I am not lazy!

 

So I am often low on spoons and it necessitates a hands on approach. I must pace myself and rest up in the hope that I can find some spoons from somewhere in order to do the needful.

Usually by the end of the day, you will find me resting in my recliner rocker or in bed. Especially when I have a fibromyalgia flare or a bad day with breathing difficulties.

Apart from the usual taunts such as "but you don't look sick" and the need to validate my need for rest, I find that the latest taunt is "you are so lazy!"

But appearances can be deceiving. If I were truly lazy I wouldn't even be resting or pacing myself in order to do a household task or cook a meal. I wouldn't even be entertaining the thought of cleaning or cooking.

People presuming to know my situation are often getting it all wrong.  And it used to hurt. But these days, I have decided to let it run off my back like water off a duck. 

I no longer let those unkind remarks get to me... Chris and I know the truth and that's all that matters.

Like looking well when I feel like death warmed over, resting to enable a task to be done does not mean I am indolent or don't care about my husband or my home.

Taking care of myself in order to take care of others may appear selfish. But nothing can be further from the truth: I am not lazy! 

This is a great help

 

As you know, I have been having problems with my blood pressure. So I have had to plan my days to include a lot of rest without having my house looking like it's been burgled.

Not for the first time, I have integrated the Lists for a chronically ill home keeper into my day. I will be following these Lists from Sylvia Britton of Christian HomeKeeper for the next week or so.

I find them invaluable. Here's the link if you want to try them too.

It's not about how fast we spin our wheel

Whether you have the flu or a cold or suffer like I do from fibromyalgia, you will have days where your body forces you to rest simply because you can't do anything else.

But that doesn't mean that resting will make it better. Nor does it guarantee that you will gather more spoons to use when you rise up from your sickbed.

When you are chronically ill, you don't get better and rest definitely doesn't leave you feeling refreshed and full of energy.

The most rest can do for us is give us a temporary respite from forcing ourselves way beyond  our comfort zone to serve our family.

Needing to rest can make those who don't understand chronic illness to make us become the victim of nasty retorts stating that we are lazy and putting it on in order to take to our bed. 

Being that fibromyalgia is one of many invisible illnesses, we are often maligned as malingers and the angst that this creates can cause us to become depressed as well as angry.

We didn't ask to be sick and most of us in fact push ourselves way beyond our comfort zone to prove to ourselves and others that we are not lazy.

I think as fibromyalgia is often a prolonged illness that we would do well to take thoughts of others directed at us to be taken into the captivity of Christ Who doesn't condemn us but Who loves us at all times. 

He understands and doesn't condemn us. We have to take His Word that He loves us as we are.

We need to learn to switch off from those who condemn and criticise us for taking frequent breaks and nana naps. We know we are doing the best we can and our worth is not about how fast we spin our wheel.

 

A big part of my life

It's 11.30 Saturday morning here and already we have been to have blood tests, come back and had breakfast and I have done a load of washing, folded clothes and stacked the dishwasher. 

They weren't able to get blood from me today so I have to come back Monday. This in spite of drinking water beforehand. 

Chris is sleeping and I am thinking of having a nana nap as I have no spoons left. So tonight I will be cooking pork chops with mashed potato and salad. I may serve a fruit salad for dessert.

The fibromyalgia is flaring and I am aching all over. I haven't recovered from the move yet. In spite of knowing I could/should do some more around the house, I know that I need to rest or tomorrow will be a repeat of today. Pacing and resting are now a big part of my life since fibro.

Another day at The Beach

So we were watching the birds coming down for the seed and bread and I grabbed my phone and did a short video.

As you can see, the beautiful coloured small parrots came down in droves, making it a lovely afternoon at The Beach aka the couch.

With pacing and resting during fibromyalgia flares, I find the beauty of nature helps to lift my spirits and give me some peace.

I thought if I shared it, it might brighten your day. By the way, although the sound's not great, could you hear Xena crying "Mum!"? She badly wanted me to allow her to go outside.

I couldn't risk it as she would most likely attack the birds or at the least, frighten them. We don't want anything to jeophardise the possibility of another day at The Beach! 

You just don't know when it will break.

 

Over the last week I have been enjoying a respite from fibromyalgia pain and fatigue. I don't know why it happened, but of course I am glad it did.

During that time I have been busy cooking meals in advance for the next time I have the inevitable flare. It has been working out really well.

I have been carefully pacing myself, allowing 15 minutes of decluttering then resting. Emotionally, it's very satisfying.

Well, I woke up this Sunday morning and have had an unwelcome guest: you guessed it: another fibromyalgia flare. So I guess that I overdid it..So today I will be reaping the benefits of preparing some meals in advance. 

Conversely, though suffering physically, I am not depressed by this: I knew my respite wouldn't last forever. But oh how wonderful it was to have some spoons and to be able to go a whole day without a nana nap!

We Fibromites in regards to spoons and flares, are definitely babies in cradles swinging from the tree tops. We know that at any time the bough can break and we will come tumbling down. 

But it's best if we just learn to go with the flow and try to enjoy the respite: the bough might not break for ages, but you never do know.

Making the most of my spoons

So for the last few days I have been enjoying a respite from fibromyalgia pain. The weather has been lovely and sunny and the warmth has permeated my being and soothed a lot of muscle pain.

I have been decluttering our home and making extra meals to freeze for later on. It has been a novelty and a joy to have spoons to do it.

Aware that it can bring on a flare if I do too much, I have been pacing myself. I do 15 minutes sessions of decluttering with a rest in between. With cooking, I do about half an hour of food prep then take a rest as well.

I am enjoying my new dishwasher too. It certainly makes keeping up with the dishes and keeping my kitchen tidier easier. And that I find, encourages me to cook.

I really don't know how long this respite will last, but I'm grateful each day that I have absence from pain and fatigue.

Until you have a respite, you don't realise how challenging your life is. So for the moment, however brief it may be, I will be making the most of my spoons.

 

Fibromyalgia is a wicked ruler.

So yesterday we went to see our daughter after lockdowns were lifted. The weather was beautiful and we bought some fish and chips for lunch and we ate them in the car overlooking some water. It was lovely!

We haven't been out socially for about 4 months, and it was a real novelty to keep on driving with no restrictions. We had a lovely cup of tea with our daughter and caught up. 

Driving home, we took the long scenic route. It made us feel glad to be alive. Last night, I slept like a baby but unfortunately woke up in top of the range pain. It's going to rain.

Fibromyalgia is such a wicked ruler. It can come and bite you on the heel, just  after you've had a lovely and special time. Maybe it was sitting so long yesterday, maybe because of the changing weather. I don't know. All  I know is I have another fibro flare.

Sitting here typing and in pain, I have come to realise that in spite of knowing that fibromyalgia will rear its' ugly head the next day, it's important to keep living.

The only alternative for me is to stay home permanently and wrap myself in cotton wool but be miserable doing it. I don't want that to happen.

So I will put up with rebound flares after using all my spoons if it means that I have a life other than that of an invalid. I am more than that.  I want to have episodes of pleasure in my life no matter how brief.

I need to make memories and keep in contact with my family. I will overcome it, even if fibromyalgia is a wicked ruler.

Things on my to do list are just basics today. Dishes, cooking and resting.

Making better use of my spoons

 

With limited spoons (energy), I have to be more mindful of my time on Face Book.  FB is a useful tool for keeping in touch with relatives who may or may not bother to keep in touch with us. This saves on phone calls as most of Chris's family are in England.

As a chronically ill woman with constantly flaring fibromyalgia as well as other chronic illnesses, I do 15 mins of housework, then I play Candy Crush as I rest. It's a great motivator and a good reward and rest break wherein I don't have to think too much and it helps de-stress me

However, I realise that while I do 15 mins in the house, I often spend an hour or more on Candy Crush or reading memes. By the time I realise that I haven't managed to do what I planned, my spoons are gone!

I find FB often depresses me and when we had the 3 days without power recently, I felt less stressed. So for me, I have learned to use FB and not have FB use me. 

Although you will find me there still, it isn't at all as many times as before. Who would have thought that an inconvenience like a power outage would actually be a blessing? It's taught me how to be making better use of my spoons! 

I am so glad it's over.

 

It has been a long day of catching up on dishes left in the sink and washing left in the hamper.  Chris has been unwell and is just starting his antidepressants. Not being able to turn off thinking enough to sleep and other symptoms of depression, the doctor thinks they are warranted.

Because Chris is temporarily unable to drive, I have taken over and it has injured my good knee. Tonight, it is as painful as the one with the meniscus tear.  I have been unable to bear any weight on it. Hence the housework waiting for me.

After three days off the leg, I have just been able to get the dishes washed and the washing caught up between limping back to my couch. Chris was well enough to dry the dishes and put them away for me. As we speak, he is putting the folded clean clothes away.

My BP is soaring, no doubt to the extra pain. My knee pain is just the cherry on the top of a delightful fibromyalgia flare and bout of sciatica. I feel like retiring to my bed and staying there for a week.

But where does a wife who is a carer to her carer husband go for a break? There's no such thing and the most she- I, can hope for is to do my housework in my dressing gown.

Life goes on regardless of fibro or knee pain, or exhaustion or.... whatever.  I have sorted our pills for the next week and given Chris' his as I took mine.  

Xena's been fed and I poured fresh water into her bowl. The electric blankets are on with the promise of soothing warmth for my aching back and muscles. 

So the day is nearly over and my house is in order once again- and I am so glad it's over.

Someone loves her Nana!

I have had our granddaughter Taylah with us for a few days as it's school holidays here and her mother works. Sunday we picked her up and Chris took ill and couldn't drive us home. 

I had to drive the 2 hours home and had bad muscle pain afterwards. Taylah is 9 and independent so she's no trouble.

Today, (Wednesday) I had to take her home and I drove as Chris wasn't much better. The sugars are high and it's effecting his eyes. 

We had take away for dinner. I have taken pain killers and am going to bed soon. Driving isn't fun when you have fibromyalgia, but you just have to do some things that you can't plan for. 

Judging from my pain tonight, I will be resting tomorrow. 

I do have a love note written on my fridge menu white board. It will be something to cheer me up tomorrow when my fibromyalgia flares and I am in pain.. Someone loves her nana.

 

Making memories is what it's all about.

Today is our 23rd wedding anniversary. We celebrated it by reminiscing about the day and looking at old photographs. You can see my post of our love story here.

It's school holidays so today we picked up our little granddaughter Taylah. She's going to stay with us for a few days.

Chris unfortunately took ill during the 2 hour trip to pick her up, so I had to drive home. It wasn't a big deal really, but I am already feeling the after effects in my muscles and it's not even the day after yet.

My fibromyalgia is flaring and I will probably be resting tomorrow. I am having an early night with paracetamol to take before I retire.

I figure I may just as well make the trip and enjoy Taylah as stay home and hurt all over anyway. From previous experience, it doesn't matter much whether I wrap myself in cotton wool or not- fibro flares will keep your body hostage regardless.

So tomorrow I plan to do some slow cooker dinners and enjoy her as much as I can. Making memories is what it's all about.

Planning to live

 

As you know, I have had fibromyalgia for over 24 years. It never gets better, but by careful planning of my life, I find I can most times live a balanced life.

There are occasions in life that are unavoidable. Sometimes it is of a medical nature like the time I simply had to stir my stumps and get to hospital for my heart stents. It was literally a matter of life or death. No choices about postponing because of a flare- it just had to be done.

Sometimes it is something we have looked forward to and simply can't miss- like our 10am wedding in Melbourne 22 years ago. You may wake up like a train has hit you, but you have to go or life as you want to live it, would take a turn for the worse. As I said, there are occasions in life that are unavoidable. And sometimes, it's worth the anguish! 

Living with fibromyalgia is very tricky. One does not know how one will feel on any particular day, and often accepting an invitation to a social occasion or  keeping a medical appointment is always on a tentative basis. It depends largely on how intense one's pain is at the moment.

Planning to live with fibromyalgia is very necessary and as seen, it is not for the faint of heart. It is necessary to plan and plot moments in our life to allow certain events to unfold.

If I know I have a special event tomorrow, I will plan my menu for the next couple of days to include slow cooker or easy to prepare meals, or I will cook ahead if I have sufficient energy. Or do frozen TV dinners. Housework is set on the back burner for a few days, with me focusing mainly on just doing a load of washing if necessary- and even so, I will use the dryer to save spoons.

As we Fibromites know, after a day out, the next day or two (or three) can bring on a fibro flare and we will be trying to recover and will not be fit for much activity for those days. So we have to plan ahead to include rest.

If we take care to include days of rest after a day out, we should be able to incorporate days out when needed and in so doing, we will be able to feel that we are actually living and not simply enduring or existing.

Medical matters must be attended to look after our health and happy occasions must be attended in order to make memories. If we fail to plan to live, we will always feel that we are on the inside of the window looking out as life passes us by.

 So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.  Psalm 90:12

Hit by a truck!

 

Things are pretty bad here in Victoria. We have been in lockdown for months now and in spite of low numbers of new cases and deaths mainly related to aged care facilities being hit with Covid, our Premier is in no hurry to ease the restrictions. 

I haven't seen my family for about 3 months now.  We are country so our restrictions are stage 3, they are suburban with more cases so they are on the stage 4.  The borders are patrolled by police.

Chris and I are staying home except to go to the chemist and for a drive when we are going stir crazy. We are allowed to go for a drive as long as we stay in our general municipality. 

People in Victoria are desperate. There won't be many businesses to reopen when he finally allows it. The Premier is giving a live broadcast soon... I hope it's a lessening of restrictions.

With my fibromyalgia flaring due to imclement weather, I am trying to keep my peace and have a quiet and undisturbed spirit.

I am wearing my Oodie with the hood up so as to keep my neck and shoulders warm. They are aching so badly that I can hardly turn my head.

Most times because of my fibro pain, I am happy to stay at home. Especially nice at the moment is our new mattress which is more plush than our older one which will go into the guest room. 

It helps with my muscle pain and anything that helps is just the ticket for when fibromyalgia makes even laying down a painful chore.

Today I am resting and doing just the essentials in our home. I will be cooking a vegetable intensive stew for dinner. Nothing that requires a lot of preparation.

I will be doing some bible study later on and just vegging in my Oodie. Not much on my to do list today, which is just as well when one feels like they have been hit by a truck! 

Other species family

Chris and I love animals and if we had our way, our home would be full of dogs and cats. Unfortunately for us, our landlord doesn't want pets in his property and we almost missed out on this lovely house because we refused to give our rescue cat, Xena up and rehouse her.

We really fell in love with our house here, but the thought of losing Xena was too much to bear, and when I took the phone call from the real estate agent telling us they didn't want a cat, and would lease the house to us if we rehoused her, I embarrassingly started to cry. We told them we couldn't do that.

Anyone with a chronic illness will tell you that animals are good therapy and can help reduce pain and anxiety. They are very intuitive and seem to know when you just need a paw to hold or a head to pat or stroke. Xena will actually come up and rub herself on me when she knows I am in pain. Which, with fibromyalgia, is a lot of times..

It was embarrassing when I took that call in the freezer section of Aldi. But the property manager who was putting us forward as prospective tenants was very understanding. Turns out, she was a cat owner as well... 

We actually gave up our house which we really really wanted, for Xena. But in the end, the owners agreed to our renting the house with a cat. We were overjoyed.

To give up our little cat would be something we couldn't do to her. She was as I said, a rescue cat who had been caught as a feral and impounded and who had suffered at the hands of people who obviously didn't like cats.

It took us quite a few months to assure her that she was safe with us and it was nearly a year before she stopped running to hide if we walked too fast near her. We suspect she was kicked with workboots by some males, because she had a fear of feet and males.

But love won out, and 7 years later, she is the most loving little cat who loves nothing better than to sleep between her mum and dad. She trusts us and is part of our family now.

I know I speak for millions of cat and dog owners who love their furbabies to bits. There's no need to make a defence that these little creatures transcend the pets only genre and become other species family.

When I am resting, I know that as soon as Xena realises I am either in bed or asleep on the couch, that she will be jumping up carefully (so as not to disturb me), and snuggling up to me as I sleep. 

Chris and I call our bed the family bed because the whole family sleep in it. Pets are our other species family, and we wouldn't have it any other way.

In the end, we win!

I have been talking to some women who also suffer from fibromyalgia and they have agreed that we sometimes have to set ourselves up to hurt.

If there's somewhere we have to go to and we can't reschedule it, we all have sometimes gone knowing that tomorrow will be horrendous painwise.

The once in a blue moon chance to have beloved grandchildren stay over comes and we often willingly plan to have them, in spite of knowing the consequences for tomorrow. and the next day. and maybe even the next.

Life is unpredictable, and we ill women know that sometimes pushing ourselves to accomplish something vital to our mental happiness, is going to be worth the physical pain it will unleash.

We must live our life even if that means planning to accept the pain. 

In fact, we would do well to prepare for it by planning to cook easy meals for the next couple of days and by postponing as much of our daily housework as we cab for the time being. 

We should make sure we have heating pads, electric blankets, comforting drinks and heaps of paracetamol on hand as well. Maybe some comfort foods like chocolate on hand would be nice. 

When we face the fact that we are most likely going to hurt tomorrow anyway, we might as well bite the bullet and plunge into life head first. We will have happy memories and/or a sense of satisfaction to cuddle up with the next day or two!

We may be setting ourselves up to hurt, but in the end, we win! 

Beauty is all around us

As you probably know, we love cats. We used to have two white cats, but Snowy passed at age 14 and we now have our little white cat, Xena left to love. Both of them were rescue cats.

Xena has brightened my day. She is so amusing. Thinking she is invisible, she crouches after the many birds in our back garden, only to dash back inside when they gang up on her and chirp her away.

She is not very brave or wise. Her white fur is visible to everything. Her demeanour is the yellow of a coward. This is the same cat who squealed when a mouse ran over her paw! She's such a girl! 

With isolation, one has time to watch the antics of cats and birds, and to enjoy the beauty that is all around us. For in spite of pestilence and mayhem, there is still beauty to be found.

It does help me with this current fibromyalgia flare, to go to "the beach" and let the sun play on my skin and listen to the birds and watch our cats' antics.

Not many people can find much beauty in the world today, but I make a point of looking for it- and when I find it, I make sure to thank the One Who made it, and give thanks.

Gratitude and thankfulness in the midst of pain goes a long way in coping mentally with it all. 

Try to take some time out and focus on the good that remains in this sad old world. There is beauty all around us.

Let's be clever ducks!

So I am at  the "beach" again today... just watching out the window as the sun hid behind a tree. In the paddock behind our property, a little family of ducks waddled across towards the stream. One by one with a big plop, they threw themselves in and were rapidly whisked away on the current, probably ending up at the larger town twenty kilometres away.

With world events on my mind, I thought of how quickly we can all be whisked away to a future world we don't really enjoy or even like much any more.  It is dark and frightening for most of us-and especially so for the non believer in Christ.

For Christians have a hope and expectation: we are expecting and waiting for Jesus to come for us, and so we will be forever with Him, away from the anger and wrath that awaits the world. 

Whether we like it or not, we are being whisked away on a flood of rushing water and where we end up for eternity depends on whether or not we accept Jesus Christ as our LORD and Saviour. 

No good works will make us good enough to go to Heaven: Jesus Christ is the ONLY way. 

My prayer today as I watch those ducks making use of that current is that we will all be found safe at the other end with Jesus. Let's be clever ducks!

Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved. —Acts 4:12

On a wing and a prayer

I have not been that well lately. The rain and cold has exacerbated my fibromyalgia and my spinal problems have come back to make sitting difficult.

To be honest, at the moment, there's not much I can do that doesn't cause pain somewhere. My whole body hurts.

I have dishes to do and I plan to make a quiche and salad for dinner tonight. That's all.  I will be turning my electric blanket back on soon and retreating to bed.

Even staying up long enough to do these few things is only going to happen with prayer. I am like a war plane struck down and trying to coast to clear land. On a wing and a prayer!

We need an Ark!

The last few days here have brought heavy rains and our little stream at the back of our garden has overflowed and flooded.

Our trickling stream is a gushing torrent of water which the ducks have taken delight in as they plop into the water and get carried downstream rapidly. There's more rain forecast for the next few days.

As well as rain, the temperature has dropped to only 8C or 46.4F  Our heater has been on almost  24/7 as I feel the cold badly. Being on blood thinners, I literally have water for blood.

My fibromyalgia is flaring and I have spent most of the afternoon in bed. With my electric blanket on high.

Productivity today was low: I cooked lamb steaks and vegetables for dinner with an apple crumble dessert. 

Xena has refused to budge off the couch today because the heater is in the wall and blows warmth directly on her. 

Her trips outside are strictly to do her business, and she's back in. To be honest, I think all the rushing water is spooking her a bit.

I don't blame her at all and am glad we live on a hill with the back of the property sloping downwards in case of flooding.  It's not even winter officially till next month and already it looks like we need an Ark!