June Cleaver's dragging her heels

These last few days my fibromyalgia pain has increased to the point I cannot function without assistance in the home. In fact, just talking to you now has been an effort and typing has seen my muscle and tendons cramp and spasm.

So I will be doing some minimal housework today, just to keep the wheels moving, but I have enlisted some help from my husband.

My focus will be on clearing clothes from my clean laundry tub and cooking something for tonight. Chris will vacuum a bit for me later on.

We both will be doing dishes from last night and whatever accumulates as we eat breakfast and lunch and I cook dinner.

This is the time when I find myself weepy and inclined to lapse into false guilt. For some reason my perfectionism increases as my spoons decrease, and I have to put into practice what I have spoken about and believe: it is not my fault that I am chronically ill and God loves me just the way I am. Thank goodness, it's not about how fast I spin my wheel! 

Today, fibromyalgia has won: I am on a go slow, pacing and napping mode. It is all I can manage to keep awake. Today is going to be a wash out. The wanna be June Cleaver is dragging her heels.

The Queen of List Making

So I did it again! Instead of cleaning up after dinner, I went to bed with dishes in the sink. I hate when I do that!

I mean, with fibromyalgia robbing me of a good restful sleep, the mornings are hard enough to face. Having a dirty kitchen to wake up to is the pits!

Most would think that it's just laziness, but by the time I have cooked dinner my spoons are almost gone. Yes gone! I am so done in by the end of the day that even lifting my arms up to put my nightie over them creates pain.

Oh, yes, I make lists and read motivational blogs and You tubes, but to no avail. I am the Queen of List Making. Yet my limited spoons dictate that I do very little and I am left with ashes in my mouth.

I know I said before that I have been keeping busy and that's true, but I now have a rebound fibro flare and coupled with our autumn cold snap with rain, I am in a lot of pain.

You would think that I would have worked out this fibromyalgia lurk after twenty years. And for the most part although I hate it, I have learned to exist with fibro without feeling false guilt that leads to depression.

Most days I accept my disability, but deep inside is a perfectionist screaming to get out! On days like our current lockdown days, due to Rona, I try to nest and I overextend my limits. Hello, Fibro Flare!

I am grateful to my husband Chris. He is an mild mannered man who is happy with how I do manage to keep our nest. He and most people who come to visit- well in better days obviously- are happy with the state of our home.

It must be that I am my own worst enemy: trying to do the work of a much younger healthier self: everything in its place and a place for everything. But always straining, never achieving thanks to Fibromyalgia.  I need to accept what is and hang up my crown as the Queen of List Making.

Today I am doing just a few things:

1. Cooking a chow mein in the slow cooker
2. Doing those dishes from last night
3. Giving in to the latest flare and taking a nana nap

Staying busy

So in the wake of the Corona Virus comes anxiety and uncertainty and I have been finding my adrenaline racing. With listening to too much news, I am inclined to get depressed and so, I am staying busy. Well, as busy as fibromyalgia and spoons allow.

I am finding by keeping busy that my mind slows down and this brings my blood pressure and heart rate down as well. There is less adrenaline pumping through me. And less angina.

My friend, Mrs Sylvia Britton of Christian HomeKeeper is a very gifted writer. She has blessed me so much with writing her Lists for the chronically ill woman. I follow them most days and they have helped me so much for many years now. 

Sylvia graciously allowed me to post her Lists here and on my other blog and I am eternally grateful.

Recently she has written a post which is so very helpful for us concerning coping with isolation and the Corona Virus.  Once again, she has graciously allowed me to share this with you. Thanks again, my friend.

Sylvia's advice is always scriptural and sensible, and I have found a sense of peace since staying busy.

So today I have:

1. Done a load of washing
2. Put it away as well as a load I found in the dryer! :)
3. Cleaned my kitchen
4. Made some Jewish Penicillin 
5. Roasted some chicken drumsticks for dinner
6. Sorted out our medications for the week
7. Watched Episode 7 of The Chosen  very moving... 

Highly recommend watching it.  He is our Hope and I am so grateful to Jesus for His sacrifice, His salvation and His grace to me.

My body is hurting with the fibromyalgia flaring, but I would prefer that to sitting fretting about Rona. 

I really think the answer to anxiety sometimes is staying busy.