Acceptance brings peace and patience

 

Over the past 30 years that I have been chronically ill, I find my tolerance for drama and fighting is almost zero.

It's not that I don't like people, it's just that the more you are surrounded by them, the more involved you become in their problems and their dramas unfolding. These days, I prefer solitude and sharing my life with Chris and our cats.. as for people's dramas etc, I pray for them.

These days, I am so grateful for our home which is a haven to Chris and I.  On the days that I don't have to leave my home, you will find me enjoying the peace of homelife. Our cats, Milo and Xena give us  not only joy, but peace. I love their purring near me. It's particularly soothing.

Throughout the day you will find worship music playing low accompanied by the noise of the kettle as it boils the water for a cup of tea. It's going almost constantly.

Because of lympedema and peripheral neuropathy in my feet, coupled with severe fibromyalgia, Chris will often massage the fluid from my legs and rub my feet which feel like they are burning. He has done this for years and it is so soothing that I will usually be asleep within minutes.

Chronic fatigue coupled with aging has given me extreme sleepiness and I seem to be unable to function properly without a daily nana nap.  I no longer whip myself with false guilt, but have accepted that this is out of my control. It is what it is.

Part of living a peaceful life when chronically ill is to accept that some things will have to go to the wayside, but I try and do as much as spoons allow.

Along with quiet enjoyment of your home, and acceptance comes peace and patience with oneself.. 

A longing for a cup of tea

 

As you know, I have been put on insulin and my sugars are still unstable. My doctor and I are trying to get my sugars stabilised and it's been a bit of a nightmare, to be honest.

On top of this, my fibromyalgia has flared majorly due to us entering our spring, bringing changing weather and muscle pain that is unbearable.

My knees are totally killing me as well and there's not really much I can do. The lymphoedema is progressing nicely, making my legs and arm swell. Again there's not much anyone can do.

The sugars are peaking and at times like these, I feel like I am having a panic attack. It's not, it just feels like one.

My fingers are sore from constant blood glucose testing and I have bruised my stomach where I have injected. This probably so because I am on blood thinners.

I have a raging thirst with the sugars being high and I usually drink loads of tea over the day. I have bought zero sugar soft drinks and cordials, but the horrible after taste mingles with the fruity breath from the burning sugars, so I have been cutting down on them too.

At the moment I am trying to train my taste buds to go without sugar and though getting a big urn for instant boiling water was something I wanted to do, I have put that too on the back burner.

It will stay there until or if, I find a sweetener that doesn't leave a bitter after taste. I hope it's soon because I have a deep longing for a sweetened cup of tea...

Bells and whistles

 

I was deep in thought on my computer this morning when something started beeping in the house.

Chris called out to me asking what went off. I did a mental check going through the chores I was currently doing. Or I should say, that my appliances were doing for me.

My washing machine was still washing. I wasn't using my oven. My robotic vacuums were fully charged waiting to be instructed on when to start cleaning. My dryer was not in use. The air fryer was not in use....

I asked Chris if he had left the fridge door open... he hadn't. There was only one thing it could be: the dishwasher. It was! 

It was such a relief to locate the beeping sound. Doubly a relief that the dishes were washed. Now we could find a clean cup to have a cup of tea.

I have had many painful conditions attack my body at once- fibromyalgia, PMR, TMJ and knees that keep wobbling out of place and my lymphoedema is so active that I can't wear my usual slippers. My feet and legs are too swollen.

Along with these painful conditions has come the need to sleep around the clock. So I have been remiss in keeping the dishes washed and ready and although I have been washing our clothes, we have been living out of the laundry basket. 

I know that's not ideal, but chronic illness and consequent no spoons has dictated my pace. When one has constant chronic pain, one's attention span is short and the beeping helps bring my attention back to the task at hand. As always, I needed a clean cup to make my tea this morning.

But I digress- back to beeping- I am glad my applicances bring me back into focus and come with bells and whistles..

First we have coffee!

 

As you probably know, my twin sister is ill and has been living with us for the last five months.

She has now moved into her own new rented home and my son, her carer has moved in with her. She's in need of a carer.

Helping her has left both Chris and I spoonless and that condition is not going to improve any time soon. We have now found a new rented home two minutes away from them and the move is happening in a few weeks.

Although we feel the effort will be worth it, finding the spoons to move is a hit or miss thing. I must force myself to keep going.

I am suffering from an expected fibromyalgia flare, my knees are hurting and I cannot move my neck thanks to polymyalgia rheumatica. 

I am happy to be moving but not so good with the pain. But I pace myself taking frequent breaks and drinking endless cups of tea.

My kettle is constantly boiling for a cuppa and it is the first thing I do each day. I join millions of others in enjoying to lifting qualities of coffee or tea to start each day.

Like I read in a book, "First we have coffee!", it has proven to be true for me, only my lifting beverage is tea! 

Bathing in it

 

So, I have really had a hard week of it. I am physically and emotionally spent and it's all about the ravages of Covid in my family.

Firstly, we have had pleas of vaccinated family and friends to take the Covid vax ourselves. This is not going to happen unless our backs are up against the wall. We have spent a considerable amount of time defending our reasonings and copping flack for our choice.

The government is getting more strident in its call to be fully vaxxed and more and more punitive measures in restrictions are coming into play. So much for vaccination not being mandatory: it is really.

My adult children have decided to get vaxxed against my advice and  so has my teenaged grandson. It is their and his parents call I guess.

Then yesterday my grandson got his second Moderna shot and ended up in ER with heart palpitations and fast heartbeat. He is now home, but they said it was a reaction to the shot. He's doing better today.

Furthermore, his paternal grandmother in her 70's developed a deep vein thrombosis two weeks after her  Astra Zeneca jab. But the hospital denies it was the vax. Of course.

My son has been double vaxxed and he and his partner have tested positive for Covid. The only non Covid related whammy for me this week was my other son succumbing to his back injury and being too afraid to go to hospital because of the chance of getting Covid as well. He hasn't been vaxxed.

Chris and I both have existing health issues that need a specialist's input before we are to consider it. So says our doctor. Otherwise we could get an exemption, but would still be limited in our freedoms and seen by the general public as a threat.

All this has ended up with a major fibromyalgia flare which is exacerbated by arguing our case with newly vaxxed family preaching vaccination benefits at us with evangelical zeal. It's all too much.

So today I am not answering phone calls but am going to try to rest as much as I can which should be easy with the measly amount of spoons at my disposal today. 

I want to not think of Covid and vaccinations at all, but I want to take a Tramadol for my considerable body pains and maybe go back to bed.

But first of all, I am going to boil the kettle and make a really large cup of tea. This should help the Tramadol work faster. Tea always is welcome for me and during a fibro flare, it is invaluable as a comfort drink and pick me up.

These days, the only problem with that is that I can't find a big enough cup to satisfy my thirst and tea cravings. To be honest, at the moment, I feel that I not only need to drink tea with gay abandon, but would love to be bathing in it.