We chronically ill women try so hard to do "normal" things. Like look well. Be cheerful. Be patient. Kind. Hospitable.
Our family and marriage are our first priority after God. We try so hard to spin our wheel not fast- but at a "normal" pace. By "normal", we compare ourselves to those who do not suffer from chronic illness and pain. Or are disabled.
We are very careful to keep serving our family but sometimes with the illness that afflicts us: we fail. This often gets to us and causes us to sink into depression.
Being unable to process that we simply can't act as "normals", we often berate ourselves and sink into the Pit of Despair.
We are often judged by "normal" standards, as we simply cannot attend certain social functions like before. If we do, the pain and effort can make us tense and we can make us appear moody unsociable grumps aka the death head at the feast.
If only "normals" would realise that we are pushing ourselves every day to live a life that not even closely is "normal" like in the days before our health failed. We get so adept at doing this, that we have become quite good at wearing masks to cover the Mask Of Pain. Hence the appearance of being in a mood.
My fibromyalgia and other health issues have now made it impossible for me to disguise, and I have learned to acknowledge this to people and tell them in advance that my attendance or action or whatever is totally subject to how I am on any given day.
Basically, I have had to pander to injured knees, angina, spinal problems, fibromyalgia, polymyalgia rheumatica, and submit to tyrannical spoons by being totally flexible about my appointments and so on.
People may still misjudge me but that is not my problem. I just pray that the LORD will allow them to see that I am not lazy or unsociable, but am just a chronically ill woman who finds just breathing some days enough effort.
The LORD knows I am not well, but people take a lot more convincing. I am not as I appear: I am not "normal".
© Glenys Robyn Hicks
Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Colossians 3:12
One of the greatest challenges to to be who we are, be what our "normal" is - and to see ourselves as God sees us - and have that be enough. When we rest in how God sees it, it stops mattering how others see us. Though I am sad you struggle, I am glad you are no longer hiding your challenges. Women cannot encourage each other if we don't know they are struggling. Praying God's Shalom fill your week! ~ Maryleigh
ReplyDeleteIt is the greatest challenge for sure! Thanks for having a cuppa with me today, Maryleigh!
ReplyDeleteGlenys, as always you are in my prayers! This Christmas I have been bed ridden and more with back and leg pain so intense like I've never felt before. I have an MRI scheduled to explain what and hopefully a plan of action if it can all be fixed. My point today is that I have my share of physical burdens but they have never come close to all physical burdens you carry. What I CAN tell you is that YOU are not the one with the personal or spiritual problem! Those with little or no empathy have the problem and you don't need to make THAT or THEM your problem! Smile when you can, whether you are able to drag yourself out in public or when can only stay in your bed that day! You are where God needs your and yes, everyday has it's Purpose. If you can't do anything but that (bed/chair) do it well! Because if you need help and no one is there to help, that's on them, not you. All of us are to blame for not being there for those who need us! God forgive us all. YOU are not to blame! I have felt the sting of being avoided this Season and even smugged, but I am trying to pray for THEM and not make their problem mine. I pray for you in your lonelines, as I have been in mine (but maybe not as much!). Take care! :-) ~Gwen in the USA
ReplyDeleteGwen, I am so sorry you are suffering so. I pray that the MRI will show something that can be fixed... As always, I thank you for your timely comment and encouragement. Praying for your immediate comfort. Please update me when you can. Blessings, Glenys
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