Making memories.

 

It's school holidays her in Australia and I am waiting for my granddaughter to bring my great-granddaughter to lunch today.

Of course my fibromyalgia has decided to flare up and I have had to really push myself to get up and do my morning chores.

Years ago, I realised that sometimes we have to push ourselves to actually live. I could put off the visit until I feel better, but memories must be made.

Silly season's begun already

 

This year because we finally have a larger home, I am hosting Christmas Day lunch. As always, I need to plan and pace myself because of my chronic fatigue, so I am looking into buying my foods and gifts early.

I know I am going to have a fibromyalgia flare by Boxing Day, but it will be worth it to have some good memories. Sometimes you just have to push yourself or you never do anything. I am looking forward to it! But to minimise any major flare after Christmas and leading up to it, I am planning already!

Last weekend our 10 year old granddaughter Taylah came and she loves Christmas and decorating, so we gave her the tree and decorations and told her if she wants, she can decorate it. She wanted to!

So except for Grandpa Chris holding her to place the star, she did it all by herself. We think she did a sterling job!

To be honest, if we weren't hosting lunch this year, we probably wouldn't be bothered with the tree but with family coming, it seemed worth the effort. So the tree is up albeit early. With both of us feeling under the weather, and with a little willing helper, it is cheerful and jolly. And good timing!

Taylah placed the solar lights so that the tree turns on at dusk and turns off at dawn. So there's no upkeep and even though the tree is minimalist by most standards, it still heralds in the festive season.

All we have left to do for decorating is putting the wreath on the front door, but it seems a little too soon to go public yet and let everyone know that at Hicks' House, the silly season's begun already!

Of rosy cheeks and apple roses

This weekend we had our 10 year old granddaughter, Taylah come and stay with us. We had a lot of fun and part of that fun was making apple roses.

My fibromyalgia was really bad and I explained my need for a nana nap by relating the meaning behind the spoons. She totally understood and in fact told me to go have a nap and she would call me in half an hour.

True to her word, she woke me in half an hour, but my body whimpered and said, "No way!" However, because we had made a "pinky promise" and I wanted to keep it, I dragged myself out of bed.

We stayed up until 11 on Saturday night because it wasn't a school night, and we slept until midday. I couldn't believe that I had slept that long. Tay must have needed it too.

We baked  apple roses and kept some aside for when her mum and sister came to pick her up. It was the first time they had seen our new house. I rarely see them these days. 

I was happy that we had made more memories when I said goodbye to them and so was my little Tay, looking lovely and rosy cheeked, clutching a few more apple roses for them to enjoy later.

More spoons to enjoy life.

We have just moved and we are both quite tired still. Although the house is functional, there's still a lot of unpacking to do.

This weekend, two of our grandchildren wanted to come see us and give us their verdict of the new house. Knowing that memories are all we will have once they are grown, we agreed to have them.

Although I am suffering from a bad fibromyalgia flare, I got dressed and stayed up in order to spend time with them.

We cooked lunch together and watched family videos of when they were first born and growing up. It was fun but it was also non taxing to my sore body. 

Today I am expecting a lady to come clean for a couple of hours. She did such a good job of cleaning our old house for our bond return, that I asked her if she would like to do a regular clean for us once a fortnight. She agreed.

With my poor daughter suffering from fibromyalgia as well and now living two minutes away, she also agreed to clean her house after ours each fortnight as well.

Both my daughter and I are finding just cooking, cleaning our kitchen, doing washing, grocery shopping, running errands like going to the chemist, planning finances and feeding our pets is enough of a job. We need some extra help.

There's very little help here for chronically ill people who can't do housework. What little we did get has been stopped since a new government has taken over the reins. So we have to pay privately.

I am grateful that I can save enough each fortnight to afford a cleaner's help. It not only keeps my home clean, but gives me more spoons to enjoy life.

 

He works in mysterious ways!

So last Thursday I ordered my online Easter grocery shop. The driver had just taken off after delivering our order and immediately on starting to put it away, I noticed a bag that I hadn't ordered.

In it were four packets of frozen Hoki fish fillets and 2 packets of sweet potato fries and 2 packets of sea salt and rosemary chips.

I quickly rang the supermarket online customer service. There was a wait of an hour to talk to a human, so I "talked" to the AI bot there called Olive.

Olive was of no use to me. She told me to keep the goods as it was the supermarket's fault and accept them with their compliments.

The bot also told me there were no deliveries the next day as it was Good Friday, so obviously there was no way to get the bag of frozen foods to the correct purchaser.

I felt quite sad for the lady as I imagine this was what she had planned to feed her family Good Friday. I had done all I could but I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. I had been in a similar situation last Christmas and it's not nice.

I hope the lady was able to rustle up something else for Good Friday. Seeing as I have the fish and chips here I plan to use them Wednesday when family come up for lunch.

With my fibromyalgia flaring and a recurrence of polymyalgia rheumatica, I don't want to be cooking as I am out of spoons and in pain.

During this particular time, we had no spare money for extras which included Easter eggs for the grandchildren. They get plenty of chocolate, so they won't go without, but it was a bit difficult to not be able to give them any this year.

That extra food will come in handy as I haven't done another weekly shop and can't until next week. I guess the LORD has provided for our needs and for that I am grateful. He does work in mysterious ways sometimes! 

 

Oh no, no ho ho!

So we had our little granddaughter Taylah for a few days, and picked her up Friday, but it didn't go to plan. After a full day, in spite of me making an effort to play with her and give her my full attention, she decided she wanted to go home. 

She said she missed her mother, and so we made the 2 hour trip each way to drop her off again. Even though I didn't drive, I was exhausted. Even being a passenger is gruelling when you have a fibromyalgia flare, angina, sore back and broken knees that throb with every heart beat.

I had bought a rolling pin with the nativity on it and planned to make Christmas cookies as gifts. Well, I did make cookies as promised with Taylah helping me, but not the ones I planned to give away. They were plain cookies. 

When I told her we had to refrigerate the dough for a couple of hours, she said she didn't want to have to wait. So the Christmas cookies didn't come to pass. 

The Mother of all Flares has come to pay me yet another visit- or maybe I just haven't recovered from the last one. I am feeling so exhausted I could collapse. So yesterday I had a nana nap and went to bed earlier than normal.

I was hoping that would do the trick and give me some wind under my sails, but in truth I awoke with no spoons. No spoons on Christmas Eve is a disaster!

We were supposed to leave our home around 11am today and visit my children and grandchildren but I felt unsteady on my feet, due to wonky knees, foggy in head due to fibro and hurting so badly with my spinal stenosis that I had to cancel.

Tomorrow we are supposed to see Taylah open her presents, visit my sister and son for lunch and go to my step-daughter's for afternoon tea before driving the two hours home before dark.

Truthfully, unless I have a miracle, we won't be going. After I finish chatting to you, I will be letting the Tramadol work by going to bed to rest. I really want to feel better.

As much as I love my family and Christmas, it would seem that it is going to have to be cancelled. It's a pity but it is what it is! Besides, nobody wants a spaced out whiny woman around them on Christmas Day. And I don't want to her, but unfortunately it's hard with illness to have any ho ho ho. 

No mojo with fibro

So leading up to Christmas, I had my 9 year old granddaughter Taylah, stay with us until Christmas Eve, when she would be taken home in plenty of time for Santa to come.

I promised Tay that we would make Christmas cookies make cubbies, play school, go swimming and have a play date with her cousins. 

Day one started out well and we played school, office workers and shop keepers. I showed Tay how to touch type, taught her a bit of Italian and French in a fun way and then I promptly ran out of spoons.

I simply had to give in to the pain and take some Tramadol to keep going. I made some lunch and felt like I might pass out. Dizziness assailed me and I felt vomity. Probably the Tramadol.

I had to explain to Tay that I love having her here, but am not well and I need to take a nana nap. She got a crash course in fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. 

She had lost her paternal grandmother last week and was very anxious about me so I didn't want to frighten her too much, so I said that if I don't go to rest for an hour that I would not enjoy her stay because I would be cranky. If I went to bed just for an hour, I would enjoy it so much more, and so would she.

As she accepted this fact, she immediately bombarded me with "but I thought we were making cookies, playing out side and making a cubby house?" I told her we could do all that if I took a nap. She said OK then got her ipad out. I went to bed and allowed the Tramadol to do its magic. It didn't.

No, it didn't do anything except make me nauseous, even after a 20 minute nap. That was all I got. So, I got up, made us all a cup of tea and sat down with Chris to watch a video he wanted to show me.

Taylah pouted and demanded to make cookies, as I had had a nana nap. Groaning, I got up and started taking ingredients out to make the cookies. 

After that, I was too exhausted to clean the kitchen. I cooked dinner and then it was time for Tay to have her bath. That wasn't a big deal as she's nearly ten, but she wanted me to play MacDonalds with her, so I got some wooden spoons and plastic cups for her to play with. 

I sat on my shower stool and bought some Big Macs,"no pickles, no onion and a soft serve cone for my daughter." We blew bubbles with the Imperial Leather soap and I did what Fibromites do best: I tried to hide my pain and pretended to have a good time.

By 9 o'clock I insisted that Tay go to bed and I joined her. Before we went to sleep, she told me she missed her mother and wanted to go home.

In the morning, she assured me she loved being here and she loved me but wanted her mum. I told her I understood and that it was fine. We would take her home. She was humming to herself as she played teacher and when I went to the fridge, I found a love note from her to me.

I was glad as I worried she didn't stay with us longer because I was a boring old lady. And I fear I am. Cos everyone knows there's no mojo with fibro.

Resting my tired twinkle

So I did a thing that stripped me of what little spoons I had. I took a shower and went to click and collect a few Christmas gifts I ordered on line.

I came home and cooked dinner and had a bad asthma attack. I couldn't breathe properly. Chris tidied up the kitchen for me and I sat down for a while until I felt better.

The Mother of all Fibro Flares has paid me a visit. I ache everywhere and feel too exhausted even to talk. It is nearly 9pm here and I am ready to go to bed. 

You just have to listen to your body in times like this. Hopefully tomorrow I will wake up with some spoons.

After 6 months of not seeing my little granddaughter, Taylah, we are picking her up Friday and having her for a few days. I just have to be well enough for that. We have missed each other. Fortunately she is nearly 10 years old, so she doesn't need a lot of care.

I am too pooped to worry a great deal about Christmas this year. We have bought a few things online and that will have to do. Sometimes you just have to rest your tired twinkle! 

A merry little Christmas

                                                

We are waiting for the real estate to carry out their 6 monthly house inspection for our rental. There won't be any problems. We love our home and have a lady come do some cleaning every two weeks. Just the stuff like vacuuming and mopping that we can't do anymore. 

I have washed all our bedding over the last few days and stored our doonas away because we are now in our summer. Next week I will wash our pillows.

I will be making some sugar cookies to try out my Christmas nativity rolling pin. The cookie cutters came yesterday. I want to get the dough right before I make them up for Christmas gifts. If  our little granddaughter is here before Christmas Day, I will let her help. She loves being in the kitchen and I let her cook or bake. 

Our doctor is going to do a phone consult for us this afternoon. It's mainly for prescriptions but I need some advice on meds for Chris's fluids. His feet are swollen like balloons. (He has heart failure) I could have gotten in to actually see the doctor this afternoon, but Chris won't go, so I settled on the phone consult.

I put our little Christmas tree up and hung a wreath on the door..

Just taking things quietly each day.  With another flare of fibromyalgia, it's enough. Like my 18" tree!  We are going to have a merry "little"  Christmas.

Someone loves her Nana!

I have had our granddaughter Taylah with us for a few days as it's school holidays here and her mother works. Sunday we picked her up and Chris took ill and couldn't drive us home. 

I had to drive the 2 hours home and had bad muscle pain afterwards. Taylah is 9 and independent so she's no trouble.

Today, (Wednesday) I had to take her home and I drove as Chris wasn't much better. The sugars are high and it's effecting his eyes. 

We had take away for dinner. I have taken pain killers and am going to bed soon. Driving isn't fun when you have fibromyalgia, but you just have to do some things that you can't plan for. 

Judging from my pain tonight, I will be resting tomorrow. 

I do have a love note written on my fridge menu white board. It will be something to cheer me up tomorrow when my fibromyalgia flares and I am in pain.. Someone loves her nana.

 

Making memories is what it's all about.

Today is our 23rd wedding anniversary. We celebrated it by reminiscing about the day and looking at old photographs. You can see my post of our love story here.

It's school holidays so today we picked up our little granddaughter Taylah. She's going to stay with us for a few days.

Chris unfortunately took ill during the 2 hour trip to pick her up, so I had to drive home. It wasn't a big deal really, but I am already feeling the after effects in my muscles and it's not even the day after yet.

My fibromyalgia is flaring and I will probably be resting tomorrow. I am having an early night with paracetamol to take before I retire.

I figure I may just as well make the trip and enjoy Taylah as stay home and hurt all over anyway. From previous experience, it doesn't matter much whether I wrap myself in cotton wool or not- fibro flares will keep your body hostage regardless.

So tomorrow I plan to do some slow cooker dinners and enjoy her as much as I can. Making memories is what it's all about.

Even pleasant times are draining

Yesterday we had Chris's daughter come for his birthday which was Saturday. She brought a cake and a gift- the top fitted perfectly, but the slippers were too tight for his swollen feet.

Tomorrow we will go and exchange them as I have the docket. We were going to Kmart as Chris was given a gift voucher from my daughter, but he is feeling tired today, so we will make it another day. 

Chronic illness dictates our lives now. Chris with his heart failure and me with my fibromyalgia. Spoons are dictators that seek to keep us immobile with no social outlets. 

These days, we are fortunate in that people come to us. Over the years, they have realised that often it is impossible for us to leave our home to visit them- especially if there is a time-table. One just never knows how many spoons will be available on any day-not until the morning at the earliest.

I only have basic house chores today as all the washing and dishes are caught up. So that will be all I have to worry about with no spoons available today.

It's funny how even pleasant times can drain one of spoons...

Above is a picture of Chris and our grandson Lachlan who also shared his birthday with Grandpa. 

I just want to stay in bed!

So today I woke with everything aching and no spoons. Yes, another flare of fibromyalgia. Actually, I am pretty sure my body is permanently flaring, it's just a bad day. Another one.

Everything within me says that I should stay in bed, but today is our grandson's birthday and a BBQ has been organised. I simply have to go.

So far, I have showered, dressed and breakfasted. The shower almost killed me this morning. The water felt like thousands of needles pricking my sensitive skin and it was a real effort to raise my arms to wash my hair.

I was so worn out by the end of my drying off that I had to lay down for a bit. Dressing came much later, as did taking our bloods and administering Chris's insulin injection.

We have to leave soon and we are fortunate in that our hosts live close by. A long drive today would be too off putting and we usually love going on long drives. But not today.

When we get home I will be doing a light dinner for us and that is all. It has to be. And I have to be content with that.

Fellow fibromites will know that when you have no spoons, even breathing is an effort. If it wasn't for making memories today, I would be content with posting this and going to bed. I just want to stay in bed! 

 

My razzle dazzle is now frazzle.

Well, it's the day after Christmas Day, known as Boxing Day here in Australia. I have battled the Mother of All Fibro Flares the days leading up to Christmas. I should have won an Academy Award for acting the part of the festive bearer of gifts and delicious goodies whilst feeling like any second my body would fail me in a catastrophic way.

By 'catastrophic' I mean embarrassing, debilitating, humiliating and last but not least, painful. 'Embarrassing' as in losing control of my bladder, 'debilitating' as in sucking the last of my energy off my one remaining spoon, 'humiliating' as in falling asleep at the Christmas dinner table and 'painful' as in all muscles cramping and tearing as I move them.

Because on top of my fibromyalgia flare, I have broken my coccyx and cannot sit or even stand without yelping in pain. Truly I walk with the grace of a pregnant elephant, as the break in my coccyx has caused the other spinal injuries to flare and has resulted in slight bladder loss. Hence me saying that I should have won an Academy Award for acting "well"

So unless you knew me as well as Chris does, you would think that I was only as fatigued as the average woman who prepares for Christmas guests and sumptious fare and gift shopping.  I was able to feign excitement as the grandchildren opened presents and I scintillated with festive razzle dazzle.

At the end of the day as we made our way up the stairs- (groan) for bed, even my jaw was tight and sore with TMJ through smiling a lot... but it was worth it because at the end of the day, we made some lovely memories and I felt that I was living my life, not just enduring it.

Whether I stayed home or participated in what is usually a happy celebration of the birth of Christ, I would be in pain. So I decided (not for the first time) that sometimes you have to push through your comfort zone to live a satisfying life, even though you know you will pay for it the next couple of days or so. 

You can believe me when I say that I feel it already as I unpack our luggage, and I know I will pay for it tomorrow, but sometime's it is totally worth it even when broken bones and Fibromyalgia flares make anyone's scintillating razzle dazzle turn into a frazzle.

 

Country life is sweet

I love our little country township. This is the main street. It consists of a few houses, a Post Office and a general store.

Although very small, the town always has something happening- today it was a nursery stall where plants and vegetables to cultivate are sold cheaply.

It is not uncommon to go to the Post Office and be walking among free range hens, pecking in the nature strip or front garden of the people's homes.

The Post Office is staffed with super friendly people and is pretty busy. Due to small population here, the mail is not delivered by a post man, but is delivered to PO boxes which we hire.

I have got permission from our landlords for Chris to make some waist high raised garden beds and I am planning to buy some vegetable seedlings for that soon.

Just across the Post Office there is a lovely park which has just been allowed to be visited after Covid rules lessened. I will be taking the grandchildren there on the approaching school holidays.

This little Post Office is within easy walking distance from our place. As soon as I get some spoons back with this fibromyalgia flare, I am going to try to walk it there and back. 

If I run into difficulties, Chris will be able to see me from our front porch and he will pick me up.

It does seem laughable that a short walk has to be timed and emergency procedures in place, but such is the life for a fibromite with barely a spoon to stir her aching old bones. 

I tell myself, "It is what it is!" and accept it but it still hurts. It's sort of like having a laugh instead of having a good cry.

I will get to walking it as it's fun to play with the hens who are quite gentle and tame. Country life is sweet! 

Making holiday plans

 

After nine months of lockdown here in Victoria, at last some restrictions have been lifted, paving the way for families to get to together for Christmas and New Year.

Gone are the endless days of watching movies and becoming totally indolent because of boredom and depression. We can now make plans for the holidays.

It was horrid being in a state of limbo due to the Government's tight rein on us travelling because of Covid 19. We didn't know what would be happening this year, but hopefully now we will be able to reconnect with family.

It will be good to travel without being pulled over by the police or defence officers. Shopping for food and presents will be fun, even though we still will have to wear a mask and practise social distancing.

This doesn't really worry me as I do all my gift buying and food online, due to fibromyalgia and heart problems. But it will be great to know that we can actually visit our family instead of posting presents. 

My aged care home help lady has been coming and it is such a relief. I have the place tidy for her and she said our place is fine. Apparently some people won't do anything in their house at all.

I have had Chris receiving hospital in the home care daily and last Friday he was discharged because the wound has granulated sufficiently that it doesn't need packing anymore.

We are experiencing quite changeable weather and my fibromyalgia is off the charts. Along with the chronic fatigue a flare brings.

I am looking for Christmas gifts online and am planning my Christmas dinner menu. We are so glad that at last there is a lessening of active Covid cases here in Victoria and it looks like Christmas will be a time to enjoy with family. 

I am rejoicing and feel alive again, now that I will see my grandchildren and other family and I will take great pleasure in making holiday plans.

I would pop my cork!

These days when I cook or bake, I try to keep it simple so that there's no big mess to clean up afterwards.

When my granddaughter comes to stay, we often bake but I am checking on messes all the time. We still have fun!

I used to be able to turn a blind eye to messes that children made- cooking, baking and making cubby houses for them. But now with fibromyalgia vying with heart and back problems, I find my patience wearing a bit thin and my spoons non existent. 

Don't get me wrong: I love having my grandchild visit... it's just understood now that any messes have to be cleaned up immediately and things picked up and put away. Nana can't do it anymore!

In spite of how it sounds, we still have fun and in case a nana nap's needed, I just talk to her and go to bed. She's  now of an age where she doesn't need constant supervision- except in my kitchen that is! 

You know how old Mrs Hubbard went to the cupboard and found it empty? well, that's me looking for patience and spoons -to find none there!  My cupboard is bare.  Delightful as the picture here is, I think if I found my kitchen in this mess, I would pop my cork! 

In the end, we win!

I have been talking to some women who also suffer from fibromyalgia and they have agreed that we sometimes have to set ourselves up to hurt.

If there's somewhere we have to go to and we can't reschedule it, we all have sometimes gone knowing that tomorrow will be horrendous painwise.

The once in a blue moon chance to have beloved grandchildren stay over comes and we often willingly plan to have them, in spite of knowing the consequences for tomorrow. and the next day. and maybe even the next.

Life is unpredictable, and we ill women know that sometimes pushing ourselves to accomplish something vital to our mental happiness, is going to be worth the physical pain it will unleash.

We must live our life even if that means planning to accept the pain. 

In fact, we would do well to prepare for it by planning to cook easy meals for the next couple of days and by postponing as much of our daily housework as we cab for the time being. 

We should make sure we have heating pads, electric blankets, comforting drinks and heaps of paracetamol on hand as well. Maybe some comfort foods like chocolate on hand would be nice. 

When we face the fact that we are most likely going to hurt tomorrow anyway, we might as well bite the bullet and plunge into life head first. We will have happy memories and/or a sense of satisfaction to cuddle up with the next day or two!

We may be setting ourselves up to hurt, but in the end, we win! 

Quite a workout!

So last week we had our little granddaughter Taylah and she and I cooked and baked together. It was fun.

We made a beef stew, baked bread, an apple cake, apple turnovers, icecream and choc chip cookies. The sweets were sweetened with Monk Fruit and I used sugar free choc chips.

I have included the recipe I used for cookies because I will be baking them again. Chris loved them!

Basic Cookie Dough: 1 cup butter, room temperature 1 1/2 cups confectioners’ sugar 1 egg 1 teaspoon vanilla 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour. Blend butter, sugar, egg and vanilla thoroughly. Add flour and mix well. 

Slice the rolls into 1-1/8 inch slices, bake at 375*F til done, 5-7 minutes. Touch the cookies with your finger lightly and if there is no imprint left, they’re done. To Use Frozen Dough Without Additions: Defrost dough slightly or completely in the refrigerator. Slice dough into 1/8-inch slices. Bake on ungreased baking sheet 5 to 7 minutes. Test for doneness by lightly touching the cookie with your finger, if no imprint remains, they’re done.

We have been here since Christmas and this kitchen has never been so busy! It is a large kitchen and I thoroughly enjoy working in it!

I had to have a nana nap after a baking or cooking session, but Taylah understands that I need to do that. She even knows what fibromyalgia is which is a blessing.

She stood on the stool, donned in my smaller pair of rubber gloves and washed some dishes while I had forty winks. Smart little lassie knows that not only did my kitchen get a workout; so did her nana!

One size fits all.

So it's school holidays and we have been blessed to have our little granddaughter, Taylah stay with us for a few days. With Corona we haven't seen her for ages...

She was feeling the cold this morning and asked if she could try my Oodie on. It was comical to see how big it was on her. For crying out loud- it's big on me, and I am not a light weight!

What made us laugh was that it's advertised as one size fits all- if you can call fits where it touches, " fitting". It made me think of the lies salespeople used to tell us back in the day when we actually got served.

Today we are hoping to go feed the ducks who live in the field near our stream- hoping because of lack of spoons for nana: my fibromyalgia is reacting to the cold and protesting that I baked with Taylah and had some fun yesterday.

But as I said to one of my reader friends, I want to live my life, not merely endure it. So I have had to do what I can to make happy memories with my granddaughter and pay the price in pain after.

Fibromyalgia is a balancing act that demands choices daily. Choices based on available spoons. And if the spoons aren't there to be used, it demands a rethink of every action for the rest of the day. It's a harsh master.

So, God willing, I will have enough spoons to help Tay cook a simple meal for dinner tonight, and to bake a no knead bread loaf for lunch.

But one other thing I have noticed with fibromyalgia is that it is different for each of us. Five spoons does not go as far for one fibromite as for another. To say that all spoons are equal is as bad as being told like with my Oodie, that one size fits all...