It's a rough time

 

So recently, I have noticed some worrying signs that Chris is sometimes confused and forgetful. It was especially obvious after my 8 days in hospital recently.

During his own hospital stay last year his MRI showed early Alzheimers and coupled with tremors, loss of leg movement, bladder incontinence and extreme fatigue, he is seeing a neurologist for possible Parkinsons Disease as well. 

This came to a head after he had a fall last week and we had to call an ambulance as I couldnt get him up.

I am extremely busy trying to keep Chris clean, dry and happy. I will do everything humanly possible to keep him at home with me.  I will keep you updated.

Please pray for us. It's a rough time. 

A catch up chat

 

Well a lot has happened since my last post. Two more surgeries, umpteen out patient visits to the Plastics Clinic, umpteen dressing changes and pain-killers.

I was in hospital for 8 days and am now trying to manage my home single handedly. It's not easy when you are right handed and the injury was on that hand.

Chris is unable to help me much as he is still suffering from his stroke and can hardly see.

I have managed to keep on top of the dishes and washing but the rest of the cleaning has had to wait until next Thursday when my cleaner comes.

She will change our beds and fold the washing as well as clean in general. I would be lost without her.

Sleep is not very easy as my finger throbs with every heart beat. Compounded with fibromyalgia, the pain has been unrelentless.

As soon as it is easier to type, I will write about how the Lord ministered to me in hospital, in my other blog. 

But for now, my poor finger is aching badly and our catch up chat must come to an end....

It hasn't died.

 

I love collecting pictures of women joyfully cleaning and maintaining their home. But with all pictures, I can get very nostalgic.

Many moons ago, I was this industrious woman tending to her home, and I loved it.

With the beginnings of my chronic disease issues, I was often hospitalised and gradually what was achieveable with minimum effort is now impossible.

Many days now I spend most of the day in bed thanks to fibromyalgia, and even the days I am not bedridden, I can't move much thanks to torn ligaments in both knees.

At 73, I am able to get 2 hours help a week with the Aged Care Package. I look forward so much to those days. It is fun to plan what I need her to do. It soothes my soul to have a well run and clean home.

Some days, however I do get sad that I need another woman to clean for me, but as the young ones say, it is what it is!  There is no good in feeling false guilt because this only leads to the Pit of Despair.

On those days, I give thanks that there is a way to keep my home as I like it- just not with my hands. The happiness at living in a clean house still soothes the soul of this ageing Sacrificial Home Keeper who still loves her home...

and realises that spoons and muscles and knees may have died, but her love for her home, hasn't.

It's my new normal...

                                                                               

Lately I have been extremely tired and in pain. My fibromyalgia has flared, my knees are sore and my lymphedema has caused my legs to swell so much that the skin has burst in places and is leaking clear fluid.

I am on strong antibiotics to prevent cellulitis and the doctor has told me to rest my legs by keeping them elevated.

So I have had to think about what needs to be done daily just to keep the domestic wheels turning. Chris is battling his own health issues and cannot help much.

At the very least I need to feed us daily and keep up with the washing of clothes and dishes. And feed the cats.

So in the morning I rise, feed the cats and birds, feed us and test our sugars and inject our insulin and take our tablets. I check emails, budget and repeat prescriptions...

I pull the blinds up and let the sunshine in and if the weather is OK, I open the windows a bit.

I do a quick ablution and get dressed. Then I put on a load of washing. I rest my legs by having a foot rub on the couch to encourage the fluid to go up towards my heart.

About 11am I put the kettle on and change the clothes from the washer to the dryer. I later sort out his and her clothes and we live out of the laundry tub.

We have a cup of tea. I decide what to have for dinner and take some meat out to defrost. Then back to the couch which usually ends up with me taking a nana nap. I just can't seem to stay awake lately...

So with extremely limited energy, I start dinner around 5pm. And I have found cooking in cookie sheets so handy when you literally can't stand for long. I found a website here that is so helpful. 

While dinner's cooking, I feed the 3 cats again then I take our blood sugars and inject us. We then eat and usually I clear the table and Chris loads the dishwasher if he has energy.

I go around pulling blinds down and turning lamps on to give a restful ambiance. Then I turn our electric blankets on low. Then I dispense the night medications and put my swollen legs up.

I know it doesn't seem like much to women who enjoy good health but it is a lot for me to do each day.

I go to bed about 10pm and listen to the Bible on YouTube. I like Sir David Suchet's readings. Most times I fall asleep pretty quickly.

I usually wake about 7am and start the day much the same as described. It's my new normal...

When the spoons are gone forever

 

The Australian government allocates $53,000 pa in a care plan to try to keep aging people in  their own home if possible. It works out cheaper than putting them into a nursing home. I am so grateful to live here where there's help because aging is no fun!

A lot of oldies here have to sell their home to get into a nursing home and/or have their aged pensions garnished. Chris and I have absolutely no assets to garnish and the Aged Care Package here is means tested.  

We rely on the Aged pension and that is all we have... so we qualified. 

We have worked hard in our lifetime, managed our homes, worked outside the home, brought up our children and possibly, even grandchildren. Now we find either that our spouse has passed away or is also suffering the effects of old age and cannot help us either.

There's no shame in asking for help. Even Sacrificial Home Keepers eventually run out of spoons which  are then gone forever.

Back to basics

As you probably know, life has been really hard for me both physically and emotionally. Chronic illness is never fun.

But life must go on and that life for me is as a wife, and home maker. So it is normal that I would sit and ponder on how I can best use my few spoons or energy and continue to care for us both as well as our pets and home.

I have had to prioritise our basic needs in order to keep our home clean and our bodies clean and fed.

For me I need to daily organise our meals and medications and feed our cats and birds. 

In order to do that, I need to menu plan and then shop online for supplies.

I also need to do a load of washing each day. With polymyalgia rheumatica and fibromyalgia still hurting, I use the dryer.

To keep a roof over our head and utilities and food coming, I have to organise our budget and pay the bills.

I need to organise our medications into pill organisers and get any repeat prescriptions dispensed.

If this necessitates a doctors appointment, I have to make a booking for a phone consult. Every second day we shower and help each other..

With my Aged Care Home Package, I have a cleaner come for 2 hours a week and she does what I simply cannot manage anymore. She changes our beds, cleans the kitchen benches and stovetop, dusts and cleans our showers, toilets and floors.

The day before she cleans, I change the tablecloth, clean out the kitty tray and wheel the bins out for collection. The cleaner brings them in for us.

Every morning I run the Roomba to pick up crumbs and cat's fur. Then with my spoons almost gone, I lay on the couch and Chris rubs my feet to get the lymph fluid off my ankles. And I sleep.

I refuse to feel guilty for needing to sleep or for keeping my swollen legs and feet elevated. I am doing the best that I can.  I am not lazy, just a worn out old Sacrificial Home Keeper trying to get back to basics.

All things considered

 

These last few weeks have been horrid. My fatigue and pain levels were so high that I had to have Prednisolone to bring down the inflammation from my Polymyalgia Rheumatica and fibromyalgia.

I have been so fatigued that I  have to have a nana nap after breakfast. Without it I can't even function. So I have had to just do the basics to keep our home clean and keep us watered and fed.

My doctor retested me for Lupus and glandular fever even though it came back negative she discovered that I now have stage 3 kidney failure.

She is going to send me to a nephrologist after I have a KUB scan.

I am able to sit here on the computer for the first time in weeks but I have very little spoons still. With my kidneys failing it is not likely to improve much in the near future.

We have to keep a lookout on my kidneys, blood pressure and diabetes. To that end, I have started a new diabetic medication, Jardiance which is more kidney/heart friendly.

Today I have started to slowly wean off the Prednisolone which not only will help my sugars but my weight. It has been a struggle to keep from adding more pounds due to hunger from the steroids.

My pain tonight is not too severe considering I am decreasing the steroids and this is a good start, all things considered...

PS the Jardiance had to be discontinued. It caused me to develop a severe Urinary Tract Infection.

                                   

Spring cleaning: one spoon at a time!

 

My blogging friend, Paula Short has written a wonderful post that may help other Sacrificial Home Keepers...

Spring Cleaning Small Spaces: A Gentle Guide for Those Navigating Chronic Illness or Aging

The warmth of spring is in the air, bringing with it a sense of renewal and often, the deep-seated desire to “spring clean.” But for those of us living in smaller spaces, especially when managing a chronic illness or navigating the realities of aging, this annual tradition can feel like an impossible mountain to climb. 

The good news is that with a bit of strategy, a change in perspective, and a whole lot of self-compassion, you can achieve a refreshing, revitalized home – one baby step at a time.

This post is for you – the warrior managing fatigue, the grandparent wanting to clear clutter for safety, and anyone who feels the “itch” to renew their space but needs a realistic approach. Let’s find a way to breathe fresh air into your home, together.   Read her article here...

Spoons and grace and a lighter load.  

It's an honour!

 

'Every house needs a keeper. Someone has to do that little work to keep things clean and pleasant.

Someone has to do the shopping, plan the meals, do the laundry, make the beds, and keep things nice.

It is such an honor and privilege to be the keeper of the house.'

~From The Legacy Of Home by Mrs. Sharon White

Grateful for slowing down

 

It is funny how ill health has slowed me down. With fibromyalgia, spinal problems, physical limitations including heart failure, it feels at times like I can't even raise my head.

Through necessity, I have had to slow my pace in regards to homemaking and I have had to put perfectionism to bed. It is either put it to bed or be forced to go there myself.

By being forced to slow down, I have been able to appreciate my quiet routines and peaceful home. If I had never been so ill, I would probably have remained stressed with high blood pressure.

I can now say truly, I am grateful for slowing down. 

I love being a sacrificial home keeper!

 

I am nearly 73 and I find that there is true contentment in staying home.

Keeping the home clean and attractive is time and energy well spent and I find that it gives me a great sense of peace.

Housework is spiritual and for me keeping my home in order is good for my sense of accomplishment and peace. A messy or dirty home depresses me no end.

I have been blessed to be able to stay home for twenty years as my many illnesses saw me needing rest. But for me it has been no hardship.

After my first marriage ended, I felt lost. I missed being a wife who could stay at home but life dictated that I provide for myself and so I went to work until I met and married Chris 29 years ago.

He was happy to look after me and as illness came to stay he encouraged me to stay home. He also was happy to come home to a nice meal after the work day ended.

I believe that chosing to be a stay at home wife is God ordained and is still a goal that can be achieved with careful planning and management.

This is one definition of what a housewife is:

Housewife:

A married woman who stays home.

This is a lifelong vocation.
It is an old-fashioned term,
and something to be proud of.

Not a "domestic engineer."
Not a "home manager."

An old fashioned housewife,
who keeps the home,
and abides there.

I don't know how I managed to work with all my illnesses and I daily praise God for making it possible for me to stay home.

May He do so for you too if that is what you seek... as for me, I love being a Sacrificial home keeper! 

Are you a sacrificial home keeper?

     

                               

Anyone who manages a home whilst battling chronic pain, illness and disability will know that there is a sacrificial element: we are the most selfless and courageous of women. We Sacrificial Home Keepers sacrifice our comfort and exert ourselves beyond limit for those we love.

As a chronically ill woman, I can identify with women who are sacrificing themselves in trying to maintain normality in their home and family. I believe I am well qualified to write about chronic illness as I suffer from a myriad of health problems.

These posts are written as a diary of thoughts and articles through my days as a sufferer of chronic pain and illness. If you share that journey, please feel free to read this and perhaps comment, for illness can be a very lonely and isolating experience.  

Are you a Sacrificial Home Keeper? 

Housework is spiritual

 

As a Clean Freak and author of the e-book secret confessions of a clean freak - I can tell you - it's the results of housecleaning that are spiritual.  A clean home feels better.  Plus, you have the pride in a job well done. It's all positive - calming.

Housework left undone is very negative. A constant reminder of things you haven't done. I feel good when my bathroom walls or my stove is shiny. It makes me feel like I have control. And sometimes, that's all I have control over.

And, like all things spiritual, it takes discipline until it becomes habit. Housecleaning is a breeze once you have it under control and you have a routine. Really! I'm a single mom and I get picked on all the time for being too clean - like I have some disease! Guess I'm just a freak! author unknown.

Well, I wouldn't call this author a freak. I know from my own experience that a messy house makes me feel worse than usual and irritable. The trouble for me with never ending fibromyalgia, is getting the energy to do it. But the results of housework certainly are spiritual!

I have known a Christian woman who was part of our home bible group many years ago. Her place looked like a hurricane had struck it. Ants marched along the floor to dine and pillage her overflowing trash container in the kitchen. There wasn't a clean cup or spoon for after the study's fellowship cuppa.

We all cleaned it up so that the ladies who came would be more comfortable, but by the next week it was just the same. Instinctively, we knew that housework is spiritual and that we would not be able to focus on the Word sitting in filth. Filth is not conducive to worshiping God.

These days I am limited in how much I can clean and it often is a source of dismay to me that I can't do as much as I would like. When I do have the spoons (energy) to clean, the results lift my spirits so much that I have to conclude that housework is spiritual. Blessings as you sacrificially set the spiritual tone in cleaning your home.

 

Advice put into action

 

I have had a perfectionist streak all my life, but in the last twenty or so years of fibromyalgia and other ill health, I have had to learn to be content with a more relaxed approach to my home making.

Where once I would be consumed with (false) guilt because I made our bed without four corner tucks or I had the blankets bumpy on the bed, I have had to make do with a more lenient approach. I simply don't have the energy to do four corner tucks. However, even the bed made up quickly and sporting a lump here or there, is extremely satisfying to me now that I've gotten past the perfectionism.

Mornings are no longer the time for house keeping. I have to fit in what I can over however long it takes me... and be content at the end of the day that I actually got it done...

I no longer allow cleaning schedules to dictate to me what I must achieve in any given day or time frame: it gets done more or less within the schedule but on a time of my choosing. It's the only way a Sacrificial Home Keeper can manage..

In saying that I am no longer a perfectionist, I still like to live in a clean home. For me, there are basic things that are not negotiable. I cannot live my life happily unless these things are clean:

I must be clean.

My clothes must be clean.

My bed must be fresh and clean.

My dishes and cooking utensils must be clean.

I can't stand smelly toilets and these and my bathroom must be clean.

These days I need help to maintain this list of essentials.  I do not go into a spin if a fly has died on my window ledge or there is some dust on my furniture. I have learned to accept white cat fur as a part of being a mother to a white cat. The floors can be in need of a vacuum, but I now have Roombas to do them.  It has been years since I ironed something that only I will see... and I learned years ago that one can sleep on unironed pillowcases... it can be done!

I find cooking, shopping, menu and social planning, washing and folding of clothes, managing finances and being a loving wife to my sick husband is enough for me to cope with. I know from experience over the years that by not pacing myself, I will crash and burn and my recovery time will need more than an occasional nana nap...

Accepting our limitations is an important part of staying calm in a world that has become anything but. And for most of us Sacrificial Home Keepers, our world is our home. 

One final thought that helped me was remembering what our family doctor once said to me when my children were young: "A home should be clean enough to be healthy, but untidy enough to be happy!"  I am trusting that I have at last put his advice into action.

A wonderful place

 

As I get older, I have grown to appreciate my home so much. I have strived to make it an oasis of calm when the world is anything but.

There is much enjoyment in just staying home and relaxing when needed and eating some comfort food and making tea as desired.

It has taken me years to streamline my home making to accommodate my need for pacing due to my many illnesses, especially fibromyalgia.

I have needed to curtail my perfectionism for illness has put an end to that. And with that, peace has come.

To be able to stay at home and just do what is strictly necessary on a spoonless day is very freeing, as is slipping in to bed when I need it.

Knowing I have no need to face a busy world unless I want to is comforting as well. Sometimes leaving home is a struggle. By the time I have showered and dressed, I am totally exhausted.

By accepting myself, which includes my ailments, I have put to bed false guilt and have come to a place of peace. 

Along with my home, it is a wonderful place to be in...

Stopping perfectionism in its tracks.

 

In my early days, I used to be a perfectionist in my homemaking. I dusted and vacuumed the house every day. Clothes were washed, dried, folded and ironed the same day.

With the advent of spinal problems, kidney stone surgeries, and later heart surgeries, the perfectionism wained.

After my children were grown there wasn't so much work to do. With the advent of fibromyalgia and now lymphoedema, I am lucky to be able to stand long enough to cook a meal- let alone iron stuff that nobody sees much now that I am a full- time couch potato! 

In spite of everything and with help from my Home Support Package, my home is still clean and by constant chipping away at tasks, it looks reasonably clean and organised.

I still have pride in a job well done, but the push to produce and the motivation is almost gone.

Illness has a way of stopping perfectionism in its tracks. 

Habits For a Peaceful Home

I came across this video today and it really spoke to me. With such uncertain times, it's fitting to remember that we as the homemaker, set the temper for the atmosphere of the home. It is up to us to make sure that those we love and care for have a haven that is permeated with love.

I hope you enjoy this video and pray it gives you peace as you implement it.

I am posting this here and in my other blog as I believe it will speak to a lot of us.

Also, here is another post on this...

 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

For thus says the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel: “ In returning and rest you shall be saved; In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.”  Isaiah 30:15  

Because of motherly love

 

Life has been tough lately. Fibromyalgia has come with a vengeance as the weather here in Australia is so changeable. It is our autumn or fall.

A Fibromite will tell you that weather effects your pain. Coupled with some family circumstances wherein we now have another person living with us, there's not only more stress but more work.

To make matters worse, my Polymyalgia Rheumatica has returned and my knees go out of joint frequently. Pain is my constant companion.

In spite of this, I try to keep everything up to date, especially the dishes and washing.

Last week I had to cancel our cleaner because I had an urgent appointment, so today I have my Roomba going around.

I have a dryer full of clothes that need to be removed and put away. There's another one to follow.

For dinner I am planning to cook some steak, mashed potatoes with vegetables and gravy. Then it will be another stacking of the dishwasher and a lay on the couch for a while.

Not for the first time, I am glad I don't have little ones to look after now. I don't think I would manage it. It's a young person's game.

Thoughts and prayers go out to the young mothers who have a chronic painful illness. The only concession I used to make was doing my housework in my dressing gown or bathrobe instead of being in bed.

Kudos to all of us who battle on because of  motherly love. You are the true Sacrificial Home Keepers.

I won't succumb to it...

 

I am currently unwell. My spoons have evaporated and everything that can ache or pain me, is. I am in a fibromyalgia flare.

We Aussies are in to our autumn or fall but the weather has been erratic with many days over 30C or 86F. With lots of rain to make it humid and steamy. It's bad weather for a Fibromite.

We have air conditioning but I have missed being able to go out into our back garden. So with temperatures forecast to be in the high 20's, I find I will be able to do that later on today.

I have managed to do some basic household chores. Our beds are made. I have tidied the kitchen and done a load of washing. 

There's a tray of sirloin steak out on the benchtop thawing. Later on in the afternoon I will peel some potatoes to mash and some pumpkin to go with it.

The birds are calling me. I am going to change the washing over and put it in the dryer then rest. Every Fibromite knows if you don't rest on bad days, a flare will last longer. 

After the next few chores, I am planning to go outside and read...and I won't succumb to false guilt.   

Maybe I should have rephrased it

As you may know, I have a cleaner come for a couple of hours each Thursday, thanks to my Aged Care Home Package.

She does a really good job and after she leaves, I feel really happy. 

Everything is in order and looks great and the effect it has on my spirits is wonderful. As I have said before, housework is spiritual.

After she is gone I do a few small tasks that make me happy. I change our tablecloth, organise my benchtops in the kitchen and add a new cleaning product/deodorant block to the toilets.

If I have enough spoons on the day, I will sweep down the front porch, but if not, it waits until the next day.

It's so nice to walk around my house on Thursdays and it spurs me on to cook something special. It's always nice to cook when the kitchen looks inviting...

And something funny that happened yesterday.. which was when my cleaner came... as she was leaving I said to her, "After you go, I am always very happy!" She laughed and replied, "Oh, so you are glad when I finally go?" lol... I was embarrassed..

But it was all good, she thanked me for appreciating her efforts and we laughed again and she took her leave. 

Fortunately, she has been told I like her work before and was feigning offence, but thinking about it, maybe I should have rephrased it!