as I just didn't have the spoons last night.
2. Bake some scones for afternoon tea
3. Make another veggie intensive chicken chow mein with rice for dinner

That will probably be it for today as I am feeling extremely sore and tired. Just another reason staying at home is real comfort.

Entertaining the young'uns

So with staying in isolation with the CV, we have had time to enjoy the antics of the birds in our yard and our little cat, Xena.

She has been so funny as she claws her way up and down her scratching post complete with stuffed mouse and pink ball. 

The weather has been lovely with mostly warm autumn days and just a little rain. It's been perfect for outside activities like cleaning the outside windows and pressure hosing down the front porch and carport.

We have accepted that we will be isolated for six months or so. We are grateful for our little cottage hidden away in our quiet country township.

We are believing that we will be OK as regards this virus and have been filling our home with worship music and faith building words.

Whilst Chris has been concentrating on the outside of our home, I have been tending to the inside. I actually have been enjoying my homemaking efforts despite not having enough spoons each day to complete everything I would like to do. Still, one has to accept that with fibromyalgia and aging.

I didn't get the cooking done yesterday so it's on my to do list for today.

1. Making some mini quiches to freeze
2. Making cookie dough also to freeze

We are so glad we bought that scratching post for Xena. It's been fun for us to watch her and she's happy that we are entertaining the young'uns.

The gentle art of getting on

As you know, this Corona Virus has got us isolating at home. We have been getting a lot done around the house as our focus has been on homemaking.

With being together 24/7 it sometimes happens that we get on each others' nerves. I think it comes from an underlying anxiety about what's going to happen and being stir-crazy.

Whatever, it is a lesson in self-control, patience, kindness and loving one another inspite of the circumstances. Because we still do love one another.

Close quarters like this last week has shown both of us that we are not as nimble and not as fit as we were twenty years ago. But it has also shown us that we are mighty grateful for each other in spite of transient tensions.

Ladders are now not  climbed easily, wherein tempers can be frayed easily. Like I said, it's a lesson in all the above things. 

Spending time with each other in this trial is a double edged sword: we are grateful for each other as we are, but are afraid of life without each other. We are realising how vulnerable we really are. 

Like it or not, we are in this together and are facing life as one. Which is why the lesson will be quickly learned: the gentle art of getting on.