I hope his mother's not nearby!

So I went into my laundry to check on my dryer. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something move very, very fast from Xena's litter tray area.

Moving the laundry hamper out of the way, I saw a brown baby snake. He looked like a worm but he had a fat head of the snake variety.

I knew it wasn't a worm because he was too fast and as I watched him, he slithered back under the door into the back yard.

Flinging open the door, I thumped my broom to scare him away, but he had already disappeared. Probably under the house.

There's a half inch gap under the back door. Enough for a baby snake to get in. Chris is going to fix a metal door draught stopper strip along the underside of it.

It's made me slightly (much) frightened. Not that I wasn't expecting to run into a snake eventually with living in the country. I just didn't expect that it would be in my home!

I hate snakes and confess to momentarily thinking of moving or burning the house down! But I quickly came to my senses.  I hope his mother's not nearby! 

At least it has a name!

Most of us  have waited  many years for a  fibromyalgia diagnosis.  Meanwhile while we wait,  we have been  treated as malingers and have often been  offered ill  informed advice from  people who don't even understand what  fibromyalgia is.  Many of us have been  dismissed by doctors or told it is all in our heads as they write a referral to a psychiatrist! 

We Fibromites know it's not in our heads but our muscles, tendons, neck, knees, and joints. We can hardly stay awake in the daytime, and given that we can't even sleep at night in comfort, we are often sleep deprived and anxious as we await our diagnosis. One that we are hoping will be key in helping overcome this horrid syndrome as well as validate our pain to others. 

All these things prior to diagnosis are all brutal in their own way. And most pain relief does not really help us even after a diagnosis of fibromyalgia. The pain is debilitating. So are the flares which are limiting. The spoons for daily living are scarce. Or non existent. 

It hurts us further that the fibro fog that robs us not only of clear thought but words, is the only thing that people can notice. All other stuff is invisible therefore to some our pain doesn't exist, especially as we usually don't look sick... 

As there's no cure and very little that helps, our life doesn't change much after a diagnosis of fibro.. but even so, it is some small comfort that at least it has a name! 

 

Another repeat: flarus maximus

 

I am beside myself in pain with my fibromyalgia. My muscles are feeling like they are being shredded as I move them. It is agony to extend them and typing kills me...

The weather has been inclement- very changeable with summer/winter in one day and frequent showers. It plays havoc with my fibromyalgia.

I am done in. Truly done in. I cannot stand the pain and need to sleep forever... yes. forever. just to escape. the. pain. and I painfully talk to you,  tapping out letters like a woodpecker. 

The depression and sense of failure threatens to overwhelm my consciousness: I have no friends to speak of for I only have enough emotional energy today to try to continue to exist without taking all of Chris's Tramadol as a desperate way of going on... or not.

It's a lonely path.  However,  I just realised that I do have a friend who requires no emotion of me: my bed. Yes it's my one only true friend at the moment.  I am giving in. Today is going to be cancelled due to my "flarus maximus".

I just want to stay in bed!

So today I woke with everything aching and no spoons. Yes, another flare of fibromyalgia. Actually, I am pretty sure my body is permanently flaring, it's just a bad day. Another one.

Everything within me says that I should stay in bed, but today is our grandson's birthday and a BBQ has been organised. I simply have to go.

So far, I have showered, dressed and breakfasted. The shower almost killed me this morning. The water felt like thousands of needles pricking my sensitive skin and it was a real effort to raise my arms to wash my hair.

I was so worn out by the end of my drying off that I had to lay down for a bit. Dressing came much later, as did taking our bloods and administering Chris's insulin injection.

We have to leave soon and we are fortunate in that our hosts live close by. A long drive today would be too off putting and we usually love going on long drives. But not today.

When we get home I will be doing a light dinner for us and that is all. It has to be. And I have to be content with that.

Fellow fibromites will know that when you have no spoons, even breathing is an effort. If it wasn't for making memories today, I would be content with posting this and going to bed. I just want to stay in bed! 

 

A bit of a wash then au revoir!

So today our fifth wheeler is getting cleaned on the inside and after that we are going to take it to get cleaned outside and put it up for sale.

I have mixed feelings about it really. Our dreams of touring round Australia turned to dust when I tore my meniscus in my left knee and since then I have also damaged my right knee. I walk like Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz! 

The RV was well suited to the Fibromyalgia lifestyle as it was small and easy to clean. But after tearing my meniscus, even the two steps to the bedroom and ensuite were too difficult to negotiate. In the end, I was housebound as it has seven steps at the entry.

We haven't thrown out the idea of travelling altogether. Eventually after selling the fiver, we will buy a campervan that is easy for me to get in and out of and go away for weekends. That is the hope anyway.

Today's to do list:

•  I have dishes to do, 
•  make our bed
• fold a load of washing from yesterday.
• Fish, chips and salad for dinner

I'm not lazy!

You would not believe over the years how many people have shown their ignorance of fibromyalgia by gasping in horror when I say I do not have the strength or muscle power to even sweep my floor.

Because fibromyalgia is an invisible illness, people often think (and sometimes even voice) that I am lazy and a malingerer.

They cannot see the pain as my muscles and ligaments feel like they are tearing. The pain in my neck and shoulders and arms can be intense and it can last long after the floor has been swept.

Usually, it's my lack of spoons that stops me from doing cleaning, but it's muscular as well most times. I do have muscles, but they are like sparrows' knee caps! 

I honestly can no longer sweep, mop or vacuum. It sometimes gets to me because I know how most people think. Nevertheless, it is I who has to bear the pain of those tasks and the pain robs me of my rest and often is carried into the next day.

There are so many muscles involved in sweeping, mopping and vacuuming that come in to play with repetitious movements. Because they aren't used often, they whine and complain loudly.

Rather than pick up my broom I would rather put up with the rolling eyes and snide remarks of people who haven't even heard of fibromyalgia. I know what it is. I know who and what I am. And it's not lazy.

Today's tasks are:

• one load of washing
• Cook spaghetti bolognaise for dinner

When I do, I don't!

 

When I was a young woman, I ironed clothes as soon as they were bought in from the line. It was something as regular as clock work.

Gradually as the babies came and later on, spinal problems, it dwindled until I only ironed what was strictly necessary, that is- what was seen.

Twenty three years ago, my iron was kept in the linen press and only saw the light of day for service on a high holiday such as a wedding or funeral! 

As fibromyalgia overtook my life and abilities, my iron was boxed for posterity and now serves as a door stop to keep my back laundry door open when the dryer is in use!

Life for a sacrificial home keeper is difficult enough with what absolutely must be done to keep a home. There are things that must be done daily and goodness knows, there are little enough spoons or energy to do that, let alone lift a heavy appliance and stand or sit to iron clothes.

With sleep a precious but scarce commodity, coupled with tearing sore muscles, we must keep our home making simple. Ironing is simply too taxing on the chronically ill woman to seriously consider as part of a daily routine.

At first, I was particular about how I hung my washing out, in order to leave no creases and so minimise the visual effect of unironed clothes. But over recent years, polymyalgia rheumatica and arthritis vyed with fibromyalgia for first place in pain stakes.

I could no longer lift my arms to peg the washing out, and I was forced to make use of my dryer every time.

By doing just a load of washing a day, it doesn't build up and I find with less clothes in the dryer, that they come out almost wrinkle free. I try to grab them as soon as the drying cycle is over. All they require is a quick shake as I fold them and put them away.

Don't get me wrong! The OCD and perfectionist in me baulks at having to do this, but the practical and pragmatic inner woman says it is OK. It is simply my new normal.

There's plenty of tasks each day vying for first place in sucking on my limited spoons, so when I have a few spoons and I am tempted to drag my iron out of its' box: I don't!

Today's lists are:

• Clean kitchen
• Do a load of washing
• Cook chicken garlic breasts and mashed potato for dinner

Grieve and move on!

When confronted with the diagnosis of a chronic health condition like fibromyalgia, we can often grieve for the stronger, healthier person we were before it and it's like any other form of grief. 

We are angry, we bargain, we accept it, we move on. The hardest part in moving on is linked with acceptance: we have to find our new normal. 

I find there's a period of anger and denial, then acceptance. And it varies with each of us.  

Acceptance is the pathway to moving forward. So it is critical that we come to acceptance by focussing on what we have left, rather than what chronic illness has taken away from us.

As in all grieving, no one can say how long it will take us to come to acceptance, but it must come so that we can find our new normal and live our new life in that new normal.

What chronic illness takes from us is more than the physical. But even so, despite feeling down emotionally, we should and must focus on what it hasn't taken.

I have days where I still mourn the loss of basic abilities like home cleaning, showering and walking far. Today is one of pain with fibromyalgia to the point that I can't straighten my fingers and even my eyes ache.. 

My to do list today is not big, but it. is. what. it. is.

• Clean the kitchen
• Cook dinner
• Shower sometime before bed

Keeping our head up

 

So yesterday we watched the election most of the day. We prayed for justice to prevail and praised God. By the afternoon, we were feeling such a heaviness that we turned it off.

I came into my study and praised and worshiped God until the heaviness abated. 

I didn't get a lot done in my house except wash my dishes and do a load of washing. I sat watching the news events unfold as I folded the clothes.  

Dinner was a frozen dinner because we both found we had lost our appetite. With my fibromyalgia  worsened by stress and flaring again, it was an easy fix!  

Today, we have an errand to do and a check of our Post Office Box is necessary, but that will be all outside the home for now.

We remain in a state of prayer and will bring all this deception before the LORD. We are also praying for all who long for justice and righteousness to prevail. 

God is still in control... but we who follow the path of justice and Truth will be having a bumpy ride.

We all have to remember that as the picture here says: we have to live though these bad days to get to the good ones.   Let's be keeping our head up!

She would have made a great mother!

So last night I was watching a FB video on a cat which had recently had kittens. They were squeaking loudly, all trying to latch onto their mother for their milk, and I just watched, enjoying those cute little fluff balls.

Suddenly, Xena jumped up to my computer and parked herself in front of the screen, totally absorbed with the vision in front of her, her ears forward as she listened to the babies and their ear piercing hungry cries.

Just after I took this picture of her, she stood up and frantically looked at the back of the computer, walked around it, sniffing and was totally distraught.

She turned to me in desperation, totally convinced there were kittens there who needed attention. It was sad to see her imploring me to do something. I did.

I turned the video off and comforted Xena. When she had calmed down, I decided that it was not fair to do this to her.  As a rescue cat, she was spayed at 7 months, so she never got the chance to have kittens. 

She would have made a great mother.

Today I have to reserve my spoons as I battle fibro and have some errands to do. On my to do list is:

• Go to chemist again for scripts they had to get in
• Buy some groceries that I couldn't get online
• Do washing
• Cook a shepherd's pie for dinner

The kettle's always on!

In our house, I think apart from the computer and our TV, the most used thing is the kettle. It is on from the moment we open our eyes until we close them. And often in between.

Tea soothes one so much. Anything from bad news, loneliness, a coming together for fellowship, a celebration, or a pick me up for depression. Certainly it's a helpful balm for dissolving pain killers and such, and it's a comfort in times of illness or pain of fibromyalgia. Oh yes, all these things and more is an excuse for a cuppa at our place and so the tea kettle is nearly always warm!

Such is our love for tea that even our kitchen curtains have kettles and tea cups on them. 

My plans for today are:

• Clean kitchen
• Order groceries online and pick them up
• Go to chemist
• Cook steak, mashed potatoes and salad for dinner

My bed's calling my name!

 

It's raining cats and dogs here and the temperature is cold. It's supposed to be summer here in Australia, but it feels like a winter's day.

After having the cooler on yesterday, in stark contrast, we have the heater on. I am so glad that I don't have to go out today.

This changeable weather is causing havoc with my fibromyalgia. It's predictable that it would. So today I have just a few tasks planned.

• Clean my kitchen
• Make our bed 
• Cook curried beef with vegetables

My fingers are throbbing with pain today, as is my coccyx. With it being broken, it is also to be expected. I may apply some heat to it later on as the cold seems to make it ache more.

I think my bones may be brittle after years of prednisolone for my polymyalgia rheumatica. Hence the break of the coccyx. Yet I can't take extra calcium because I am a chronic kidney stone maker (over 50 bilateral) My stones are calcium oxylate bathed in uric acid. I am on Zyloprim to reduce the acid.

It's a predictable start to the New Year. I have been feeling a little reprieve from fibromyalgia pain and then- boom! inclement weather has blown me away again!

So I best get off my computer and start on the dishes. I can see a nana nap in my future and that's not a bad thing given the circumstances!  I can hear my bed calling my name!

New Year's ponderings

Happy New Year everyone! Well, it's been 2 years today since I started this blog. It was just after giving up the nomadic lifestyle in our RV and moving into our rented country cottage.

So like most people, I am thinking about my direction for the New Year and in particular the plans I have for this blog.

I want to share about my battle with health issues, particularly fibromyalgia and how it effects our life as homemakers. Who I call "Sacrificial Home Keepers" 

I also want to include medical events for my reference and also I want to share news du jour for us.

One of my goals in blogging here is to plan my day and list it. I will truthfully cross off that which I have managed to do and hopefully I will follow it on to the next day.

I also want to read the Bible through in a year. Well, listen to it, anyway! I listen to  it on YouTube.

Another goal is to bring my life verse, Philippians 4:8 into my life by focussing on what is good and true.

Finally, brethren, whatever things are  true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

Praying for a happy year and a safe one for you. Remember that the Bridegroom's coming for His Bride soon! Let's dwell on that and look up! 

Read the Bible  https://www.biblestudytools.com/bible-reading-plan/thematic.html

• Wash clothes and fold them
• Cook vegetable lasagna for dinner  
• Clean kitchen