I am the victim!

I need pain relief. My doctor's unavailable  so I had a phone consult with another doctor. I told her my pain is currently off the charts with fibromyalgia, polymyalgia and both knees paining me badly. I asked for a prescription for Tramadol but she said for me to wait until he comes back!

Too long to wait when you are blown away with pain. So I am going to take some Prednisolone for a few days. I have some in the house.

Sometimes you have to go against the medicos and do whatever gives you relief.. (as in taking Prednisolone for some relief) People who are chronically ill and in pain have been known to commit suicide... I can understand why- not that I am going to... just sayin'

How is it that people with genuine pain issues who rarely ask for help, are regarded with suspicion and treated like a druggo? it's not fair... 

We are judged so harshly because of those who rort the system and abuse the drugs.. God knows, we aren't druggos.

Yet here I am, suffering indifference and suspicion because of those who abuse drugs. I only ask for help when I can't stand the pain any longer, and when I do I find less compassionate treatment than those who do abuse them.

I carry a constant burden of pain because others refuse stop abusing the drugs I need during times of uncontrolled pain.. In this, I am the victim!

Like a hole in the head

 

So yesterday my online grocery shop came. We heard the truck back up, the delivery man dropped off our shopping and I proceeded to put it away and check it off. 

I decided to check if I had any mail, and what greeted me was a very nasty surprise. The delivery guy had damaged our letterbox.

Currently the logistics contractor has a damage report from the supermarket and we are waiting a reply.

I had to get in touch with our property manager who told me we would have to pay for repairs. I think not. So I am waiting for an answer from the logistic people and if they won't play ball, I guess we may  have to take some legal action.

You will notice at the side of the letterbox a For Sale sign. This has come at a bad time. However, there isn't really a good time for incidents like this.

With everything else that's happening in our life and the worst fibromyalgia flare happening, we needed this like a hole in the head! 

It's an honour!

 

'Every house needs a keeper. Someone has to do that little work to keep things clean and pleasant.

Someone has to do the shopping, plan the meals, do the laundry, make the beds, and keep things nice.

It is such an honor and privilege to be the keeper of the house.'

~From The Legacy Of Home by Mrs. Sharon White

Especially during this rough ride..

 

It has been a rough ride over the last few weeks. Medical matters. Living matters. Family matters.

All the stuff that makes up our life at the moment has graced us with both good and bad events.

Firstly, our new doctor has taken my lymphedema seriously and ordered antibiotics for the bad infection that has overtaken my legs. Ignored by doctors until last week. I have had this infection for 5 years! We are so glad we have at last found a decent doctor..

So three days running, we have had to leave home and see doctors and have blood tests. Not a big deal, most people would think. But with struggles to get enough spoons to shower and get dressed, then to actually get there, it is indeed a big deal...

My kidneys are failing with diabetes.. 56. My infection in the legs is sky high. I have been given Clindamycin. I was also given statins which I tried and the muscle pain escalated 100%. I am not taking them. My fibromyalgia muscle pain is more than enough pain! 

The day after the doctor visits, Chris saw the opthalmologist for a review on his sixth cranial nerve palsy. He is no longer seeing double and has been cleared to drive again. We are praising the LORD that Chris's stroke was not too disabling. We both know it could have been much worse! 

And so, this weekend I have been bed ridden. Breathing is enough with the fibro flare and I have had trouble keeping awake. So I slept. and tried not to dwell on possibly having to move out from here..

I am actually posting this at 2am. My circadian rhythm is all out of whack. But I will be needing to try to sleep again in a minute or I will be no good for tomorrow...

Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know that God has answered our prayers with Chris's eyes. Just another chapter of our life when we can see that His Hand has always been on us. Especially during this rough ride..

I feel sick at the thought

 

So a couple of days ago, we had a visit from a real estate man with the news that the owner of our rented home is selling.

We have been here for 16 months. Our bodies are still feeling the effects of the move. So receiving the news made me feel physically sick.

Chris has recently had a stroke and is recovering slowly from it and I have grossly swollen legs and right arm from lymphedema.  We need this move like a hole in the head.

It was strange that I had just said to Chris that morning that I feel like this is the nicest home I have lived in and that I have emotionally unpacked my suitcase... then this.

I have been praying that the home is sold to an investor so that we can stay here. But I can't see them refusing a sale if it's not.

Then of course, maybe the LORD has something planned in moving that we don't know about yet. So I have prayed in the sense of  "not my will, but Yours be done!" 

I am currently having the heat of lymphodema, polymyalgia rheumatica, angina and back pain, all marinaded in a fibromyalgia flare that has me wanting to stay in bed a lot.

Also, the worst of this is that we are in limbo... we might stay. or we might go. 

I can hardly type the word go... because truthfully, I feel sick at the thought.

Grateful for slowing down

 

It is funny how ill health has slowed me down. With fibromyalgia, spinal problems, physical limitations including heart failure, it feels at times like I can't even raise my head.

Through necessity, I have had to slow my pace in regards to homemaking and I have had to put perfectionism to bed. It is either put it to bed or be forced to go there myself.

By being forced to slow down, I have been able to appreciate my quiet routines and peaceful home. If I had never been so ill, I would probably have remained stressed with high blood pressure.

I can now say truly, I am grateful for slowing down. 

Stockpiling is not from fear

 

This is another post on the way of caring for your home and family in lean or hard times.

Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. Proverbs 31:25

Caring for your household

 

So as you know, I believe in being prepared for food shortages and other distribution problems. 

I have been buying extras of staples when they are on special and my pantry is shaping up really well.

Likewise, I have been refurbishing my first aid supplies and updating our medications. I also have bought home cleaning supplies when on special and extra cat food for Xena and Milo.

I checked up on what foods were rationed here in Australia during WW2 and I have used that as a base guide for buying foods... plus I am adding foods that I know we particularly enjoy.

Also, I have purchased some extra diabetic supplies and monitoring machines to ensure we have the means to keep our diabetes under control.

In case of power outages we have purchased a generator and we still have our camp stoves with gas cylinders for cooking. We have an aluminium kettle and saucepans in case we need to use our camping stuff. I have bought different strength batteries when they were half price too.

This may seem all time consuming and energy intensive, but with no spoons due to ongoing fibromyalgia, I can tell you that it isn't. It just takes some planning and then buying a few extra things on your list each week.

Not wanting to keep our storage foodstuffs in the pantry with our usual edibles, I cleared off some shelves in my linen press and these have made a wonderful storage larder. Likewise my fridge/freezer in the garage is just loaded with storage edibles.

I know that hard times will come. Jesus has warned us in the Word. So it really makes sense to gather and store food in these times of plenty for when the times are lean.

There is no fear, just a quiet confidence that you can laugh at the times to come because you and your household are well cared for.

Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. Proverbs 31:25

Putting insomnia to good use!

Fibromyalgia, angina, spinal problems, muscle pain and neuropathy often vie for first place in keeping me awake at night.

It often starts with a trip to the bathroom and ends with insomnia raising its ugly head. You know the noises of bird calls in the night, a train tooting in the distance or the barking of a dog, you hear them all and they are the loneliest sounds...

I have found a way of replacing that lonely feeling with making my mind bring to remembrance prayer requests and anxieties of the past and coming new day. 

Laying in bed, I meditate on the LORD and force my body to lay in a restful position as I often eventually fall asleep mid prayer.

Where once I would stress out because I thought it rude to zone out on God, but I now have come to see that He blesses us with sleep and is therefore pleased when I succumb to my tiredness.

What can be a lonely time can be redeemed by praying blanket prayers. It's comforting to know that we can put insomnia to good use! 

Better than running from bombs!

 

Well, my fibromyalgia flare has abated, and I have been doing a lot of knitting as watching TV bores me to tears.  

I have been a bit depressed lately and I think it's because I have been watching too much news on world events. So I decided to turn it off and bring my attention to something positive.

I often listen to the Bible on YouTube read by David Suchet. It tends to put my mind at rest and gives me pleasure.

Most mornings I do breakfast and medications and go on the computer to check emails, answer any comments in my blogs and check out groceries specials and organise our medications and get the scripts that are due, refilled.  Then I tidy my home.

I have a lot of joy in watching the birds that come into our back garden and one of my morning chores is to feed them after I have fed Xena our little white cat... and now Milo, separately of course lol

As I am often low on spoons, I need to pace myself in the afternoon and often take a nana nap in order to be able to cook dinner.

We don't leave the house much at all, and to be honest I prefer it that way. But with my motorised scooter coming soon, I may find I quite like shopping again....

Life is pretty simple- almost boring, but with all that's happening in parts of the world, I am glad for the boring life. I don't think I would cope very well running for my life away from bombs!

Acceptance brings peace and patience

 

Over the past 30 years that I have been chronically ill, I find my tolerance for drama and fighting is almost zero.

It's not that I don't like people, it's just that the more you are surrounded by them, the more involved you become in their problems and their dramas unfolding. These days, I prefer solitude and sharing my life with Chris and our cats.. as for people's dramas etc, I pray for them.

These days, I am so grateful for our home which is a haven to Chris and I.  On the days that I don't have to leave my home, you will find me enjoying the peace of homelife. Our cats, Milo and Xena give us  not only joy, but peace. I love their purring near me. It's particularly soothing.

Throughout the day you will find worship music playing low accompanied by the noise of the kettle as it boils the water for a cup of tea. It's going almost constantly.

Because of lympedema and peripheral neuropathy in my feet, coupled with severe fibromyalgia, Chris will often massage the fluid from my legs and rub my feet which feel like they are burning. He has done this for years and it is so soothing that I will usually be asleep within minutes.

Chronic fatigue coupled with aging has given me extreme sleepiness and I seem to be unable to function properly without a daily nana nap.  I no longer whip myself with false guilt, but have accepted that this is out of my control. It is what it is.

Part of living a peaceful life when chronically ill is to accept that some things will have to go to the wayside, but I try and do as much as spoons allow.

Along with quiet enjoyment of your home, and acceptance comes peace and patience with oneself.. 

I love being a sacrificial home keeper!

 

I am nearly 73 and I find that there is true contentment in staying home.

Keeping the home clean and attractive is time and energy well spent and I find that it gives me a great sense of peace.

Housework is spiritual and for me keeping my home in order is good for my sense of accomplishment and peace. A messy or dirty home depresses me no end.

I have been blessed to be able to stay home for twenty years as my many illnesses saw me needing rest. But for me it has been no hardship.

After my first marriage ended, I felt lost. I missed being a wife who could stay at home but life dictated that I provide for myself and so I went to work until I met and married Chris 29 years ago.

He was happy to look after me and as illness came to stay he encouraged me to stay home. He also was happy to come home to a nice meal after the work day ended.

I believe that chosing to be a stay at home wife is God ordained and is still a goal that can be achieved with careful planning and management.

This is one definition of what a housewife is:

Housewife:

A married woman who stays home.

This is a lifelong vocation.
It is an old-fashioned term,
and something to be proud of.

Not a "domestic engineer."
Not a "home manager."

An old fashioned housewife,
who keeps the home,
and abides there.

 

I don't know how I managed to work with all my illnesses and I daily praise God for making it possible for me to stay home.

May He do so for you too if that is what you seek... as for me, I love being a Sacrificial home keeper! 

When your bed is calling your name.

Over the decades that I have lived with chronic illness, especially heart problems and fibromyalgia, I have found that having a routine helps me keep focussed and feel in control of my home.

I am not saying that I don't ever have days where I cannot rise to the occasion and follow them, but on the days that I have a small amount of spoons and motivation, knowing my priorities helps me know where to start in the overwhelm...

My priorities on days when I have enough energy to make an effort in doing housework, are cooking, dishes and washing. Everything else can wait.

So instead of being a slave to my routines and house, I allow myself to let a lot slide on bad days. I refuse to feel guilty for something I have no control over.

Instead of hating my routines, I have come to welcome them for they give me peace and direction, especially during a fibromyalgia flare with brain fog.

I have learned a lot in the three decades I have been a fibromyalgia sufferer, and I can honestly say that sticking to the basic routines will help you cope with it all. 

If I (however loosely), can follow the basic routines on a bad day, at least we will have been fed and have clean sheets to slip into when fatigue kicks in and our bed is calling our name.

Are you a sacrificial home keeper?

     

                               

Anyone who manages a home whilst battling chronic pain, illness and disability will know that there is a sacrificial element: we are the most selfless and courageous of women. We Sacrificial Home Keepers sacrifice our comfort and exert ourselves beyond limit for those we love.

As a chronically ill woman, I can identify with women who are sacrificing themselves in trying to maintain normality in their home and family. I believe I am well qualified to write about chronic illness as I suffer from a myriad of health problems.

These posts are written as a diary of thoughts and articles through my days as a sufferer of chronic pain and illness. If you share that journey, please feel free to read this and perhaps comment, for illness can be a very lonely and isolating experience.  

Are you a Sacrificial Home Keeper? 

Housework is spiritual

 

As a Clean Freak and author of the e-book secret confessions of a clean freak - I can tell you - it's the results of housecleaning that are spiritual.  A clean home feels better.  Plus, you have the pride in a job well done. It's all positive - calming.

Housework left undone is very negative. A constant reminder of things you haven't done. I feel good when my bathroom walls or my stove is shiny. It makes me feel like I have control. And sometimes, that's all I have control over.

And, like all things spiritual, it takes discipline until it becomes habit. Housecleaning is a breeze once you have it under control and you have a routine. Really! I'm a single mom and I get picked on all the time for being too clean - like I have some disease! Guess I'm just a freak! author unknown.

Well, I wouldn't call this author a freak. I know from my own experience that a messy house makes me feel worse than usual and irritable. The trouble for me with never ending fibromyalgia, is getting the energy to do it. But the results of housework certainly are spiritual!

I have known a Christian woman who was part of our home bible group many years ago. Her place looked like a hurricane had struck it. Ants marched along the floor to dine and pillage her overflowing trash container in the kitchen. There wasn't a clean cup or spoon for after the study's fellowship cuppa.

We all cleaned it up so that the ladies who came would be more comfortable, but by the next week it was just the same. Instinctively, we knew that housework is spiritual and that we would not be able to focus on the Word sitting in filth. Filth is not conducive to worshiping God.

These days I am limited in how much I can clean and it often is a source of dismay to me that I can't do as much as I would like. When I do have the spoons (energy) to clean, the results lift my spirits so much that I have to conclude that housework is spiritual. Blessings as you sacrificially set the spiritual tone in cleaning your home.

 

Perhaps I am

 

So over the Christmas/New Year break, I have had a few disappointments. Once again fibromyalgia flares, lymphoedema and angina have plagued me when I particularly wanted to be well, and they've ruined my joy in life.

This year we weren't even invited anywhere for Christmas Day or New Year. When I asked about it, my children responded with "well you never come anyway!" It hurt because it's true, but I smiled and said "that's OK!" But it would have been nice to have been invited anyway.

Chris's children came to visit us a few days before Christmas and I was nearly demented with pain and fatigue, but I kept smiling and tried to be cheerful. I don't think they realised how much pain killers and determination went behind that smile.

I know some people think I am a malingerer because I don't look sick most of the time. And I think they believe that I am putting it on when I say how painful my life is- they have no idea the effort it takes to appear well. 

Not allowing illness to define me, I try very hard to overcome my pain, tiredness, depression and lethargy. Often it is overwhelming and I succumb to the feelings of loneliness and inferiority that drown me. 

But no one really knows that depth of suffering, and I do believe no one cares. So I will discipline myself and take control of what few spoons I have, for not many know how heavy the cloak of illness gets.

So when I occasionally do succumb to it, and mention it to others, I can see them looking doubtfully at me and judging me as a malingerer. They think I am acting and putting it on.

I do act a lot, really. Strong when I am weak. Energetic and able when I am clearly not. Smiling in spite of it all. Bearing my load stoically.

If they did know the depth of my pain they would know that I do act- I act out feeling normal. An actor who could win an Oscar to avoid being labelled as a fake. 

A good actor can bring to life a fictitious person and for me, that person is myself enjoying good health.

They say I am an actor- perhaps I am...

They weren't forthcoming!

 

So Christmas has come and gone and I am totally down and out with a severe fibromyalgia flare.

Our festivities weren't grand and we stayed home. We had family come on Sunday and then on Tuesday and it was fun but exhausting.

Come Christmas Day, we just stayed home by ourselves. I was so fatigued and in pain that we decided that leftover ham sandwiches were good enough for lunch and dinner.

By 9 o'clock Christmas Night I was in bed and stayed there all Boxing Day. I was so tired and stiff in the muscles that I could barely move. Painkillers didn't help at all...

Saturday saw me cook dinner and lay on the couch and that was all I could manage.

Lucky that I don't believe in Santa any more or else I would be sorely disappointed... all I wanted was some spoons for Christmas... and they weren't forthcoming.

Christmas is for you!

Merry Christmas to all... may you accept the greatest Gift- the gift of salvation through Jesus' Blood shed for you for your pardon.

Coming as a Babe, He will return as the Victorious King... be ready. Get saved. Today is the day to receive the greatest Gift- eternal life...

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live:  John 1:25

And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn. Luke 2:7

Time to go bye bye

 

Life has been a challenge lately with more housework than I can handle.

Last month Chris was in hospital, we acquired a new cat owing to a family emergency, my fibromyalgia flared due to the stress and Chris was/is too ill to help me.

Last week we both had some type of stomach bug and cancelled our home help visit, so that put the house cleaning back by a fortnight.

Plus as it's almost Christmas, I am expecting to have family visit and I just don't feel ready.

This year we decided to give the grand children under 18 some money as we are too ill to go shopping. Chris still can't see properly so he cannot drive. Due to broken knees, I no longer drive either.

I have purchased some ham and other Christmas goodies as it will just be Chris and I this year. We are simply too ill and tired to bother.

Depending on how I feel, I may get my son to pick me up and go to see my sister and he to take Communion together and give them a small gift each. And that's a wrap!

So this week I am trying to catch up on my neglected home and get my kitchen in order. Particularly the dishes.

Like I have vowed every year to do, I am going to try and clean it before I go to bed for the night. I know that lovely feeling of waking up to a clean kitchen and I want to feel it again.

So that will be the plan for the next week and hopefully will become a habit for the New Year. It's time to tuck my kitchen in at night and tell it to go bye bye! 

Dwelling in acceptance and peace

 

So over and over again lately, I have had to have a nana nap in the afternoon. I simply can't stay awake all day.

In the past, I have tried to push through the daze and thick fog of sleep deprivation, only to find the fibromyalgia flare, angina pain, neuropathy and endless pills to keep me functioning put an end to it.

After 25 years of fibromyalgia and other chronic illnesses, I have decided that the spoons win. I have given in to their control. I now plan an hour or two hours sleep in the day.

After the daytime sleep, I find I can function enough to cook dinner and feed the cats.

I think being nearly 73 years old doesn't help either. I talk to my friends who suffer no chronic illness but are the same age as me, and they are finding a nana nap is indispensible. 

Another strange thing I have noticed is that I seem to have a better quality of sleep in the daytime. As a result there is more restorative benefit from giving in to the fatigue.

I have decided to once and for all accept that my body needs extra sleep and learn to live with it.

By taking a nana nap, I find that the spoons don't win entirely. Sleep truly is a gift from God...

Psalm 4:8 In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety.

I know at this season of my life that I can take that nana nap when I need to or leave the clothes to be folded another day. Likewise I can go to bed as early as I want... there are no schedules to keep.

Each day brings its challenges but even so, I am glad to be here...life is still sweet!

Even in this quiet season of my life it is very comforting to know that I am just where God wants me to be-quietly dwelling in the simplicity of acceptance and peace.