Tuesday 25 January 2022
Normally abnormal
Wednesday 29 December 2021
They're silently waiting for me
Thursday 25 November 2021
So glad I made that phone call
Tuesday 9 November 2021
It changes you, man!
Monday 19 July 2021
Don't lose hope!
Monday 12 July 2021
I'm my own worst enemy!
Thursday 8 July 2021
Making better use of my spoons
With limited spoons (energy), I have to be more mindful of my time on Face Book. FB is a useful tool for keeping in touch with relatives who may or may not bother to keep in touch with us. This saves on phone calls as most of Chris's family are in England.
As a chronically ill woman with constantly flaring fibromyalgia as well as other chronic illnesses, I do 15 mins of housework, then I play Candy Crush as I rest. It's a great motivator and a good reward and rest break wherein I don't have to think too much and it helps de-stress me
However, I realise that while I do 15 mins in the house, I often spend an hour or more on Candy Crush or reading memes. By the time I realise that I haven't managed to do what I planned, my spoons are gone!
I find FB often depresses me and when we had the 3 days without power recently, I felt less stressed. So for me, I have learned to use FB and not have FB use me.
Although you will find me there still, it isn't at all as many times as before. Who would have thought that an inconvenience like a power outage would actually be a blessing? It's taught me how to be making better use of my spoons!
Tuesday 6 July 2021
I am so glad it's over.
Friday 21 May 2021
You have to flex with fibro
Thursday 1 April 2021
Is a little compassion too much to ask for?
I was relieved that I had a name to put to the painful syndrome that sucked the life out of me and added to my woes as a sufferer of angina, arthritis and back pain. And polymyalgia rheumatica thrown into the mix.
It made sense that with all these ailments, I would be finding it more difficult, or even impossible to do the chores that after a lifetime of being a wife and mother, were familiar and regular as the rising and setting of the sun.
With the newest diagnosis, came a depression because not only was I totally frustrated with having to constantly adjust to my new normal, but I was not afforded much compassion or understanding from others.
It was intimated, but not said, that I was lazy and using ill health as an excuse to be lazy. Nothing could be further from the truth. I was laid low emotionally as well as physically.
These days, it is rare to find someone who is compassionate for the chronically ill and/or aged. And it compounds the frustration and anger one can feel as one goes through the cycles of grief with a new diagnosis that limits one further.
I know a little understanding from others would go a long way to help me adjust and accept it every time I am faced with a new normal.
Sadly, not only do most people now not want to listen about chronic illness, but they don't want to know.
It's not a hard thing to commiserate with the trampled flower bowing under the weight of pain and illness and later, stigma.
We don't necessarily ask for help from others, but is a little compassion too much to ask for?
Saturday 13 March 2021
Thank God I am just passing through
Friday 12 February 2021
Just when we came up for air!
Monday 4 January 2021
The kettle's always on!
Clean kitchenOrder groceries online and pick them upGo to chemistCook steak, mashed potatoes and salad for dinner
Tuesday 22 December 2020
Today is going to be cancelled
Monday 2 November 2020
Making holiday plans
Monday 19 October 2020
I haven't bothered to do it.
In Melbourne where we live, it is possible to experience all seasons in one day and the joke of the day is to wear a bikini under your raincoat. It plays havoc with Fibromites.
We Fibromites know that inclement or changing weather patterns causes a fibromyalgia flare and for me it has run true to form.
I have been unable to think clearly let alone blog, and the depression that has enveloped me in its' dreariness has made it impossible to rise above the constant background of muscle pain.
By the time I have made our bed and tidied our home in preparation for the nurse from Hospital in the Home to come to change Chris's post op dressing, I am in so much pain that I just want to crawl back into that newly made bed. Sometimes I do.
Still on lockdown with Covid 19, we only go to the chemist or face to face doctors appointments when a phone consultation isn't suitable. And the way I have been feeling, it is more than enough.
It is not uncommon for us to prepare ourselves for a few hours out of the home as if we were planning a vacation. When I say "prepare ourselves" I mean emotionally.
We have to give ourselves a pep talk and conjure up motivation and spoons to leave home. Physically, there's not much to do.
We may or may not shower, depending on how recently we have had one. We get dressed and we rest. Avid clock watchers, we usually leave our departure until the absolute last minute, so loathe are we to venture outside these days. By the time we are no longer in lockdown, I think I will be preferring to stay home.
Close to the hour to depart, I will usually check my hair has been combed and on a really, really good day, I will pull all stops out and put on some lipstick. With mandatory masks, no one is even going to see that these days, so lately I haven't bothered to do it.
Tuesday 22 September 2020
We only live once
We were overjoyed to see a double rainbow on our way home. It was so vivid and we felt like we were actually driving through it.
Yesterday was a day of severe fibromyalgia pain, but I decided to try to focus on positives and I didn't have to look far. The same daughter we visited today has had leukaemia and she had a phone consult yesterday from her haemotologist, who informed her that she was still in remission.
Laying in bed last night, I tried to ignore the aching muscles, stiff neck and back and I decided to dwell on the many ways I have been blessed daily. Certainly the blood results were praiseworthy. I fell asleep praising and thanking God for the miracle of her life.
I woke up still in pain, as the weather was inclement, but I needed to go to the chemist, so I forced myself to get dressed and go. We then proceeded to see our daughter, glad to be able to at last visit someone and drive in the car!
I know I will most likely wake up in pain tomorrow, but I weighed it up and decided that seeing my girl and going for a drive would be worth it. So I will plan the next few days accordingly.
I will be preparing an easy stew in the slow cooker tomorrow. I will be doing just the essentials in the house- for me that is putting clean washing away and doing tonight's dishes. With my arms tingling and feeling like my muscles and tendons are tearing, I won't be doing them tonight. They will be there in the morning...
Life with fibromyalgia is a juggling act and a life of constantly meting out spoons and rest breaks. Every day one has to decide if a certain activity is worth the pain to follow it. Sometimes it is.
We have to weigh up the satisfaction and pleasure of today against the certain knowledge of a painful tomorrow. We often have to choose to live and we suffer physically for it.
Fibromites have to plan to live or we will die inside through boredom, loneliness and regret. We must know that we could cocoon ourselves today only to find we suffer tomorrow anyway.
Along with the pain of overprotecting ourselves, comes the feeling of regret. Choose carefully and try to find joy every day. We only live once.