Something to remember if we move.

Yesterday's house inspection went well. She thanked us for keeping the house nice and said the owners will be pleased. I am glad to hear that because Chris wants to move closer into the bigger towns when/if we sell the fifth wheeler. I want to move closer to my children if I have to move. I am not keen on moving again. Anyway, we will have a good record as tenants if we have to move.

I have arms that feel like they're made of lead today. Fibromyalgia. I did our online shop again and it's due to be delivered this afternoon. It's the easiest way for us to do it these days. I have some dishes to wash from lunch and breakfast and I will probably have a nana nap to be able to cope with cooking diner and putting the shopping away.

Lately I've been spending quite a bit of time in bed. It usually doesn't get made much for that reason. But with it looking nice yesterday for the inspection, I decided to take a snap of it. Something to remember if we move.

Searching for some spoons

                                          

So Chris wasn't feeling well, so we didn't get out yesterday. I ordered $30 worth of groceries through Woolworths online. We have to pick them up at 1pm. It's so handy to shop like that. After that I need to get some prescriptions made up and go to the Post Office.

I managed to do all those dishes yesterday, with just last night's pots and pans to wash today. Tonight I will shower. If I do it this morning, I will run out of spoons and won't make it for the errands later.

It's hard searching for spoons and finding none, knowing that you have to do certain errands like shopping and getting medicines. And the tricky thing is when you find some, they disappear before you can put them to good use, and you find you need to take a nana nap just to accomplish it.

I know with talking to other Fibromites that I am not alone, as having no spoons seems to be a typical symptom of fibromyalgia. So for the next few hours before I pick up the groceries, you know where I'll be: searching for some spoons.

Finding beauty in a horrid day

I had trouble waking up this morning. My fibromyalgia has made me feel like I have been run over by a truck. However the day has not been a total loss.

I did a load of washing and now have to put it all away. I am not sure if I have enough spoons left for that because I also washed a whole stack of dishes and I am not sure if I have enough energy left to cook. 

I am still in my PJ's. I just might need to take a nana nap or rest at "the beach" so I can recharge. We will see...

The weather has been nice today and I left the back door open and listened to the birds and the stream running. The sun was shining on the water and the birds were calling and coming down to eat the seed and watermelon I left on the back porch for them.

It's important to try to find something lovely in every day, no matter how bad our fibromyalgia is to bring a balance of goodness and beauty in an otherwise horrid day.

If I get those few things done

I didn't get some things done yesterday.  My spoons disappeared and I ended up taking a nana nap to ward off another fibromyalgia flare.

Waking up after a disturbed night's sleep, I realised that fibro has found me again. I have severe pain in my arms and neck as well as a newly diagnosed urinary tract infection. Hence the disturbed night's sleep.

In  spite  of  that,  I have a  few things I would like to do today.  I need to fold washing  which is easy as I can sit and do it. 

As I promised,  I will make some sultana muffins for Chris as I can reach it if I sit at our breakfast bar on the high stools. Same thing for dinner prep. Just a mixed grill for tonight.

Chris is  going to  change  my  bed and I  will wash  the  sheets  and anything  else in the hamper. With  my pain relief making me tired, that will be enough for today and if I get those few things done, I will be very happy.

I'm my own worst enemy!

When I have no spoons or motivation to do housework, I often watch Youtube videos of people cleaning their home. Sometimes it works and I feel that I can get something done.

This can sometimes go against me because often the videos are of women half my age, with no disabilities and therefore no need to worry about spoons or flares or having to take a nana nap.

They seem to be cleaning houses that are already immaculate and they make it look so easy. Their homes outshine mine in every way, and so does their appearance. It can make me more depressed if I am in a flare of fibromyalgia, trying to get motivated to clean and teetering at the edge of the Pit of Despair. 

So I have to take Chris's advice and remember that I am an older woman with chronic health issues and try not to compare myself with them. But the desire to kindle a spark of motivation is strong and I find myself gravitating to those videos like a moth to a flame. And often it only makes me feel worse!

Sometimes, I think I'm my own worst enemy! 

Just keeping my head above water

 

I have copped a double whammy with both a flare of my fibromyalgia and polymyalgia rheumatica.  The pain and fatigue are overwhelming.

No doubt this was caused by Chris's diagnosis of heart failure, my daughter's impending leukaemia specialist test results, my grandson going to prison and the pain this has caused to us as a family.

I am feeling extremely unwell and was hesitant to take the Prednisolone my doctor ordered, but after a phone consult with him today, we discussed the risks v advantages and decided the risk was worth it.

Although I am feeling exhausted, the Prednisolone has given me a high that precludes going to bed for a nana nap. I have just sat up in the loungeroom watching and feeding the birds.

I have a sink full of dishes to do but no energy to do them. The only reason I am blogging now is that I am sitting and it takes very little of my limited spoons.

Recently, adapting to our new normal, our dryer was placed on top of our front loader washer and this has helped me so much with not having to stoop too much with my sore back and hips.

If I was well, I would have hung the washing out to dry as the last few days have been lovely warm autumn days here in Australia. But I have to use the dryer as I can no longer peg the clothes out or stretch my arms above my head.

When I finish talking with you, I am going back to my couch aka "the beach".  I will be doing steak, chips, eggs tomatoes and baked beans for dinner. 

Spiritually I am doing fine, it's just the physical that pulls me down- and I am exhausted just keeping my head above water!

I am going to stay in bed.

 

Some days don't go well. Like today. 

My fibromyalgia was paining me badly and I was so tired that I could hardly breathe. But I really wanted to bake some no knead bread to accompany my pea and ham soup for dinner tonight.

I prepared the soup and decided to do it in the slow cooker. Knowing I had a flare and practically no spoons, I bought all pre diced onions and garlic and carrots and as far as the preparation went, it was not too taxing on me.

Covering the dough to proof, I made Chris and I a cup of tea and literally crashed into bed for a nana nap.

Coming out a bit later,  putting  the dough into the dutch oven, I bent down to get something out of my cupboard- my back seized on me and I couldn't rise back up. Leaning on the cupboard door, there was an almighty crack and the pine gave way and the door broke off from the hinges. I felt so upset.

I decided to check on the soup and to my horror, I saw that I had forgotten to turn the power on by the power plug. It was far too late to set it going for dinner time. 

Because I had no energy, I asked Chris to transport the crockpot of prepared soup to the fridge. I just didn't trust myself.

It's so true that the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. No truer word ever for a fibromyalgia sufferer. 

I am hoping tomorrow will be better. If not, I am going to stay in bed.

A welcome break

 

So yesterday, just after talking about kookaburras being prolific here, I was washing the dishes at my sink, when a baby kookaburra burst out laughing on my back fence.

As it turned out, his Mum wasn't far away, joining him in a chorus of laughter from my clothesline. By the time I grabbed my phone to record this for you, they had disappeared.

We have a very good feeding ground with abundant water and food in our back garden which has meant a lot of breeding goes on here. We love it.

These agapanthus plants have just blossomed and make a beautiful display in the backyard as well as at my kitchen window.  Some are white, but most are deep blue which is my favourite.

My fibromyalgia is so bad today with the inclement weather. Even my fingers are aching. I am just waiting for my pain killers to work. Not that they do much.

On today's to do list is washing and dishes. So far I have done two loads of washing- dried in the dryer and folded and put away by Chris. I usually do a load a day, but Chris's site where he had an abcess removed bled under the shower yesterday and I had to call an ambulance.

While we were waiting for them, I rolled a clean towel up and we applied pressure to the wound. There was a good deal of blood and when we transferred him to our bed to look at the wound, I had to cover the bed in clean towels to protect it. Consequently I had a lot more washing to do today.

Apparently I did the right thing by applying pressure to his wound and by the time the ambulance got here, the heavy bleeding had stopped. He didn't require going to hospital, thank goodness. But it did give us both a fright.

Even though I am mindful of the amount of electricity using the dryer is costing us, I find when my fibromyalgia is bad that it is actually worth it. In comfort and spoons, money sometimes has to be spent.

My bed is clean but unmade today as I really think I will have to give in to my pain and fatigue and take a nana nap later.

Dinner is farmhouse chicken in the slow cooker. I am so grateful for my hand maidens on days like today.

I am hoping to see the baby kookaburra with his mum again today.  They are always welcome at our place and were a lovely break from the dramas of the morning...

Pain changes people

In dealing with my fibromyalgia flares, I find dealing with the accompanying mental pain is just as bad as dealing with unrelenting physical pain. It is just as difficult to bear.

Usually a mild mannered person, after coping all day with searing pain in my muscles, topped off with an inability to sleep soundly, I can fly off the handle occasionally.

Yesterday for example, I managed to catch up on my dishes, which turned out to be a three part marathon. Usually Chris puts them away but yesterday it didn't happen.

My fingers were paining me, my back ached and my legs didn't feel like they could hold me up. Unfortunately, a feeling of resentment overtook me, and I yelled at Chris for not doing his part.

I love being a wife and homemaker, but when everything is hurting at once, and not sleeping well because of the pain, resentment rose up in me. 

Resentment that I wasn't getting any help coupled with no pain relief and tiredness made me verbally buck and shy like a wild stallion. Along with resentment of my lack of help came resentment that my body has let me down.

Once resentment kicks in, it opens the door to self-pity and depression. I don't like yelling at Chris, particularly as he is usually not only helpful but emotionally nurturing and supportive.

I have found that at times like this, when pain causes me to blow my stack, that like an overtired toddler, I need to rest. So I put myself to bed for a nana nap.

Fibromyalgia pain never lets up, even in our sleep. It pursues us in our rest and deprives us of even the enjoyment of a brief period of respite in sleep. We toss and turn, trying to get comfortable- and that is even during the brief time our dry aching eyes are actually closed. It is not restorative at all.

I have had to learn to stop feeling false guilt for reacting to my pain when the levels are high enough to launch a rocket. That's how I feel during a flare. But I have got to remember that I didn't ask for this and am not responsible for succumbing to this painful syndrome.

I must remember that fibromyalgia pain-or indeed any pain, makes the vicissitudes of life that much harder to bear. Everything is exaggerated both physically and mentally, and the only thing I can do is accept that this is not my usual self, for pain changes people.

                                                                                                                                                                                                        

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

Basking in a new world

Over the years, I have spent many a time in a hospital bed.  For weeks at a time, I would lie in traction with Scheurmann's Disease, with hardly a visitor to see me.

I recall every time my mother came in to see me, she would ask if my (then) husband had been in. The answer was no. In fact, he would drop me off at the hospital entrance and then take off speedily. I would only see him again when I got home.

It got so bad that I would never let him know that I was trying to pass a kidney stone or needed another bout of traction until the moment I had to be admitted for treatment. Then all hell would break loose. It was just a sad state of life wherein I wasn't noticed or wanted until a meal had to be cooked or a shirt ironed.

Of course, I would lay internalising why he wouldn't visit me, and the end result was captured in one solitary, heart breaking and mind numbing word: rejection.

In between hospital stays, I limped along life, serving my husband and family, yet feeling terribly alone and miserable.

In the course of time I left my abusive husband and married Chris 4 years after leaving. All came crashing around my ears when I got fibromyalgia. 

I came home from seeing my rheumatologist for my wide range chronic pain and fatigue, and along with a negative result for lupus, came the diagnosis of fibromyalgia.  The trip home seemed unbearably long as I rehearsed in my mind the scene of rejection again awaiting me with this latest news.

You can imagine my amazement when Chris made me a cup of tea as he listened to the diagnosis. He was the epitome of compassion and love. When he handed me my cup, he was astonished to see me burst into tears: not tears of pain like before, but tears of love, happiness and relief!

Holding me against himself, he said he was so relieved I didn't have lupus, and vowed to help me in any way he could with this new thing called fibromyalgia. 

He was true to his word and together we learned about this new enemy that threatened to destroy my happiness. We vowed to never give it the power over us to come between us.

Twenty two years later, we speak in terms of spoons and nana naps and Lists. Pacing and paracetamol and heat pads are our love language.  

As for the young woman watching out for her husband from behind the curtain: she has gone now, to be replaced by an older happier woman basking in a new world of love and that vital word for all fibromites: validation. 

Nothing like a nana nap!

                                                     Nana nap

One who is not a grandparent but is prone to taking naps during the afternoon for 1-2 hours.  Urban dictionary...

"I had a nana nap this afternoon and now I am ready to party again!!"

I know I am not alone when I say there's nothing like a nana nap to help one get through a day of pain or trouble. 

There are some days when I cannot function without a nana nap, and then there are the rarer days when I don't need one. But for me with a fibromyalgia flare, a nana nap is not a luxury, it is a necessity.

A nap in the middle of the day has been proven to make one more productive, and in some countries such as Spain they close the shops and businesses in the middle of the day and have what is called a siesta. The Spanish equivalent of a nana nap.

I do find when having a nana nap, that if I oversleep I can wake up feeling sore all over and brain fogged, so I try to limit it to no more than an hour. More than that and I feel like I am starting the whole morning stiffness and pain cycle all over again.

I used to take a nana nap during my lunch break when I was working in an office. I just went to my car and laid down in the back seat for a while. Siri would wake me on my phone in time to collect my thoughts and freshen up before going back to work. If it was too hot, I tried to nap in the ladies room where they had armchairs and couches.

It isn't necessary to actually go to bed to take a nana nap; I find my couch aka "the Beach" works for me, or any comfy chair will do. Provided that I don't oversleep, a nana nap often kicks me on to cook tea these days.

Today I have just made our bed and cooked dinner. Chris and I just got ourselves something quick to eat for lunch. I just took advantage of our beautiful view from the couch and watched the clouds and the birds. I dozed a bit and felt well enough to cook tonight and to actually wash the evening dishes.

Often I run out of spoons for cleaning my kitchen, but my dozing paid off and so I reiterate that there truly is nothing like a nana nap!

Sometimes old school is better

So when we lived in the fifth wheeler, we needed to find a vacuum that actually picked up cat fur, wasn't heavy and didn't take up a lot of room in storage.  We bought a Dyson V6 Animal with disappointing results. 

It became clogged with Xena's fur mainly and it was difficult to unlatch it to empty. At $700AUD, it wasn't cheap.

While it was kind to my sore back, it was not at all kind to my arthritic fingers. In fact, as soon as there was the slightest relaxation of pressure on the red button to run the motor, the thing died.

Last night Chris was able to resolve a problem of it stopping and starting erratically. He dismantled it and cleaned the filter and removed dirt from around the collection area. It improved and pulsed properly, but it still is a big disappointment. It simply blocks up too easily and quickly. 

For those Sacrificial Home Keepers with arthritic hands and fingers, or fibro hands, I would not recommend a Dyson. Something old school that runs with a power cord would work better.

Fortunately, we have a Volta Red Devil that has a long cord and we find this better in the long run. Unkind on my back, it doesn't hurt my hands or fingers. Sometimes old school is better.

Today we had our blood tests for diabetes: HBA1C. We went to the chemist to pick up some prescriptions and headed home. Chris needed his insulin injection and breakfast.

I am under the weather with fibromyalgia- same old story: weather changes = pain. So I followed the Wednesday List on Sylvia's Lists and had a much needed nana nap.

We are having a late dinner tonight as we have to wait 8 hours between Chris's injections as we were late with it due to the fasting this morning. Not feeling overly hungry, we are going to just have a frozen dinner.  We eat really well most nights, so a frozen meal occasionally won't harm us.

I am a firm believer in eating nutritious foods and we live on three veg and meat dinners cooked from scratch.  I know take away and fast foods are convenient, but once again, old school is better...

Quite a workout!

So last week we had our little granddaughter Taylah and she and I cooked and baked together. It was fun.

We made a beef stew, baked bread, an apple cake, apple turnovers, icecream and choc chip cookies. The sweets were sweetened with Monk Fruit and I used sugar free choc chips.

I have included the recipe I used for cookies because I will be baking them again. Chris loved them!

Basic Cookie Dough: 1 cup butter, room temperature 1 1/2 cups confectioners’ sugar 1 egg 1 teaspoon vanilla 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour. Blend butter, sugar, egg and vanilla thoroughly. Add flour and mix well. 

Slice the rolls into 1-1/8 inch slices, bake at 375*F til done, 5-7 minutes. Touch the cookies with your finger lightly and if there is no imprint left, they’re done. To Use Frozen Dough Without Additions: Defrost dough slightly or completely in the refrigerator. Slice dough into 1/8-inch slices. Bake on ungreased baking sheet 5 to 7 minutes. Test for doneness by lightly touching the cookie with your finger, if no imprint remains, they’re done.

We have been here since Christmas and this kitchen has never been so busy! It is a large kitchen and I thoroughly enjoy working in it!

I had to have a nana nap after a baking or cooking session, but Taylah understands that I need to do that. She even knows what fibromyalgia is which is a blessing.

She stood on the stool, donned in my smaller pair of rubber gloves and washed some dishes while I had forty winks. Smart little lassie knows that not only did my kitchen get a workout; so did her nana!

Again: it's just the nature of the beast!

Chris is going to help his son with car stuff so I will be home alone today. 

If I have enough spoons, I plan to make no sugar icecream that Karen posted in her vlog, bake a no sugar cake for Chris to enjoy and cook a beef stew for dinner. 

Last night I facetimed my grandaughter, Taylah. I miss her terribly!  Although the children have just returned to school, it will be school holidays again this Friday for two weeks. I plan to have her stay with us for a few days. She's excited too! 

My fibromyalgia is still flaring and my sugars were high today. I think maybe I need a nana nap before cooking... one can never plan anything with certainty. 

That's the emotional downside of fibro... it tries to run our life. I mean, really, is cooking a few things too much to ask in a whole day?

Somehow, with twenty-two years of fibromyalgia, my answer is: sometimes! Yes, it's all about spoons!  

No good whining about it: I've said it before and it's true- it's just the nature of the beast! 

Bed: my control centre!

Over the last 50 odd years, health issues have seen me having to take to my bed. It wasn't easy when I had 4 children under 5 years when glandular fever strikes and wouldn't go away. 

Likewise with schuermann's disease ravishing my vertebrae and spending weeks at a time in traction in hospital, I have learned to control my home from my bed.

With my back or heart problems requiring days of rest and my never-ending fibromyalgia flares, I still have to take to my bed at times. And apart from having a few nana naps, I have many hours to fill in. 

It is definitely possible for us chronically ill women to keep our households in order from our bed. Being ill or disabled does not preclude us from serving God or our families. 

With a bit of planning, we can be like that Proverbs 31 Woman.  God loves us regardless of how fast we spin our wheel. 

So today with the heavy rain we have been having last night and today, my fibromyalgia is beckoning me to my bed. There I will take my laptop and organise my finances, work out my week's meals and listen to scripture and worship music.  I will also pray. Blanket prayers, I call it.  And yes, I will be sleeping a little.

I have done a load of washing and it's in the dryer. I will be folding that up and putting it away sometime this afternoon when I get up. God willing: and spoons, of course! 

The dishes are soaking in hot soapy water and can wait. I will do them whilst I am cooking lamb chops, mashed potato and green veggies for dinner.

Not a lot will be done today except some resting up and controlling my household from my control centre: my bed.

Flat out like a lizard drinking

Our little white cat, Xena has found the perfect spot for a daytime sleep. We have her little bed in front of the back sliding door and she loves sleeping in it. The sun comes round after 11am and shines right in on her. Until it gets too hot, she sleeps happily in it.

We have been enjoying the autumn or fall afternoon sunshine as well as the days are cold but the sun coming through our door is delightful. Plus, it gives me Vitamin D which I am low on.

I am taking my afternoon nana naps on the couch now. With the door open a crack, we can hear the stream running behind the property, and of course the birds are chirping. It's hard to keep awake with the heat and birdsong. So I give into it.

Later on today I am going to purchase some magnesium tablets in an attempt to relieve myself of the muscle pains and calf cramps. I think maybe it's not just my fibromyalgia so I think it won't hurt to give the magnesium tablets a go.  My last blood test did say I was low in it. I am just so over being in pain.

I think more than being in pain all the time,  my sometimes being snappy with Chris hurts me more. I am so very glad he says he understands and doesn't hold it against me.

On my to list today is to do the tea dishes- (yes I left them last night) and to do some rissoles with mashed potato and veggies for tea.

Apart from that you will find me on the couch taking in the sunshine, flat out like a lizard drinking!

Feeling nurtured

So as you know, I have been under the weather with my fibromyalgia and angina. No amount of determination and desire can call my spoons into action. I cannot function well at the moment. No matter what.

I have succumbed to false guilt, but after a heart to heart with Chris and some Quiet Time with the LORD, I feel a little better.

Having Chris bring me in some tea this morning and his offer to vacuum today has brought a smile to my face. I feel nurtured when he pitches in to help me.

I will be taking some Paracetamol soon and he has promised to give my feet and legs a massage. He gently massages my swollen ankles upwards towards my heart. It helps my weakened heart, and after I find that I can bend my toes and move my feet again. But usually it just makes me sleep. I am always glad to have a nana nap.

The only thing I am going to do today is make fish and chips in the air fryer. I will serve them with salad for dinner. 

Being a chronically ill wife, I sometimes worry about how Chris feels. It must be tedious for him, but when I mention it, he waves his hand and says it's all part of the job of being a husband... and he sure has me feeling nurtured.

Surprise!

Recently our landlord came to cut the grass and when he was mowing down near the shed at the bottom of the garden, he found a large bush of cherry tomatoes growing there.

Chris went down later on and picked them for me. I gave them a good wash and put them in the fruit basket. There were heaps more than this, but we have been picking at them as we go to put the nearby kettle on. Which is pretty often in our house! 

I have been down and out for the count the last few days with a really tough bout of fibromyalgia. As I age, I find my fibro flares are more often and more painful.

So I have been doing the absolute minimum in the house (mainly meals) and sleeping. Although I am a little better today, I will be doing more of the same later on.

All I plan for today is:

1. Sweep my kitchen floor.
2. Cook chicken chow mein for dinner. I will use the slow cooker for this.
3. Nap as often as I can

I will ask Chris to get the last of the tomatoes in today before the birds eat them all. To us, they were a surprise, but the birds knew they were there all along! 

Playing with my toys

  

The Australian government gave us pensioners $750 to hopefully help the economy with the Corona Virus. 

I wanted to do my bit, so I spent it on things for my kitchen, bathroom and bedroom. It wasn't entirely frivolous because you may recall I gave away or sold most of our things when we downscaled into the fifth wheeler to become grey nomads.

When it all went pear shaped with me tearing my meniscus and becoming housebound, we found we were lacking quite a few things for our new rented house. I decided to spend the money on fixing that.

So the last few days I have been happily playing with my new toys.

It is so nice to have enough saucepans and frypans now. I made a lovely cinnamon and sultana cake for Chris. Later I made zucchini spaghetti and garlic with my spiraliser and last night I fried some salmon portions in the new air fryer.

After that I enjoyed my bath cushion followed by a nice sleep in my new sheets set. 

Today's to do list is to:

1. Make zucchini spaghetti again with salmon for dinner.
2. Fold and put away a load of washing
3. Take a nana nap to overcome my fatigue from fibromyalgia.

The really crappy thing about fibromyalgia is that even good stress like this still uses your spoons. Hopefully, I will have enough spoons left to cook that dinner as I play with my toys.

Enjoying my home

Even though we haven't enjoyed the fact that we have been on lockdown, we have still enjoyed our home.

We have done things around the house, I have tried new recipes to cook and we spend a lot of time just watching the birds and our cat.

There is a lovely feeling of peace, no anxiety and just a sense of calm. I am enjoying Chris's company and the days are going fast.

We have gone to bed late and slept in. Which is just as well because the changeable weather has my fibromyalgia flaring nastily.  It is so nice to be able to just take a nana nap without feeling guilty. 

I have done my grocery shopping online and ordered our medications on an app. That way I only have to run in and pick them up instead of waiting forever for them to be made up.

Yesterday's doctor's visit was done by phone with him faxing our prescriptions through to our chemist.

We are enjoying the peace of scripture and worship music playing in the background and my Quiet Time is now any time I feel like doing it. 

I honestly thought that being in lockdown would drive me nuts, but quite the opposite. Apart from knowing that I can't go out like before, I am still enjoying my home