Sex isn't everything.

This picture reminds me of Chris and I in the kitchen... I often can be washing the dishes and he will come behind me for a cuddle.. I still blush and giggle like a school girl!  I usually go weak at the knees when he kisses the back of my neck, and I turn around and kiss him passionately.  Finally, we break away, breathless with romance and laughter!  Most times, he then pitches in and helps me finish washing up.

This little dalliance of ours to us is quite romantic and that coupled with the fact that Chris helps me with the dishes, makes me feel nurtured and happy- it doesn't take a lot for me! Which is good, because money is short for a lot of flowers and chocolates.

We do go out together for meals whenever we can salt away a little money.  Nothing too expensive, but we bring our own ambiance!  Just looking into each others' eyes and holding hands over the table reminds us of our early days together and keeps us focused on each other.  Truly, we do adore each other.

Because money is in short supply, and because we constantly laugh together and cuddle often, we feel that special occasions such as Christmas, birthdays and Valentines' Day aren't necessary to show affection and love. We in fact, do not buy gifts for these for each other. And it is perfectly fine with us. We do, however look at our wedding photos and reminisce a lot on our anniversary or any other date significant to us...

I think it may be the fact that we are an older married couple that makes it easier to see romance in ways that younger couples don't.  With age and fibromyalgia and heart and back problems and Chris with his diabetes, sex is either umcomfortable or impossible. So both Chris and I look forward to a bubble bath at home with a good back wash and nail trims or a foot or back massage.  We do that for each other on a regular basis. To us, nurture is romance!

Chris loves me bringing his breakfast into him in the morning. This to him is romantic and although his not buying me presents and sending me cards may seem that he is an unromantic man, nothing could be further from the truth.  He sings to me! We have some special songs that he says were written just for us, and he will play them on the computer, and take me in his arms and croon to me as we dance slowly round the living room.

Because I am often in hospital, Chris shows his care by staying with me most of the day until visiting hours are over, just stroking my hair and holding my hand. Or he will come with our laptop and headphones for me. My heart melts with love for him.  We can't stand to be away from each other.

Illness, medications, no spoons and age have curtailed our times of intimacy, but we manage to show love to each other in ways that are imaginative, erotic and very caring.  There is absolutely no thoughts of unmet needs- love can be expressed in ways other than full sexual intercourse, and we delight in each other regardless! If sex happens, it's a bonus!

So we don't care about no presents or cards for Christmas, or birthdays or Valentines' Day-  with the romantic sparks that still fly between us, and our little dalliances, every day is Valentines' Day. 

I thank God for Chris as I am one very blessed wife, and I tell him often.... he finds that very romantic too! We are proof that you can live without sex! Sex isn't everything! (This post has been written with my husbands' permission)

You just don't know when it will break.

 

Over the last week I have been enjoying a respite from fibromyalgia pain and fatigue. I don't know why it happened, but of course I am glad it did.

During that time I have been busy cooking meals in advance for the next time I have the inevitable flare. It has been working out really well.

I have been carefully pacing myself, allowing 15 minutes of decluttering then resting. Emotionally, it's very satisfying.

Well, I woke up this Sunday morning and have had an unwelcome guest: you guessed it: another fibromyalgia flare. So I guess that I overdid it..So today I will be reaping the benefits of preparing some meals in advance. 

Conversely, though suffering physically, I am not depressed by this: I knew my respite wouldn't last forever. But oh how wonderful it was to have some spoons and to be able to go a whole day without a nana nap!

We Fibromites in regards to spoons and flares, are definitely babies in cradles swinging from the tree tops. We know that at any time the bough can break and we will come tumbling down. 

But it's best if we just learn to go with the flow and try to enjoy the respite: the bough might not break for ages, but you never do know.

Making the most of my spoons

So for the last few days I have been enjoying a respite from fibromyalgia pain. The weather has been lovely and sunny and the warmth has permeated my being and soothed a lot of muscle pain.

I have been decluttering our home and making extra meals to freeze for later on. It has been a novelty and a joy to have spoons to do it.

Aware that it can bring on a flare if I do too much, I have been pacing myself. I do 15 minutes sessions of decluttering with a rest in between. With cooking, I do about half an hour of food prep then take a rest as well.

I am enjoying my new dishwasher too. It certainly makes keeping up with the dishes and keeping my kitchen tidier easier. And that I find, encourages me to cook.

I really don't know how long this respite will last, but I'm grateful each day that I have absence from pain and fatigue.

Until you have a respite, you don't realise how challenging your life is. So for the moment, however brief it may be, I will be making the most of my spoons.

 

Being saved is crucial if you want to live.

For those of us who regularly read the Bible, it is very apparent that even though we read of a powerful God Who chastises and punishes the wicked, we also see a kind, patient, lovingly holy God Who is full of mercy. 

The fact that God is merciful and holy is woven throughout scripture, both in the Old and the New testaments, and those who only see a harsh, punitive God have not truly read the Bible with an open heart and mind. 

Mercy, grace, justice, love, honour, fairness and compassion are hallmarks of our God Who loved us all enough to send His only Son to die for us when we were still sinners and unloving and unkind. 

The very Laws laid down in the 10 Commandments and then in Leviticus reveal a God Who knows what is best for His creation, and Who longs to teach His Children so that they will not only thrive but be holy. 

When we study the Word, a beautiful picture of our God is shown us through the Word and through His Son Jesus. He embodies the qualities of the Holy Spirit, Who Himself is the third Person of the Godhead. Here is an example of the mercy of God.

Do not let the son of the foreigner who has joined himself to the Lord speak, saying, “The Lord has utterly separated me from His people”; nor let the eunuch say, “Here I am, a dry tree.” For thus says the Lord: “To the eunuchs who keep My Sabbaths,and choose what pleases Me, and hold fast My covenant, even to them I will give in My house and within My walls a place and a name better than that of sons and daughters; I will give [a]them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off". Isaiah 56:3-5

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, self-control and mercy are all qualities of the goodness of our God. He is in fact the totality of holiness. 

It is because of God's Holiness, in that He is the essence and being of the above qualities is why He sent His Son to become sin in our place for He cannot abide with evil. Therefore, it is impossible to come into the Presence of God except through Jesus Christ. We must be born again or saved or we will not go to heaven.

We all know the world is getting darker and soon Jesus is coming in the clouds to take His Church- believers. If you are not saved, you will be left behind to face a great tribulation such as the world has never seen before. Salvation is still possible because God is merciful but man is not. Your salvation will come at a great price: you will lose your life.

If you are not saved, know that the Holy Spirit is wooing you and longing for you to accept Jesus. Today is the day of salvation: the Holy Spirit says, "Come!"

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. Romans 10:10

My new maid servant

 

So as you probably know, I have had trouble keeping up to date with my dishes. No matter how good my intentions were, by the end of the day I had a sinkful of dishes waiting to be done.

Coming in to the kitchen first thing in the morning, I was always down as soon as I saw them waiting for me to find some spoons to attend to them. I know those who suffer from fibromyalgia like I do, would understand.

As we live in a rented house and we cannot change the plumbing to accommodate a dishwasher, I felt it was a never ending cycle that I couldn't break.

One day I was looking at the price of mobile dishwashers and I noticed that they make a dishwasher that you can park on your kitchen benchtop and I knew I wanted one. So we ordered one online. It's a Devanti.

It came yesterday and I am so pleased with it. It has hoses that attach to the taps in the kitchen sink. It takes a 8 place dinner service and does as good a job as the inbuilt ones. An added bonus is that I don't have to bend to stack and unstack it.

So not only does this dishwasher solve the problem of dishes piling up and no spoons, but saves my back from trying to bend. Ankylosing spondylitis is no joke. 

Anyway, I am overjoyed that the dishes are no longer my nemesis thanks to my new maid servant.

You wouldn't see June Cleaver doing that!

 

So today was a productive day. Apart from doing a few loads of washing, I had enough spoons to prepare some meals to freeze for during the week.

I confess I had a nana nap at "The Beach" aka the couch as the sun was shining and gave a beautiful warmth as I listened to the birds calling through the screen door.

Six more meals have been added to my freezer and I can say that it seems to be working out for me. I don't worry about cooking desserts- I usually serve some fruit with a scoop of icecream or a banana split. Easy.

With fibromyalgia  and other ailments making it difficult to achieve much, I can't tell you how pleased I am with my efforts today.

I feel quite the Homemaker and Chris is pleased as well. Only question is: does it still count if I did all this in my nightie? You wouldn't see June Cleaver doing that!

I am glad I have done this!

So I have been busy cooking those meals and freezing them as I mentioned in my last post. It has been quite an effort for me, but I think it's paid off.

I managed to get 30 meals cooked and in the freezer. I ran out of containers and room, so I had to place the food in plastic ziploc bags. No matter, because they will taste the same.

Last night I got a spaghetti bolognaise out, emptied it nicely thawed, onto a plate and nuked it for 3 minutes. It was great! I added shaved parmesan cheese and some salad and it was delicious! 

Yesterday my younger son turned 45 and we went to his place to wish him happy birthday. It's a 2 hour trip each way, so by the time we got home I was too exhausted to cook. So this came in handy. 

I have quite a few dishes to do today and I want to clean my kitchen well, so if I have enough spoons left, I want to cook four meals of chow mein with rice.

Sitting here talking to you, I feel like I am falling asleep and my muscles are aching badly. So I fear maybe another fibromyalgia flare is coming to pay me a visit. Just another reason I am glad I have done this! 

Hopefully it will work

So I have noticed that even on a rare good day with my fibromyalgia, I still have a dip in energy by 3 or 4pm. Usually that's my time to start preparing dinner. I simply run out of spoons.

Because I don't want to make eating frozen dinners the norm, I decided to try a new plan. I am going to cook a few weeks to a month ahead and freeze the meals.

Any day that I find myself having enough spoons, I will cook a few meals at the same time and gradually build this up to a month of meals in advance.

I know it's going to take a lot of planning, but I think in the end it will be worth it. I actually started yesterday.

Firstly, I went through my fridges and freezers and grouped meats together. Yesterday I made 4 meals each honey chicken with vegetables, potatoes and gravy, then another 2 meals of Mexican chicken with rice. Today I am going to bake the chicken rissoles and kievs and add mashed potato and greens.

The next day, God willing- and spoons available, I am going to cook some stews with a lot of vegetables, using up my pork and beef steaks. 

On the next Spoon Friendly Day, I plan to make up 6 meals with my sausages. I find my slow cookers- I have 3 of them, so handy plus they don't heat the kitchen up like the oven. We are in our summer at the moment.

I am not sure if I can freeze baked potatoes and bacon successfully, but if I can I will do that for lunches.

We will still be having salads with our meals but I buy the packet salads that are already cut and washed, and that not only saves on spoons but helps me with my arthritic hands.

I know this way is not a new thing to most people, but it is something new to me. Hopefully it will work. 

We live in a fallen world

 I have tried not to dwell on my illnesses these days, but still find that I have to remember to do this:

Accepting that one's life is going to be difficult due to ongoing illness makes for a happier life. When the chronically ill person decides to give it to God, and to cling to Him instead of succumbing to false guilt, life takes on a normality in what many would see as anything but. It is a surrender, if you will.

Suffering does not make us second-class Christians, as some false teachings would purport. Nor does it mean we are faithless or aren't reading our Bibles or standing on the promises of God regarding healing.

Furthermore, being ill does not check us out of God's watchful Eye of concern, or mean that He is an uncompassionate God. No, we all are subject to frailties and problems in the flesh because we live in a fallen world... we have not been singled out to suffer...

God has given us things to do in our suffering and it is important that we stay close to Him and continue to read the Word and pray. It is not that God has moved, when He feels far away during a flare or illness, but our emotions are also hurting as a result of our condition.

It is important to pray that God heal us, and to ask the Church to anoint us with oil according to the Scriptures... It is essential to our emotional and spiritual health to stay in the faith and believe that God can heal us, but to pray for strength until- or even IF it is His will to do so.

I know that should/when another flare comes for me that I will have to cling to Jesus and reread what I have written here (for I write it for myself as well as you). I will need to surrender this next painful chapter of my life, knowing that God will still be there for me.

Surrendering our pain and our life to God is the only thing we can do.... meanwhile, I thank Him for the few days of respite..

Suffering is not our fault, but is because we live in a fallen world.

© Glenys Robyn Hicks

Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers. 3 John 1:2

Normally abnormal

We chronically ill women try so hard to do "normal" things. Like look well. Be cheerful. Be patient. Kind. Hospitable. Our family and marriage are our first priority after God. We try so hard to spin our wheel not fast- but at a "normal" pace. 

By "normal", we compare ourselves to those who do not suffer from chronic illness and pain. Or are disabled. We are very careful to keep serving our family but sometimes with the illness that afflicts us: we fail. This often gets to us and causes us to sink into depression. 

Being unable to process that we simply can't act as "normals", we often berate ourselves and sink into the Pit of Despair. We are often judged by "normal" standards, as we simply cannot attend certain social functions like before. If we do, the pain and effort can make us tense and we can make us appear moody unsociable grumps aka the death head at the feast. 

If only "normals" would realise that we are pushing ourselves every day to live a life that not even closely is "normal" like in the days before our health failed. We get so adept at doing this, that we have become quite good at wearing masks to cover the Mask Of Pain. Hence the appearance of being in a mood. 

My fibromyalgia and other health issues have now made it impossible for me to disguise, and I have learned to acknowledge this to people and tell them in advance that my attendance or action or whatever is totally subject to how I am on any given day. 

Basically, I have had to pander to angina, spinal and knee problems, fibromyalgia, polymyalgia rheumatica, and submit to tyrannical spoons by being totally flexible about my appointments and so on. 

People may still misjudge me but that is not my problem. I just pray that the LORD will allow them to see that I am not lazy or unsociable, but am just a chronically ill woman who finds just breathing some days enough effort. 

The LORD knows I am not well, but people take a lot more convincing. I am normally abnormal.   

Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Colossians 3:12