Fibromyalgia is a wicked ruler.

So yesterday we went to see our daughter after lockdowns were lifted. The weather was beautiful and we bought some fish and chips for lunch and we ate them in the car overlooking some water. It was lovely!

We haven't been out socially for about 4 months, and it was a real novelty to keep on driving with no restrictions. We had a lovely cup of tea with our daughter and caught up. 

Driving home, we took the long scenic route. It made us feel glad to be alive. Last night, I slept like a baby but unfortunately woke up in top of the range pain. It's going to rain.

Fibromyalgia is such a wicked ruler. It can come and bite you on the heel, just  after you've had a lovely and special time. Maybe it was sitting so long yesterday, maybe because of the changing weather. I don't know. All  I know is I have another fibro flare.

Sitting here typing and in pain, I have come to realise that in spite of knowing that fibromyalgia will rear its' ugly head the next day, it's important to keep living.

The only alternative for me is to stay home permanently and wrap myself in cotton wool but be miserable doing it. I don't want that to happen.

So I will put up with rebound flares after using all my spoons if it means that I have a life other than that of an invalid. I am more than that.  I want to have episodes of pleasure in my life no matter how brief.

I need to make memories and keep in contact with my family. I will overcome it, even if fibromyalgia is a wicked ruler.

Things on my to do list are just basics today. Dishes, cooking and resting.

One leg out, one in!

So today we signed a new lease for another year at our little country cottage. We love it here and if one has to be in lockdown like we are, there is no better place for it. 

Because we have cold winters here, we have bought an electric portable heater with realistic flames like the one we have in our living room.  So as we still have cold days in October, I am hoping the heater comes soon. The cold is the only down side of living in this little cottage. 

With my fibromyalgia, I feel the cold especially and some days I feel like I can't warm up. Sometimes I go to bed with my electric blanket just to warm up.

Anyone who suffers from fibromyalgia know that our thermostat is broken. We act like someone who has a fever: we are hot, then cold, then hot again. It's a conundrum as well as a nuisance. Like so many symptoms of fibromyalgia, there's no real explanation as to why.

I used to think it was because I am on blood-thinners for my antiphospholipid syndrome and stents. That was until I joined a really helpful online group for fibromyalgia sufferers called Fibro Blogger Directory. 

There the other members shared about this and many other fibromyalgia symptoms and I quickly learned that I was not the only one with a broken thermostat who slept with one leg out and one in the covers.

 

Today was a washout.

 

We had an interesting day. On our way to the doctor and chemist, we found a roadblock because of the heavy flooding we've experienced these last few days. So we tried 3 other ways, only to find a police block on the third. The road has been washed away.

Our small township is cut off from travel at the moment, so we had to cancel. The receptionist got the doctor to ring us but it didn't do me much good as I was needing my blood pressure taken. More rain is forecast for the next 10 days. 

My orthopaedic surgeon for my damaged knee was cancelled as well. We are quite happy to stay home with 1400 new Covid cases today in Victoria including 22 from our area. I may not reschedule as I am determined not to have surgery as hospitals are best to be avoided at the moment. 

I have been shopping for extras in case of emergency, so it paid off today when we couldn't get out. I have plenty of medications in the house too. I am so glad I did some planning.

My only grumble was that we had to shower, dress and leave the house for nothing. My fibromyalgia pain is at a disabling level. I think the weather has caused a major flare. 

After dinner I will be getting back in my PJ's and taking a Tramadol and curling up with my electric blanket. At least the night won't be a washout. Today certainly was.

This is what met us trying to get out of our township.

Of birds and sunshine

 

It's Wednesday morning here. I have gotten up early because I have to repack a smart TV that was delivered and it wasn't what we ordered. Chris will then take it to the Post Office and send it back. Then we will get a refund.

After that we have to go to the chemist and get some scripts made up. It's pretty ordinary stuff, but it's a half hour drive and with lockdown still enforced here, it's an outing. We are going stir crazy! Getting supplies and medication is legal, so we don't have to worry about being fined $5000 AUD. The fines have been increased because there are many people going about and ignoring lockdown. I guess they are over it too, but it is what it is.

I have last night's dinner dishes to do before we go anywhere. Due to having no spoons, (energy) I will take my shower before bed. The weather's supposed to be nice today and I am looking forward not only to the drive, but sitting in my walker on the back porch and watching the birds. The sun might help me with my fibromyalgia pain in the neck and shoulders. Along with the pain killers I will pick up from the chemist today.

There's nothing like sunshine and bird watching to chase the blues away.

More than enough to do

We are on a snap lockdown.  I need to get some prescriptions filled.  Also I have some mail to pick up at the post office.

Apart from essential services such as post and chemist, everything else is closed or people are working from home. 

This is our fourth lockdown  this  year and  is mainly because  people  are not following protocols when they have been interstate. Oh well, as the young ones say, it is what it is. 

I  have dishes to do,  a  load of washing  to fold  from the dryer  and cook dinner.  After the chemist and post office. 

The way I feel today with my fibromylgia flaring and back pain,  it will be more than enough to do...

I can't decide what to wear!

I am so excited! Tonight is Bin Night! I get to take our rubbish bins out for collection. With Covid lockdowns, torn meniscus and wonky other knee, spinal problems and fatigue from my fibromyalgia flares, and now a sick husband as well, we don't get out much!

Going out for any reason is a treat and I look forward to taking the bins out. They are so lucky as they go out more than we do these days!

It's all well and good to take them out, and my excitement is real, but I only have one problem that detracts from the pleasure and keeps my feet on the ground- I just can't decide what to wear! 

 

Enjoying some morning sunshine

 

Chris and I are not getting enough Vitamin D so we took the opportunity yesterday to sit on our garden swing together and catch some rays.

Xena found some meat I had left out for our magpies and kingfishers and you can see her in the start of the video. 

We just listened to the silence punctuated with some birds calling and we just luxuriated in the warm rays.

Just beyond our fence is a stream running through the back of our property with some paddocks rolling out along the stream edge. The cows come to graze a couple of times a day, moving right along all the paddocks, grazing as they go.

With winter on us now, we try to get outside and get some sun and it is really nice to feels the rays on our skin but I have to be careful as it's very easy to fall asleep. It wouldn't be very restful to fall onto the scoria under the swing.

It's nice to focus on pretty birds, cats and cows and get away from the news and I only really listen to it once a day. I need to know about lockdowns rules and so on. After I find out, I switch it off.  

We have been on lockdown again last week and metropolitan Melbourne has had it extended for another week. It has been lifted a bit for us as we are regional. But we can't travel far.

My fibro and polymyalgia are flaring and I find myself longing to go to bed, but I try to resist going back. I prefer sitting on the swing holding Chris's hand and enjoying some morning sunshine.

It's the only silver lining

 

So there's been 26 new cases of Covid19 in Victoria, and the government has called for a lockdown of our entire state again.

It's a bit of a drag because we are trying to sell our fifth wheeler and family members are trying to move. With only essential workers allowed to leave the house, it will be all put on the back burner until at least next Thursday.

As Chris is unwell and I am suffering from polymyalgia rheumatica and fibromyalgia flares at the same time, it will not be too inconvenient for us to stay put.

I have been weaned off Prednisolone and after just a few days, I wish I could go back on it. Panadol slow release tablets don't do much to relieve the  pain and my fingers and hands are seizing up again. How I wish they could find something that is as effective in pain relief.

So today I only will be cooking dinner, doing a load of washing and later taking a shower. I am so low on spoons that to me it's a marathon.

With this being our autumn in Australia, I am finding the inclement and changing weather effects my fibro really badly.  So in not being allowed to go anywhere this week gives me a welcome break from having to push myself to get dressed and go out.

I guess it's the only silvcr lining. 

Our back garden's like an airport

So today as I was resting on the couch with a fibromyalgia flare, I saw that a whole lot of birds had come to dine on the new round of birdseed and strips of steak leftover from dinner last night.

We had galahs, parrots, minor birds, pigeons and even a duck. They were flying in and taking off so much that our back yard looked like an airport.

Chris took a video but because he couldn't get too close to the back door without frightening them, the video isn't as clear as we would have liked. However, you get the idea.

With it being a cold rainy day today, it was the perfect day for a lie on the couch and as always, the picture window/door provided a wonderful view of the birdlife.

It's pretty cosy here though with the fire going and dinner bubbling in the slow cooker. Once again I am grateful for this house which nurtures us so much, especially during times of lockdown or recovery from fibro flares.

The view from our couch always changes like a screensaver, even if it's just a couple of butterflies flying past, a duck waddling in the yard or our back garden looking like an airport. 

 

 

Just when we came up for air!

 

So today I had just finished ordering my groceries online when I received the news that all of our home state, Victoria, is going into a five day lockdown starting tonight at midnight. It was a snap decision.

I have been preparing for this, so it didn't catch us unawares. Well, the timing caught us unaware, but the possibility that we could be forced to stay home again didn't.

Since the lifting of restrictions that saw us locked down for nine months, I have been gradually adding extra tinned foods, non perishables and drinks to our pantry. 

I have been gradually getting extra prescriptions and insulin injections made up in case of another snap decision by the Victorian government to enforce a lockdown. I am glad I did.

Although it is supposed to be for five days, with this virus mutating and so on, one never knows. It is  best to be prepared.

With no visitors allowed to our home and nowhere to go,  it will be easy to recover from my most recent fibromyalgia flare that has seen me unable to think clearly, let alone write a blog post. 

I won't be feeling guilty for going to bed during the day, but even so, I would prefer the freedom to come or go as I feel led. 

We Victorians are getting old hands at being cooped up at home and it can be depressing. Especially as we were just starting to relax and relish going for drives and visiting family. 

It was certainly a lovely time and we should have known it wouldn't last long. Typical of events with this horrid virus... it took us back to nine months lockdown just past and coming just when we came up for air!

   

Country life is sweet

I love our little country township. This is the main street. It consists of a few houses, a Post Office and a general store.

Although very small, the town always has something happening- today it was a nursery stall where plants and vegetables to cultivate are sold cheaply.

It is not uncommon to go to the Post Office and be walking among free range hens, pecking in the nature strip or front garden of the people's homes.

The Post Office is staffed with super friendly people and is pretty busy. Due to small population here, the mail is not delivered by a post man, but is delivered to PO boxes which we hire.

I have got permission from our landlords for Chris to make some waist high raised garden beds and I am planning to buy some vegetable seedlings for that soon.

Just across the Post Office there is a lovely park which has just been allowed to be visited after Covid rules lessened. I will be taking the grandchildren there on the approaching school holidays.

This little Post Office is within easy walking distance from our place. As soon as I get some spoons back with this fibromyalgia flare, I am going to try to walk it there and back. 

If I run into difficulties, Chris will be able to see me from our front porch and he will pick me up.

It does seem laughable that a short walk has to be timed and emergency procedures in place, but such is the life for a fibromite with barely a spoon to stir her aching old bones. 

I tell myself, "It is what it is!" and accept it but it still hurts. It's sort of like having a laugh instead of having a good cry.

I will get to walking it as it's fun to play with the hens who are quite gentle and tame. Country life is sweet! 

Making holiday plans

 

After nine months of lockdown here in Victoria, at last some restrictions have been lifted, paving the way for families to get to together for Christmas and New Year.

Gone are the endless days of watching movies and becoming totally indolent because of boredom and depression. We can now make plans for the holidays.

It was horrid being in a state of limbo due to the Government's tight rein on us travelling because of Covid 19. We didn't know what would be happening this year, but hopefully now we will be able to reconnect with family.

It will be good to travel without being pulled over by the police or defence officers. Shopping for food and presents will be fun, even though we still will have to wear a mask and practise social distancing.

This doesn't really worry me as I do all my gift buying and food online, due to fibromyalgia and heart problems. But it will be great to know that we can actually visit our family instead of posting presents. 

My aged care home help lady has been coming and it is such a relief. I have the place tidy for her and she said our place is fine. Apparently some people won't do anything in their house at all.

I have had Chris receiving hospital in the home care daily and last Friday he was discharged because the wound has granulated sufficiently that it doesn't need packing anymore.

We are experiencing quite changeable weather and my fibromyalgia is off the charts. Along with the chronic fatigue a flare brings.

I am looking for Christmas gifts online and am planning my Christmas dinner menu. We are so glad that at last there is a lessening of active Covid cases here in Victoria and it looks like Christmas will be a time to enjoy with family. 

I am rejoicing and feel alive again, now that I will see my grandchildren and other family and I will take great pleasure in making holiday plans.

Spoons aren't transferable

 

So this morning I needed a shower as I have an important appointment later on in the day. With lockdown and being home most of the time, I have been fairly relaxed about it, but not today.

I did our bloods, gave Chris his insulin injection, ate breakfast and ran the shower. It was heaven on my aching muscles and I let the water run on my sore neck and back. I washed my hair and body and then started to feel weak.

Out of spoons, I sat on the side of the bath trying to catch my breath and get my second wind. It didn't come. 

By the time I had finally got dried and dressed, I was literally shaking and sick with fatigue.

Looking at the clock, I realised that in a few hours I will be leaving the house and walking around. Which normals think as normal, but us sufferers of fibromyalgia and other chronic illnesses know, we have to balance everything in the spoon equation. Once spent, they're gone! 

Sitting down to rest and trying to garner some spoons of energy, I realised once again that I simply cannot shower on days I have to go out to an appointment that simply cannot be postponed. 

You would think after 20 years of fibro that I would have learned that spoons aren't transferable.

Hit by a truck!

 

Things are pretty bad here in Victoria. We have been in lockdown for months now and in spite of low numbers of new cases and deaths mainly related to aged care facilities being hit with Covid, our Premier is in no hurry to ease the restrictions. 

I haven't seen my family for about 3 months now.  We are country so our restrictions are stage 3, they are suburban with more cases so they are on the stage 4.  The borders are patrolled by police.

Chris and I are staying home except to go to the chemist and for a drive when we are going stir crazy. We are allowed to go for a drive as long as we stay in our general municipality. 

People in Victoria are desperate. There won't be many businesses to reopen when he finally allows it. The Premier is giving a live broadcast soon... I hope it's a lessening of restrictions.

With my fibromyalgia flaring due to imclement weather, I am trying to keep my peace and have a quiet and undisturbed spirit.

I am wearing my Oodie with the hood up so as to keep my neck and shoulders warm. They are aching so badly that I can hardly turn my head.

Most times because of my fibro pain, I am happy to stay at home. Especially nice at the moment is our new mattress which is more plush than our older one which will go into the guest room. 

It helps with my muscle pain and anything that helps is just the ticket for when fibromyalgia makes even laying down a painful chore.

Today I am resting and doing just the essentials in our home. I will be cooking a vegetable intensive stew for dinner. Nothing that requires a lot of preparation.

I will be doing some bible study later on and just vegging in my Oodie. Not much on my to do list today, which is just as well when one feels like they have been hit by a truck! 

We only live once

 The Victorian Government has lifted some of the travelling bans here and so we decided to go for a long drive today. We were so glad to be able to go visit our daughter who also lives in Gippsland. 

We were overjoyed to see a double rainbow on our way home. It was so vivid and we felt like we were actually driving through it. 

Yesterday was a day of severe fibromyalgia pain, but I decided to try to focus on positives and I didn't have to look far. The same daughter we visited today has had leukaemia and she had a phone consult yesterday from her haemotologist, who informed her that she was still in remission.  

Laying in bed last night, I tried to ignore the aching muscles, stiff neck and back and I decided to dwell on the many ways I have been blessed daily. Certainly the blood results were praiseworthy. I fell asleep praising and thanking God for the miracle of her life. 

I woke up still in pain, as the weather was inclement, but I needed to go to the chemist, so I forced myself to get dressed and go. We then proceeded to see our daughter, glad to be able to at last visit someone and drive in the car! 

I know I will most likely wake up in pain tomorrow, but I weighed it up and decided that seeing my girl and going for a drive would be worth it. So I will plan the next few days accordingly.

I will be preparing an easy stew in the slow cooker tomorrow.  I will be doing just the essentials in the house- for me that is putting clean washing away and doing tonight's dishes. With my arms tingling and feeling like my muscles and tendons are tearing, I won't be doing them tonight. They will be there in the morning...

Life with fibromyalgia is a juggling act and a life of constantly meting out spoons and rest breaks. Every day one has to decide if a certain activity is worth the pain to follow it. Sometimes it is.

We have to weigh up the satisfaction and pleasure of today against the certain knowledge of a painful tomorrow. We often have to choose to live and we suffer physically for it.

Fibromites have to plan to live or we will die inside through boredom, loneliness and regret. We must know that we could cocoon ourselves today only to find we suffer tomorrow anyway.

Along with the pain of overprotecting ourselves, comes the feeling of regret. Choose carefully and try to find joy every day. We only live once.

Spring has sprung

I let Xena out this morning and was greeted by a lovely warm day with cherry blossoms on the tree in our neighbour's back yard.

Xena ran to the plastic box of rainwater we leave for the birds to drink and bathe in. She loves fresh rainwater.

The birds started calling immediately they saw me, expecting something to eat. They usually gather en masse and call together, which frightens our timid cat away.

So as soon as she finished drinking, she ran off to the side of the house where she could get some sun in peace.

We have some lovely sunny days forecast for this week and it does the soul good. As does seeing all the trees in bud, blooming white or pink blossoms all along the 20 km drive to the closest town.

I love fresh air, and it has been a joy to throw our windows open and let the breeze and sunshine in. With being home 90% of the week, I can think of no nicer place to be than here when spring has sprung.

And Baby makes three!

 

For the first time in ages, I have a few spoons and I have been having a few days of respite from my fibromyalgia flare.

It is forecast to rain over the next few days, and the weather is cold, so I probably will find this respite all too brief. But, we live in hope.

I have been taking stock of our pantry and fridge because many abattoir workers have been taken ill with the virus and only one abattoir in Victoria remains empty. Which means that there will soon be a shortage of meat and in particular, mince.

Also here the Covid cases are mounting fast and we have been given stay at home orders. So I will be doing my grocery shopping online. I want to make sure I rotate the food we have and don't over buy on things. So that is my plan for today.

I have some bread dough proofing and I will bake that for tonight. I will be serving crumbed fish, mash and salad with it for dinner.

My washing and dishes are up to date and that makes me happy. In fact, I am very happy up here despite the quarantine.

I love our home here in the country and I feel very happy and grateful to God for giving us this home. If one has to be under lockdown, I can't think of a nicer place to do it.

Xena is happy here as well. It's been cold lately but we have turned the heater off as the sun comes in the back sliding door and warms the lounge room nicely.

Obviously not enough for Xena who spotted Chris's new Oodie on the couch, and so decided to make a little nest in it for herself. 

I have a pink one, Chris has a navy one. Best money I ever spent. We love them and it looks like with Xena, that Baby makes three!