Like, sure that will work!

As you know, I really love watching the many birds that come into our back garden, and I feed them all the time.

Xena our cat also watches them, but I am not sure what her motives are! Anyway, they have gotten used to her sitting watching them and they eat freely in front of her.

Of all the birds, my favourite are the kingfishers and I always leave a treat for them on the actual porch. The others eat further down near the bird feeder, but the kingfishers always come up checking for treats.

It started out with one brown kingfisher, but now there are about four brown ones and two black and white.

No matter where they are, I have my "love glances" from the LORD. He always causes me to turn round or look up just as they appear. He is so loving and good! 

It is winter here and we have rain which exacerbates my fibromyalgia. So today I am planning on just doing my dishes and cooking. Pork chops with mashed potato and salad are on the menu for tonight.

My knee is still so sore and I feel like my polymyalgia rheumatica is coming back. I am toying with the idea of putting myself back on my Prednisolone. We will see.

With opioids being so restricted and my paracetamol aka Tylenol being practically useless, I am going to try to distract myself watching the birds and taking my mind off it. Like, sure that will work! 

I'm my own worst enemy!

When I have no spoons or motivation to do housework, I often watch Youtube videos of people cleaning their home. Sometimes it works and I feel that I can get something done.

This can sometimes go against me because often the videos are of women half my age, with no disabilities and therefore no need to worry about spoons or flares or having to take a nana nap.

They seem to be cleaning houses that are already immaculate and they make it look so easy. Their homes outshine mine in every way, and so does their appearance. It can make me more depressed if I am in a flare of fibromyalgia, trying to get motivated to clean and teetering at the edge of the Pit of Despair. 

So I have to take Chris's advice and remember that I am an older woman with chronic health issues and try not to compare myself with them. But the desire to kindle a spark of motivation is strong and I find myself gravitating to those videos like a moth to a flame. And often it only makes me feel worse!

Sometimes, I think I'm my own worst enemy! 

I can't decide what to wear!

I am so excited! Tonight is Bin Night! I get to take our rubbish bins out for collection. With Covid lockdowns, torn meniscus and wonky other knee, spinal problems and fatigue from my fibromyalgia flares, and now a sick husband as well, we don't get out much!

Going out for any reason is a treat and I look forward to taking the bins out. They are so lucky as they go out more than we do these days!

It's all well and good to take them out, and my excitement is real, but I only have one problem that detracts from the pleasure and keeps my feet on the ground- I just can't decide what to wear! 

 

Making better use of my spoons

 

With limited spoons (energy), I have to be more mindful of my time on Face Book.  FB is a useful tool for keeping in touch with relatives who may or may not bother to keep in touch with us. This saves on phone calls as most of Chris's family are in England.

As a chronically ill woman with constantly flaring fibromyalgia as well as other chronic illnesses, I do 15 mins of housework, then I play Candy Crush as I rest. It's a great motivator and a good reward and rest break wherein I don't have to think too much and it helps de-stress me

However, I realise that while I do 15 mins in the house, I often spend an hour or more on Candy Crush or reading memes. By the time I realise that I haven't managed to do what I planned, my spoons are gone!

I find FB often depresses me and when we had the 3 days without power recently, I felt less stressed. So for me, I have learned to use FB and not have FB use me. 

Although you will find me there still, it isn't at all as many times as before. Who would have thought that an inconvenience like a power outage would actually be a blessing? It's taught me how to be making better use of my spoons! 

I am so glad it's over.

 

It has been a long day of catching up on dishes left in the sink and washing left in the hamper.  Chris has been unwell and is just starting his antidepressants. Not being able to turn off thinking enough to sleep and other symptoms of depression, the doctor thinks they are warranted.

Because Chris is temporarily unable to drive, I have taken over and it has injured my good knee. Tonight, it is as painful as the one with the meniscus tear.  I have been unable to bear any weight on it. Hence the housework waiting for me.

After three days off the leg, I have just been able to get the dishes washed and the washing caught up between limping back to my couch. Chris was well enough to dry the dishes and put them away for me. As we speak, he is putting the folded clean clothes away.

My BP is soaring, no doubt to the extra pain. My knee pain is just the cherry on the top of a delightful fibromyalgia flare and bout of sciatica. I feel like retiring to my bed and staying there for a week.

But where does a wife who is a carer to her carer husband go for a break? There's no such thing and the most she- I, can hope for is to do my housework in my dressing gown.

Life goes on regardless of fibro or knee pain, or exhaustion or.... whatever.  I have sorted our pills for the next week and given Chris' his as I took mine.  

Xena's been fed and I poured fresh water into her bowl. The electric blankets are on with the promise of soothing warmth for my aching back and muscles. 

So the day is nearly over and my house is in order once again- and I am so glad it's over.

Someone loves her Nana!

I have had our granddaughter Taylah with us for a few days as it's school holidays here and her mother works. Sunday we picked her up and Chris took ill and couldn't drive us home. 

I had to drive the 2 hours home and had bad muscle pain afterwards. Taylah is 9 and independent so she's no trouble.

Today, (Wednesday) I had to take her home and I drove as Chris wasn't much better. The sugars are high and it's effecting his eyes. 

We had take away for dinner. I have taken pain killers and am going to bed soon. Driving isn't fun when you have fibromyalgia, but you just have to do some things that you can't plan for. 

Judging from my pain tonight, I will be resting tomorrow. 

I do have a love note written on my fridge menu white board. It will be something to cheer me up tomorrow when my fibromyalgia flares and I am in pain.. Someone loves her nana.

 

Making memories is what it's all about.

Today is our 23rd wedding anniversary. We celebrated it by reminiscing about the day and looking at old photographs. You can see my post of our love story here.

It's school holidays so today we picked up our little granddaughter Taylah. She's going to stay with us for a few days.

Chris unfortunately took ill during the 2 hour trip to pick her up, so I had to drive home. It wasn't a big deal really, but I am already feeling the after effects in my muscles and it's not even the day after yet.

My fibromyalgia is flaring and I will probably be resting tomorrow. I am having an early night with paracetamol to take before I retire.

I figure I may just as well make the trip and enjoy Taylah as stay home and hurt all over anyway. From previous experience, it doesn't matter much whether I wrap myself in cotton wool or not- fibro flares will keep your body hostage regardless.

So tomorrow I plan to do some slow cooker dinners and enjoy her as much as I can. Making memories is what it's all about.

My daily homemaking chores

So that we won't live in a pig stye, I try to keep to this schedule no matter how I feel. It is based on Sharon White's Legacy of Home blog.  I often read through this to motivate me, but for really fibro brain fog days, I have highlighted the chores for quick reading. I have modified it a little for my own home...

WAKE UP: BLOODS, JAB AND MEDS FEED XENA

1.  There is the breakfast hour, which includes tea-time. First we prepare the meal and set a table.  I often set up a tray- table and sit in the parlour before anyone else is awake.  I am an early riser so I have my tea while the sun is just beginning to rise.  I enjoy this quiet time of resting from the brief bit of morning work.

Later, when the family has their eggs and toast, or fresh baked muffins with fruit, it is time to do the dishes.   We wash the table and the counters and do the sweeping.   All the work of tidying and making things neat are part of the breakfast duties. 

2.  Often, during the morning hours, we do the laundry or the dusting and vacuuming. Each day has its special work. It may be Wednesday is for washing floors. Perhaps Thursday is for cleaning the bathroom.  The mid-morning hours are a good time for many of us to do these special duties of making a home look pretty. LIST WORK FOR THE DAY

3.  The Lunch hour is such a wonderful time to stop and rest.  We put out a fresh, clean tablecloth.  I love my white-and-teal checkered cloth.  It looks so homey and old fashioned.  We can set up our plates and napkins. We can do this even if we are just serving grilled cheese sandwiches, pickles, and chips!  It makes the lunch - work like a reward when we sit at that pretty table and rest and eat while we enjoy the family.  Next we do the sweeping and the dishes, much like we did in the morning.  

4.  The dinner hour is such a precious time in the day.  I often start working on the evening meal at 3 in the afternoon. I work slowly and take lots of breaks. Sometimes I peel potatoes and start getting a little casserole ready to bake.  Other times I might do much of the work for a pan of lasagna. I like to put these pans of prepared food in the refrigerator and then just take them out to bake when it is just about dinner time.  That way I get a great deal of rest between all the work.  CLOSE THE BLINDS AND LIGHT THE LAMPS.  BLOODS JAB MEDS 

Sitting with the family and hearing the blessing (or the prayer before the meal) is such a peaceful experience.  It is lovely to just sit and enjoy dinner at the end of a long day.  Then the work of tidying, doing the dishes, and sweeping the floor happens.  We make everything look neat and pretty. But I do not like to rush.  I do not want to just "get the work over-with." I take my time and go at a steady pace.  The work of cleaning and accomplishing the beautiful work of making a neat home makes me happy.  It also brings peace. SHOWER OR BATHE 

These four tasks of homemaking do not take a great deal of effort.  They may seem simple and ordinary.  They may seem mundane.  But if we dress up in something pretty, wearing an apron, and keeping our hair up in a pretty style, we may find ourselves enjoying the work.  I have an old blue-and-white gingham apron that I love to wear. It is getting old and ragged. I will have to make a new one this coming fall.  I need a fresh supply of lovely aprons to wear as I do the housekeeping.

When we look extra nice as we do our work, we can find joy in the labor.  Doing the little tasks of keeping house, each day, with a feeling of contentment, will bring a true feeling of comfort and happiness to the family.  It will help them feel welcome and loved in a happy and simple home.

The old hag came a'calling

There's a very scary sleep condition called Sleep Paralysis. Basically the brain is trying to wake us up but the body can be paralysed. It's also known as the Old Hag Syndrome because one often is conscious of something malevolent in the room or at close range.

I have had this happen to me. I woke up to find I could only move my eyes. I couldn't move my legs or head. It felt like someone was in my room and I had the most awful feeling of dread. I fell asleep again to wake up in the morning with the feeling that it was a very vivid nightmare.  It is the scariest thing...

I try not to allow fear overcome me when I try to go to sleep. In case I bring on a nightmare, I always go to sleep focusing on something positive.  With falling sleep being  difficult enough with fibromyalgia, I practise relaxation techniques that I learnt to cope with panic attacks.

This experience I liken to a nightmare, only I was conscious enough to know I was awake and it was real.

I really detest this happening as I guard my sleep judiciously thanks to it being so scarce with my fibromyalgia pain. After dinner, I won't watch anything on TV that may make me anxious, nor do I eat anything so as not to cause a disturbed sleep due to my digestive system handling food.

Feta cheese gives me nightmares, so I only eat that during the day. In fact all cheeses give me nightmares, and on occasion they have triggered a migraine.

After dinner I change into my pyjamas- if I have bothered to get dressed that is. I wind down with some rounds of Candy Crush and then I join Chris for a snuggle in front of the TV.

But even then I have to be very selective about viewing what he's viewing. If it's not a "chick flick" or is violent or will make me think too much, I just take him in a nightly cup of tea or hot milk and finish off another few rounds of my game. 

It seems I do become fixated on getting a good night's sleep, and it is true: I do.  With all my medications, about an hour after taking them, I feel the need to head towards bed. And saying about the medications, I am on 24+ pills a day and if I don't sleep for 9 hours, I wake up feeling hung over.

Anyone who suffers from Fibromyalgia will know that a good night's sleep is crucial to coping with the daily pain and they will also guard their bedtime habits like I do.

I want to enjoy my sleep, and I don't ever want to have to tell you that once more, the Old Hag came a'calling...

Even pleasant times are draining

Yesterday we had Chris's daughter come for his birthday which was Saturday. She brought a cake and a gift- the top fitted perfectly, but the slippers were too tight for his swollen feet.

Tomorrow we will go and exchange them as I have the docket. We were going to Kmart as Chris was given a gift voucher from my daughter, but he is feeling tired today, so we will make it another day. 

Chronic illness dictates our lives now. Chris with his heart failure and me with my fibromyalgia. Spoons are dictators that seek to keep us immobile with no social outlets. 

These days, we are fortunate in that people come to us. Over the years, they have realised that often it is impossible for us to leave our home to visit them- especially if there is a time-table. One just never knows how many spoons will be available on any day-not until the morning at the earliest.

I only have basic house chores today as all the washing and dishes are caught up. So that will be all I have to worry about with no spoons available today.

It's funny how even pleasant times can drain one of spoons...

Above is a picture of Chris and our grandson Lachlan who also shared his birthday with Grandpa.