It's a pain in the neck

 

Lately I have been trying to keep off the computer. I have had a horrid fibromyalgia flare and I suspect along with neck and shoulder pain, I have also got TMJ and polymyalgia rheumatica back as well.

We  recently sold our GMC Sierra ute and with no more vehicles needing a driveway to park on, we have turned our attention to finding another rented home. It has proven to be a nightmare.

There are not many affordable homes to rent and we find we are vying with up to 20 different people at a viewing, all hoping to get the same property. It is terribly stressful.

I think the stress has exacerbated my fibromyalgia. I have been clenching my jaw and this has seen my TMJ return. Without a blood test to check ESR creatines and so on, I can't say that my PMR has returned, but judging from the pain and inability to raise my arms, I would not be surprised.

I have done 5 loads of washing and dryed it in the dryer as it's too painful to hang it outside. I have run the dishwasher and been to the chemist to pick up my Januvia for my diabetes. Just that small bit of work has exhausted me. My spoons have left the building.

Lately I have been thinking it isn't worth moving, but the possums in the roof wake me up with their thumpings and scratchings and the cold weather has meant that central heating is calling my name and beckoning me to a newer more modern abode.

Just typing to you has stirred up all my sore muscles, and it's traveled down my arm. So I will be taking some paracetamol Osteo soon and maybe I'll be having a nana nap.

Fibromyalgia, PMR or plain arthritis makes for a bad day by any name. Whatever ails me, it boils down to the fact that today, it's a pain in the neck. 

 

He's feeling fairly ordinary.

It's been a busy day today. I have a broken off tooth that needs to come out. We had to be at the dentist's by 8.30am and it was an hour long drive. I was being fitted in as an emergency and was warned I could be waiting for up to 2 hours to get seen. 

Two hours passed by waiting and I was then told they couldn't see me today. They gave me a list of dentists I could see but it was too late to be seen today. 

So we drove about an hour away to see a house that we have applied for to rent. It's so nice and the inspection is tomorrow afternoon at 5pm. I hope we are successful. We have told the landlord we are looking and he was fine. 

When I got home I rang a few dentists on the list and I have an appointment midday Thursday for an extraction. My tongue is sore as the tooth is quite sharp. With my fibro flaring and TMJ, I am just about out of my tree with pain. 

My twin sister and my son have Covid and continue to feel sick, but she's feeling a little better, but my son has man flu. I am so glad Chris and I haven't got it....

I am already in my PJ's with my electric blanket on.  I have rung my son to see how he is before I go to bed.  Not so good. He's feeling fairly ordinary. 

 

"It is what it is!"

A friend of mine posted this on her Face Book wall and it was so simple and doable that I wanted to share this with you.

My hands are deformed with arthritis and I have little strength in them. Opening these ring pull cans have always been a challenge to me. 

Those cans that need a can opener are  simply not purchased anymore. I cannot use one as the arthritis restricts movement.

My fibromyalgia is paining me today and I didn't sleep well last night, so I will be cleaning my kitchen and psyching myself up to take a shower. That and cooking meals is all I will be doing today.

Meals will be Jewish Penicillin in my slow cooker.

It's not much to show for the vast amount of spoons I will need today, but as the young ones always say, "It is what it is!"

You just have to flex with fibro

 All of us who suffer with fibromyalgia know that it's a very unpredictable illness. We just can't plan with it as we don't know how we will feel until we wake up- and even then it's unpredictable.

We can start our day with extreme stiffness and pain, yet can come better by mid morning some days. It makes planning our day difficult to say the least.

I can't count the number of times I have had to apologise to someone for not being able to socialise or go shopping. I felt well at the time of arranging or accepting the invite, but fibro had other plans and held my body hostage.

Countless times I have planned to declutter my house or some other chore, and I have even gotten started only to find that my body was yelling at me, "Seriously??" and I had to stop. 

It is very challenging and even depressing. But it is what it is. Fibromyalgia is a pain in so many ways!

Lately, I have learned to say to people that I would love to come/do something but because of my fibromyalgia, I won't really know until the day how I will feel. So I will say a tentative yes and hope to be there/see you! 

I have had to learn to not be dogmatic about when I will do a certain chore. For example, all my life as a homemaker, I have changed my sheets every Monday. But with the coming of chronic illness, I might not feel well enough to do it that day. I have just had to accept it.

Part of accepting our new normal as Fibromites is to not get too upset if our body fails us on any particular day. We have to remember that tomorrow is another day, and even then it may not support us the day after that. It is just that unpredictable.

I have learned the hard way too that it's no use getting into a funk or berating yourself if fibro calls the shots and shoots down your day. It's not the end of the world, and you just have to flex with fibro...

We have gone mad!

It may seem strange to some, but even in the worst pain, you will find me playing Candy Crush in an effort to distract my mind from the pain.

The rheumatologist suggested to my daughter who suffers from fibromyalgia and pain post chemo, to use it as a distraction from the pain. She was one of these mind over matters kind of doctors. We were not very optimistic to be honest.

As a sufferer of not only fibromyalgia but ankylosing spondylitis, spinal canal stenosis coupled with bad arthitis and angina, I thought it may help me. It helps a little. But Tramadol would be better!

My doctor won't let me have them. Even though he knows I only take them as required for high pain days like today.   He gave it to me when my second knee tore and it helped my fibro pain so much. Then he closed shop!  

I  know there have  been many who abused pain-killers but when  basic pain relief is available only with a chemist's approval such as Panadol with codeine, it makes life more difficult for the person like myself,  to get any relief at all. 

With fibro flaring and another episode of polymyalgia rheumatica, I have been tempted to take some of my Prednisolone, but I am worried about the side effects. I tell you truly, I am feeling desperate.

So even though you may see me playing Candy Crush or online a lot, I can honestly say that it's for  medicinal purposes. I will be a Candy Crush addict any day if it will relieve the pain.

Just don't tell the do-gooders. If they think we are liable to become addicts, they'll make FB take it off their site! You fellow pain sufferers know they will. We have gone mad in our correctness!

Chipping away at the stone

So my fibromyalgia is back with a passion, making every muscle ache. I tried to take a bath a couple of days ago and I had great difficulty getting out. I had to use a pillow under my knee and I had no other option than to lean on it to get up. It was so painful and the consequences are enormous.

I know I shouldn't have tried with both knees with torn menisci and other ligament damage.  I was in so much pain that I longed for a bath to hopefully relax my muscles. It didn't. Nor did it help my sore neck with another episode of polymyalgia rheumatica.

This constant pain is wearing me down. My doctor is too afraid to give me pain relief and I am considering changing doctors. This creates anxiety in me. And to top it all off, I have been cranky and not really a nice person to be near at the moment.

With Chris ill himself, I seem to be carrying everything myself with no help in sight. Take this morning for example. I put on a load of washing, cleaned Xena's litter tray and unloaded and loaded the dishwasher.

Testing our blood sugar level before breakfast,  I asked Chris what he wanted for breakfast. He told me what he wanted, just sitting there waiting for me to get it for him. I am sorry to report that I arced up and told him to get it himself.

I added some other truths about him acting like he's the only one with pain and that I am tired of being his servant when all he does is watch TV and sleep all day. You gotta understand, that usually this isn't an issue, but the pain has truly worn me down.

Chris asked me what I had done so far this morning. I told him and he replied that it isn't necessary to push myself like I am doing. Push myself? Doing minimum household chores?

I told him I was just trying to live a normal life and he replied, "But you aren't normal! You have got to realise that and accept it!" But in fact, what I do is pared down to the bone housekeeping compared to what it was even 10 years ago. How much less can I do and still manage to live a relatively clean and organised life? Single handedly.

Over the 23 years of having fibromyalgia I have had a determination like stone. I would not let fibromyalgia or indeed any of my other painful conditions control my life. And for the most part it hasn't. Until today. It's chipping away at the stone.

Lovely stuff

As a long time member of the Fibromyalgia Club, I usually wake feeling unrefreshed and aching all over. I have never been hit by a bus or train, but I would imagine that early morning stiff feeling would be akin to it.

Almost in a trance, I find my way to my kettle and turn it on. I grab the milk out of the fridge and proceed to take my blood to determine how much sugar I have in my diabetic old body. Like my weight, there is always too much of it.

Whilst the bread is toasting, I check my diary to see if there's anything we have to attend to or go to. With fibro fog my second nature now, I write everything down so that I don't forget it. In spite of aches and no spoons, if I don't have to leave the house today, I may do a little soft shoe shuffle. No wait- not a shoe shuffle- a slipper shuffle.

Really, it's sad when you come to think of it. A day with no appointments or shopping makes my day. I don't even care that the bins go out more than I do. 

Pyjama days are splendid days and I look forward to any excuse during a fibro flare to allow me to lounge around in my nightie and dressing gown. On days like that, it is enough that I brush my teeth and wash my hands. Forget the trauma of taking a shower. That's a good day job!

With high blood readings lately, I have had to be strict with limiting sugars, but because I hate my tea with none or worse still, with artificial sweeteners, I only allow myself one treat: a cup of white tea, one teaspoon of sugar. Stirred not shaken.

My first cup of tea in the morning is the one I enjoy the most, and I find I can limit tea sweetening during the day. Give me the joy of a refreshing, uplifting *sweetened* cuppa in the morning and I will be a reasonably happy little diabetic warrior the rest of the day.

Most people need a coffee in the morning, but for me, it's tea all the way. I can't live a happy life without my morning cup of tea with milk and one: it truly is lovely stuff.

 

The only nice thing about it

So we went to the doctor yesterday to get our results from blood tests taken a few days ago. My blood pressure was 140/90 which was slightly better than last time, but still high.

He asked was anything bothering me and I had to tell him I am worried about Chris. Both of us have heart failure, high blood pressure, diabetes and cellulitis plus I have fibromyalgia. 

We both have pitting oedema on our feet and legs and the fatigue that comes from obesity and feeling sick. Dressing and showering is shared in that we help each other and because of exhaustion from showering, we shower every second day, taking opposite days. That way, we can help each other.

Our love language is touch in the form of massaging each other's feet and legs and our speech revolves around spoons and how much sugar is in everything that passes our lips.

We rarely leave home any more except for the doctor or chemist and our rubbish bins go out more than us. The highlight of our day is to discover we don't have any appointments or need a blood test. We are extremely relieved to know we can just stay home and have a PJ day.

It is unusual to call on us and not find at least one of us having a nana nap, particularly if we haven't slept well the night before.

When massaging Chris's feet or watching him sleep upright so that he doesn't feel like he's drowning in his fluid, I become anxious about how ill he looks and I fret that I will lose him.

I can't bear to think of that and when I do, I have to give it to the LORD in prayer and trust that He will grant us more time together.

All this angst does nothing to alleviate my fibromyalgia pain or help me get over a flare and I find myself taking mild pain relief every 6 hours. As the doctor advised.

Our home is able to be company ready in half an hour as it is basically tidy all the time. True, there may be slippers in the lounge or a cup on the table, but this can easily be fixed. I just close our bedroom doors to hide the permanently clean but unmade beds.

We love our home as we feel it nurtures us and even though we only may be gone a few hours when we have to go out, we find we are really looking forward to coming home again.

When we were engaged, we agreed that it would be nice to grow old together and we have. Twenty-five years later, it isn't so nice. But thank goodness we have each other and that's the only nice thing about it.

Making the most of my spoons

So for the last few days I have been enjoying a respite from fibromyalgia pain. The weather has been lovely and sunny and the warmth has permeated my being and soothed a lot of muscle pain.

I have been decluttering our home and making extra meals to freeze for later on. It has been a novelty and a joy to have spoons to do it.

Aware that it can bring on a flare if I do too much, I have been pacing myself. I do 15 minutes sessions of decluttering with a rest in between. With cooking, I do about half an hour of food prep then take a rest as well.

I am enjoying my new dishwasher too. It certainly makes keeping up with the dishes and keeping my kitchen tidier easier. And that I find, encourages me to cook.

I really don't know how long this respite will last, but I'm grateful each day that I have absence from pain and fatigue.

Until you have a respite, you don't realise how challenging your life is. So for the moment, however brief it may be, I will be making the most of my spoons.

 

But by the grace of God, go I

As you probably know, I suffer from a myriad of health issues from life threatening to annoying. Each day is a constant struggle to keep my home and look after Chris and myself and our little white cat, Xena.

Recently, I read an article about chronically ill bloggers who use the internet to feed their latent Munchausen's disease  The writer who obviously is not suffering an invisible chronic illness, concludes- falsely that we are feeding a desire for attention and sympathy.

This writer had no medical expertise and spoke with the confidence and freedom of a healthy person who knows nothing of the pain every day brings to us who aren't so blessed. It made me both angry and sad.

Anyone who manages to carry on a relatively "normal" life, sacrificing their comfort to serve and love those closest to them, know that the only thing we really desire is compassion. We rarely take delight in our symptoms, in fact the majority of us try very hard to appear as a healthy person in spite of being in pain and discomfort.

Goodness knows, we suffer so much with people judging us unkindly and this simply serves to push us further into depression and loneliness. Especially when our illness is invisible, like fibromyalgia.

Many of us chronically ill people are housebound for the most part, and therefore we feel a certain amount of loneliness and disjointment from society. We simply want to be respected and allowed to simply exist without the stigma of mental disease in the form of Munchausen's.

We bloggers of chronic illness do so because we know the feeling of disenfranchisement in a social sense. We are stripped of our right to live in peace and freedom from bullying ignorant people. 

Writing for those who suffer like we do helps us to reach out to people who would understand the psychological insulation and the sting of being misjudged and categorised as a malingering attention seeker. 

Whilst it is true that we have the LORD to love us unconditionally, it nevertheless hurts us that people are so cruel and instrumental in adding ridiculous labels to us that demoralise us even further.

Chronic illness and pain is a horrid  way to live and those who cast stones at us would do well to thank God that they aren't so afflicted. God has not chosen them to walk the lonely path of chronic illness and they also would do well to remember "but by the grace of God, go I" 

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers. 3 John 1:2

Oh no, no ho ho!

So we had our little granddaughter Taylah for a few days, and picked her up Friday, but it didn't go to plan. After a full day, in spite of me making an effort to play with her and give her my full attention, she decided she wanted to go home. 

She said she missed her mother, and so we made the 2 hour trip each way to drop her off again. Even though I didn't drive, I was exhausted. Even being a passenger is gruelling when you have a fibromyalgia flare, angina, sore back and broken knees that throb with every heart beat.

I had bought a rolling pin with the nativity on it and planned to make Christmas cookies as gifts. Well, I did make cookies as promised with Taylah helping me, but not the ones I planned to give away. They were plain cookies. 

When I told her we had to refrigerate the dough for a couple of hours, she said she didn't want to have to wait. So the Christmas cookies didn't come to pass. 

The Mother of all Flares has come to pay me yet another visit- or maybe I just haven't recovered from the last one. I am feeling so exhausted I could collapse. So yesterday I had a nana nap and went to bed earlier than normal.

I was hoping that would do the trick and give me some wind under my sails, but in truth I awoke with no spoons. No spoons on Christmas Eve is a disaster!

We were supposed to leave our home around 11am today and visit my children and grandchildren but I felt unsteady on my feet, due to wonky knees, foggy in head due to fibro and hurting so badly with my spinal stenosis that I had to cancel.

Tomorrow we are supposed to see Taylah open her presents, visit my sister and son for lunch and go to my step-daughter's for afternoon tea before driving the two hours home before dark.

Truthfully, unless I have a miracle, we won't be going. After I finish chatting to you, I will be letting the Tramadol work by going to bed to rest. I really want to feel better.

As much as I love my family and Christmas, it would seem that it is going to have to be cancelled. It's a pity but it is what it is! Besides, nobody wants a spaced out whiny woman around them on Christmas Day. And I don't want to her, but unfortunately it's hard with illness to have any ho ho ho. 

No mojo with fibro

So leading up to Christmas, I had my 9 year old granddaughter Taylah, stay with us until Christmas Eve, when she would be taken home in plenty of time for Santa to come.

I promised Tay that we would make Christmas cookies make cubbies, play school, go swimming and have a play date with her cousins. 

Day one started out well and we played school, office workers and shop keepers. I showed Tay how to touch type, taught her a bit of Italian and French in a fun way and then I promptly ran out of spoons.

I simply had to give in to the pain and take some Tramadol to keep going. I made some lunch and felt like I might pass out. Dizziness assailed me and I felt vomity. Probably the Tramadol.

I had to explain to Tay that I love having her here, but am not well and I need to take a nana nap. She got a crash course in fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. 

She had lost her paternal grandmother last week and was very anxious about me so I didn't want to frighten her too much, so I said that if I don't go to rest for an hour that I would not enjoy her stay because I would be cranky. If I went to bed just for an hour, I would enjoy it so much more, and so would she.

As she accepted this fact, she immediately bombarded me with "but I thought we were making cookies, playing out side and making a cubby house?" I told her we could do all that if I took a nap. She said OK then got her ipad out. I went to bed and allowed the Tramadol to do its magic. It didn't.

No, it didn't do anything except make me nauseous, even after a 20 minute nap. That was all I got. So, I got up, made us all a cup of tea and sat down with Chris to watch a video he wanted to show me.

Taylah pouted and demanded to make cookies, as I had had a nana nap. Groaning, I got up and started taking ingredients out to make the cookies. 

After that, I was too exhausted to clean the kitchen. I cooked dinner and then it was time for Tay to have her bath. That wasn't a big deal as she's nearly ten, but she wanted me to play MacDonalds with her, so I got some wooden spoons and plastic cups for her to play with. 

I sat on my shower stool and bought some Big Macs,"no pickles, no onion and a soft serve cone for my daughter." We blew bubbles with the Imperial Leather soap and I did what Fibromites do best: I tried to hide my pain and pretended to have a good time.

By 9 o'clock I insisted that Tay go to bed and I joined her. Before we went to sleep, she told me she missed her mother and wanted to go home.

In the morning, she assured me she loved being here and she loved me but wanted her mum. I told her I understood and that it was fine. We would take her home. She was humming to herself as she played teacher and when I went to the fridge, I found a love note from her to me.

I was glad as I worried she didn't stay with us longer because I was a boring old lady. And I fear I am. Cos everyone knows there's no mojo with fibro.

Resting my tired twinkle

So I did a thing that stripped me of what little spoons I had. I took a shower and went to click and collect a few Christmas gifts I ordered on line.

I came home and cooked dinner and had a bad asthma attack. I couldn't breathe properly. Chris tidied up the kitchen for me and I sat down for a while until I felt better.

The Mother of all Fibro Flares has paid me a visit. I ache everywhere and feel too exhausted even to talk. It is nearly 9pm here and I am ready to go to bed. 

You just have to listen to your body in times like this. Hopefully tomorrow I will wake up with some spoons.

After 6 months of not seeing my little granddaughter, Taylah, we are picking her up Friday and having her for a few days. I just have to be well enough for that. We have missed each other. Fortunately she is nearly 10 years old, so she doesn't need a lot of care.

I am too pooped to worry a great deal about Christmas this year. We have bought a few things online and that will have to do. Sometimes you just have to rest your tired twinkle! 

Something to remember if we move.

Yesterday's house inspection went well. She thanked us for keeping the house nice and said the owners will be pleased. I am glad to hear that because Chris wants to move closer into the bigger towns when/if we sell the fifth wheeler. I want to move closer to my children if I have to move. I am not keen on moving again. Anyway, we will have a good record as tenants if we have to move.

I have arms that feel like they're made of lead today. Fibromyalgia. I did our online shop again and it's due to be delivered this afternoon. It's the easiest way for us to do it these days. I have some dishes to wash from lunch and breakfast and I will probably have a nana nap to be able to cope with cooking diner and putting the shopping away.

Lately I've been spending quite a bit of time in bed. It usually doesn't get made much for that reason. But with it looking nice yesterday for the inspection, I decided to take a snap of it. Something to remember if we move.

Fibromyalgia is a wicked ruler.

So yesterday we went to see our daughter after lockdowns were lifted. The weather was beautiful and we bought some fish and chips for lunch and we ate them in the car overlooking some water. It was lovely!

We haven't been out socially for about 4 months, and it was a real novelty to keep on driving with no restrictions. We had a lovely cup of tea with our daughter and caught up. 

Driving home, we took the long scenic route. It made us feel glad to be alive. Last night, I slept like a baby but unfortunately woke up in top of the range pain. It's going to rain.

Fibromyalgia is such a wicked ruler. It can come and bite you on the heel, just  after you've had a lovely and special time. Maybe it was sitting so long yesterday, maybe because of the changing weather. I don't know. All  I know is I have another fibro flare.

Sitting here typing and in pain, I have come to realise that in spite of knowing that fibromyalgia will rear its' ugly head the next day, it's important to keep living.

The only alternative for me is to stay home permanently and wrap myself in cotton wool but be miserable doing it. I don't want that to happen.

So I will put up with rebound flares after using all my spoons if it means that I have a life other than that of an invalid. I am more than that.  I want to have episodes of pleasure in my life no matter how brief.

I need to make memories and keep in contact with my family. I will overcome it, even if fibromyalgia is a wicked ruler.

Things on my to do list are just basics today. Dishes, cooking and resting.

It changes you, man!

So I have been feeling a little on edge lately. My fibromyalgia flare has returned with a vengeance. I haven't been sleeping well.

With an ongoing feeling of malaise, body aches and a constant headache, I find I cannot abide much noise. The TV up too loud leaves me clenching my jaw. Even the constant click of my rusty torn kneecaps as I get up and walk somewhere drives me insane. 

I want to lock myself away in a silent world. Not forever, just for a while until the flare passes. If ever. You get to feel like this is how the rest of your life is going to be and it aint pretty.

For the moment, I am being selective about what I listen to... too many decibels are actually painful to me at this time of the Mother of all Flares. Likewise, too much light hurts my eyes and makes my headache worse. 

It's something you wouldn't expect to have happen unless you have fibromyalgia. Nausea, light, cold, heat, pressure on skin, itching all over, hives, dry eyes, crusty nose and dry lips all vie with the noise to  reach a climax of sensory overdrive that gets unbearable. 

So, the answer to the picture here is yes, I have and I would make that annoying toy take its' last squeak. It is something I can control. And goodness knows, there's not much a Fibromite can control these days of flares.

I will hunt and pursue the droning fridge, the dripping tap, the ticking clock, the loud TV and even the squeaking toy on days of Flaring. They will cease and desist. Even if I have to shoot them sky high. Because some days, squeaks and drips are intolerable. I hunt them to survive, and I feel ruthless, for it changes you, man! 

Today was a washout.

 

We had an interesting day. On our way to the doctor and chemist, we found a roadblock because of the heavy flooding we've experienced these last few days. So we tried 3 other ways, only to find a police block on the third. The road has been washed away.

Our small township is cut off from travel at the moment, so we had to cancel. The receptionist got the doctor to ring us but it didn't do me much good as I was needing my blood pressure taken. More rain is forecast for the next 10 days. 

My orthopaedic surgeon for my damaged knee was cancelled as well. We are quite happy to stay home with 1400 new Covid cases today in Victoria including 22 from our area. I may not reschedule as I am determined not to have surgery as hospitals are best to be avoided at the moment. 

I have been shopping for extras in case of emergency, so it paid off today when we couldn't get out. I have plenty of medications in the house too. I am so glad I did some planning.

My only grumble was that we had to shower, dress and leave the house for nothing. My fibromyalgia pain is at a disabling level. I think the weather has caused a major flare. 

After dinner I will be getting back in my PJ's and taking a Tramadol and curling up with my electric blanket. At least the night won't be a washout. Today certainly was.

This is what met us trying to get out of our township.

Walking like Tin Man!

So my right knee has been hurting for six weeks since I drove for five hours a day when Chris wasn't feeling well enough to do it. I was hopeful that it would come better, but unfortunately it hasn't and it came to a crescendo two days ago.

Making a pivoting step to turn round and grab something out of my fridge, I felt a searing pain that nearly made me pass out and I thought I had torn the meniscus in the right knee as well as the left one injured three years ago.

With pain still from my jaw following a dental extraction that saw my jaw planed which then brought on a bad fibromyalgia flare, the pain in my knee saw me getting wheeled into my doctor's office 2 days. I cannot put any weight on it at all and it feels unstable.

Two days later and Xrays under arm, we returned to the doctor who told me my ACL ligament had snapped and sheared off some of the tibia with it. He rang an orthopaedic specialist for a look at the films and a second opinion.

Turns out the tibia is intact, but I have a bony stone behind the knee called a fabella. I am having a MRI tomorrow which will tell us more and indicate what treatment is available for the ligament damage as well as the fabella.

I am unable to put any weight on it and have been told to rest the leg. I have been given Tramadol to cope with the pain.

So I am looking at getting a shower chair and possibly hiring a wheelchair. We find that easier for Chris to use as I am concerned about him pushing me especially with his heart problems.

For the next few days at least, it's rest, pain relief and trying to remain positive as I walk like Tin man in the Wizard of Oz! 

So what's on your plate?

I am trying to balance a plant based diet with red meat. I have a diet full of salmon and other fish, chicken and red meat, with about 50% per meal of plant based food. 

As I am a chronic kidney stone maker and have too much uric acid in my blood, I can't eat too much calcium oxalate. So I can't go on a totally plant based diet. 

When I had the Nutri Bullet/Ninja I drank vegetable based smoothies daily and I had 5 stones in 6 months. The uric acid mixes with the oxalate forming uric acid crystals. So I have to take allopurinol daily. 

It's a delicate blend- the vegetables and the red meats. It's a fine line I walk daily, trying to eat right. I have 120lbs to lose, by the way. Not easy. 

Today I am going to the doctors and I am going to ask him if he can allow me to start my Prednisolone again for my fibromyalgia pain. Also for my arthritis in both knees.

There's only so much you can bear and I need some respite from the pain. Coupled with dietary and weight issues, it's not fun.

Today I am asking how you are doing with your chronic illness and weight. So what's on your plate? 

The old hag came a'calling

There's a very scary sleep condition called Sleep Paralysis. Basically the brain is trying to wake us up but the body can be paralysed. It's also known as the Old Hag Syndrome because one often is conscious of something malevolent in the room or at close range.

I have had this happen to me. I woke up to find I could only move my eyes. I couldn't move my legs or head. It felt like someone was in my room and I had the most awful feeling of dread. I fell asleep again to wake up in the morning with the feeling that it was a very vivid nightmare.  It is the scariest thing...

I try not to allow fear overcome me when I try to go to sleep. In case I bring on a nightmare, I always go to sleep focusing on something positive.  With falling sleep being  difficult enough with fibromyalgia, I practise relaxation techniques that I learnt to cope with panic attacks.

This experience I liken to a nightmare, only I was conscious enough to know I was awake and it was real.

I really detest this happening as I guard my sleep judiciously thanks to it being so scarce with my fibromyalgia pain. After dinner, I won't watch anything on TV that may make me anxious, nor do I eat anything so as not to cause a disturbed sleep due to my digestive system handling food.

Feta cheese gives me nightmares, so I only eat that during the day. In fact all cheeses give me nightmares, and on occasion they have triggered a migraine.

After dinner I change into my pyjamas- if I have bothered to get dressed that is. I wind down with some rounds of Candy Crush and then I join Chris for a snuggle in front of the TV.

But even then I have to be very selective about viewing what he's viewing. If it's not a "chick flick" or is violent or will make me think too much, I just take him in a nightly cup of tea or hot milk and finish off another few rounds of my game. 

It seems I do become fixated on getting a good night's sleep, and it is true: I do.  With all my medications, about an hour after taking them, I feel the need to head towards bed. And saying about the medications, I am on 24+ pills a day and if I don't sleep for 9 hours, I wake up feeling hung over.

Anyone who suffers from Fibromyalgia will know that a good night's sleep is crucial to coping with the daily pain and they will also guard their bedtime habits like I do.

I want to enjoy my sleep, and I don't ever want to have to tell you that once more, the Old Hag came a'calling...