In my dreams!

Ever since I was a young girl, I have dreamed of being an energetic housewife, baking and cooking from scratch. I would keep an immaculate house as well and my washing would be as white as snow.

Of course, I would iron everything that was on the line and my pantry shelves would be well organised with the spices kept in alphabetical order. And it was so for the first two years of my first  marriage.

But then much sickness came into my life, heralded by displaced discs and Scheurmann's Disease, and the dream evaporated as quickly as my energy and eroded discs.

This dream kept springing back in fits of discontent with myself and no small amount of false guilt. With the onset of heart disease, diabetes and fibromyalgia, the dream became a nightmare that taunted me. 

Perfectionism pointed its' knobbly finger at me, taunting me and demanding I try harder. It insisted that I find my worth in my homemaking abilities as a woman, and I was miserable as well as in pain.

It took until I was into my 20th year with fibromyalgia to realise that my worth as a woman was not on how well I kept my house. 

I decided to focus on the fact that God loves me just as I am and that helped remove the false guilt.

So now, in my 67th year, and my maladies worsening, I have had to put the dream to rest. I am never going to be the woman of my dreams. I have someone come to clean for me once every two weeks and I have learned to be grateful.

Only in accepting your illness can you find peace. Our womanhood is not only about keeping an immaculate house. And as I look at my clean house today, I am glad that we have the Aged care package that allows home care help. 

As I talk to you now, I smile at the irony: my energy comes through the woman who cleans, and my home is still clean. I have a maid in my later years- and that's something I thought would only come to be in my dreams! 

Today's lists of to do's are:

Make our bed

Do a load of washing

Fold yesterday's clothes

Make a sweet curry stew with rice for dinner

Watch, pray and wash your hands.

So this Corona Virus is getting serious here Down Under. In our home state, Victoria, people have been dropping like flies after a whiff from the can of Mortein. 

Melbourne and metropolitan towns have been told to stay at home and even  we in the rural areas have been asked to limit our business outside the home.

Masks are becoming mandatory after midnight Wednesday for those in lockdown and we here have been requested to comply. 

We had  a telephone consult about our three monthly blood tests and although Chris's sugars at 9.2 have come down, there's room for improvement. He has to double his Januvia tablets.

My sugars were 8 which our doctor has said was good but could be better. I do have a high GTT on my liver report. Just another thing to worry about, I suppose. Kidney function is good. Cholesterol is fine too.

I don't get much sun as I am inside mainly so not surprisingly, my vitamin  D is low. I am to take 2 Vit D tablets from now on to give it a boost.

Due to comorbidities, Chris and I have been told to wear a mask when shopping etc. I accordingly bought some on ebay today because it is cheaper than the chemist.

I am experiencing some itchy hands from the constant hand sanitisers when we leave the house. I know they are important, and I do use them, but I use soap and water at home.

It's just another cross to bear with fibromyalgia vying for top place in the itching field. My hands usually only itch after I clap my hands. 

But all in all, we have to stay vigilant to stay safe, so I will do as I am told. We have faith in God, but have to have a teachable heart with matters like Corona.

So we keep social distancing, and we watch and pray, and wash our hands. 

Sometimes old school is better

So when we lived in the fifth wheeler, we needed to find a vacuum that actually picked up cat fur, wasn't heavy and didn't take up a lot of room in storage.  We bought a Dyson V6 Animal with disappointing results. 

It became clogged with Xena's fur mainly and it was difficult to unlatch it to empty. At $700AUD, it wasn't cheap.

While it was kind to my sore back, it was not at all kind to my arthritic fingers. In fact, as soon as there was the slightest relaxation of pressure on the red button to run the motor, the thing died.

Last night Chris was able to resolve a problem of it stopping and starting erratically. He dismantled it and cleaned the filter and removed dirt from around the collection area. It improved and pulsed properly, but it still is a big disappointment. It simply blocks up too easily and quickly. 

For those Sacrificial Home Keepers with arthritic hands and fingers, or fibro hands, I would not recommend a Dyson. Something old school that runs with a power cord would work better.

Fortunately, we have a Volta Red Devil that has a long cord and we find this better in the long run. Unkind on my back, it doesn't hurt my hands or fingers. Sometimes old school is better.

Today we had our blood tests for diabetes: HBA1C. We went to the chemist to pick up some prescriptions and headed home. Chris needed his insulin injection and breakfast.

I am under the weather with fibromyalgia- same old story: weather changes = pain. So I followed the Wednesday List on Sylvia's Lists and had a much needed nana nap.

We are having a late dinner tonight as we have to wait 8 hours between Chris's injections as we were late with it due to the fasting this morning. Not feeling overly hungry, we are going to just have a frozen dinner.  We eat really well most nights, so a frozen meal occasionally won't harm us.

I am a firm believer in eating nutritious foods and we live on three veg and meat dinners cooked from scratch.  I know take away and fast foods are convenient, but once again, old school is better...

Beauty is all around us

As you probably know, we love cats. We used to have two white cats, but Snowy passed at age 14 and we now have our little white cat, Xena left to love. Both of them were rescue cats.

Xena has brightened my day. She is so amusing. Thinking she is invisible, she crouches after the many birds in our back garden, only to dash back inside when they gang up on her and chirp her away.

She is not very brave or wise. Her white fur is visible to everything. Her demeanour is the yellow of a coward. This is the same cat who squealed when a mouse ran over her paw! She's such a girl! 

With isolation, one has time to watch the antics of cats and birds, and to enjoy the beauty that is all around us. For in spite of pestilence and mayhem, there is still beauty to be found.

It does help me with this current fibromyalgia flare, to go to "the beach" and let the sun play on my skin and listen to the birds and watch our cats' antics.

Not many people can find much beauty in the world today, but I make a point of looking for it- and when I find it, I make sure to thank the One Who made it, and give thanks.

Gratitude and thankfulness in the midst of pain goes a long way in coping mentally with it all. 

Try to take some time out and focus on the good that remains in this sad old world. There is beauty all around us.

Quite a workout!

So last week we had our little granddaughter Taylah and she and I cooked and baked together. It was fun.

We made a beef stew, baked bread, an apple cake, apple turnovers, icecream and choc chip cookies. The sweets were sweetened with Monk Fruit and I used sugar free choc chips.

I have included the recipe I used for cookies because I will be baking them again. Chris loved them!

Basic Cookie Dough: 1 cup butter, room temperature 1 1/2 cups confectioners’ sugar 1 egg 1 teaspoon vanilla 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour. Blend butter, sugar, egg and vanilla thoroughly. Add flour and mix well. 

Slice the rolls into 1-1/8 inch slices, bake at 375*F til done, 5-7 minutes. Touch the cookies with your finger lightly and if there is no imprint left, they’re done. To Use Frozen Dough Without Additions: Defrost dough slightly or completely in the refrigerator. Slice dough into 1/8-inch slices. Bake on ungreased baking sheet 5 to 7 minutes. Test for doneness by lightly touching the cookie with your finger, if no imprint remains, they’re done.

We have been here since Christmas and this kitchen has never been so busy! It is a large kitchen and I thoroughly enjoy working in it!

I had to have a nana nap after a baking or cooking session, but Taylah understands that I need to do that. She even knows what fibromyalgia is which is a blessing.

She stood on the stool, donned in my smaller pair of rubber gloves and washed some dishes while I had forty winks. Smart little lassie knows that not only did my kitchen get a workout; so did her nana!

One size fits all.

So it's school holidays and we have been blessed to have our little granddaughter, Taylah stay with us for a few days. With Corona we haven't seen her for ages...

She was feeling the cold this morning and asked if she could try my Oodie on. It was comical to see how big it was on her. For crying out loud- it's big on me, and I am not a light weight!

What made us laugh was that it's advertised as one size fits all- if you can call fits where it touches, " fitting". It made me think of the lies salespeople used to tell us back in the day when we actually got served.

Today we are hoping to go feed the ducks who live in the field near our stream- hoping because of lack of spoons for nana: my fibromyalgia is reacting to the cold and protesting that I baked with Taylah and had some fun yesterday.

But as I said to one of my reader friends, I want to live my life, not merely endure it. So I have had to do what I can to make happy memories with my granddaughter and pay the price in pain after.

Fibromyalgia is a balancing act that demands choices daily. Choices based on available spoons. And if the spoons aren't there to be used, it demands a rethink of every action for the rest of the day. It's a harsh master.

So, God willing, I will have enough spoons to help Tay cook a simple meal for dinner tonight, and to bake a no knead bread loaf for lunch.

But one other thing I have noticed with fibromyalgia is that it is different for each of us. Five spoons does not go as far for one fibromite as for another. To say that all spoons are equal is as bad as being told like with my Oodie, that one size fits all...

Rattling those pots and pans

So I had a few spoons today and decided to follow my favourite recipe for no knead bread.  You may recall I bought these appliances with my economic booster courtesy of the Australian government. 

The bread recipe calls for a Dutch Oven and I don't have one, so I used the casserole dish and it did the job beautifully. The bread turned out to be so yummy and we will eat it with a minestrone soup for dinner tonight.

I also have made  icecream using Monkfruit sweetener. It is in the freezer as I type, getting ready to be tonight's no sugar low carb dessert!

I have been preparing our guest room because tomorrow we will be blessed with our little granddaughter's company for a few days. Boy, have I missed her! Our postcodes are not under lockdown with the Corona restrictions, but it's anyone's guess when or if we will be back to lockdown as well. So we are getting her now before it happens.

Housework-wise, I am following each day's work on Sylvia's Lists. I still have bad fibromyalgia, but we are getting there slowly and I am at last ratting those new pots and pans. 

My heart is here

So we have seen total lockdown of a few suburbs in North Western Melbourne because of people testing positive and still visiting family and friends. 

Fortunately we aren't in lockdown yet but I am thinking I better get a bit extra in groceries as lockdowns in Victoria are still a possibility.  Our Premiere has said it may have to be implemented.

We are getting fed up with being home, but we have devised little things to do to make the most of it.

Our little cat Xena has been a lot of fun as we sit and watch her. The birds know she's outside, watching them from a safe distance, but they don't bother with her. They know she's a bit of a coward. If she gets too close they gang up on her and chirp in unison and she feels intimidated and runs off.  We laugh..

Yesterday I baked some bread... it was nice when it was hot but was rather hard when it was cold. It didn't bother our birds who got the left overs.

My last day has come today with the home help lady and I am now on my own for twelve months, until I get the government placing in the Aged Care package. I will be following Sylvia's Lists from tomorrow onwards..

I have polymyalgia rheumatica as well as fibromyalgia at the moment and feel so sore around the neck and shoulders. I am upping my pain killers to paracetamol slow release plus two paracetamol at night. 

Ideally, I would be on prednisolone again, but my sugars are high, I have thinning bones and I really don't want to feel ravenously hungry all the time. Besides, my doctor won't let me have them anymore. 

Not for the first time, I have asked myself why something that actually helps my pain is not suitable? You would think doctors could come up with some pain relief that actually works for all the arthritic and fibro maladies...

I have put the electric blankets on, drawn the drapes and lit the lamps. It's already fresh outside- the hairs in my nostrils just about froze when I opened the door to let Xena back in.

The two heaters are full on so it's not too chilly.  I still love our little home and feel most grateful for it.

Looking at the fire and lamps, our living area has a lovely ambience and it shows me what I feel about living here- the house nurtures us. We both feel that.

If we have to be home in lockdown or because of my fibromyalgia etc, it's such a blessing to have this home to do it in.  

Home is where the heart is, and my heart is here...

We are so over it!

Here in Victoria there has been an increase in people getting Corona. Apparently, people who have tested positive have been told to isolate at home, and they have ignored the orders and visited their families. 

We have had clusters of positive results because of this and therefore many of the lessening restrictions that were coming in have been delayed.

Now I love being home and except for rare occasions such as doctor visits and chemist trips, we have been doing what we have been told to do. But for the majority of us Victorians who are doing the right thing, the minority that have not have sent our positive tests up.

Businesses that were tentatively putting their "we are open" signs up have now had to quickly turn them around to read "Closed".

People here are losing their livelihood because of the idiots who think they can win the battle with Rona by doing what they please! These idiots who disobey quarantine rules should be imprisoned for a time. Or fined- or both.

I mean, what sane person who is tested positive would go to their family and give it to them? It just goes to show their selfish mentality.

Don't get me wrong: I am not against us staying home or visiting family- if one is well. But to visit them when positive for Rona is wicked. Nor am I against the government trying to stop the spread.

I am a home body- Chris is as well, but it was all starting to close in on us and we were looking forward to a relaxation of the rules. Now we will be ordering our food online and staying home.

With my fibromyalgia reacting to the stress of a couple of family members having tests for cancer, home is quite a good place to be.

It's just that I was looking forward to a trip to see those family members but it's all been curtailed. So all in all, we aren't very happy.

I never thought I would say this, but I am even sick of my computer... I have cooked a few dishes I wanted to try and done some de-cluttering too. There's nothing much to be done and the boredom is real.

Keep in mind, I love my home and can see the need for isolation once more- It's just a bit overwhelming at the moment- and we are so over this! 

Spitting chips!

     spit chips: 

slang To be loudly or vehemently angry. Primarily heard in Australia.Everyone's spitting chips over the recent tax law now, but in a month's time, no one will even remember that it happened.

Although I did get out of bed today, I haven't achieved much. I have managed to sort my dishes out from last night and they are soaking in hot soapy water in the sink.

The washing is still in the hampers, glaring at me when I pass them by, ignoring them as I go to the loo. They will keep! 

I have some minced steak thawing on the kitchen bench and I have no idea what I am going to do with it tonight for dinner. Pot luck! 

How I feel is pretty much the same in the graphic here. I am whacked and in pain that makes it hard to sit and talk to you. My neck and shoulders are killing me.

The rain is really heavy and the temperature is cold. Totally to be expected as it's winter here in Australia. And where we are, it even snows! 

My sister and daughter are Fibromites and are suffering as well, so maybe it's the weather changes..

My plans for baking and icecream making went out the window yesterday and certainly aren't in today's plans. Instead, I am here mentally shaking my fist at fibromyalgia and, sad that I can't do the few things I planned for today, I am sitting here, spitting chips!