Finding beauty in a horrid day

I had trouble waking up this morning. My fibromyalgia has made me feel like I have been run over by a truck. However the day has not been a total loss.

I did a load of washing and now have to put it all away. I am not sure if I have enough spoons left for that because I also washed a whole stack of dishes and I am not sure if I have enough energy left to cook. 

I am still in my PJ's. I just might need to take a nana nap or rest at "the beach" so I can recharge. We will see...

The weather has been nice today and I left the back door open and listened to the birds and the stream running. The sun was shining on the water and the birds were calling and coming down to eat the seed and watermelon I left on the back porch for them.

It's important to try to find something lovely in every day, no matter how bad our fibromyalgia is to bring a balance of goodness and beauty in an otherwise horrid day.

It's like a fridge in here tonight.

                                                         

We are just into the seventh day of Spring and I am so glad to see the back of our winter. This house is old and has no insulation and I feel the cold real bad with watered down blood. Chris laughs at me, saying that Australian winters are mild and don't last long. 

I have no desire to live in England or anywhere that has long dark winters and snow. We average out no lower than 1C or 33.8F though we did see -1C a few mornings. As nice as snow looks, you can be sure I won't be joining in making snowmen!

Although changing weather effects my fibromyalgia, I still enjoy the different seasons in each day of Spring and autumn. And I just adore the smell of early spring mornings and the abundant blossoms on our neighbour's tree overhanging the fence. It's such a pretty pink and when it loses its leaves, it leaves a pink carpet all over the lush green of our grass.

With some Spring  mornings and evenings still being cold, I am looking to buy a heater for my study. I am sitting here with a wheat pack on my chest to warm me up!  It's like a fridge in here tonight.

Sacrificial home keeping's sorted

Today I managed to finish washing the dishes- I have been doing them in short bursts as I can't stand long. 

I managed to take a shower this morning and I had to rest a bit after it. But it was good! The water relieved some of my muscle pain from my fibromyalgia.

I rang my friendly housecleaner and offered her some extra money if she would regularly change both our beds each fortnight. Even though due to illness, we have separate rooms now, the beds still need changing fortnightly. I can no longer do it. She's agreed to do that, so that's a load off my mind. 

We had a doctor's appointment this afternoon, but Chris didn't feel well enough to drive and I can't, so we changed to a phone consult. I got some scripts for pain relief and discussed Chris' diabetes woes. I will be giving him 34 units twice a day from today instead of the 32. Plus there's a new injection for once a week we must start tomorrow.  

I will be sitting outside for a bit today as the weather is supposed to be nice. It will seem better now that the  sacrificial home keeping has been sorted! 

Life is good in spite of setbacks

I am trying to keep up with my home making duties. I have to do some dishes and clean my kitchen.. My knees are paining me so much today, that I won't be able to do much more. 

Fibromyalgia is back again and spoons are scarce. I am also psyching myself up to take a shower. Lucky we have a shower chair now. Funny how you don't think twice about it until chronic illness comes a'callin! 

With the brain fog, I get side tracked often too. Now I ask Siri to remind me to change the loads of washing over from washer to dryer. I need to find an app to tell me I have left stuff out that should go in the fridge or that I have nuked a night time snack and find it in the microwave in the morning hahaha

I am planning  on using  my slow cookers  a lot today.  I will be slow cooking the pork chops in a sweet curry sauce with  the rice.  I will be making some Jewish Penicillin in another slow cooker  and I will make  a chow mein in the other slow cooker for tomorrow.

After that, I plan to feed the birds and watch them eat...  sitting out on the porch under the apple blossoms on the neighbour's tree... it's the first day of Spring here in  Australia. Life is good in spite of setbacks..

Like, sure that will work!

As you know, I really love watching the many birds that come into our back garden, and I feed them all the time.

Xena our cat also watches them, but I am not sure what her motives are! Anyway, they have gotten used to her sitting watching them and they eat freely in front of her.

Of all the birds, my favourite are the kingfishers and I always leave a treat for them on the actual porch. The others eat further down near the bird feeder, but the kingfishers always come up checking for treats.

It started out with one brown kingfisher, but now there are about four brown ones and two black and white.

No matter where they are, I have my "love glances" from the LORD. He always causes me to turn round or look up just as they appear. He is so loving and good! 

It is winter here and we have rain which exacerbates my fibromyalgia. So today I am planning on just doing my dishes and cooking. Pork chops with mashed potato and salad are on the menu for tonight.

My knee is still so sore and I feel like my polymyalgia rheumatica is coming back. I am toying with the idea of putting myself back on my Prednisolone. We will see.

With opioids being so restricted and my paracetamol aka Tylenol being practically useless, I am going to try to distract myself watching the birds and taking my mind off it. Like, sure that will work! 

We need an ark!

THURSDAY NIGHT: We are having unseasonable weather with flooding and high winds. Currently having our tenth power outage in 24 hours with large trees blown over lots of roads and in the parkland opposite our house we are out of our diabetic medicines and we can’t get to the chemist.

We have been advised to stay home for safety. I am so glad we are on a steep slope.

FRIDAY: We managed to get through to our closest chemist so we have our diabetic medicine again! We had dinner at Chris's son's as they had gas to cook with. They live near us! 

We have no heating whatsoever and it's winter and the weather is freezing. My fibromyalgia has come out to play! 

SATURDAY:  So pleased that the power came back on last night. 

SUNDAY AFTERNOON: We have just got the modem back on but the phones are still on SOS only. 

The waters came up very high so that the cows couldn't get any food from their pasture behind our back garden. A farmer asked us if he could go through our back garden to leave some hay bales for them. Of course we said yes and he managed to place some in the small island of land in the middle of the flood waters. 

I don't need food or medicine so it doesn't matter that we can't get out for the moment. 

The farmer who came through to feed his cows was very nice and he said he's lived here all his life and has never seen the weather and floods as bad as this one. The weather bureau said the waters should recede soon.

This is the view today from our back porch. The hay was delivered to the island strip of land because through habit that's where the cows were plodding looking for feed. The farmer's house is in the background.

My focus for today is to wash all the dishes and do some washing... I will be cooking lamb stew for tonight. 

More rain is forecast for the next few days with more flooding. If it gets any worse, we are going to need an ark! 

Enjoying some morning sunshine

 

Chris and I are not getting enough Vitamin D so we took the opportunity yesterday to sit on our garden swing together and catch some rays.

Xena found some meat I had left out for our magpies and kingfishers and you can see her in the start of the video. 

We just listened to the silence punctuated with some birds calling and we just luxuriated in the warm rays.

Just beyond our fence is a stream running through the back of our property with some paddocks rolling out along the stream edge. The cows come to graze a couple of times a day, moving right along all the paddocks, grazing as they go.

With winter on us now, we try to get outside and get some sun and it is really nice to feels the rays on our skin but I have to be careful as it's very easy to fall asleep. It wouldn't be very restful to fall onto the scoria under the swing.

It's nice to focus on pretty birds, cats and cows and get away from the news and I only really listen to it once a day. I need to know about lockdowns rules and so on. After I find out, I switch it off.  

We have been on lockdown again last week and metropolitan Melbourne has had it extended for another week. It has been lifted a bit for us as we are regional. But we can't travel far.

My fibro and polymyalgia are flaring and I find myself longing to go to bed, but I try to resist going back. I prefer sitting on the swing holding Chris's hand and enjoying some morning sunshine.

Just keeping my head above water

 

I have copped a double whammy with both a flare of my fibromyalgia and polymyalgia rheumatica.  The pain and fatigue are overwhelming.

No doubt this was caused by Chris's diagnosis of heart failure, my daughter's impending leukaemia specialist test results, my grandson going to prison and the pain this has caused to us as a family.

I am feeling extremely unwell and was hesitant to take the Prednisolone my doctor ordered, but after a phone consult with him today, we discussed the risks v advantages and decided the risk was worth it.

Although I am feeling exhausted, the Prednisolone has given me a high that precludes going to bed for a nana nap. I have just sat up in the loungeroom watching and feeding the birds.

I have a sink full of dishes to do but no energy to do them. The only reason I am blogging now is that I am sitting and it takes very little of my limited spoons.

Recently, adapting to our new normal, our dryer was placed on top of our front loader washer and this has helped me so much with not having to stoop too much with my sore back and hips.

If I was well, I would have hung the washing out to dry as the last few days have been lovely warm autumn days here in Australia. But I have to use the dryer as I can no longer peg the clothes out or stretch my arms above my head.

When I finish talking with you, I am going back to my couch aka "the beach".  I will be doing steak, chips, eggs tomatoes and baked beans for dinner. 

Spiritually I am doing fine, it's just the physical that pulls me down- and I am exhausted just keeping my head above water!

It is what it is!

Many of you will know that my husband, Chris is facing serious health issues. He has recently been diagnosed with heart failure.

With fluid on his lungs, he feels like he is suffocating when he lies down, and so he sleeps sitting up in the recliner.

The fluid tablets don't seem to be moving much fluid off his badly swollen legs and feet either. His feet are so swollen that no shoes will fit him.

I was able to buy him some orthopaedic slippers that come apart and are fastened around the feet, ensuring a comfortable fit. They are quite warm as well which is a bonus in our autumn chilly mornings here.

We have many cardiologist and doctor appointments and tests in the coming weeks and  it really effects my fibromyalgia badly. But we keep on keeping on because we don't have any choice.

After a day out for medical appointments, I am usually running on no spoons and that is when Chris looks after me.

He makes me a cup of tea and turns my electric blanket on. He encourages me to rest and chooses an easy slow cooker meal for dinner. I usually cook that on the day whilst we are out.

I allow Chris full reign of what he wants to eat as his appetite is not as good as before he got sick. So you will find us discussing menus the day before.

I do all organising for his appointments, ensure his medications are made up, sort them out for the week and drive him to said appointments if he doesn't feel up to it.

He in return guards my health and makes sure I get uninterrupted sleep as I don't sleep soundly due to fibromyalgia pain.

In line with this, we now share separate bedrooms. Our marriage is as strong and loving as ever, but due to illness we both have found we sleep better apart.

It wasn't what we really wanted, but it is just part of our own new normal. We still sit together watching TV and we hold hands all the time. But with health issues causing insomnia, it is the only way we both can help each other. It is what it is.

When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet. Proverbs 3:24a

Our back garden's like an airport

So today as I was resting on the couch with a fibromyalgia flare, I saw that a whole lot of birds had come to dine on the new round of birdseed and strips of steak leftover from dinner last night.

We had galahs, parrots, minor birds, pigeons and even a duck. They were flying in and taking off so much that our back yard looked like an airport.

Chris took a video but because he couldn't get too close to the back door without frightening them, the video isn't as clear as we would have liked. However, you get the idea.

With it being a cold rainy day today, it was the perfect day for a lie on the couch and as always, the picture window/door provided a wonderful view of the birdlife.

It's pretty cosy here though with the fire going and dinner bubbling in the slow cooker. Once again I am grateful for this house which nurtures us so much, especially during times of lockdown or recovery from fibro flares.

The view from our couch always changes like a screensaver, even if it's just a couple of butterflies flying past, a duck waddling in the yard or our back garden looking like an airport. 

 

 

I envy our cat!

 

I don't believe in reincarnation, but if I did, I would come back as a cat. Xena has the best life ever!

She is a real diva and has two beds, two couches, two director's chairs and endless corners with interesting things like a foot cushion or a printer to lie on. Then there's the sunny window sills and benches for whenever a cat nap is in order. Which for her, is often. I do envy her sometimes.

She has trained us well.. food and water are always available and her litter tray is kept nice and clean. Even her bedding is washed regularly, perfumed and softened with fabric softener.

Our cat's life is a good life. The only tasks in a day are grooming and sharpening her nails on her scratching post- that is where we have trained her well...

With my fibromyalgia pain at an all time high with our colder weather, I often think how wonderful it would be to have no responsibilities and a cosy bed at every turn to fall into. And to be able to peacefully sleep for at least 16 hours a day without feeling guilty would be a dream.

Yes, a cat's life is very desirable.... I could see myself as a feline. But with my bad record with health issues, I probably would be sent on a one way trip to the vet in a steel barred cat cage! 

My bed's calling my name!

 

It's raining cats and dogs here and the temperature is cold. It's supposed to be summer here in Australia, but it feels like a winter's day.

After having the cooler on yesterday, in stark contrast, we have the heater on. I am so glad that I don't have to go out today.

This changeable weather is causing havoc with my fibromyalgia. It's predictable that it would. So today I have just a few tasks planned.

• Clean my kitchen
• Make our bed 
• Cook curried beef with vegetables

My fingers are throbbing with pain today, as is my coccyx. With it being broken, it is also to be expected. I may apply some heat to it later on as the cold seems to make it ache more.

I think my bones may be brittle after years of prednisolone for my polymyalgia rheumatica. Hence the break of the coccyx. Yet I can't take extra calcium because I am a chronic kidney stone maker (over 50 bilateral) My stones are calcium oxylate bathed in uric acid. I am on Zyloprim to reduce the acid.

It's a predictable start to the New Year. I have been feeling a little reprieve from fibromyalgia pain and then- boom! inclement weather has blown me away again!

So I best get off my computer and start on the dishes. I can see a nana nap in my future and that's not a bad thing given the circumstances!  I can hear my bed calling my name!

While the lights were off

 Yesterday the power company interrupted our area's power supply to do some works. It was a beautiful day so we decided to just go for a drive.

We ended up in a lovely seaside town called Paynesville. It was a long drive, and I had fallen asleep on the long stretch of freeway as my fibromyalgia was flaring badly. 

The sun was warm on my sore muscles but still too warm to sit out under it, so we parked under the shade of a tree and ate some fish and chips.

The water was quite blue with frothy white capped waves and some black swans floated by, buoyed up repeatedly in them as they searched for their own lunch. It was easy to see how they caught their meal under the water, plunging their long necks under the sea.

The water was maybe only a few feet from our car and it was very soothing to hear the rhythmic pounding against the brick sea break...

The sun shone warmly, our tummies were full and there was a long drive home, so we cranked back our seats and soon were carried to the arms of Morpheus, which wasn't an unwelcome experience, especially as Chris was tired from the long drive and still not feeling the best- and me with my fibro pain and fatigue.

We woke after about a half hour as a dog barked excitedly on his seaside walk. We lingered a bit longer, enjoying the sea and watching a sail boat tacking and slipping into the marina.

Before going home, I walked to the toilet block to be greeted by three black swans and a grey cygnet  drinking from a fresh water spigot and bowl. They were unconcerned as I walked past them and just continued drinking. When I came back out, they were waddling back towards the sea, their barrelled bodies and long necks looking too heavy for their spindly webbed legs...

Continuing on home, taking it slowly, I received a text from our electricity service provider telling us the power had been restored to our homes. We knew it would be back on by the time we got home. That was the plan! 

The house was hot when we got back in the evening, so we opened it up, made a cup of tea,  and fell asleep together on the couch in front of the TV.

The day had been very pleasant, far more so than if we had just stayed home, trying to cope with fibro pain and Chris's shoulder pain. We were glad we had a diversion from our ills and decided to take our little trip to the seaside while the lights were off.

Fibro is the pits!

Some Christmas presents have come early thanks to family who are impatient for Christmas and so today Chris hung my hanging baskets and kookaburra wall ornament up for me.

We have been getting kookaburras by the bus load in our back garden and when I saw this ceramic one, I wanted him for my front porch.

This has given the house more kerbside appeal, and I think the kookaburra is very handsome.

I am psyching myself up to go pick up my grocery order I placed online. It's one of those days where fibromyalgia has reared its ugly head in the form of excruciating muscle pain in my arms and neck.

We will be having a frozen dinner tonight as we had a big lunch. To be honest, I just want to go to bed but that can't happen until after the grocery pick up.

The rain is bucketing down which perhaps accounts for the extra muscle pain. The weather always effects my fibromyalgia....

Better get on with it and rest up afterwards. Fibro is the pits! 

A restful reward

 

With the weather warming up, the fabulous bird life has returned from their migration up north. Every day there's a wide variety of minors, parrots, cockatoos, mudlarks, magpies, rosellas and corellas and kookaburras. And of course, there's crows and their cousins, pied corrowongs.

We keep the bird feeder stacked with seed and we also throw our scraps to them and they literally wait for us. In fact, no sooner is that back sliding door opened, than the magpies alight to snatch away the bread we've thrown. They are almost tame and even knock on the door for us to feed them.

This is so restful and when my fibromyalgia is flaring, I often lay on the couch and watch them. 

Lately, my fibromyalgia has been bad and even though I need to rest during the day, I don't necessarily need or want to be in bed, so I have found bird watching to be something I look forward to. Obviously, if I fall asleep, it doesn't matter. But feeding and watching the birds has a calming effect on me and I love it.

Today my to do list consists of washing a couple of loads of clothes and doing the dishes. I didn't get them done last night and they haven't miraculously disappeared. No, they are waiting patiently for my attention. 

With muscles cramping and spoons all used- obviously part of those waiting to be washed- I am meting out my limited energy with a zeal reserved only for survival these days.

I best get it done, even if it is in short bursts of energy. Eventually they will disappear and I have the birds to watch and amuse me as a reward afterwards.

Smelling the roses!

 

The last few weeks have been full of drama and it has seen my body collapsing with the mother of all fibromyalgia flares and a (non Covid) viral infection. Most things have been resolved and I have my peace back again. 

I have taken back control of my house in which I had fallen down during my illness, and I have had help from a cleaner from my aged care package. 

A lot of our Corona limits have been lifted and I have been able to see my family. That has helped. More things will be lifted next Sunday and it looks hopeful that we will be able to see family at Christmas.

Chris is recovering well from his surgery and no longer needs special dressing of his wound. In fact, a bandaid suffices now. I am so cheered that he is well. I hate it when he is unwell. 

The days are getting hotter with tomorrow set to be 33deg C but I am not concerned since we aren't going outside and we have air conditioners now.

We saw the doctor today for routine blood results and my blood pressure check as it was high last week. With giving my situation to the LORD and regaining my peace, it was 134/80 and the doctor was very pleased.

We have found a couple of Christian networks to watch wholesome movies and they have been very uplifting. One is New Faith Network for which I pay about $8AUD a month and the other is free for 14 days then $8AUD a month-  ACCTV.net from Australia. 

Chris and I sit of an evening and watch TV together and it all helps to bring stress levels down as well as blood pressure.

We are enjoying our back garden with a return of the prolific bird life that is so colourful. They have returned from their migration north to beat the winter and they are a joy to watch as they come down for the seed and food we leave for them.

Life can be so difficult, but can also be so wonderful: a great deal of the wonder of it all is to take time in smelling the roses! 

Life's looking up!

 

I am a very happy girl today. Our landlords have just put a reverse cycle air conditioner in our bedroom. It is just in time for the summer which officially starts on the 1st December.

It is very difficult to sleep in the front room in summer as it becomes a sauna. With fibromyalgia and a hole in the heart which stops oxygenation of the right lung, the heat just literally takes my breath away.

With a few hot days under our belt already, the timing has been perfect.

I am very happy that we will be able to sleep even during the hottest night. The air blowing on our faces makes it easier to take a deep breath and even on cooler nights, you will find me with a small fan to get that air.

With restrictions being lifted that will allow us to travel this Christmas, I can say that life's looking up! 

Making holiday plans

 

After nine months of lockdown here in Victoria, at last some restrictions have been lifted, paving the way for families to get to together for Christmas and New Year.

Gone are the endless days of watching movies and becoming totally indolent because of boredom and depression. We can now make plans for the holidays.

It was horrid being in a state of limbo due to the Government's tight rein on us travelling because of Covid 19. We didn't know what would be happening this year, but hopefully now we will be able to reconnect with family.

It will be good to travel without being pulled over by the police or defence officers. Shopping for food and presents will be fun, even though we still will have to wear a mask and practise social distancing.

This doesn't really worry me as I do all my gift buying and food online, due to fibromyalgia and heart problems. But it will be great to know that we can actually visit our family instead of posting presents. 

My aged care home help lady has been coming and it is such a relief. I have the place tidy for her and she said our place is fine. Apparently some people won't do anything in their house at all.

I have had Chris receiving hospital in the home care daily and last Friday he was discharged because the wound has granulated sufficiently that it doesn't need packing anymore.

We are experiencing quite changeable weather and my fibromyalgia is off the charts. Along with the chronic fatigue a flare brings.

I am looking for Christmas gifts online and am planning my Christmas dinner menu. We are so glad that at last there is a lessening of active Covid cases here in Victoria and it looks like Christmas will be a time to enjoy with family. 

I am rejoicing and feel alive again, now that I will see my grandchildren and other family and I will take great pleasure in making holiday plans.

Endone envy!

These last few days and the next few have been extremely busy. Chris has been unwell and is awaiting surgery for a hernia/abcess as we speak. Also, my twin sister is also in hospital with heart problems again.

I don't usually drive, but these last few days I have had to. Driving sure has exacerbated my fibromyalgia pain. But it simply had to be done.

Yesterday, I drove Chris to the ER and then I drove myself home. This morning when I woke I could hardly raise my arms. 

Needing to go the hospital again this afternoon, I had to take a nap because I knew I wouldn't have sufficient spoons to make it there and back if I didn't.

It has been a hot day today. The first majorly hot day in our spring weather. There's more of the same. By the time I got my walker out of the car, then walked the miles of corridors to Chris's room, I was exhausted.

When I got home, I had a cuppa and some paracetamol. I will be having an early night tonight as tomorrow I will be visiting Chris again. 

I think stress exacerbates fibromyalgia symptoms as well. I feel torn about not visiting my twin and staying by Chris's side. Obviously, I can't physically be two places at once, but in my thoughts and heart, I am. 

I wasn't allowed to stay long with Chris due to Covid 19 restrictions, but the only thing that saved my emotions today was seeing the Endone had made him sleep. Seeing him without pain made it easier to leave him.

The kettle is on and my evening meds have been taken. I will ring both the hospitals and check on the patients before I go to bed. 

Fibromyalgia is consuming most of my thoughts right now, and for the first time in my life, I am actually envious of the wonderous soothing effects of Chris's Endone.

 

We only live once

 The Victorian Government has lifted some of the travelling bans here and so we decided to go for a long drive today. We were so glad to be able to go visit our daughter who also lives in Gippsland. 

We were overjoyed to see a double rainbow on our way home. It was so vivid and we felt like we were actually driving through it. 

Yesterday was a day of severe fibromyalgia pain, but I decided to try to focus on positives and I didn't have to look far. The same daughter we visited today has had leukaemia and she had a phone consult yesterday from her haemotologist, who informed her that she was still in remission.  

Laying in bed last night, I tried to ignore the aching muscles, stiff neck and back and I decided to dwell on the many ways I have been blessed daily. Certainly the blood results were praiseworthy. I fell asleep praising and thanking God for the miracle of her life. 

I woke up still in pain, as the weather was inclement, but I needed to go to the chemist, so I forced myself to get dressed and go. We then proceeded to see our daughter, glad to be able to at last visit someone and drive in the car! 

I know I will most likely wake up in pain tomorrow, but I weighed it up and decided that seeing my girl and going for a drive would be worth it. So I will plan the next few days accordingly.

I will be preparing an easy stew in the slow cooker tomorrow.  I will be doing just the essentials in the house- for me that is putting clean washing away and doing tonight's dishes. With my arms tingling and feeling like my muscles and tendons are tearing, I won't be doing them tonight. They will be there in the morning...

Life with fibromyalgia is a juggling act and a life of constantly meting out spoons and rest breaks. Every day one has to decide if a certain activity is worth the pain to follow it. Sometimes it is.

We have to weigh up the satisfaction and pleasure of today against the certain knowledge of a painful tomorrow. We often have to choose to live and we suffer physically for it.

Fibromites have to plan to live or we will die inside through boredom, loneliness and regret. We must know that we could cocoon ourselves today only to find we suffer tomorrow anyway.

Along with the pain of overprotecting ourselves, comes the feeling of regret. Choose carefully and try to find joy every day. We only live once.