Out of my comfort zone.

I am so exhausted right now. We have just moved house and as expected, I have welcomed a new fibromyalgia flare.

Having fibromyalgia for 23 years, I knew it would end like this, but in life some things are unavoidable and you just have to go with it.

So I sit here writing to you, trying to wind down enough to actually fall asleep. I have succeeded in making the home functional but there's much to still be done.

It will have to wait until tomorrow. As long as I have clean clothes for tomorrow and some clean cups and plates, it will have to suffice.

I hate moving so much, but I do love the house we have moved to and I am hoping the next tenants feed the birds and stray feral cat who comes to dine. I will miss them.

Wednesday I need to go to our doctor, so we will hand the keys in to the real estate then. Then they can inspect it and show prospective tenants through.

It looked lovely after the cleaners had been yesterday and the carpet cleaner's spray was perfumed so nicely. It was hard work for me to get to this point, but as I said, it was necessary. 

I cleaned and packed like a pro and we expect to get our bond or security money back with no problems. My muscles are so weak now but I think the results of my effort should pay off even though I was out of my comfort zone. 

 

Pain is a disability

Anyone who suffers from chronic pain knows that it precludes us from a lot of enjoyment of life. Pain makes the vicissitudes of life that much harder to bear. 

Everything is exaggerated both physically and mentally, and the only thing I can do is accept that this is not my usual self, for pain changes people.

Pain disables us in many ways. from physical activity. from family life. from sex. from sleep. from patience. from social life. from functioning normally. from life generally.

The effects of pain cause us to withdraw from people and become reclusive. It makes us feel isolated and unable to really feel understood or validated. We learn to be distrustful of others.

Because chronic pain, in my case fibromyalgia, causes us so much mental as well as physical angst, we decide to retreat to our home often preferring it even if we had enough spoons to leave.

Seeing as pain is such a disabling affliction, it makes no sense to me that we are often regarded by doctors with suspicion when we request heavy duty pain relief such as opiates.

Most of us cannot get enough medication to adequately help us with our pain. We often then succumb to depression and live as recluses  due to agoraphobia. 

We who suffer from chronic pain know that it is a disability. Invisible and destructive. We live in the knowledge that pain is disabling. 

We just wish doctors were as aware of the ongoing relentless disability called Pain.

On a wing and a prayer

We have been busy looking for another home to rent. It's been a nightmare. There aren't many homes to rent and when we apply, we are vying with about 20 other people for the same home.

Most days we have to go to look at these houses and as we are in the country, it is at least an hour's drive each day. I am exhausted.

So much exhaustion is hard to take, especially when it brings on a fibromyalgia flare. But as in lots of things in life, it just has to be done.

I think the most stressful part is actually securing a property to move in to. The actual move is not so bad, and this time we will be paying my grandson to help us move.

With the fifth wheel and tow vehicle sold, we are in a position to get someone to do the move for us and it's especially important with our failing health to enlist help this time.

We are going to miss the birdlife here for sure, but with us being in our 70's, we have decided that we need to be closer to family and hospitals if we have an emergency.

This house is old and has no insulation and is incredibly cold and it's our winter now. With the price of electricity going up on July first, we won't be able to afford the heating in our all electric dwelling.

We are feeling the cold and are looking forward to ducted heating again.

Today there's no house viewings as it's Saturday. I have used the time to catch up on washing and I have two slow cookers going with different meals in them.

I am contemplating using Prednisolone for a few days so that my neck and jaw pain (TMJ) abates. I don't know if it will help my muscle pain in my shoulder and upper pain, but it can't hurt.

Today is the first day for awhile that I have been able to post as my muscles feel like they're tearing. But I just wanted to touch base and tell you what's happening in our part of the world at the moment.

Next week is another day of house hunting and tonight I feel like I am running on a wing and a prayer.

 

It's a pain in the neck

 

Lately I have been trying to keep off the computer. I have had a horrid fibromyalgia flare and I suspect along with neck and shoulder pain, I have also got TMJ and polymyalgia rheumatica back as well.

We  recently sold our GMC Sierra ute and with no more vehicles needing a driveway to park on, we have turned our attention to finding another rented home. It has proven to be a nightmare.

There are not many affordable homes to rent and we find we are vying with up to 20 different people at a viewing, all hoping to get the same property. It is terribly stressful.

I think the stress has exacerbated my fibromyalgia. I have been clenching my jaw and this has seen my TMJ return. Without a blood test to check ESR creatines and so on, I can't say that my PMR has returned, but judging from the pain and inability to raise my arms, I would not be surprised.

I have done 5 loads of washing and dryed it in the dryer as it's too painful to hang it outside. I have run the dishwasher and been to the chemist to pick up my Januvia for my diabetes. Just that small bit of work has exhausted me. My spoons have left the building.

Lately I have been thinking it isn't worth moving, but the possums in the roof wake me up with their thumpings and scratchings and the cold weather has meant that central heating is calling my name and beckoning me to a newer more modern abode.

Just typing to you has stirred up all my sore muscles, and it's traveled down my arm. So I will be taking some paracetamol Osteo soon and maybe I'll be having a nana nap.

Fibromyalgia, PMR or plain arthritis makes for a bad day by any name. Whatever ails me, it boils down to the fact that today, it's a pain in the neck. 

 

And the icing on the cake is...

Friday we went to the chemist and were treated to a cup of tea behind the counter. In between customers, we chatted and caught up. 

We were amongst the first of their customers and we have gone solely to them and rejoiced with them as their business grew. 

We don't go out much, and he and his wife know this. They are lovely people and we will miss them if we find a new rental- so much so, that we have decided we will still go to them for our prescriptions. 

Thanking them for their hospitality, they asked us to call in every Friday for coffee. Well, it looks like Fridays will be script days!   

In saying that, it will depend on whether my fibromyalgia allows me to travel. There are days when I just want to stay home as my spoons are few. But  just knowing that whenever we do see them, we will be welcome and missed is precious.

It does get lonely sometimes here. It's nice to have friends. The icing on the cake is that they are Christians! 

We just have to embrace it

We have been looking for another house closer to family. We have applied for one yesterday and had a phone call from the real estate this morning which sounded positive. 

Our fiver got to South Australia to its new owner and they rang us to tell us how pleased they were with it. So that's good. 

We are taking our GMC Sierra to the mechanic for a good overhaul Monday and then we will decide what we will do with it. Over here they are seen as a luxury ute and we think a young buck would love it. That's what we are hoping. 

My twin and son and granddaughter continue to recover from Covid but are still very much under the weather with it. 

I am convinced that our prayers have helped keep my twin. She's so many serious health issues such as lupus and I was afraid for her. 

I have done a load of washing, cleaned my kitchen and am about to make some lunch.  I have a flare of fibromyalgia again and my spoons are nearly all gone.  I will be  taking a nana nap soon.

With an imminent move, I am not looking forward to the energy output, however I am looking forward to being nearer family.

I will miss the birds and our feral cat who is gradually becoming less timid as we feed him. We have named him Teddy Bear as his face is surrounded by bushy fur and he is gingery brown and looks like a teddy.

But I know in  life that one rarely gets everything one wants and so we have weighed up staying or moving. We have decided that we want to be closer to family, particularly our daughter who has had leukaemia.

With a bird bath/feeder and garden swing to take with us, we will continue to feed the birds as we watch from the swing in the garden.

It's true what they say: nothing is sure except death and taxes. Life is full of change. We just have to embrace it.

He's feeling fairly ordinary.

It's been a busy day today. I have a broken off tooth that needs to come out. We had to be at the dentist's by 8.30am and it was an hour long drive. I was being fitted in as an emergency and was warned I could be waiting for up to 2 hours to get seen. 

Two hours passed by waiting and I was then told they couldn't see me today. They gave me a list of dentists I could see but it was too late to be seen today. 

So we drove about an hour away to see a house that we have applied for to rent. It's so nice and the inspection is tomorrow afternoon at 5pm. I hope we are successful. We have told the landlord we are looking and he was fine. 

When I got home I rang a few dentists on the list and I have an appointment midday Thursday for an extraction. My tongue is sore as the tooth is quite sharp. With my fibro flaring and TMJ, I am just about out of my tree with pain. 

My twin sister and my son have Covid and continue to feel sick, but she's feeling a little better, but my son has man flu. I am so glad Chris and I haven't got it....

I am already in my PJ's with my electric blanket on.  I have rung my son to see how he is before I go to bed.  Not so good. He's feeling fairly ordinary. 

 

Or should I say, how little!

It's Wednesday morning here. I have cleaned my kitchen and taken meat out to thaw for dinner. I am going to cook pork chops with mashed potato and greens with gravy.

My sister's son came to visit her for Mother's Day. He brought some homemade scones with cream and jam for her and my nephew to enjoy. They share a house together.

During the visit, he shared that his own son is at home with Covid. Yesterday, he rings and says he's now positive too. With lupus, fibro and other diseases, and with my son with breathing problems, they are worried that they will catch it too. They aren't vaxxed. So far my son and my sister are OK but are getting some RAT's this afternoon. 

Chris is sleeping sitting up on the couch. He really needs to go back to the doctor as he's feeling like he's drowning in fluid. I have been encouraging him to go, but he's very stubborn. Consequently, he doesn't get much sleep and can't lie down. 

It's hard looking after him because of this fear of doctors and hospitals. It's not like he's a child and you just take them....

There's not much else planned for today. My fibromyalgia pain is bad. I'm so glad at this stage of my life that I can decide how much I will do each day. Or should I say, how little!  

It was a good day!

It's Monday afternoon here. I have cleaned my kitchen and done a load of washing. My step-son and his wife came and checked out the fifth wheeler we have sold. We can't even get up in it anymore.

She made the bed up again like in the photos and step-son vaccuumed the floor. It is so nice and the buyer is going to be getting a bargain. He plans to use it as a static van to live in on his property. He's been on the phone organising a transport company to get it for him. He's interstate. 

Hopefully, it will be gone by the end of the week and our bank account will look a lot healthier. Next we will be selling the tow vehicle and buying a new car and moving. So that's what I am doing this afternoon: looking at home rentals. 

I am cooking pork BBQ ribs for dinner. Yet with only a few things on my list of things to do, I am incredibly tired..thanks to fibromyalgia.

Yesterday was Mother's Day and Chris brought me a cup of tea this morning and said Happy Mother's Day. I said I aren't your mum and he replied but you mother me!  So cute. I giggled.

Each of my kids rang me so all in all, it was a good day! 

More than a cake

So yesterday was my 69th birthday. We went to my twin sisters & my sons house for lunch to celebrate.

I really appreciated my sons' effort at the surprise cake he made for us. He's never made a cake in his life. We sang Happy birthday but we all decided not to light 69 candles in case it set the smoke detectors off. He put a few on for traditions sake.

We bought some KFC and enjoyed the family feast barrell. We had just enough chicken to feed four adults and we found we wouldn't need to have a cooked dinner.

This worked out well as I was suffering with a fibromyalgia flare and in fact almost didn't make it to their place for lunch. You know how it is: you arrange something for the next day, and you don't have any spoons when you wake up.

But as Chris pointed out, he was driving and I didn't have to do anything except sit there. So I went.

The trip is one and a half hours each way and I was so tired on the way home that I fell asleep in the car, garotting myself on the seat belt.

So not having to cook when I got home was a blessing. We just had some fruit and a cup of tea. It was enough.

My son lives with my twin who is ill with lupus. He's her carer. He cooks plain meals but never has baked a cake before. So when he brought out his birthday cake, I was more than a little surprised: and the other surprise was that it tasted good as well!

As we blew out the candles, his face was glowing with pride and satisfaction. I saw more than cake yesterday: I saw love!