Enough acid to rival Chernobyl

 

I have been on Somac for GERD for at least 20 years and I have just learned that it has been allegedly responsible for giving stomach cancer and kidney disease to many users.

Honestly, I don't know what to do and so I have made an appointment with my doctor next week to discuss it.

My GERD causes me to aspirate my acid and stomach contents thus inducing aspiration pneumonia three times so far. I am now in a dilemma to know what to do.

There's been a class action in Australia and it seems that many people have suffered after taking it. I will update after I have discussed it with my doctor.

Honestly, it's a bad time to stop using them with being stressed, tired and fighting a long fibromyalgia flare. I pump out enough acid to rival Chernobyl's meltdown.

It changes you, man!

 

So I have been feeling a little on edge lately. My fibromyalgia flare has returned with a vengeance. I haven't been sleeping well.

With an ongoing feeling of malaise, body aches and a constant headache, I find I cannot abide much noise. The TV up too loud leaves me clenching my jaw. Even the constant click of my rusty torn kneecaps as I get up and walk somewhere drives me insane. 

I want to lock myself away in a silent world. Not forever, just for a while until the flare passes. If ever. You get to feel like this is how the rest of your life is going to be and it aint pretty.

For the moment, I am being selective about what I listen to... too many decibels are actually painful to me at this time of the Mother of all Flares. Likewise, too much light hurts my eyes and makes my headache worse. 

It's something you wouldn't expect to have happen unless you have fibromyalgia. Nausea, light, cold, heat, pressure on skin, itching all over, hives, dry eyes, crusty nose and dry lips all vie with the noise to  reach a climax of sensory overdrive that gets unbearable. 

So, the answer to the picture here is yes, I have and I would make that annoying toy take its' last squeak. It is something I can control. And goodness knows, there's not much a Fibromite can control these days of flares.

I will hunt and pursue the droning fridge, the dripping tap, the ticking clock, the loud TV and even the squeaking toy on days of Flaring. They will cease and desist. Even if I have to shoot them sky high. Because some days, squeaks and drips are intolerable. I hunt them to survive, and I feel ruthless, for it changes you, man! 

Between my nana naps!

 

Today is Saturday morning here. I have had a busy week with doctors appointments and physio for my daughter who is doing really well. 

My son had a possible cancer in his bowels, but the first test was a false alarm and to be honest, it made me anxious. I didn't realise how anxious until he was cleared. 

This son was born with a forceps injury to his eye- it looks normal but he has very little sight in it. He has developed a pterygium or sun damage in his good eye and has surgery next Friday to remove the growth because it is growing across his eye and may interfere with his vision. I will be glad when it's done and his eye has recovered. 

All this has given me the Mother of all Flares. My fibromyalgia is killing me at the moment and I am taking frequent naps to cope with it. I have a few housework chores to do and some folding up of clean washing. I will do it- in between my nana naps! 

We need to talk

So I am aging, overweight, have had over 50 kidney stones and 5 surgeries to remove them when they were impacted, and have given birth to 6 children.

Because of this, I used to find that a sneeze could have disastrous results, causing me embarrassment and discomfort as I wet myself. So much so, that I went to a physiotherapist who taught me how to exercise my pelvic floor using Kegel exercises.   They helped me quite a lot.

Nothing else has changed - one cannot change the past- but the only difference was my consistent Kegel exercising. This is for men as well as women, I was told. Anyway, I recommend them to everyone who has stress incontinence.

However, as much as Kegels have helped me, I have noticed that when I am in a flare of fibromyalgia, often I rediscover the joys of stress incontinence. 

It seems to me that fibromyalgia weakens my muscles in my pelvic floor and causes lack of control of the bladder. Just another problem fibro brings that many don't recognise or talk about.

I have purchased some undergarments that absorb urine yet look like normal underwear  I wear them when I am in a fibromyalgia flare, and they do a great job. (There are similar ones for men) It seems lately as I am in almost a constant state of flaring, that I am wearing them more often. 

It's just another pain for us Fibromites to endure, and I hope by sharing about this, it helps you if you have the same problem. It's nothing to be ashamed of and it's something we need to talk about.

We just have to embrace it

We have been looking for another house closer to family. We have applied for one yesterday and had a phone call from the real estate this morning which sounded positive. 

Our fiver got to South Australia to its new owner and they rang us to tell us how pleased they were with it. So that's good. 

We are taking our GMC Sierra to the mechanic for a good overhaul Monday and then we will decide what we will do with it. Over here they are seen as a luxury ute and we think a young buck would love it. That's what we are hoping. 

My twin and son and granddaughter continue to recover from Covid but are still very much under the weather with it. 

I am convinced that our prayers have helped keep my twin. She's so many serious health issues such as lupus and I was afraid for her. 

I have done a load of washing, cleaned my kitchen and am about to make some lunch.  I have a flare of fibromyalgia again and my spoons are nearly all gone.  I will be  taking a nana nap soon.

With an imminent move, I am not looking forward to the energy output, however I am looking forward to being nearer family.

I will miss the birds and our feral cat who is gradually becoming less timid as we feed him. We have named him Teddy Bear as his face is surrounded by bushy fur and he is gingery brown and looks like a teddy.

But I know in  life that one rarely gets everything one wants and so we have weighed up staying or moving. We have decided that we want to be closer to family, particularly our daughter who has had leukaemia.

With a bird bath/feeder and garden swing to take with us, we will continue to feed the birds as we watch from the swing in the garden.

It's true what they say: nothing is sure except death and taxes. Life is full of change. We just have to embrace it.

We both are spoilt girls

With heart failure and certain blood pressure tablets, my feet and legs puff up with fluid. I have pitting oedema which means that the indent when a finger is pressed on the limb, stays for a long time. My heart is not working as it should.

At the end of the day, when we watch TV together, Chris will automatically reach for my feet and gently massage them, rubbing the fluid upward towards the heart. He also rubs my toes which burn and sting with neuropathy from diabetes.

The other night as Chris rubbed my foot, Xena jumped up onto the couch and lay beside me. Not wanting to miss out on cuddles, she put her paw up on Chris's arm, purring loudly. It was a lovely relaxing time and helped lift our depression. 

Neither Chris or I are doing too well physically at the moment. Chris's sugars are uncontrolled and he has fluid on his lungs from heart failure.

Such is the loving nature of this man that he rubs my feet continually, even when he needs his own done. I do rub his feet and legs at least once a day and when I cut his toe nails for him. But it must be said that his ministrations to me are more frequent than mine to him. I simply have no spoons at the end of the day. 

I manage the house with all that entails and Chris knows that my spoons are in short supply, especially with a fibromyalgia flare, and so he seeks to bring me some comfort and pleasure at the end of the day.

Xena seems to pick up on the loving atmosphere and always makes sure she's between us in order to be included in the cuddles. 

She loves her Daddy too and we consider her as our feline child-and because she loves her Mummy as well, she purrs contentedly as she wonders which one of us is a spoilt girl. We both are spoilt girls.

Something to remember if we move.

Yesterday's house inspection went well. She thanked us for keeping the house nice and said the owners will be pleased. I am glad to hear that because Chris wants to move closer into the bigger towns when/if we sell the fifth wheeler. I want to move closer to my children if I have to move. I am not keen on moving again. Anyway, we will have a good record as tenants if we have to move.

I have arms that feel like they're made of lead today. Fibromyalgia. I did our online shop again and it's due to be delivered this afternoon. It's the easiest way for us to do it these days. I have some dishes to wash from lunch and breakfast and I will probably have a nana nap to be able to cope with cooking diner and putting the shopping away.

Lately I've been spending quite a bit of time in bed. It usually doesn't get made much for that reason. But with it looking nice yesterday for the inspection, I decided to take a snap of it. Something to remember if we move.

A merry little Christmas

                                                

We are waiting for the real estate to carry out their 6 monthly house inspection for our rental. There won't be any problems. We love our home and have a lady come do some cleaning every two weeks. Just the stuff like vacuuming and mopping that we can't do anymore. 

I have washed all our bedding over the last few days and stored our doonas away because we are now in our summer. Next week I will wash our pillows.

I will be making some sugar cookies to try out my Christmas nativity rolling pin. The cookie cutters came yesterday. I want to get the dough right before I make them up for Christmas gifts. If  our little granddaughter is here before Christmas Day, I will let her help. She loves being in the kitchen and I let her cook or bake. 

Our doctor is going to do a phone consult for us this afternoon. It's mainly for prescriptions but I need some advice on meds for Chris's fluids. His feet are swollen like balloons. (He has heart failure) I could have gotten in to actually see the doctor this afternoon, but Chris won't go, so I settled on the phone consult.

I put our little Christmas tree up and hung a wreath on the door..

Just taking things quietly each day.  With another flare of fibromyalgia, it's enough. Like my 18" tree!  We are going to have a merry "little"  Christmas.

They have me well trained

So yesterday was a lovely day. I got up and was making breakfast when I heard the familiar song of the kingfisher calling me. He was sitting on the back porch and was waiting for me to feed him. They have me well trained.

So I grabbed a piece of bread and quietly opened the glass sliding door and threw some pieces towards him. He swooped on it before it had hardly hit the ground, and flew off.

Soon some magpies came a callin for a feed and I grabbed my phone and took a video of them to show you. The mother magpie was joined by her baby and later on the father came with another baby and Mother started feeding him as well.

I know I have told you before how much I love this place, and it's days like this that make me happy. We have just signed another 12 month lease to rent this home and I couldn't be happier.

There's nowhere nicer to recover from a fibromyalgia flare than here. The sun comes around to the back of the house and hits the couch where I like to lay. With just the wire door closed, the sounds of the birds and the stream running in the background, all bathed in warm sunlight, creates the same feeling as lying in the sun at the beach. In fact, Chris and I call it "the beach"

Usually we have a wide variety of rosella, parrots, galahs and corellas come into the yard for the parrot food we put out in the bird feeder for them. But it's been out of stock at the moment because of Covid shortages, so we haven't seem a lot of them recently.

Nothing goes to waste in our house. It all goes out to feed the birds. And they are very grateful. They sit and call for me to feed them and then after they have their beaks full, some of them linger, do a little dance in a circle and almost curtsy to me. 

So I think they are grateful that we are attentive to them and feed them on cue. I love them- and one thing I know for sure is that they have me well trained. 

If I get those few things done

I didn't get some things done yesterday.  My spoons disappeared and I ended up taking a nana nap to ward off another fibromyalgia flare.

Waking up after a disturbed night's sleep, I realised that fibro has found me again. I have severe pain in my arms and neck as well as a newly diagnosed urinary tract infection. Hence the disturbed night's sleep.

In  spite  of  that,  I have a  few things I would like to do today.  I need to fold washing  which is easy as I can sit and do it. 

As I promised,  I will make some sultana muffins for Chris as I can reach it if I sit at our breakfast bar on the high stools. Same thing for dinner prep. Just a mixed grill for tonight.

Chris is  going to  change  my  bed and I  will wash  the  sheets  and anything  else in the hamper. With  my pain relief making me tired, that will be enough for today and if I get those few things done, I will be very happy.

Another repeat: flarus maximus

 

I am beside myself in pain with my fibromyalgia. My muscles are feeling like they are being shredded as I move them. It is agony to extend them and typing kills me...

The weather has been inclement- very changeable with summer/winter in one day and frequent showers. It plays havoc with my fibromyalgia.

I am done in. Truly done in. I cannot stand the pain and need to sleep forever... yes. forever. just to escape. the. pain. and I painfully talk to you,  tapping out letters like a woodpecker. 

The depression and sense of failure threatens to overwhelm my consciousness: I have no friends to speak of for I only have enough emotional energy today to try to continue to exist without taking all of Chris's Tramadol as a desperate way of going on... or not.

It's a lonely path.  However,  I just realised that I do have a friend who requires no emotion of me: my bed. Yes it's my one only true friend at the moment.  I am giving in. Today is going to be cancelled due to my "flarus maximus".

Flying with the birds

 

We came home on Boxing Day from spending Christmas Eve and Day with Chris's daughter. Xena was especially glad to see us- almost as glad as she was seeing the birds coming into the back garden to feast on the remains of the nibblies platter I ordered. (I took a photo for you!)  See the kingfisher on the door mat that the wind blew over?

We had a lovely Christmas with family and it was very relaxing. So much so, that my fibromyalgia flare is lessening. I actually woke feeling refreshed and my muscles weren't feeling like they were tearing like they usually do.

It's been so long since I have had a respite from fibromyalgia flares that it felt strange. Good, but strange. Isn't it sad that one lives on the edge of agony so much that when the pain even abates just a little, you find the sensation agreeable but foreign? Such is fibromyalgia!

I received some nice presents for Christmas, but my favourite gift by far is some spoons or energy! I feel like I have won the lottery! Now if my broken tail bone would hurry up and heal, I would be rapt!

You know too how I said we have a lot of kingfishers around? Well, yesterday I was washing some dishes and I saw a kingfisher on the fence in front of me. I grabbed some offcuts of  beef that were on the chopping board from the stew I was preparing and quietly opened the back door. I pitched the meat towards it and it came down to eat it, but its mother, who was quicker flew down and carried it off, much to her baby's consternation.

She flew off with the beef dangling from her beak and her baby followed squawking in protest. I am sure she would have been a good mother and shared it with him. It made my day. I have found God often treats me with little scenes that delight me like that. I call them Love Glances. Just between Him and I...but I digress..

Having a few spoons has brightened my spirits. I have washed clothes, done dishes, made our bed, cooked lunch and prepared dinner. 

I must hold back and pace myself though or I will crash and burn and be of no use tomorrow. It's a trap that I have fallen into before. But meanwhile, I will pace and plan cautiously even though I feel like flying with the birds! 

While the lights were off

 Yesterday the power company interrupted our area's power supply to do some works. It was a beautiful day so we decided to just go for a drive.

We ended up in a lovely seaside town called Paynesville. It was a long drive, and I had fallen asleep on the long stretch of freeway as my fibromyalgia was flaring badly. 

The sun was warm on my sore muscles but still too warm to sit out under it, so we parked under the shade of a tree and ate some fish and chips.

The water was quite blue with frothy white capped waves and some black swans floated by, buoyed up repeatedly in them as they searched for their own lunch. It was easy to see how they caught their meal under the water, plunging their long necks under the sea.

The water was maybe only a few feet from our car and it was very soothing to hear the rhythmic pounding against the brick sea break...

The sun shone warmly, our tummies were full and there was a long drive home, so we cranked back our seats and soon were carried to the arms of Morpheus, which wasn't an unwelcome experience, especially as Chris was tired from the long drive and still not feeling the best- and me with my fibro pain and fatigue.

We woke after about a half hour as a dog barked excitedly on his seaside walk. We lingered a bit longer, enjoying the sea and watching a sail boat tacking and slipping into the marina.

Before going home, I walked to the toilet block to be greeted by three black swans and a grey cygnet  drinking from a fresh water spigot and bowl. They were unconcerned as I walked past them and just continued drinking. When I came back out, they were waddling back towards the sea, their barrelled bodies and long necks looking too heavy for their spindly webbed legs...

Continuing on home, taking it slowly, I received a text from our electricity service provider telling us the power had been restored to our homes. We knew it would be back on by the time we got home. That was the plan! 

The house was hot when we got back in the evening, so we opened it up, made a cup of tea,  and fell asleep together on the couch in front of the TV.

The day had been very pleasant, far more so than if we had just stayed home, trying to cope with fibro pain and Chris's shoulder pain. We were glad we had a diversion from our ills and decided to take our little trip to the seaside while the lights were off.

I haven't bothered to do it.

 

These last few days since my last post have been difficult to say the least. With Spring here in Australia, the weather has been at its' most changeable. 

In Melbourne where we live, it is possible to experience all seasons in one day and the joke of the day is to wear a bikini under your raincoat. It plays havoc with Fibromites.

We Fibromites know that inclement or changing weather patterns causes a fibromyalgia flare and for me it has run true to form.

I have been unable to think clearly let alone blog, and the depression that has enveloped me in its' dreariness has made it impossible to rise above the constant background of muscle pain.

By the time I have made our bed and tidied our home in preparation for the nurse from Hospital in the Home to come to change Chris's post op dressing, I am in so much pain that I just want to crawl back into that newly made bed. Sometimes I do.

Still on lockdown with Covid 19, we only go to the chemist or face to face doctors appointments when a phone consultation isn't suitable. And the way I have been feeling, it is more than enough.

It is not uncommon for us to prepare ourselves for a few hours out of the home as if we were planning a vacation. When I say "prepare ourselves" I mean emotionally.

We have to give ourselves a pep talk and conjure up motivation and spoons to leave home. Physically, there's not much to do.

We may or may not shower, depending on how recently we have had one. We get dressed and we rest. Avid clock watchers, we usually leave our departure until the absolute last minute, so loathe are we to venture outside these days. By the time we are no longer in lockdown, I think I will be preferring to stay home.

Close to the hour to depart, I will usually check my hair has been combed and on a really, really good day, I will pull all stops out and put on some lipstick. With mandatory masks, no one is even going to see that these days, so lately I haven't bothered to do it.

Pain changes people

In dealing with my fibromyalgia flares, I find dealing with the accompanying mental pain is just as bad as dealing with unrelenting physical pain. It is just as difficult to bear.

Usually a mild mannered person, after coping all day with searing pain in my muscles, topped off with an inability to sleep soundly, I can fly off the handle occasionally.

Yesterday for example, I managed to catch up on my dishes, which turned out to be a three part marathon. Usually Chris puts them away but yesterday it didn't happen.

My fingers were paining me, my back ached and my legs didn't feel like they could hold me up. Unfortunately, a feeling of resentment overtook me, and I yelled at Chris for not doing his part.

I love being a wife and homemaker, but when everything is hurting at once, and not sleeping well because of the pain, resentment rose up in me. 

Resentment that I wasn't getting any help coupled with no pain relief and tiredness made me verbally buck and shy like a wild stallion. Along with resentment of my lack of help came resentment that my body has let me down.

Once resentment kicks in, it opens the door to self-pity and depression. I don't like yelling at Chris, particularly as he is usually not only helpful but emotionally nurturing and supportive.

I have found that at times like this, when pain causes me to blow my stack, that like an overtired toddler, I need to rest. So I put myself to bed for a nana nap.

Fibromyalgia pain never lets up, even in our sleep. It pursues us in our rest and deprives us of even the enjoyment of a brief period of respite in sleep. We toss and turn, trying to get comfortable- and that is even during the brief time our dry aching eyes are actually closed. It is not restorative at all.

I have had to learn to stop feeling false guilt for reacting to my pain when the levels are high enough to launch a rocket. That's how I feel during a flare. But I have got to remember that I didn't ask for this and am not responsible for succumbing to this painful syndrome.

I must remember that fibromyalgia pain-or indeed any pain, makes the vicissitudes of life that much harder to bear. Everything is exaggerated both physically and mentally, and the only thing I can do is accept that this is not my usual self, for pain changes people.

                                                                                                                                                                                                        

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

Help is on the way!

So last week I got a phone call from the Aged care people to inform me that they can send a woman to clean for me. She will be wearing a mask and social distancing they tell me...

She is coming today early in the morning, so I have gotten up, dressed and breakfasted and stripped off our bed for changing. My fibromyalgia is flaring, but I have had to ignore my sore muscles and look to the next few hours when the cleaning lady is here.

You can't imagine the relief I feel as we can't manage heavy cleaning anymore. Vaccuuming, mopping and bath/shower cleaning knock us both out. As I have said to the Aged care people, I can do things at waist level like cooking and washing dishes. 

I no longer use the clothesline to dry my washing which is a shame because there's nothing quite like fresh laundry that's been dried by the sun. However, since my polymyalgia rheumatica bouts, I have trouble raising my arms: it even hurts to brush my hair. Which is why I now wear it short. It's manageable.

Today is the day I refill our medicine containers and that means that later on I will have to get to the chemist to get prescriptions refilled. I also need to buy electrodes for the glucose monitoring machines.

Our sugars are still too high, even though Chris is now on 20 units of insulin twice a day plus his oral medications. I have been put on Januvia 50mg a morning with 2 diamicron tablets. We are not winning this battle against diabetes 2.

So I am looking up dishes to make that are low GI and trying to learn about reducing blood sugar. And although it seems like I am taking steps backward, at least I am winning in the cleaning stakes because mercifully, thanks to Centrelink, help is on the way!

In the end, we win!

I have been talking to some women who also suffer from fibromyalgia and they have agreed that we sometimes have to set ourselves up to hurt.

If there's somewhere we have to go to and we can't reschedule it, we all have sometimes gone knowing that tomorrow will be horrendous painwise.

The once in a blue moon chance to have beloved grandchildren stay over comes and we often willingly plan to have them, in spite of knowing the consequences for tomorrow. and the next day. and maybe even the next.

Life is unpredictable, and we ill women know that sometimes pushing ourselves to accomplish something vital to our mental happiness, is going to be worth the physical pain it will unleash.

We must live our life even if that means planning to accept the pain. 

In fact, we would do well to prepare for it by planning to cook easy meals for the next couple of days and by postponing as much of our daily housework as we cab for the time being. 

We should make sure we have heating pads, electric blankets, comforting drinks and heaps of paracetamol on hand as well. Maybe some comfort foods like chocolate on hand would be nice. 

When we face the fact that we are most likely going to hurt tomorrow anyway, we might as well bite the bullet and plunge into life head first. We will have happy memories and/or a sense of satisfaction to cuddle up with the next day or two!

We may be setting ourselves up to hurt, but in the end, we win! 

With tea, morphing I am

So just as I thought my domestic problems were over, I was informed that my home help will not be coming until the current Covid 19 restrictions are lifted. 

I am now without any help in the home and it has deflated my spirits. It's understandable with Victoria being in Stage 4 lockdown that it would happen. I get that. But it's just one more thing to add to the drama of Covid 19.

In order to keep our home in some semblance of order, I am going to use Sylvia's Lists and FlyLady

My fibromyalgia flare has gone a bit and I have a few spoons, but I still need help with cleaning the bathroom and doing my floors. It is not to be.

With staying at home restrictions, I am seeing the need for help materialise on a daily basis, and there's nothing I can do about it. Certainly getting Covid 19  because my house needs a clean is just not worth the risk.

So I sit ruminating and quietly sipping my tea and morphing into a Baby Yoda. Or something. Yes, with tea, morphing I am...

It's enough to drive me to drink!

So Friday I was talking to my new doctor about my back problems and asthma problems, my blood results and consequent treatment. My cholesterol and sugars were good as was my thyroid thanks to Thyroxin tablets. 

My uric acid levels were good, which they should be with me on medications to stop making kidney stones. And the conversation went like this: "Your uric acid level- have you always had high uric acid in your blood? No? well it probably is due to alcohol intake!" "Excuse me? I don't drink alcohol at all!" "Oh really? well- good: good! So it's just in your blood... OK!"

He was running through the blood tests which showed my liver GGT was unusually high. "Why do you think that is, Doctor?" I asked. "Probably too much fat or excessive alcohol intake!" "Ahem- I don't drink alcohol at all!" "Oh, yes. Of course!" 

I do not drink alcohol, but his reaction to my liver problem and high uric acid level annoyed me somewhat. I mean, if it was a problem, I would tell him so instead of worrying myself as to what it is caused by.

My blood pressure was slightly up which isn't surprising when I am meeting a new doctor. Especially one who suspects that his new patient is a drinker of the new wine! or casks thereof! 

So next we had a discussion on which diet program to follow as the fat lady with the drinker's pot belly needs to lose weight.

And right in the middle of a discussion of Keto and diabetes, I stopped mid sentence and lost my train of thought. Embarrassed beyond belief, I told him I was having a bad fibromyalgia day and it was just brain fog!

He just looked at me over his glasses and I could tell what he was thinking... it's too much imbibing of alcohol that does that!... 

Leaving the clinic with a handful of diet pamphlets and scripts, I asked Chris to drive me straight home. 

I headed for the kettle to make myself my favourite beverage- tea. But I swear I was so upset by the insinuations that I cried out to Chris's surprise, "It's enough to drive me to drink!" and it almost is! 

Better days ahead!

We are still self isolating. Chris's sugars are slowly improving, as are his ears. I am planning on decluttering our home today as the home help lady is coming Wednesday to do our floors. I am looking forward to that. 

I ordered groceries online last night and they are going to be delivered this afternoon. Chris is the type of guy who could live on meat and two veg- as long as one of them is mashed potato! So that diet is great for his diabetes control. It is easy to do and I have a happy man! 

I ordered lots of frozen veg in packets that you steam in the microwave... and they do potato mash in white and sweet potato.  I usually make a gravy to pour over the vegetables.

With still feeling exhausted with my fibromyalgia flare, I am very appreciative of convenience foods that are still healthy. 

Anyway, with the sugars improving and Chris not so dizzy, I can not only see a light at the end of the tunnel, but I can see better days ahead!