If not now: when?

 

This fatigue from chronic illness- mainly fibromyalgia is wearing thin. My patience with myself is almost over.

Lately I am too tired to do more than 5 minutes of cooking, washing, shopping for food and even paying bills.

I sleep fitfully, waking myself up with groans of pain as I try to find a comfortable position in my sleep.

My muscles feel like they're tearing, my head aches and I literally hurt from the top of my head to the soles of my feet.

I have been taking the advice of my doctor at the pain management clinic- playing Candy Crush to take my mind off the pain. A game lasts less than 5 minutes as well.

I realise I sound like a whinger, but I am truly over this rotten condition. And there seems to be no end to it as a flare now takes residence in my body but never leaves..

Each morning I wake up, I try to gather some spoons or energy, but once the kettle's boiled and the toast is eaten, that's it for me.

I push myself to take our bloods to monitor our diabetes, I inject Chris and myself, take my tablets and mindlessly drink my tea and eat my toast. And I wait.

Fed, watered and rested, I watch the birds outside eat the food we put out for them last night, and I wonder if I will get a breath of wind under my sails this morning. Because really, if not now: when?