Like I've never had a thought!

 

Brain fog from fibromyalgia happens to me quite regularly and loves to spring on me during an important conversation, especially at medical appointments.

Over the last few days, I have had a cancer scare with someone dear to me, and my fibromyalgia has flared and with the pain comes that most embarrassing symptom of all: fibro fog.

I was talking on the phone to my sister, and was telling her something that had happened, but I never got to finish what I was saying. I got distracted mid-sentence and never finished the tale.

Unsure of her knowing of whom I was speaking, I digressed in a discussion on who he was, and when I tried to remember the point of discussion- I simply forgot.

Being that my sister also suffers from fibromyalgia, she understood-otherwise it would have been totally embarrassing. But there have been times in the past when I simply can't think of a word and flounder.

Like the time I was at the doctor's and was telling him something important. I simply forgot a word and there was a pregnant pause as I floundered to find it- embarrassment made it more difficult to find. He just looked over his glasses at me until I ventured to say that my fibro was flaring and this isn't usual for me. I am usually verbose.

Many times during a fibro flare, I can be reading something and it just doesn't sink in. I reread it and reread it before it is clear what I have just read. Or I can be paying the bills and have to check upteen times before I pay it to make sure I have the correct amount and I must check again to whom I am paying said correct amount. 

This coupled with the physical pain and fatigue make for a very challenging life during a fibro flare. It has the propensity to sap you of your self confidence. It can make you doubt your sanity. It can scare you to death as you worry about your competence to even run your own life at times.

I would not wish this on anyone: the pain. the fatigue. the confusion. the sapping of confidence. the insomnia. the judgments.

Many times I cannot attend church or read my Bible and I sense that there are some who think I am backsliding. Far from it. I am simply too exhausted.

All these things are a Fibromite's lot and no one seems to understand if we give in to a rare moment of snappiness or pique. It's just that the whole fibro thing with pain 24/7 gets one over it very quicky and it gets very tiresome! Pain can't be seen but fibro fog can... it's like I've never had a thought!

 

New favourite things

 

So I have recently prioritised some things in my life which thanks to ageing and illness, have become my favourite things.

My most favourite thing is my new Roomba 105 which is really nifty. I never have to touch it. I control it from my phone and it maps my home.

It follows a set routine for each day and empties the dustbin by itself. When needing to charge, it does that autonomously too. I love it.

My daughter-in-law gave me another air fryer. I am now able to fry meats in one and chips or something like that in the other. This makes cooking dinner so much quicker and easier.

And speaking of dinner, I have found an easier way of using my slow cooker. I have plugged it in the walk in pantry and it saves not only benchtop space but pain in my back. Sometimes just tweaking something as simple as where to store or use an appliance, can take some of the pain of the chore away.

With frequent fibromyalgia flares I find getting comfortable in bed difficult, but my new pillow top mattress cover has added some extra softness and makes sleep possible.

I have made good use of Temu wherein I have purchased some gadgets to help my hands when cooking. I have a rubber tipped stick/spoon that helps me mince my beef mince when cooking. This helps me so much with my arthritic fingers and wrists.

Also, I have found a friendly nearby pharmacist who delivers my meds and who will even pack them in Webster packs when the time comes that I need help. This service both for delivery and organising my meds in packs are free services.

It's nice to reflect on the good things in life and bring to mind my new favourite things...

A longing for a cup of tea

 

As you know, I have been put on insulin and my sugars are still unstable. My doctor and I are trying to get my sugars stabilised and it's been a bit of a nightmare, to be honest.

On top of this, my fibromyalgia has flared majorly due to us entering our spring, bringing changing weather and muscle pain that is unbearable.

My knees are totally killing me as well and there's not really much I can do. The lymphoedema is progressing nicely, making my legs and arm swell. Again there's not much anyone can do.

The sugars are peaking and at times like these, I feel like I am having a panic attack. It's not, it just feels like one.

My fingers are sore from constant blood glucose testing and I have bruised my stomach where I have injected. This probably so because I am on blood thinners.

I have a raging thirst with the sugars being high and I usually drink loads of tea over the day. I have bought zero sugar soft drinks and cordials, but the horrible after taste mingles with the fruity breath from the burning sugars, so I have been cutting down on them too.

At the moment I am trying to train my taste buds to go without sugar and though getting a big urn for instant boiling water was something I wanted to do, I have put that too on the back burner.

It will stay there until or if, I find a sweetener that doesn't leave a bitter after taste. I hope it's soon because I have a deep longing for a sweetened cup of tea...

It's not about how fast I spin my wheel

 

Lately I have been battling chronic health issues. My fatigue has hung around me like a wet blanket.

My pain levels and fibromyalgia flares are so high that I cannot function properly and this makes it difficult to think clearly, hence I have not posted any new blog entries for quite some time.

I've now entered yet another phase of my life- injecting insulin twice daily to control my Diabetes type 2. As with any new treatments, I feel a bit apprehensive.

In truth, I have been thinking that I will not have many more days of productivity and this makes me afraid.

Walking the path of illness is often lonely and I vascillate between coping with it and struggling.

 It is comforting to remind myself that my worth is not measured in how fast I spin my wheel.

Dusting off my wheelchair.

 

Last week my knees both popped out as I was gingerly walking up the passage to answer the door.

I can't tell you how painful it was, but what I can say is that it reduced me to tears and I am not a woman given to crying.

As you probably know, I have ligament damage to both knees which due to co-morbidities, they cannot be repaired.

Chris immediately brought me my walker and after getting my breath back, I limped to the kitchen table and sat down.

It's now the final straw in the pain stakes. With heart and lung issues, plus severe fibromyalgia and polymyalgia rheumatica, and now my latest challenge, lymphoedema, it all became too much.

I have my wheelchair in the garage. I havent used it much but it will have to be used now. My mobility aid scooter is OK but I cant take it into the shops.

Chris read my thoughts and is out in the garage, dusting off my wheelchair...

Who would have guessed?

 

I have been really unwell and tired with a fibromyalgia flare these last few months, so I decided to try some natural remedies in the form of smoothies.

For the first time ever, I purchased and tried fresh pineapple with devastating results.

Amost immediately, my throat was sore and my tongue burnt. My lips started tingling then broke out in blisters. My tongue swelled and blistered soon after as well.

I gargled salted water and bathed my lips, but even so the discomfort continued for about two hours.

It was puzzling to me that I have in the past had pineapple on pizza and in drinks and I never suffered any bad reactions.

I googled pineapple allergy and was surprised to find that most pineapple allergies come only with the fresh fruit.

From now on I will not be buying fresh pineapple as it was a nasty experience. I will also be sticking to other fruits and vegetables for my smoothies.

Pineapple allergy: who would have guessed?

A wonderful place

 

As I get older, I have grown to appreciate my home so much. I have strived to make it an oasis of calm when the world is anything but.

There is much enjoyment in just staying home and relaxing when needed and eating some comfort food and making tea as desired.

It has taken me years to streamline my home making to accommodate my need for pacing due to my many illnesses, especially fibromyalgia.

I have needed to curtail my perfectionism for illness has put an end to that. And with that, peace has come.

To be able to stay at home and just do what is strictly necessary on a spoonless day is very freeing, as is slipping in to bed when I need it.

Knowing I have no need to face a busy world unless I want to is comforting as well. Sometimes leaving home is a struggle. By the time I have showered and dressed, I am totally exhausted.

By accepting myself, which includes my ailments, I have put to bed false guilt and have come to a place of peace. 

Along with my home, it is a wonderful place to be in...

We have to live through the bad times

Every day is precious no matter how much you ache or hurt. Life has to be lived rather than endured.

Realising how short life really is should encourage us to live it with courage, taking hard times as

a challenge. And living with fibromyalgia is a big challenge.

Not every day will be sunshine and roses, but those days will help us appreciate the days that are.

Remember too, we have to live through the bad times to get to the good.

 

 

Made with Love

 

I have been watching You Tubes and Face Book reels of people cooking and it sometimes makes me feel inferior as a cook.

All my life, I have a love/hate relationship with cooking and honestly I can say I am no chef!

Because I believe that eating nutritious food is important, and that meals cooked at home often create good memories, I have always tried to prepare tasty meals for my family.

Even with my chronic illness and aging, I still cook for my family and it is always some protein with vegetables.

With fibromyalgia flares and episodes of chronic pain, I often feel like offering something straight out of can or not so tasty, but I remember what my mother used to tell me: it takes just as long to prepare something nice as it does to not bother. 

Accordingly, I always take effort in making something that my family like. I feel better about myself and they know that their meal is made with love.

Stopping perfectionism in its tracks.

 

In my early days, I used to be a perfectionist in my homemaking. I dusted and vacuumed the house every day. Clothes were washed, dried, folded and ironed the same day.

With the advent of spinal problems, kidney stone surgeries, and later heart surgeries, the perfectionism wained.

After my children were grown there wasn't so much work to do. With the advent of fibromyalgia and now lymphoedema, I am lucky to be able to stand long enough to cook a meal- let alone iron stuff that nobody sees much now that I am a full- time couch potato! 

In spite of everything and with help from my Home Support Package, my home is still clean and by constant chipping away at tasks, it looks reasonably clean and organised.

I still have pride in a job well done, but the push to produce and the motivation is almost gone.

Illness has a way of stopping perfectionism in its tracks.