I am looking up!

So the trip last Wednesday to pick out a bed and walker and then to finish some errands that were necessary saw me with a major fibromyalgia flare.

I had to go in person to chose the adjustable bed that will hopefully help me sleep better and bring down the swelling in my legs and feet. It was necessary to try out the various mattresses and models to make a good choice.

In the end, I chose a non divided queen size medium mattress with a padded bamboo topper. This should help with the fibro muscle pain and still support my sore back. 

After that I had to try out various walkers and walk around with it. It was exhausting.

This pulmonary hypertension is literally sucking the life out of me.  It is harder than ever to walk as my breathing is effected. That, plus the hole in my heart is leaching the oxygen out of my blood cells..It makes me suffer from dizzy spells and I have to grab onto something to stop falling over ..

So today and yesterday I have been sitting down a lot. Normally I sit in front of our kitchen window which is very sunny and has a good outlook. I love watching the white cabbage moths and the birds in our back yard. It sooths me as it's very relaxing. 

It's easy to be depressed. But I don't want to stay there. While there's life, there's hope. And speaking of hope, I have been praying and thanking God that I am His child. The hope of Jesus coming for His Church, His Bride in the Rapture is a real hope to cling to.  

His love and His promise to keep me and bring me to Himself keeps me going. And as I sit here in the window sunlight, you can be sure I am looking up.

More than a place to sleep

 

Recently someone asked why do we make our bed? I gave it some thought as I have recently been making my own bed daily, in spite of regularly going back into it for a nana nap. Here's a few thoughts on why I use my precious spoons to make my bed.

Physically its more comfortable to sleep in. 

Psychologically its more inviting.

It makes the room visually more esthetically pleasing.

The bed's the centrepiece of the room like in a painting. 

It gives the illusion of order and calm.

It uplifts my spirits when I come into my bedroom.

With fibromyalgia, angina and back problems, I make mine but often get back in it. So I remake it.

When I make it, I don't get on my knees as they are broken and I do not do hospital bed mitred corners. I pull up my top sheet, then turn back the minky blankets. With arthritic hands, the only tucks I do are at the bottom of the bed to secure the bedding...

But, being honest, I sometimes let it go when I have a fibro flare- being satified that the sheets and bedding is clean. But the majority of times, my beds are made. 

Beds are more comfortable made up or at least straightened and are more than a place to sleep.

The spirit is willing

 

So I decided to take a bath today. No mean feat when one is chronically ill or disabled. It turned out to be a big mistake.

Chris helped me get into the bath as it's pretty high. I no longer have my bath lift  so that made things a bit harder again.

It was so difficult to make my knees bend enough to sit down in the water, but when I finally was in, the water was so soothing. I lay there for about 40 minutes, just luxuriating in it.

The loofah did a marvellous job of exfoliating my body and once again, I was so glad to actually be able to bathe.  Then came the hardest part: getting out.

I tried every way to get out without kneeling on my sore knees, but in the end, I had to. There was no other way. It hurt like crazy!

Today my knees are aching and it is with sadness that I realised-(not for the first time) that it will have to be showers from now on for me.

I have no painkillers here so I am just taking paracetamol... which is pretty much useless for strong pain.

So I have made a short list today for chores I want to do.

I have put away the online groceries that came this morning.

I have done a load of washing that is in the dryer.

I have a slow crocker full of pork sweet and sour rice for dinner tonight.

After all these years of chronic illness, mainly fibromyalgia and shuermanns disease, I think I have worked out how many spoons I can save during a bad day.

As it is written," The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak!" Matthew 26:41  Indeed it is! 

My new maid servant

 

So as you probably know, I have had trouble keeping up to date with my dishes. No matter how good my intentions were, by the end of the day I had a sinkful of dishes waiting to be done.

Coming in to the kitchen first thing in the morning, I was always down as soon as I saw them waiting for me to find some spoons to attend to them. I know those who suffer from fibromyalgia like I do, would understand.

As we live in a rented house and we cannot change the plumbing to accommodate a dishwasher, I felt it was a never ending cycle that I couldn't break.

One day I was looking at the price of mobile dishwashers and I noticed that they make a dishwasher that you can park on your kitchen benchtop and I knew I wanted one. So we ordered one online. It's a Devanti.

It came yesterday and I am so pleased with it. It has hoses that attach to the taps in the kitchen sink. It takes a 8 place dinner service and does as good a job as the inbuilt ones. An added bonus is that I don't have to bend to stack and unstack it.

So not only does this dishwasher solve the problem of dishes piling up and no spoons, but saves my back from trying to bend. Ankylosing spondylitis is no joke. 

Anyway, I am overjoyed that the dishes are no longer my nemesis thanks to my new maid servant.

Oh no, no ho ho!

So we had our little granddaughter Taylah for a few days, and picked her up Friday, but it didn't go to plan. After a full day, in spite of me making an effort to play with her and give her my full attention, she decided she wanted to go home. 

She said she missed her mother, and so we made the 2 hour trip each way to drop her off again. Even though I didn't drive, I was exhausted. Even being a passenger is gruelling when you have a fibromyalgia flare, angina, sore back and broken knees that throb with every heart beat.

I had bought a rolling pin with the nativity on it and planned to make Christmas cookies as gifts. Well, I did make cookies as promised with Taylah helping me, but not the ones I planned to give away. They were plain cookies. 

When I told her we had to refrigerate the dough for a couple of hours, she said she didn't want to have to wait. So the Christmas cookies didn't come to pass. 

The Mother of all Flares has come to pay me yet another visit- or maybe I just haven't recovered from the last one. I am feeling so exhausted I could collapse. So yesterday I had a nana nap and went to bed earlier than normal.

I was hoping that would do the trick and give me some wind under my sails, but in truth I awoke with no spoons. No spoons on Christmas Eve is a disaster!

We were supposed to leave our home around 11am today and visit my children and grandchildren but I felt unsteady on my feet, due to wonky knees, foggy in head due to fibro and hurting so badly with my spinal stenosis that I had to cancel.

Tomorrow we are supposed to see Taylah open her presents, visit my sister and son for lunch and go to my step-daughter's for afternoon tea before driving the two hours home before dark.

Truthfully, unless I have a miracle, we won't be going. After I finish chatting to you, I will be letting the Tramadol work by going to bed to rest. I really want to feel better.

As much as I love my family and Christmas, it would seem that it is going to have to be cancelled. It's a pity but it is what it is! Besides, nobody wants a spaced out whiny woman around them on Christmas Day. And I don't want to her, but unfortunately it's hard with illness to have any ho ho ho. 

I can't decide what to wear!

I am so excited! Tonight is Bin Night! I get to take our rubbish bins out for collection. With Covid lockdowns, torn meniscus and wonky other knee, spinal problems and fatigue from my fibromyalgia flares, and now a sick husband as well, we don't get out much!

Going out for any reason is a treat and I look forward to taking the bins out. They are so lucky as they go out more than we do these days!

It's all well and good to take them out, and my excitement is real, but I only have one problem that detracts from the pleasure and keeps my feet on the ground- I just can't decide what to wear! 

 

In for a bumpy ride

 

Life has its good and bad days. They say we all need some rain, but lately life has poured out a torrent of rain in the form of new health issues for Chris and I.

A diagnosis of severe cardiac issues for my husband and worsening arthritis that sees my hands now locking in two trigger fingers has given us both some new challenges.

Unable to drive at the moment, I will have to be chauffeur to Chris and take him to his many tests and doctors appointments mapped out for us.

I don't particularly drive well  because of pain issues with my back, knee and now my thumb won't bend and I am afraid that I won't be able to hold the steering wheel properly. And all the more challenging is that my trigger fingers and thumb are on my right hand.

I have been stocking up on grocery shopping and keeping up with prescriptions that we need in order to not have to leave the house much. It will be enough for us both that we need to get to hospitals and the doctor and chemist weekly.

In my old age I find I cannot take stress as well as I used to and this has created the Mother of all Flares in my fibromyalgia. I truly am afraid for my husband.  But I must stay strong for him and he will never know how anxious I am.

My hope is that his appointments and tests are evenly spaced out because after a day of driving, my muscles rebel and my spoons are gone and I am done in. I simply must pace myself, but medical matters can't be organised like a new haircut or a dental visit.

For those of you who are believers, I would be grateful for prayer for strength and driving ability. Especially seeing as it is really going to rain and we are both in for a bumpy ride.