Something to remember if we move.

Yesterday's house inspection went well. She thanked us for keeping the house nice and said the owners will be pleased. I am glad to hear that because Chris wants to move closer into the bigger towns when/if we sell the fifth wheeler. I want to move closer to my children if I have to move. I am not keen on moving again. Anyway, we will have a good record as tenants if we have to move.

I have arms that feel like they're made of lead today. Fibromyalgia. I did our online shop again and it's due to be delivered this afternoon. It's the easiest way for us to do it these days. I have some dishes to wash from lunch and breakfast and I will probably have a nana nap to be able to cope with cooking diner and putting the shopping away.

Lately I've been spending quite a bit of time in bed. It usually doesn't get made much for that reason. But with it looking nice yesterday for the inspection, I decided to take a snap of it. Something to remember if we move.

Fibromyalgia is a wicked ruler.

So yesterday we went to see our daughter after lockdowns were lifted. The weather was beautiful and we bought some fish and chips for lunch and we ate them in the car overlooking some water. It was lovely!

We haven't been out socially for about 4 months, and it was a real novelty to keep on driving with no restrictions. We had a lovely cup of tea with our daughter and caught up. 

Driving home, we took the long scenic route. It made us feel glad to be alive. Last night, I slept like a baby but unfortunately woke up in top of the range pain. It's going to rain.

Fibromyalgia is such a wicked ruler. It can come and bite you on the heel, just  after you've had a lovely and special time. Maybe it was sitting so long yesterday, maybe because of the changing weather. I don't know. All  I know is I have another fibro flare.

Sitting here typing and in pain, I have come to realise that in spite of knowing that fibromyalgia will rear its' ugly head the next day, it's important to keep living.

The only alternative for me is to stay home permanently and wrap myself in cotton wool but be miserable doing it. I don't want that to happen.

So I will put up with rebound flares after using all my spoons if it means that I have a life other than that of an invalid. I am more than that.  I want to have episodes of pleasure in my life no matter how brief.

I need to make memories and keep in contact with my family. I will overcome it, even if fibromyalgia is a wicked ruler.

Things on my to do list are just basics today. Dishes, cooking and resting.

Choppy waters ahead

Well our day is still in full swing. I have dishes to do and clean washing to fold up and put away. We went to the chemist and picked up prescriptions yesterday. Apparently there's a world wide shortage of one of my anti-depressants, Dothep 25 and I am on my last script. I have been waiting for 2 months for some.  The Dothep anti-depressants help me with my fibromyalgia pain. I hate to be without them.

The practice of keeping extra meds in case of emergency has paid off for me. But I will be out soon. That's a worry as the sea gets very choppy when I mess with my anti-depressants. I think they are in a container somewhere on their trip to Australia.. Apart from those few tasks, and cooking,  that will be all I can manage today. 

I am praying that I get those anti-depressants before I run out or there will be very choppy waters ahead.

Coming to terms with it

Fibromyalgia is flaring and my spoons are scarce today, so it's just basic home duties for me.  Dishes, washing and meals.

If I can get down the steps today, I want to sit in the garden swing. I need the fresh air and relaxation that watching the birds brings. They are getting quite cheeky and tame now. I only have to open the door and they converge on the back porch/decking chirping at me to get them something to eat. 

They stand there practically with their hands on their hips, feet tapping: why are we waiting? Quite funny. I know they case the house out- I see their shadows on the roof and carport. I will miss this place. Chris wants to move back into "civilisation" when we sell the fiver. With Covid, we haven't had any chance to get people here to see it. 

As with coming to terms with the knowledge that my fibromyalgia and other issues will not get better, so I am trying to come to terms with missing out on country life.

Searching for some spoons

                                          

So Chris wasn't feeling well, so we didn't get out yesterday. I ordered $30 worth of groceries through Woolworths online. We have to pick them up at 1pm. It's so handy to shop like that. After that I need to get some prescriptions made up and go to the Post Office.

I managed to do all those dishes yesterday, with just last night's pots and pans to wash today. Tonight I will shower. If I do it this morning, I will run out of spoons and won't make it for the errands later.

It's hard searching for spoons and finding none, knowing that you have to do certain errands like shopping and getting medicines. And the tricky thing is when you find some, they disappear before you can put them to good use, and you find you need to take a nana nap just to accomplish it.

I know with talking to other Fibromites that I am not alone, as having no spoons seems to be a typical symptom of fibromyalgia. So for the next few hours before I pick up the groceries, you know where I'll be: searching for some spoons.

Keeping my wheels turning!

 

Good morning. It's a new week! We have to go out today, just some grocery shopping and a trip to the post office. That will be before I tackle last night's dishes. 

I was so tired last night that I left them, hoping to wake up with some spoons (energy). That didn't happen so the grocery shop takes priority today. 

Some lamb chops are defrosting for dinner tonight. I will do mashed potato, vegetables and gravy with them. A sandwich will suffice for lunch. 

I use the frozen mashed potato, steam packs of vegetables and instant Gravox gravy. I am fortunate in that Chris loves meat of some sort with two veg and if one of them's mashed potato, he's a happy man.

Being able to go without peeling potatoes and shelling peas is a godsend for me. The arthritis in my hands, the torn knee caps and spinal problems make standing to cook to prepare a nightmare. I am too short to sit on a chair as I can't see over the benchtops properly. 

When in a fibromyalgia flare like today, it is just the icing on the cake. It literally tips me over. The pain is incredible and never lets up. I do have a high pain threshold but when the pain is 24/7, it wears you down.

I think I will make myself a cup of tea and take some painkillers. That's the only way I will be able to function today. They can join my other ten tablets taken this morning. I swear I rattle when I walk.  It is what it is!  But hey, whatever keep my wheels turning!

Take me as I am

Over the course of a 57 year old friendship, I have always made sure my house was clean and presentable when Ann came.  Not that she was judging me at all- it was just how I rolled.

Once fibromyalgia came to overshadow me and steal my spoons over the last 22 years, she and I made a pact that we would visit each other no matter what state our home was in. Or else it would never happen.

As we grew older, we realised that things like neat houses sometimes were very scarce, and we agreed that visiting each other was too important to us than worrying about our homes' presentation. So we chose to each be hospitable and not worry about the extraneous.

Since developing fibromyalgia, I have had to rethink my own standards of cleanliness. My standards now are in order of priority and are non negotiable:

A clean body. 

Clean bed.

Clean clothes.

Clean dishes and kitchen.

Clean toilet and bathroom.

With no spoons during most days of a flare, it has been imperative that I reassess what's truly important in my life. God, family and friends were an easy choice. But not just any family and friends, I prefer kind,  like-minded people like Ann, who just takes me as I am.

My day is all stitched up

Today is a bad fibromyalgia day. I am aching so badly I want to cry. But I don't think I even have the energy to do that! 

I meant to take up some cricket pants yesterday for my daughter in law. She needs them for next week's first match of the year. So that is on my priority list today. I finally found my sewing machine again. I haven't used it since we moved in here which is 2 years at Christmas. 

I have dishes to do as well as cooking. I had run out of bread and had to ring DIL who lives locally. She picked up a loaf for me at the local store as Chris was feeling too giddy with vertigo to drive today.  I can't because of my torn meniscuses. Woolworths ran out of bread at their online shopping food distribution centre, and although they refunded me, I needed the bread. 

Everybody is buying their food online and Covid seems to be the reason. Their shelves are getting low and every week there's something I am unable to order. I know I can bake a loaf  but I don't have the energy right now.

Would you believe me if I tell you I have psyche myself up to take those cricket pants up?- and that may use all my spoons for today! I guess you could say my day is all stitched up! 

  

Comfort from my kitchen

The weather has been shocking today and is forecast to be the same for four days. It's been so windy today and last night that I thought our tin roof was going to come off. It seemed to be lifting off. The rain just keeps pouring down with occasional hailstones. I think we are getting some of the tornado that came to Sydney.

I have been suffering from severe fibromyalgia pain, coupled with arthritis in my spine, fingers and knees. I have tried not to go to bed as I don't like sleeping my life away, but I will  have an early night.

Today seemed like the perfect day to warm up with some comfort food, so I made a slow cooker full of Jewish Penicillin.   Not only is it nourishing, but tastes great. I find it so comforting on days like today.

I had planned to do my overdue dishes today, but my spoons were vanishing as fast as my soup. Chris stacked the dishes for me and they are going to be waiting there till tomorrow now. I am planning on taking some Tramadol and go to bed about ten. 

I know I write a lot about fibromyalgia flares, but I think it's just the same long drawn out flare. Maybe this will be my new normal forever! I hate to think like that, so it's off to grab another bowl of comfort from my kitchen! 

Tyrannical spoons

I woke up with high hopes of doing some baking this afternoon. It's been a few months now since I bought a food processor and I wanted to make Chris some sultana muffins with it.

But life had other plans and I had to handle some juggling of bills and made the necessary phone calls and then I took a shower. That's where the day spiralled out of control.

It took me forever to get showered and by that time, all my energy had been sucked off my spoons. I have barely enough to cook dinner.

My fibromyalgia seems to be always there, no longer flaring but constantly making me aware of every movement. Even my eyes seem to ache. Apart from physical torment, it now teases me with fleeting glimpses of spoons that disappear as soon as I flex a muscle. Most disappointing.

So apart from a few dishes washed and sorting out what to have for tea, nothing much as been accomplished.

She's a tyrant, Fibromyalgia. She dictates my days and even my nights and tantalises me with false promises. Ah well, it is what it is.

"The best laid plans of mice and men go awry!" comes to mind as does the scripture that says "a man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps!" 

So today is not a day for baking. Thanks to my tyrannical spoons.

Sometimes you have to be your own doctor!

It's Saturday evening here. Not much accomplished today except I washed some dishes and will cook dinner soon. 

Chris's face is improving already with his Bell's Palsy and he can open his eye almost fully and his mouth is not as drooped. He is regaining his speech again and is not slurring his words as much. 

His sugars are way up because of the Prednisolone he's been taking. Consequently, he has been sleeping on the couch most of the day. The doctor wants him to discontinue the steroids so this morning was his last day. 

I was awakened by asthma early hours of this morning. The inhaler didn't help much but I still went back to bed because I was needing to sleep. Especially with my night medications. If I don't sleep for 9 hours, I can't focus properly. Plus I am having the Mother of all Flares with my fibromyalgia and can't stay awake.

We have watched all 14 seasons of Heartland and are now waiting for Season 15 next month. We miss it. There's not much on TV or Netflix that we really want to watch. But I like watching something with Chris.

We put our clocks forward an hour tonight as daylight savings ends. I hope to get a better sleep tonight and I have decided to take some of Chris's Prednisolone if the asthma comes back.-it is an average of a week to get into a doctor up here.  

Ya gotta do what ya gotta do! Sometimes you have to be your own doctor! 

Of fresh air and cats

I am a fresh air person. I can't wait for the opportunity to open all the windows and doors. The air, the smell of the new mown grass and listening to the birds and cows lowing make me glad to be alive! And like most of God's blessings to us: it's free! 

So today is freezing at the moment. (It's Sunday morning just before nine) Chris didn't sleep well, so I am keeping the house quiet. I am putting the oven on high and leaving the oven door down to warm the kitchen.

Soon I will take a cup of tea in to him and when he gets up I will cook an English breakfast for him. Bacon, eggs, tomatoes and baked beans with some toast. 

I managed to plow through those dishes yesterday but I didn't get around to putting away the washing. It sits on the empty side of my bed calling my name. I hope to get it today as we aren't going out. The chemist can wait until tomorrow. I have enough meds for today and the morning. 

Xena our cat hasn't made an appearance yet. She's sleeping in my side of the bed that's got the electric blanket on warm. Funny how cats always know how to look after themselves. But to be honest, she's helped me learn how to relax over the years. I love cats! 

Life is still good!

It's a busy today. I have lots of dishes to wash, washing to fold and put away and a few meals to cook. 

It is a public holiday today as it's the Grand Final of Aussie rules football. We don't follow football and I only found out as our chemist is closed today. Footy is like a religion over here, and if you don't have a footy team to barrack for, you are virtually ostracised! I don't even know who's playing! 

We are in Spring here and today is a bit warmer so I may sit on the deck and get some sun and watch the birds. The sun hopefully will ease my aching neck and shoulders. My fibromyalgia is kicking me majorly.

Life is hitting us both hard health wise, but even so, life is still good! 

Finding beauty in a horrid day

I had trouble waking up this morning. My fibromyalgia has made me feel like I have been run over by a truck. However the day has not been a total loss.

I did a load of washing and now have to put it all away. I am not sure if I have enough spoons left for that because I also washed a whole stack of dishes and I am not sure if I have enough energy left to cook. 

I am still in my PJ's. I just might need to take a nana nap or rest at "the beach" so I can recharge. We will see...

The weather has been nice today and I left the back door open and listened to the birds and the stream running. The sun was shining on the water and the birds were calling and coming down to eat the seed and watermelon I left on the back porch for them.

It's important to try to find something lovely in every day, no matter how bad our fibromyalgia is to bring a balance of goodness and beauty in an otherwise horrid day.

Of birds and sunshine

 

It's Wednesday morning here. I have gotten up early because I have to repack a smart TV that was delivered and it wasn't what we ordered. Chris will then take it to the Post Office and send it back. Then we will get a refund.

After that we have to go to the chemist and get some scripts made up. It's pretty ordinary stuff, but it's a half hour drive and with lockdown still enforced here, it's an outing. We are going stir crazy! Getting supplies and medication is legal, so we don't have to worry about being fined $5000 AUD. The fines have been increased because there are many people going about and ignoring lockdown. I guess they are over it too, but it is what it is.

I have last night's dinner dishes to do before we go anywhere. Due to having no spoons, (energy) I will take my shower before bed. The weather's supposed to be nice today and I am looking forward not only to the drive, but sitting in my walker on the back porch and watching the birds. The sun might help me with my fibromyalgia pain in the neck and shoulders. Along with the pain killers I will pick up from the chemist today.

There's nothing like sunshine and bird watching to chase the blues away.

Sacrificial home keeping's sorted

Today I managed to finish washing the dishes- I have been doing them in short bursts as I can't stand long. 

I managed to take a shower this morning and I had to rest a bit after it. But it was good! The water relieved some of my muscle pain from my fibromyalgia.

I rang my friendly housecleaner and offered her some extra money if she would regularly change both our beds each fortnight. Even though due to illness, we have separate rooms now, the beds still need changing fortnightly. I can no longer do it. She's agreed to do that, so that's a load off my mind. 

We had a doctor's appointment this afternoon, but Chris didn't feel well enough to drive and I can't, so we changed to a phone consult. I got some scripts for pain relief and discussed Chris' diabetes woes. I will be giving him 34 units twice a day from today instead of the 32. Plus there's a new injection for once a week we must start tomorrow.  

I will be sitting outside for a bit today as the weather is supposed to be nice. It will seem better now that the  sacrificial home keeping has been sorted! 

Life is good in spite of setbacks

I am trying to keep up with my home making duties. I have to do some dishes and clean my kitchen.. My knees are paining me so much today, that I won't be able to do much more. 

Fibromyalgia is back again and spoons are scarce. I am also psyching myself up to take a shower. Lucky we have a shower chair now. Funny how you don't think twice about it until chronic illness comes a'callin! 

With the brain fog, I get side tracked often too. Now I ask Siri to remind me to change the loads of washing over from washer to dryer. I need to find an app to tell me I have left stuff out that should go in the fridge or that I have nuked a night time snack and find it in the microwave in the morning hahaha

I am planning  on using  my slow cookers  a lot today.  I will be slow cooking the pork chops in a sweet curry sauce with  the rice.  I will be making some Jewish Penicillin in another slow cooker  and I will make  a chow mein in the other slow cooker for tomorrow.

After that, I plan to feed the birds and watch them eat...  sitting out on the porch under the apple blossoms on the neighbour's tree... it's the first day of Spring here in  Australia. Life is good in spite of setbacks..

Wheelchair bound

So, the MRI results are in. I have a meniscus tear, fabella, torn posterior crucius ligament, bursitis and osteo arthritis behind the patella. It needs surgery as it does not repair itself.

I am to see an orthopaedic surgeon and meanwhile I must rest the knee and use pain killers. 

We have bought a shower chair and a wheelchair. I have had Chris push me on the seat of my walker, but it is a big strain on his heart and I worry about him. 

It is difficult to focus enough to write at the moment and I spend a lot of time on the couch aka the beach, or in bed with my electric blanket.

I am just able to stand enough to wash some dishes, cook a meal and stack the washer and dryer. Chris helps sometimes and has been my legs.

I am making use of the slow cooker a lot, cooking the meals as I am able to stand.

As with all new health issues, I am trying to come to terms with this "new normal" and the constant struggles with fibromyalgia are now "normal" and this new challenge is calling for all my ability to accept my new lot in chronic illness.

I am disheartened that both my knees have now given way (I have a torn meniscus in my other knee), and am trying to feel grateful that I could afford a wheelchair. Thank goodness for afterpay.

However romantic a picture I can find really doesn't cut it for me as I struggle to accept that I am now wheelchair bound.

Like, sure that will work!

As you know, I really love watching the many birds that come into our back garden, and I feed them all the time.

Xena our cat also watches them, but I am not sure what her motives are! Anyway, they have gotten used to her sitting watching them and they eat freely in front of her.

Of all the birds, my favourite are the kingfishers and I always leave a treat for them on the actual porch. The others eat further down near the bird feeder, but the kingfishers always come up checking for treats.

It started out with one brown kingfisher, but now there are about four brown ones and two black and white.

No matter where they are, I have my "love glances" from the LORD. He always causes me to turn round or look up just as they appear. He is so loving and good! 

It is winter here and we have rain which exacerbates my fibromyalgia. So today I am planning on just doing my dishes and cooking. Pork chops with mashed potato and salad are on the menu for tonight.

My knee is still so sore and I feel like my polymyalgia rheumatica is coming back. I am toying with the idea of putting myself back on my Prednisolone. We will see.

With opioids being so restricted and my paracetamol aka Tylenol being practically useless, I am going to try to distract myself watching the birds and taking my mind off it. Like, sure that will work! 

I am so glad it's over.

 

It has been a long day of catching up on dishes left in the sink and washing left in the hamper.  Chris has been unwell and is just starting his antidepressants. Not being able to turn off thinking enough to sleep and other symptoms of depression, the doctor thinks they are warranted.

Because Chris is temporarily unable to drive, I have taken over and it has injured my good knee. Tonight, it is as painful as the one with the meniscus tear.  I have been unable to bear any weight on it. Hence the housework waiting for me.

After three days off the leg, I have just been able to get the dishes washed and the washing caught up between limping back to my couch. Chris was well enough to dry the dishes and put them away for me. As we speak, he is putting the folded clean clothes away.

My BP is soaring, no doubt to the extra pain. My knee pain is just the cherry on the top of a delightful fibromyalgia flare and bout of sciatica. I feel like retiring to my bed and staying there for a week.

But where does a wife who is a carer to her carer husband go for a break? There's no such thing and the most she- I, can hope for is to do my housework in my dressing gown.

Life goes on regardless of fibro or knee pain, or exhaustion or.... whatever.  I have sorted our pills for the next week and given Chris' his as I took mine.  

Xena's been fed and I poured fresh water into her bowl. The electric blankets are on with the promise of soothing warmth for my aching back and muscles. 

So the day is nearly over and my house is in order once again- and I am so glad it's over.