Having patience with yourself.

  

Lately, I have realised that one of the reasons for my high blood pressure is probably in the way I stress about not being able to do what I want due to fibromyalgia.

Although I know that I am not to blame for being ill, I sometimes find myself berating myself and feeling cross that I am a lame duck. It really gets to me at times.

Often I succumb to false guilt, the guilt that comes from matters that are not in my control, and it is easy to go to the Pit of Despair. You do not want to go there.

On rare occasions, I burst into tears and it is then that Chris usually comes to my rescue, pointing out that it's not my fault, that whatever needs to be done can wait or he promises that he will do it...

It made me think that sometimes I am my own worst enemy. By self-condemnation, I am making a sad situation worse for myself.

When I realised that it was my thinking that makes me get so down sometimes, I smiled at the irony: usually I am trying to validate my tiredness and pain to "normals"- those who do not live with chronic pain and no spoons. Now the "normals" are validating me.

So today, after cleaning my kitchen and making lunch, I am going to "the beach" again. I am going to relax and only get up again when it is time to cook tea.

I am going to start to speak to myself as I would speak to someone else who was ill and blaming themselves: lovingly and kindly. Which just doesn't come naturally to me. I have patience with everyone except myself.

Another day at The Beach

So we were watching the birds coming down for the seed and bread and I grabbed my phone and did a short video.

As you can see, the beautiful coloured small parrots came down in droves, making it a lovely afternoon at The Beach aka the couch.

With pacing and resting during fibromyalgia flares, I find the beauty of nature helps to lift my spirits and give me some peace.

I thought if I shared it, it might brighten your day. By the way, although the sound's not great, could you hear Xena crying "Mum!"? She badly wanted me to allow her to go outside.

I couldn't risk it as she would most likely attack the birds or at the least, frighten them. We don't want anything to jeophardise the possibility of another day at The Beach! 

You wouldn't see June Cleaver doing that!

 

So today was a productive day. Apart from doing a few loads of washing, I had enough spoons to prepare some meals to freeze for during the week.

I confess I had a nana nap at "The Beach" aka the couch as the sun was shining and gave a beautiful warmth as I listened to the birds calling through the screen door.

Six more meals have been added to my freezer and I can say that it seems to be working out for me. I don't worry about cooking desserts- I usually serve some fruit with a scoop of icecream or a banana split. Easy.

With fibromyalgia  and other ailments making it difficult to achieve much, I can't tell you how pleased I am with my efforts today.

I feel quite the Homemaker and Chris is pleased as well. Only question is: does it still count if I did all this in my nightie? You wouldn't see June Cleaver doing that!

They have me well trained

So yesterday was a lovely day. I got up and was making breakfast when I heard the familiar song of the kingfisher calling me. He was sitting on the back porch and was waiting for me to feed him. They have me well trained.

So I grabbed a piece of bread and quietly opened the glass sliding door and threw some pieces towards him. He swooped on it before it had hardly hit the ground, and flew off.

Soon some magpies came a callin for a feed and I grabbed my phone and took a video of them to show you. The mother magpie was joined by her baby and later on the father came with another baby and Mother started feeding him as well.

I know I have told you before how much I love this place, and it's days like this that make me happy. We have just signed another 12 month lease to rent this home and I couldn't be happier.

There's nowhere nicer to recover from a fibromyalgia flare than here. The sun comes around to the back of the house and hits the couch where I like to lay. With just the wire door closed, the sounds of the birds and the stream running in the background, all bathed in warm sunlight, creates the same feeling as lying in the sun at the beach. In fact, Chris and I call it "the beach"

Usually we have a wide variety of rosella, parrots, galahs and corellas come into the yard for the parrot food we put out in the bird feeder for them. But it's been out of stock at the moment because of Covid shortages, so we haven't seem a lot of them recently.

Nothing goes to waste in our house. It all goes out to feed the birds. And they are very grateful. They sit and call for me to feed them and then after they have their beaks full, some of them linger, do a little dance in a circle and almost curtsy to me. 

So I think they are grateful that we are attentive to them and feed them on cue. I love them- and one thing I know for sure is that they have me well trained. 

You don't get that in the city

 

What we saw from our back door. Xena is sitting eyeing off the Kingfisher who isn't at all perturbed by her. Nor was the rosella who flew in for some seed and watermelon. Never a dull moment in our backyard.

It was such a lovely day. We sat on our couch and just listened to the stream and the birds were calling and coming down to eat and drink and bathe in our birdbath. It was relaxing like a day at the beach, which is what we call our couch, "The Beach"

Later the Kingfisher was joined by his mate and two others who dine at our place frequently. They came to an inch of Xena and she just sat in the sun watching them. They've got her pegged: she's a scaredy cat!

Chris's face was paining him from his Bell's Palsy and my fibromyalgia was making me feel as if I had been run over by a bus, but the peace and the sunshine made us glad to be alive.

Some corellas just joined the chorus and a kookaburra started laughing nearby. Not for the first time, we commented how much we love our little country cottage and its wildlife. You don't get that in the city.

Finding beauty in a horrid day

I had trouble waking up this morning. My fibromyalgia has made me feel like I have been run over by a truck. However the day has not been a total loss.

I did a load of washing and now have to put it all away. I am not sure if I have enough spoons left for that because I also washed a whole stack of dishes and I am not sure if I have enough energy left to cook. 

I am still in my PJ's. I just might need to take a nana nap or rest at "the beach" so I can recharge. We will see...

The weather has been nice today and I left the back door open and listened to the birds and the stream running. The sun was shining on the water and the birds were calling and coming down to eat the seed and watermelon I left on the back porch for them.

It's important to try to find something lovely in every day, no matter how bad our fibromyalgia is to bring a balance of goodness and beauty in an otherwise horrid day.

Wheelchair bound

So, the MRI results are in. I have a meniscus tear, fabella, torn posterior crucius ligament, bursitis and osteo arthritis behind the patella. It needs surgery as it does not repair itself.

I am to see an orthopaedic surgeon and meanwhile I must rest the knee and use pain killers. 

We have bought a shower chair and a wheelchair. I have had Chris push me on the seat of my walker, but it is a big strain on his heart and I worry about him. 

It is difficult to focus enough to write at the moment and I spend a lot of time on the couch aka the beach, or in bed with my electric blanket.

I am just able to stand enough to wash some dishes, cook a meal and stack the washer and dryer. Chris helps sometimes and has been my legs.

I am making use of the slow cooker a lot, cooking the meals as I am able to stand.

As with all new health issues, I am trying to come to terms with this "new normal" and the constant struggles with fibromyalgia are now "normal" and this new challenge is calling for all my ability to accept my new lot in chronic illness.

I am disheartened that both my knees have now given way (I have a torn meniscus in my other knee), and am trying to feel grateful that I could afford a wheelchair. Thank goodness for afterpay.

However romantic a picture I can find really doesn't cut it for me as I struggle to accept that I am now wheelchair bound.

Just keeping my head above water

 

I have copped a double whammy with both a flare of my fibromyalgia and polymyalgia rheumatica.  The pain and fatigue are overwhelming.

No doubt this was caused by Chris's diagnosis of heart failure, my daughter's impending leukaemia specialist test results, my grandson going to prison and the pain this has caused to us as a family.

I am feeling extremely unwell and was hesitant to take the Prednisolone my doctor ordered, but after a phone consult with him today, we discussed the risks v advantages and decided the risk was worth it.

Although I am feeling exhausted, the Prednisolone has given me a high that precludes going to bed for a nana nap. I have just sat up in the loungeroom watching and feeding the birds.

I have a sink full of dishes to do but no energy to do them. The only reason I am blogging now is that I am sitting and it takes very little of my limited spoons.

Recently, adapting to our new normal, our dryer was placed on top of our front loader washer and this has helped me so much with not having to stoop too much with my sore back and hips.

If I was well, I would have hung the washing out to dry as the last few days have been lovely warm autumn days here in Australia. But I have to use the dryer as I can no longer peg the clothes out or stretch my arms above my head.

When I finish talking with you, I am going back to my couch aka "the beach".  I will be doing steak, chips, eggs tomatoes and baked beans for dinner. 

Spiritually I am doing fine, it's just the physical that pulls me down- and I am exhausted just keeping my head above water!

Our home is so nurturing

Yesterday we went to the doctor who doubled Chris's fluid tablets as he has fluid in his lungs. He doubled one of my blood pressure tablets taking the total to 8 different types a day. 

I have fibro fog really bad and forgot to bring the repeat prescriptions we needed to get made up, so we came home and now have to go again today. 

On the bright side, we have been staying home most days and we both are feeling really content with the house we are renting. We both feel the LORD picked it just for us- it is perfect and nurtures us both. 

A lot of time is spent lying or sitting on the couch aka "the beach",  and the big window leading to the back garden is beautifully showing the birdlife. It is like a screen saver- it is never still and always changing with a bird or butterfly passing by. So exceptionally soothing for us both at this season of our life.

1. Today I must do a load of washing
2. Go to the chemist
3. Cook a stew for dinner tonight.

And my people shall dwell in a peaceable habitation, and in sure dwellings, and in quiet resting places; Isaiah 32:18

Another day at the beach!

So today I have been feeling so much pain with my fibromyalgia that I could cry. I am not a sookie-la-la type of person, but a body can only take so much.

I haven't achieved much indoors, in fact I have just done meals, checked our finances, fed Xena and done one load of washing.

My muscles feel like they are tearing-literally pulling and twanging when I stretch my arms certain ways. I am taking paracetamol every 4 hours, using the slow release ones for night time. My doctor doesn't want me on anything else...

I did wash and hang out my Oodie  and the weather was beautiful. This morning was so cold at only 2 degrees C. The water in the birdbath was frozen solid.  I am pleased to say that the Oodie is great these mornings- so great that I bought one for Chris as well.

We are in the throes of selling our fifth wheeler and tow vehicle. It needs to be cleaned inside as I have never been back inside it since coming here at Christmas. 

We are getting a lady to clean it for us, and we are going to get the GMC Sierra detailed. As the pain in my knee is now bearable, I refuse to go up and down those stairs one more time. I don't want to risk upsetting the meniscus tear again.

The sun is shining through the back sliding door. I am going to "the beach" again when I finish talking to you. This is the view I have and coupled with hearing the running stream you can see just beyond the fence, it is exactly like laying on the warm sand listening to the birds and waves...

Nothing like a nana nap!

                                                     Nana nap

One who is not a grandparent but is prone to taking naps during the afternoon for 1-2 hours.  Urban dictionary...

"I had a nana nap this afternoon and now I am ready to party again!!"

I know I am not alone when I say there's nothing like a nana nap to help one get through a day of pain or trouble. 

There are some days when I cannot function without a nana nap, and then there are the rarer days when I don't need one. But for me with a fibromyalgia flare, a nana nap is not a luxury, it is a necessity.

A nap in the middle of the day has been proven to make one more productive, and in some countries such as Spain they close the shops and businesses in the middle of the day and have what is called a siesta. The Spanish equivalent of a nana nap.

I do find when having a nana nap, that if I oversleep I can wake up feeling sore all over and brain fogged, so I try to limit it to no more than an hour. More than that and I feel like I am starting the whole morning stiffness and pain cycle all over again.

I used to take a nana nap during my lunch break when I was working in an office. I just went to my car and laid down in the back seat for a while. Siri would wake me on my phone in time to collect my thoughts and freshen up before going back to work. If it was too hot, I tried to nap in the ladies room where they had armchairs and couches.

It isn't necessary to actually go to bed to take a nana nap; I find my couch aka "the Beach" works for me, or any comfy chair will do. Provided that I don't oversleep, a nana nap often kicks me on to cook tea these days.

Today I have just made our bed and cooked dinner. Chris and I just got ourselves something quick to eat for lunch. I just took advantage of our beautiful view from the couch and watched the clouds and the birds. I dozed a bit and felt well enough to cook tonight and to actually wash the evening dishes.

Often I run out of spoons for cleaning my kitchen, but my dozing paid off and so I reiterate that there truly is nothing like a nana nap!

Beauty is all around us

As you probably know, we love cats. We used to have two white cats, but Snowy passed at age 14 and we now have our little white cat, Xena left to love. Both of them were rescue cats.

Xena has brightened my day. She is so amusing. Thinking she is invisible, she crouches after the many birds in our back garden, only to dash back inside when they gang up on her and chirp her away.

She is not very brave or wise. Her white fur is visible to everything. Her demeanour is the yellow of a coward. This is the same cat who squealed when a mouse ran over her paw! She's such a girl! 

With isolation, one has time to watch the antics of cats and birds, and to enjoy the beauty that is all around us. For in spite of pestilence and mayhem, there is still beauty to be found.

It does help me with this current fibromyalgia flare, to go to "the beach" and let the sun play on my skin and listen to the birds and watch our cats' antics.

Not many people can find much beauty in the world today, but I make a point of looking for it- and when I find it, I make sure to thank the One Who made it, and give thanks.

Gratitude and thankfulness in the midst of pain goes a long way in coping mentally with it all. 

Try to take some time out and focus on the good that remains in this sad old world. There is beauty all around us.

Let's be clever ducks!

So I am at  the "beach" again today... just watching out the window as the sun hid behind a tree. In the paddock behind our property, a little family of ducks waddled across towards the stream. One by one with a big plop, they threw themselves in and were rapidly whisked away on the current, probably ending up at the larger town twenty kilometres away.

With world events on my mind, I thought of how quickly we can all be whisked away to a future world we don't really enjoy or even like much any more.  It is dark and frightening for most of us-and especially so for the non believer in Christ.

For Christians have a hope and expectation: we are expecting and waiting for Jesus to come for us, and so we will be forever with Him, away from the anger and wrath that awaits the world. 

Whether we like it or not, we are being whisked away on a flood of rushing water and where we end up for eternity depends on whether or not we accept Jesus Christ as our LORD and Saviour. 

No good works will make us good enough to go to Heaven: Jesus Christ is the ONLY way. 

My prayer today as I watch those ducks making use of that current is that we will all be found safe at the other end with Jesus. Let's be clever ducks!

Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved. —Acts 4:12

From the comfort of my couch

Today when I woke up, the outside was like a winter wonderland. Everything had a cloak of white from the frost. I quickly put the heaters on and warmed the place up.

After my lunch, I was still in my Oodie and I just didn't really have any spoons to do much. The birds were eating in our bird feeder and the sun had come across the back garden and was so warm that I was able to turn the heater off.

My stress levels when Chris became ill were pretty high, and I had done a lot of driving over the last two weeks. It played major havoc with my fibromyalgia, back and hips. I don't usually drive so of course I was using muscles that don't get used much. And they were complaining!

We opened the back door to air the house. The birds were chirping, the cattle were lowing and the stream at the end of our garden was flowing fast and bubbling. The sun shone on the water and not for the first time, I thanked God for giving us this home to rent.

Chris was sitting at the end of the couch and invited me to lay down and he would give me a foot rub. Now with all the driving, my right foot was extremely sore from using the pedals, and my peripheral neuropathy from diabetes was causing my feet to burn. He knows I suffer with sore feet and oedema in my legs, thanks to heart failure, and he rubs my feet and massages the water from them up towards my heart. It is supposed to help with heart failure.

The sun was shining right in my eyes, so I pulled my Oodie hood over them and lay listening to the birds, cows and stream. With closed eyes and the sun shining on my bare legs, the birds continued to chorus and with the water running, it felt exactly like I was at the beach. I fell asleep.

When I woke from my resultant slumber, Chris had closed the door as it was getting cold again. My muscles felt more relaxed and I had a few spoons to cook some fish and mashed potato with peas for dinner. I even did an apple pie sweetened with Hermasetas and cinnamon.

I was so comforted by just getting to rest and sleep and I intend to go to the "beach" again tomorrow- all from the comfort of my couch!