Just living is a physical ordeal.

 

Lately I have been finding it difficult to be joyful. My fibromyalgia doesn't get better, my knees are paining me, my angina's worse and I have had bouts of asthma.

Sitting for long periods hurts my back, and my eyes and face and general skin is dry, but I need to keep the house warm as the cold winter temperatures aggravate everything.

I have tried returning to a more realistic sleeping schedule, but I find even if I go to bed at a reasonable hour, I still wake up a couple of hours later. Then I can't get back to sleep for another 4 or so hours. 

I am tired, people. Tired of all this pain. Trying to keep it all together. Trying to live a "normal" life. I mean taking a shower without assistance or cooking a meal from scratch or hanging out some washing should all be within the bounds of normality for a homemaker. Not so for me.

I wear tiredness like a heavy saggy wet cloak, and I never wake up refreshed. My circadian rhythm is all out of whack and I can't restore it. Through no choice of my own, I have become a night owl.

With Chris being ill with his heart failure, he doesn't sleep well either and sleeps sitting up. He starts off in bed, but graduates to his recliner armchair.

The fluid in his lungs makes him feel like he is drowning, so that necessitates sitting up to sleep. It. is. what. it. is... But I watch him struggling for breath and I feel that I am losing him by degrees...

I have thought about trying to be upbeat and falsely present myself as someone who is coping with all this, but if I did it would be a lie.

So apart from a nana nap later, I am planning to spend some time in prayer and worship. Hopefully, that will give me the strength to emotionally and spiritually rise above the physical ordeal just living creates.

On a wing and a prayer

We have been busy looking for another home to rent. It's been a nightmare. There aren't many homes to rent and when we apply, we are vying with about 20 other people for the same home.

Most days we have to go to look at these houses and as we are in the country, it is at least an hour's drive each day. I am exhausted.

So much exhaustion is hard to take, especially when it brings on a fibromyalgia flare. But as in lots of things in life, it just has to be done.

I think the most stressful part is actually securing a property to move in to. The actual move is not so bad, and this time we will be paying my grandson to help us move.

With the fifth wheel and tow vehicle sold, we are in a position to get someone to do the move for us and it's especially important with our failing health to enlist help this time.

We are going to miss the birdlife here for sure, but with us being in our 70's, we have decided that we need to be closer to family and hospitals if we have an emergency.

This house is old and has no insulation and is incredibly cold and it's our winter now. With the price of electricity going up on July first, we won't be able to afford the heating in our all electric dwelling.

We are feeling the cold and are looking forward to ducted heating again.

Today there's no house viewings as it's Saturday. I have used the time to catch up on washing and I have two slow cookers going with different meals in them.

I am contemplating using Prednisolone for a few days so that my neck and jaw pain (TMJ) abates. I don't know if it will help my muscle pain in my shoulder and upper pain, but it can't hurt.

Today is the first day for awhile that I have been able to post as my muscles feel like they're tearing. But I just wanted to touch base and tell you what's happening in our part of the world at the moment.

Next week is another day of house hunting and tonight I feel like I am running on a wing and a prayer.

 

One leg out, one in!

So today we signed a new lease for another year at our little country cottage. We love it here and if one has to be in lockdown like we are, there is no better place for it. 

Because we have cold winters here, we have bought an electric portable heater with realistic flames like the one we have in our living room.  So as we still have cold days in October, I am hoping the heater comes soon. The cold is the only down side of living in this little cottage. 

With my fibromyalgia, I feel the cold especially and some days I feel like I can't warm up. Sometimes I go to bed with my electric blanket just to warm up.

Anyone who suffers from fibromyalgia know that our thermostat is broken. We act like someone who has a fever: we are hot, then cold, then hot again. It's a conundrum as well as a nuisance. Like so many symptoms of fibromyalgia, there's no real explanation as to why.

I used to think it was because I am on blood-thinners for my antiphospholipid syndrome and stents. That was until I joined a really helpful online group for fibromyalgia sufferers called Fibro Blogger Directory. 

There the other members shared about this and many other fibromyalgia symptoms and I quickly learned that I was not the only one with a broken thermostat who slept with one leg out and one in the covers.

 

It's like a fridge in here tonight.

                                                         

We are just into the seventh day of Spring and I am so glad to see the back of our winter. This house is old and has no insulation and I feel the cold real bad with watered down blood. Chris laughs at me, saying that Australian winters are mild and don't last long. 

I have no desire to live in England or anywhere that has long dark winters and snow. We average out no lower than 1C or 33.8F though we did see -1C a few mornings. As nice as snow looks, you can be sure I won't be joining in making snowmen!

Although changing weather effects my fibromyalgia, I still enjoy the different seasons in each day of Spring and autumn. And I just adore the smell of early spring mornings and the abundant blossoms on our neighbour's tree overhanging the fence. It's such a pretty pink and when it loses its leaves, it leaves a pink carpet all over the lush green of our grass.

With some Spring  mornings and evenings still being cold, I am looking to buy a heater for my study. I am sitting here with a wheat pack on my chest to warm me up!  It's like a fridge in here tonight.

Like, sure that will work!

As you know, I really love watching the many birds that come into our back garden, and I feed them all the time.

Xena our cat also watches them, but I am not sure what her motives are! Anyway, they have gotten used to her sitting watching them and they eat freely in front of her.

Of all the birds, my favourite are the kingfishers and I always leave a treat for them on the actual porch. The others eat further down near the bird feeder, but the kingfishers always come up checking for treats.

It started out with one brown kingfisher, but now there are about four brown ones and two black and white.

No matter where they are, I have my "love glances" from the LORD. He always causes me to turn round or look up just as they appear. He is so loving and good! 

It is winter here and we have rain which exacerbates my fibromyalgia. So today I am planning on just doing my dishes and cooking. Pork chops with mashed potato and salad are on the menu for tonight.

My knee is still so sore and I feel like my polymyalgia rheumatica is coming back. I am toying with the idea of putting myself back on my Prednisolone. We will see.

With opioids being so restricted and my paracetamol aka Tylenol being practically useless, I am going to try to distract myself watching the birds and taking my mind off it. Like, sure that will work! 

We need an ark!

THURSDAY NIGHT: We are having unseasonable weather with flooding and high winds. Currently having our tenth power outage in 24 hours with large trees blown over lots of roads and in the parkland opposite our house we are out of our diabetic medicines and we can’t get to the chemist.

We have been advised to stay home for safety. I am so glad we are on a steep slope.

FRIDAY: We managed to get through to our closest chemist so we have our diabetic medicine again! We had dinner at Chris's son's as they had gas to cook with. They live near us! 

We have no heating whatsoever and it's winter and the weather is freezing. My fibromyalgia has come out to play! 

SATURDAY:  So pleased that the power came back on last night. 

SUNDAY AFTERNOON: We have just got the modem back on but the phones are still on SOS only. 

The waters came up very high so that the cows couldn't get any food from their pasture behind our back garden. A farmer asked us if he could go through our back garden to leave some hay bales for them. Of course we said yes and he managed to place some in the small island of land in the middle of the flood waters. 

I don't need food or medicine so it doesn't matter that we can't get out for the moment. 

The farmer who came through to feed his cows was very nice and he said he's lived here all his life and has never seen the weather and floods as bad as this one. The weather bureau said the waters should recede soon.

This is the view today from our back porch. The hay was delivered to the island strip of land because through habit that's where the cows were plodding looking for feed. The farmer's house is in the background.

My focus for today is to wash all the dishes and do some washing... I will be cooking lamb stew for tonight. 

More rain is forecast for the next few days with more flooding. If it gets any worse, we are going to need an ark! 

Enjoying some morning sunshine

 

Chris and I are not getting enough Vitamin D so we took the opportunity yesterday to sit on our garden swing together and catch some rays.

Xena found some meat I had left out for our magpies and kingfishers and you can see her in the start of the video. 

We just listened to the silence punctuated with some birds calling and we just luxuriated in the warm rays.

Just beyond our fence is a stream running through the back of our property with some paddocks rolling out along the stream edge. The cows come to graze a couple of times a day, moving right along all the paddocks, grazing as they go.

With winter on us now, we try to get outside and get some sun and it is really nice to feels the rays on our skin but I have to be careful as it's very easy to fall asleep. It wouldn't be very restful to fall onto the scoria under the swing.

It's nice to focus on pretty birds, cats and cows and get away from the news and I only really listen to it once a day. I need to know about lockdowns rules and so on. After I find out, I switch it off.  

We have been on lockdown again last week and metropolitan Melbourne has had it extended for another week. It has been lifted a bit for us as we are regional. But we can't travel far.

My fibro and polymyalgia are flaring and I find myself longing to go to bed, but I try to resist going back. I prefer sitting on the swing holding Chris's hand and enjoying some morning sunshine.

Our winter wonderland

Yesterday my step-son and his wife came and detailed the fifth wheeler and tow vehicle. Today they are coming to take pictures and we are going to advertise it on RV magazines. Prayers that it sell quickly. 

We must get a newer car as ours is on its last gasp and is not fixable. Being in the country with our nearest supermarket and chemist a half hours' drive away, a car is essential. 

It's Saturday morning here and I only have some dishes to wash and cooking for dinner to do. Which is great as I am nearly out of spoons already. Once again, my fibromyalgia is  taking my body hostage. Just after I thought my flare was over.

I woke up at 5am feeling cold so I had to boot up the electric blanket again. Chris did the same with his. We woke up to a winter wonderland. Even the bird bath was frozen solid. 1deg C which is cold for us Aussies. We are still in autumn and winter officially starts 1 June, but it is just preparing us for a cold wet one I think.