From the comfort of my couch

Today when I woke up, the outside was like a winter wonderland. Everything had a cloak of white from the frost. I quickly put the heaters on and warmed the place up.

After my lunch, I was still in my Oodie and I just didn't really have any spoons to do much. The birds were eating in our bird feeder and the sun had come across the back garden and was so warm that I was able to turn the heater off.

My stress levels when Chris became ill were pretty high, and I had done a lot of driving over the last two weeks. It played major havoc with my fibromyalgia, back and hips. I don't usually drive so of course I was using muscles that don't get used much. And they were complaining!

We opened the back door to air the house. The birds were chirping, the cattle were lowing and the stream at the end of our garden was flowing fast and bubbling. The sun shone on the water and not for the first time, I thanked God for giving us this home to rent.

Chris was sitting at the end of the couch and invited me to lay down and he would give me a foot rub. Now with all the driving, my right foot was extremely sore from using the pedals, and my peripheral neuropathy from diabetes was causing my feet to burn. He knows I suffer with sore feet and oedema in my legs, thanks to heart failure, and he rubs my feet and massages the water from them up towards my heart. It is supposed to help with heart failure.

The sun was shining right in my eyes, so I pulled my Oodie hood over them and lay listening to the birds, cows and stream. With closed eyes and the sun shining on my bare legs, the birds continued to chorus and with the water running, it felt exactly like I was at the beach. I fell asleep.

When I woke from my resultant slumber, Chris had closed the door as it was getting cold again. My muscles felt more relaxed and I had a few spoons to cook some fish and mashed potato with peas for dinner. I even did an apple pie sweetened with Hermasetas and cinnamon.

I was so comforted by just getting to rest and sleep and I intend to go to the "beach" again tomorrow- all from the comfort of my couch!

Still the mistress of our home!

Yesterday I came to the realisation that my fibromyalgia is not going to get any better. Nor is my diabetes, hole in the heart, back pain, angina, asthma or torn meniscus. 

My blood sugars are also high, but not as high as Chris's, but it is a warning to me as well. I certainly do not want to go through what Chris is going through with trying to get the right amount of insulin and the horrid symptoms he endures.

My hole in the heart means my right lung is not oxygenating properly and because I need a fourth stent which I have refused (another story), I have constant stable angina. And asthma on exertion.

My blood pressure is high as the pain from my back and torn meniscus in my knee is bad. Finally, with Chris being ill now, my depression is back. I hurt when he is hurting.

Like any Sacrificial Home Keeper, I am trying to keep my home clean and tidy and here I too am failing. I see no end to it...

I was talking to my twin sister yesterday and she said that it is possible to get a bit of subsidised home help through the Australian Government's Age Care plan. So I applied and am going to be assessed tomorrow. I am eligible, as I am now 67 and my husband is 70 in a few weeks and is unable to do housework with me.

I can do some housework if it is waist level: dishes, cooking, washing, dusting. But I cannot even sweep let alone vacuum or wash my floors, as my tendons and muscles scream for mercy with my fibromyalgia and my back joins in sympathy, followed by angina and asthma. So basically I need someone to clean my floors and to change our bed.

As a woman who has been a house keeper since 1969 and brought up five children, it really galls me that I have to admit that I cannot maintain my own home by myself anymore. 

So, I am throwing in the towel.... well, mostly. But I still will be doing meal planning, grocery shopping (online),  cooking, cleaning my kitchen including dishes, bill paying and budgeting, washing, ironing as needed, refilling prescriptions, social planning and gift buying, looking after Xena our cat, and most importantly, looking after Chris's and my health.

In saying I am throwing in the towel, I forgot how much I still will be doing. I guess I will still be the mistress of our home! 

Light at the end of the tunnel

The Victorian Government has lifted some of the Corona Virus restrictions for us. Although Chris and I will be taking it slower than the recommendations, we are glad that there will be a little more freedom for everyone.

My fibromyalgia is badly effected by the stormy conditions we have had in the last few days, and I have not blogged because frankly I have done nothing here at home.

It is so hard to function when you wake up with no spoons. Today, I have managed to get dressed. Not bathed or showered- just dressed.

I will be cooking chicken chow mein for dinner and that's it!

I have experienced a new thing with my fibro: my tendons in my arms feel like they are tearing when I extend my arms. Truly excruciating! Plus I have pain in my sternum which is mimicking heart pain. I find no relief taking my Anginine tablets so I think it is the fibromyalgia.

I hate fibro with a passion: it is as debilitating as the Scheurmann's Disease back pain I endured before it finally fizzled out and my vertebrae recalcified or whatever they do to heal. Ten years in the making, whatever it was. With only a slight curveture and a foot that points inwards.

So, fibromyalia seems to be set to stay as my thorn in the side. But I won't let it snatch my joy away in knowing the virus seems to be controlled. At least with that there's light at the end of the tunnel. 

On a wing and a prayer

I have not been that well lately. The rain and cold has exacerbated my fibromyalgia and my spinal problems have come back to make sitting difficult.

To be honest, at the moment, there's not much I can do that doesn't cause pain somewhere. My whole body hurts.

I have dishes to do and I plan to make a quiche and salad for dinner tonight. That's all.  I will be turning my electric blanket back on soon and retreating to bed.

Even staying up long enough to do these few things is only going to happen with prayer. I am like a war plane struck down and trying to coast to clear land. On a wing and a prayer!

Bed: my control centre!

Over the last 50 odd years, health issues have seen me having to take to my bed. It wasn't easy when I had 4 children under 5 years when glandular fever strikes and wouldn't go away. 

Likewise with schuermann's disease ravishing my vertebrae and spending weeks at a time in traction in hospital, I have learned to control my home from my bed.

With my back or heart problems requiring days of rest and my never-ending fibromyalgia flares, I still have to take to my bed at times. And apart from having a few nana naps, I have many hours to fill in. 

It is definitely possible for us chronically ill women to keep our households in order from our bed. Being ill or disabled does not preclude us from serving God or our families. 

With a bit of planning, we can be like that Proverbs 31 Woman.  God loves us regardless of how fast we spin our wheel. 

So today with the heavy rain we have been having last night and today, my fibromyalgia is beckoning me to my bed. There I will take my laptop and organise my finances, work out my week's meals and listen to scripture and worship music.  I will also pray. Blanket prayers, I call it.  And yes, I will be sleeping a little.

I have done a load of washing and it's in the dryer. I will be folding that up and putting it away sometime this afternoon when I get up. God willing: and spoons, of course! 

The dishes are soaking in hot soapy water and can wait. I will do them whilst I am cooking lamb chops, mashed potato and green veggies for dinner.

Not a lot will be done today except some resting up and controlling my household from my control centre: my bed.

Making room for more

So yesterday I did an inventory of our pantry and fridge stock and decided that I really should replenish it and even make room for more.

With us living on the aged pension, we have lived from pay to pay and day to day, but with the CV dictating our lives, we decided to use the $750 grant from the Australian government to stock up on food.

So on my to do list today is:

1. Tidy the fridge and pantry
2. Fold today's washing and put it away
3. Make Shepherd's pie for dinner

I was able to grocery shop online as I am a senior and also disabled with fibro, back and heart problems. One can apply for Priority Assistance and they will deliver your groceries if you provide your Customer registered number from Department of Human Services aka Centrelink.

I had to chuckle when I checked the bottom of the pantry: there's so much cat food there. I think Xena per rata has three times the amount of food as we do. (And still she is fussy)

I better get a wriggle on and sort this pantry out before the food is delivered. I am grateful that I have the means and quite enjoy the feeling of making room for more! 

Chronic illness: it is what it is!

So the day has started off without any appreciable spoons. However, I have purposed to do some chores in the house regardless. Simply because they have to be done.

With the last two days slack on housework, there are dishes and washing and some other chores that are shouting to be done.

My sugars are still 10.4 this morning in spite of taking the new diabetes medications for a week. So I accept that I am never going to feel really well. Fibromyalgia and angina coupled with back pain also seem to do that. So I am going to just concentrate today on the most crucial homemaking tasks: having clean dishes and cups and some clean clothes and towels.. No lists today, this is all I can manage.

So today's list of to do's are:

1. Soak and wash dishes and put away after air drying
2. Catch up on the washing and put it away after the dryer has finished
3. Cook some lamb stew in the slow cooker for dinner

Granted it's not much to do, but my body feels like it's trying to climb Mt Everest. But enough procrastination: I must push on. No fairy godmother is coming- I'm it!  

It's mundane. It's frustrating. It's tiring! But it is what it is!  It's chronic illness!