When an aspirin won't fix it

                                 

When it comes to Fibromyalgia many people – men and women – have reported a reduction in their libido due to the sometimes chronic nature of the condition. Sometimes Fibromyalgia sufferers can feel perfectly well and are willing to make love but a ‘flare-up’ can put paid to such willingness.

The sheer unpredictability of the condition is such that it can leave one or both partners feeling as though they are not wanted and that perhaps the other partner is making excuses; this is simply not the case.

Sufferers of Fibromyalgia, especially in its chronic form, find it difficult to make love because of the levels of pain they have to endure. Making love requires a considerable amount of bodily movement and if the trigger points flare up then this movement can be painful or at the very least uncomfortable.

Another problem with Fibromyalgia is the way in which an individual’s body weight can fluctuate; this too has consequences on the libido, making the sufferer feel as though they are unable to perform and instilling in them a lack of self-confidence which manifests itself as a lack of libido.

It is important to emphasise that a lack of libido can be turned around either by reducing stress and anxiety or by changing one’s daily routine. Your doctor will not necessarily prescribe any medication to help combat this problem as there is not really much that can be done physically about the condition.

I think it is very important to reassure your husband that you still love him even though you are hurting too much for intimacy. In areas of chronic pain and illness, communication must be open so that there are no silent doubts about whether you as a wife, still love your husband.

So important is this area of intimacy in marriage, that I would suggest that you be willing to try to accommodate your husband at any reasonable time, instead of just at night when you are understandably tired out. If lovemaking is simply impossible, remember to caress and cuddle your husband. author unknown

Remember to be demonstrative and vocal with letting your husband know you love him. He will most likely be feeling anxious that he can't help you in your suffering. Fibromyalgia flares can't be fixed by taking a few aspirins.

 

My beloved is white and ruddy, chief among ten thousand. Song of Songs 5:10

You can rely on His Word

Scripture tells us that we will not know the day or hour that Jesus comes to take His Bride- the Church home with Him. We who are looking for His glorious appearing and being with Christ for eternity are longing for the Day. And so we should be.

“However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows"  Matthew 24:36

Many of us are experiencing our own tribulations as the world is cast into the shadow of the great Tribulation, and we are tired of living in this sin-filled, ungodly world. We need to keep not only our eyes looking up, but our hearts. 

As in the days of Noah, so shall it be in the final days before the Rapture also known in the Bible as the Harpazo and  Rapturo. (Yes it is mentioned in the scriptures). We need to keep the faith, keep fighting the good fight and keep our spirits and heart in longing for our Beloved to come for us. And He is coming! 

What can we be doing as we wait for Jesus to take us Home?

• I believe we should be in prayer for those people suffering under authorities such as the Taliban and for all those Christians who are in danger. 
• We need to intercede for the Ukrainians who are being invaded as we speak.

• We should be praying for those who are still unsaved. 

• Keeping the faith can be difficult for some, especially as the world gets darker. We need to pray for ourselves too.

How can we overcome the anxiety and depression these end days bring?

• We should bring our thoughts and minds under the control of the Holy Spirit by focussing on good things that are still here

• We must remember that Christ is in control, no matter how bad a situation becomes.

• We must bring everything we see, hear and read in to the light of the Word and we must remember that all these things, though disturbing, are temporary.

• We must maintain an attitude of gratitude for all things in our life and dwell on God's goodness.

• We simply must be a person of worship and praise.

• We must be in the Word.
• We must remember that Jesus has promised to take us Home before the Great Tribulation. 

Because you have kept My command to persevere, I also will keep you from the hour of trial which shall come upon the whole world, to test those who dwell on the earth- Revelation 3:10

The end is in sight and we are tired. We long for Jesus to take us to be with Him. We are continuing to fight the good fight. We are running the race and our Saviour cheers us on. 

We are being His faithful servants even in the end days.. whilst watching and waiting. Even so, come Lord Jesus! Maranatha! 

Those who don't know Jesus yet....There's not much time left, my friends. Get on the Ark and get saved now.

He is coming- and soon. Accept Christ now!  God is fulfilling all things and it must come to pass. You can rely on His Word.

 

 

Chipping away at the stone

So my fibromyalgia is back with a passion, making every muscle ache. I tried to take a bath a couple of days ago and I had great difficulty getting out. I had to use a pillow under my knee and I had no other option than to lean on it to get up. It was so painful and the consequences are enormous.

I know I shouldn't have tried with both knees with torn menisci and other ligament damage.  I was in so much pain that I longed for a bath to hopefully relax my muscles. It didn't. Nor did it help my sore neck with another episode of polymyalgia rheumatica.

This constant pain is wearing me down. My doctor is too afraid to give me pain relief and I am considering changing doctors. This creates anxiety in me. And to top it all off, I have been cranky and not really a nice person to be near at the moment.

With Chris ill himself, I seem to be carrying everything myself with no help in sight. Take this morning for example. I put on a load of washing, cleaned Xena's litter tray and unloaded and loaded the dishwasher.

Testing our blood sugar level before breakfast,  I asked Chris what he wanted for breakfast. He told me what he wanted, just sitting there waiting for me to get it for him. I am sorry to report that I arced up and told him to get it himself.

I added some other truths about him acting like he's the only one with pain and that I am tired of being his servant when all he does is watch TV and sleep all day. You gotta understand, that usually this isn't an issue, but the pain has truly worn me down.

Chris asked me what I had done so far this morning. I told him and he replied that it isn't necessary to push myself like I am doing. Push myself? Doing minimum household chores?

I told him I was just trying to live a normal life and he replied, "But you aren't normal! You have got to realise that and accept it!" But in fact, what I do is pared down to the bone housekeeping compared to what it was even 10 years ago. How much less can I do and still manage to live a relatively clean and organised life? Single handedly.

Over the 23 years of having fibromyalgia I have had a determination like stone. I would not let fibromyalgia or indeed any of my other painful conditions control my life. And for the most part it hasn't. Until today. It's chipping away at the stone.

Get on the Ark and get saved now.

Scripture tells us that we will not know the day or hour that Jesus comes to take His Bride- the Church home with Him. We who are looking for His glorious appearing and being with Christ for eternity are longing for the Day. And so we should be.

“However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows"  Matthew 24:36

Many of us are experiencing our own tribulations as the world is cast into the shadow of the great Tribulation, and we are tired of living in this sin-filled, ungodly world. We need to keep not only our eyes looking up, but our hearts. 

As in the days of Noah, so shall it be in the final days before the Rapture also known in the Bible as the Harpazo and  Rapturo. (Yes it is mentioned in the scriptures). We need to keep the faith, keep fighting the good fight and keep our spirits and heart in longing for our Beloved to come for us. And He is coming! 

What can we be doing as we wait for Jesus to take us Home?

• I believe we should be in prayer for those people suffering under authorities such as the Taliban and for all those Christians who are in danger. 
• We need to intercede for the Ukrainians who are being invaded as we speak.

• We should be praying for those who are still unsaved. 

• Keeping the faith can be difficult for some, especially as the world gets darker. We need to pray for ourselves too.

How can we overcome the anxiety and depression these end days bring?

• We should bring our thoughts and minds under the control of the Holy Spirit by focussing on good things that are still here

• We must remember that Christ is in control, no matter how bad a situation becomes.

• We must bring everything we see, hear and read in to the light of the Word and we must remember that all these things, though disturbing, are temporary.

• We must maintain an attitude of gratitude for all things in our life and dwell on God's goodness.

• We simply must be a person of worship and praise.

• We must be in the Word.
• We must remember that Jesus has promised to take us Home before the Great Tribulation.  Because you have kept My command to persevere, I also will keep you from the hour of trial which shall come upon the whole world, to test those who dwell on the earth- Revelation 3:10

The end is in sight and we are tired. We long for Jesus to take us to be with Him. We are continuing to fight the good fight. We are running the race and our Saviour cheers us on. 

We are being His faithful servants even in the end days.. whilst watching and waiting. Even so, come Lord Jesus! Maranatha! There's not much time left, my friends. Get on the Ark and get saved now.

 

 

This too will pass

 

It's been nearly a week without spoons. I have absolutely no energy to speak of and have just been focussing on keeping the clothes washed, kitchen clean and cooking.

I suppose it's my fault. With some recent spoons, I probably overdid it and hence the Flare of Flares. It's sort of predictable with fibromyalgia. But I was hoping to break out of the pain/fatigue cycle. I haven't.

 

The doctor has become concerned about my blood pressure being high 160/90 and has been trying to get me to give myself a once a week injection of a drug that's supposed to help me lose weight as well as keep the sugars low. I don't want it.

My feelings are that once you inject something, you have to put up with any side-effects for another week, unlike oral tablets that you have some control over. You can stop taking them: not so with injections. Yes, you can stop using them but the chemical is in your system for a week.

I am sick enough with the antibiotics I am taking for suspected cellulitis in my leg. They are very rugged and have given me thrush as well. But I need to finish the course to heal my leg.

So because I have an infection, I am listening to my body and taking a nana nap if I need it. And I don't feel guilty for napping.

I am trying to keep upbeat and not stress too much. It's hard for me as Chris is suffering with his heart failure as well.

I know better days must come and that's why I chose the picture above. With prayer and leaning on the LORD, this phrase often comes to mind:  "this too will pass" and it will- eventually. 

The old hag came a'calling

There's a very scary sleep condition called Sleep Paralysis. Basically the brain is trying to wake us up but the body can be paralysed. It's also known as the Old Hag Syndrome because one often is conscious of something malevolent in the room or at close range.

I have had this happen to me. I woke up to find I could only move my eyes. I couldn't move my legs or head. It felt like someone was in my room and I had the most awful feeling of dread. I fell asleep again to wake up in the morning with the feeling that it was a very vivid nightmare.  It is the scariest thing...

I try not to allow fear overcome me when I try to go to sleep. In case I bring on a nightmare, I always go to sleep focusing on something positive.  With falling sleep being  difficult enough with fibromyalgia, I practise relaxation techniques that I learnt to cope with panic attacks.

This experience I liken to a nightmare, only I was conscious enough to know I was awake and it was real.

I really detest this happening as I guard my sleep judiciously thanks to it being so scarce with my fibromyalgia pain. After dinner, I won't watch anything on TV that may make me anxious, nor do I eat anything so as not to cause a disturbed sleep due to my digestive system handling food.

Feta cheese gives me nightmares, so I only eat that during the day. In fact all cheeses give me nightmares, and on occasion they have triggered a migraine.

After dinner I change into my pyjamas- if I have bothered to get dressed that is. I wind down with some rounds of Candy Crush and then I join Chris for a snuggle in front of the TV.

But even then I have to be very selective about viewing what he's viewing. If it's not a "chick flick" or is violent or will make me think too much, I just take him in a nightly cup of tea or hot milk and finish off another few rounds of my game. 

It seems I do become fixated on getting a good night's sleep, and it is true: I do.  With all my medications, about an hour after taking them, I feel the need to head towards bed. And saying about the medications, I am on 24+ pills a day and if I don't sleep for 9 hours, I wake up feeling hung over.

Anyone who suffers from Fibromyalgia will know that a good night's sleep is crucial to coping with the daily pain and they will also guard their bedtime habits like I do.

I want to enjoy my sleep, and I don't ever want to have to tell you that once more, the Old Hag came a'calling...

It's alright for them!

Since Chris's discharge from the Emergency Department for heart failure, I have been suffering the Mother of all flares. My fibromyalgia has hit an all time high.

No doubt this has been from the stress and anxiety I have experienced since his diagnosis and the blase  doctors who laughed and joked when I asked what his prognosis was.

They made light of my anxieties and wouldn't even engage into any conversation about what exactly was happening to Chris's heart and why. 

I was thinking of making a complaint against them but Chris doesn't want me to.

Their blase attitude to Chris and I reminded me of trying to get my diagnosis of fibromyalgia. The doctors I saw all gaslighted my complaints of symptoms and the anxieties I felt.

It is wrong that they do this to their patients and their family. They should have a little respect- after all, it's not knowing what's going to happen that makes patients anxious, but they often are dismissive and arrogant.

And why not? because it's ok for them to be so nonchalant: it's not their life and marriage potentially going down the toilet. So it's alright for them! 

Keeping our head up

 

So yesterday we watched the election most of the day. We prayed for justice to prevail and praised God. By the afternoon, we were feeling such a heaviness that we turned it off.

I came into my study and praised and worshiped God until the heaviness abated. 

I didn't get a lot done in my house except wash my dishes and do a load of washing. I sat watching the news events unfold as I folded the clothes.  

Dinner was a frozen dinner because we both found we had lost our appetite. With my fibromyalgia  worsened by stress and flaring again, it was an easy fix!  

Today, we have an errand to do and a check of our Post Office Box is necessary, but that will be all outside the home for now.

We remain in a state of prayer and will bring all this deception before the LORD. We are also praying for all who long for justice and righteousness to prevail. 

God is still in control... but we who follow the path of justice and Truth will be having a bumpy ride.

We all have to remember that as the picture here says: we have to live though these bad days to get to the good ones.   Let's be keeping our head up!

Other species family

Chris and I love animals and if we had our way, our home would be full of dogs and cats. Unfortunately for us, our landlord doesn't want pets in his property and we almost missed out on this lovely house because we refused to give our rescue cat, Xena up and rehouse her.

We really fell in love with our house here, but the thought of losing Xena was too much to bear, and when I took the phone call from the real estate agent telling us they didn't want a cat, and would lease the house to us if we rehoused her, I embarrassingly started to cry. We told them we couldn't do that.

Anyone with a chronic illness will tell you that animals are good therapy and can help reduce pain and anxiety. They are very intuitive and seem to know when you just need a paw to hold or a head to pat or stroke. Xena will actually come up and rub herself on me when she knows I am in pain. Which, with fibromyalgia, is a lot of times..

It was embarrassing when I took that call in the freezer section of Aldi. But the property manager who was putting us forward as prospective tenants was very understanding. Turns out, she was a cat owner as well... 

We actually gave up our house which we really really wanted, for Xena. But in the end, the owners agreed to our renting the house with a cat. We were overjoyed.

To give up our little cat would be something we couldn't do to her. She was as I said, a rescue cat who had been caught as a feral and impounded and who had suffered at the hands of people who obviously didn't like cats.

It took us quite a few months to assure her that she was safe with us and it was nearly a year before she stopped running to hide if we walked too fast near her. We suspect she was kicked with workboots by some males, because she had a fear of feet and males.

But love won out, and 7 years later, she is the most loving little cat who loves nothing better than to sleep between her mum and dad. She trusts us and is part of our family now.

I know I speak for millions of cat and dog owners who love their furbabies to bits. There's no need to make a defence that these little creatures transcend the pets only genre and become other species family.

When I am resting, I know that as soon as Xena realises I am either in bed or asleep on the couch, that she will be jumping up carefully (so as not to disturb me), and snuggling up to me as I sleep. 

Chris and I call our bed the family bed because the whole family sleep in it. Pets are our other species family, and we wouldn't have it any other way.

Beauty is all around us

As you probably know, we love cats. We used to have two white cats, but Snowy passed at age 14 and we now have our little white cat, Xena left to love. Both of them were rescue cats.

Xena has brightened my day. She is so amusing. Thinking she is invisible, she crouches after the many birds in our back garden, only to dash back inside when they gang up on her and chirp her away.

She is not very brave or wise. Her white fur is visible to everything. Her demeanour is the yellow of a coward. This is the same cat who squealed when a mouse ran over her paw! She's such a girl! 

With isolation, one has time to watch the antics of cats and birds, and to enjoy the beauty that is all around us. For in spite of pestilence and mayhem, there is still beauty to be found.

It does help me with this current fibromyalgia flare, to go to "the beach" and let the sun play on my skin and listen to the birds and watch our cats' antics.

Not many people can find much beauty in the world today, but I make a point of looking for it- and when I find it, I make sure to thank the One Who made it, and give thanks.

Gratitude and thankfulness in the midst of pain goes a long way in coping mentally with it all. 

Try to take some time out and focus on the good that remains in this sad old world. There is beauty all around us.

From the comfort of my couch

Today when I woke up, the outside was like a winter wonderland. Everything had a cloak of white from the frost. I quickly put the heaters on and warmed the place up.

After my lunch, I was still in my Oodie and I just didn't really have any spoons to do much. The birds were eating in our bird feeder and the sun had come across the back garden and was so warm that I was able to turn the heater off.

My stress levels when Chris became ill were pretty high, and I had done a lot of driving over the last two weeks. It played major havoc with my fibromyalgia, back and hips. I don't usually drive so of course I was using muscles that don't get used much. And they were complaining!

We opened the back door to air the house. The birds were chirping, the cattle were lowing and the stream at the end of our garden was flowing fast and bubbling. The sun shone on the water and not for the first time, I thanked God for giving us this home to rent.

Chris was sitting at the end of the couch and invited me to lay down and he would give me a foot rub. Now with all the driving, my right foot was extremely sore from using the pedals, and my peripheral neuropathy from diabetes was causing my feet to burn. He knows I suffer with sore feet and oedema in my legs, thanks to heart failure, and he rubs my feet and massages the water from them up towards my heart. It is supposed to help with heart failure.

The sun was shining right in my eyes, so I pulled my Oodie hood over them and lay listening to the birds, cows and stream. With closed eyes and the sun shining on my bare legs, the birds continued to chorus and with the water running, it felt exactly like I was at the beach. I fell asleep.

When I woke from my resultant slumber, Chris had closed the door as it was getting cold again. My muscles felt more relaxed and I had a few spoons to cook some fish and mashed potato with peas for dinner. I even did an apple pie sweetened with Hermasetas and cinnamon.

I was so comforted by just getting to rest and sleep and I intend to go to the "beach" again tomorrow- all from the comfort of my couch!

Enjoying my home

Even though we haven't enjoyed the fact that we have been on lockdown, we have still enjoyed our home.

We have done things around the house, I have tried new recipes to cook and we spend a lot of time just watching the birds and our cat.

There is a lovely feeling of peace, no anxiety and just a sense of calm. I am enjoying Chris's company and the days are going fast.

We have gone to bed late and slept in. Which is just as well because the changeable weather has my fibromyalgia flaring nastily.  It is so nice to be able to just take a nana nap without feeling guilty. 

I have done my grocery shopping online and ordered our medications on an app. That way I only have to run in and pick them up instead of waiting forever for them to be made up.

Yesterday's doctor's visit was done by phone with him faxing our prescriptions through to our chemist.

We are enjoying the peace of scripture and worship music playing in the background and my Quiet Time is now any time I feel like doing it. 

I honestly thought that being in lockdown would drive me nuts, but quite the opposite. Apart from knowing that I can't go out like before, I am still enjoying my home

Staying busy

So in the wake of the Corona Virus comes anxiety and uncertainty and I have been finding my adrenaline racing. With listening to too much news, I am inclined to get depressed and so, I am staying busy. Well, as busy as fibromyalgia and spoons allow.

I am finding by keeping busy that my mind slows down and this brings my blood pressure and heart rate down as well. There is less adrenaline pumping through me. And less angina.

My friend, Mrs Sylvia Britton of Christian HomeKeeper is a very gifted writer. She has blessed me so much with writing her Lists for the chronically ill woman. I follow them most days and they have helped me so much for many years now. 

Sylvia graciously allowed me to post her Lists here and on my other blog and I am eternally grateful.

Recently she has written a post which is so very helpful for us concerning coping with isolation and the Corona Virus.  Once again, she has graciously allowed me to share this with you. Thanks again, my friend.

Sylvia's advice is always scriptural and sensible, and I have found a sense of peace since staying busy.

So today I have:

1. Done a load of washing
2. Put it away as well as a load I found in the dryer! :)
3. Cleaned my kitchen
4. Made some Jewish Penicillin 
5. Roasted some chicken drumsticks for dinner
6. Sorted out our medications for the week
7. Watched Episode 7 of The Chosen  very moving... 

Highly recommend watching it.  He is our Hope and I am so grateful to Jesus for His sacrifice, His salvation and His grace to me.

My body is hurting with the fibromyalgia flaring, but I would prefer that to sitting fretting about Rona. 

I really think the answer to anxiety sometimes is staying busy.

Staying home for real comfort.

So like most  of the world at the moment, we are staying at home to help stop the spread of the Corona Virus. 

We have accepted that this will be the new normal for at least six months and with acceptance comes a certain amount of peace.

As we talked about earlier, Chris and I are focussing on making our home a cosy nest. We have been getting a lot done that makes us both glad we have this home to nest in.

I have been cooking things I know Chris loves and have joined the local chemist's phone app for ordering our repeat prescriptions without going in. They make them up, then phone us when we can come and pick them up.

As spoons allow, I am doing my cleaning by zone according to FlyLady  However with my fibromyalgia flaring due to changing weather- lots of rain, that hasn't been a regular thing.

By and large I have enjoyed being home. There's a peace knowing we won't be likely to get Rona and also that by staying home, we in turn will not be passing it on should we get it.

I have been playing scripture in the background and changing to worship music at times as well. Whenever I find I am worried about Rona, I start praying. That is such a wonderful tool and brings an immediate sense of peace.

I have a few things I want to do today:

1. Do my dinner dishes as I just didn't have the spoons last night.
2. Bake some scones for afternoon tea
3. Make another veggie intensive chicken chow mein with rice for dinner

That will probably be it for today as I am feeling extremely sore and tired. Just another reason staying at home is real comfort.

The gentle art of getting on

As you know, this Corona Virus has got us isolating at home. We have been getting a lot done around the house as our focus has been on homemaking.

With being together 24/7 it sometimes happens that we get on each others' nerves. I think it comes from an underlying anxiety about what's going to happen and being stir-crazy.

Whatever, it is a lesson in self-control, patience, kindness and loving one another inspite of the circumstances. Because we still do love one another.

Close quarters like this last week has shown both of us that we are not as nimble and not as fit as we were twenty years ago. But it has also shown us that we are mighty grateful for each other in spite of transient tensions.

Ladders are now not  climbed easily, wherein tempers can be frayed easily. Like I said, it's a lesson in all the above things. 

Spending time with each other in this trial is a double edged sword: we are grateful for each other as we are, but are afraid of life without each other. We are realising how vulnerable we really are. 

Like it or not, we are in this together and are facing life as one. Which is why the lesson will be quickly learned: the gentle art of getting on. 

All things work for good...

So we are staying at home with the Corona Virus spreading fast. But today we had to go to see our Doctor P to get some repeat scripts. He said that from now on we can just ring the clinic and he will fax our scripts to our chemist. We are glad for one less reason not to have to go out.

Our BP was pretty good: 138/74 for me... and Chris's, strangely was exactly the same. The doctor laughed and asked if we even synchronised our BP! I said to Chris isn't that romantic, and Dr P laughed again and agreed that it was!  We are always together and we never tire of each other!

Apart from today, we have been home and it hasn't been all that bad. I have been getting some things done around the house like decluttering and Chris has been putting some pictures up for me in our room and the guest room.

I am making sure we are eating proper meals but I do have some snack foods in the back of the pantry for comfort eating. Chris loves to munch on almonds whilst watching TV and I love eating muesli bars.

My fibromyalgia is dictating my life a bit, ensuring that I have a nana nap in the afternoons. With no social commitments, it's pretty easy to go to bed when I feel the need. And I don't feel guilty.

Staying at home because one has to with the Corona Virus like a spectre haunting our peace, is not ideal, but if we do what we are told, I am sure it will burn itself out soon.

We are refusing to give in to anxious thoughts and are trying to keep ourselves busy. Well, as busy as I can be with limited spoons.

My to do list today is to follow Thursday's List which is basically a rest day as I had the doctor's appointment today.  I am feeling tired now. 

I will be spending time watching You Tube and Netflix with Chris and trying to keep myself busy in the home. We can use this time at home for good if we think it through. All things work for good...

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28