Over the last few days, I have had a cancer scare with someone dear to me, and my fibromyalgia has flared and with the pain comes that most embarrassing symptom of all: fibro fog.
I was talking on the phone to my sister, and was telling her something that had happened, but I never got to finish what I was saying. I got distracted mid-sentence and never finished the tale.
Unsure of her knowing of whom I was speaking, I digressed in a discussion on who he was, and when I tried to remember the point of discussion- I simply forgot.
Being that my sister also suffers from fibromyalgia, she understood-otherwise it would have been totally embarrassing. But there have been times in the past when I simply can't think of a word and flounder.
Like the time I was at the doctor's and was telling him something important. I simply forgot a word and there was a pregnant pause as I floundered to find it- embarrassment made it more difficult to find. He just looked over his glasses at me until I ventured to say that my fibro was flaring and this isn't usual for me. I am usually verbose.
Many times during a fibro flare, I can be reading something and it just doesn't sink in. I reread it and reread it before it is clear what I have just read. Or I can be paying the bills and have to check upteen times before I pay it to make sure I have the correct amount and I must check again to whom I am paying said correct amount.
This coupled with the physical pain and fatigue make for a very challenging life during a fibro flare. It has the propensity to sap you of your self confidence. It can make you doubt your sanity. It can scare you to death as you worry about your competence to even run your own life at times.
I would not wish this on anyone: the pain. the fatigue. the confusion. the sapping of confidence. the insomnia. the judgments.
Many times I cannot attend church or read my Bible and I sense that there are some who think I am backsliding. Far from it. I am simply too exhausted.
All these things are a Fibromite's lot and no one seems to understand if we give in to a rare moment of snappiness or pique. It's just that the whole fibro thing with pain 24/7 gets one over it very quicky and it gets very tiresome!
Today's to do list:
WashingClean my kitchenCook chicken risotto for dinner
It's so true sister...it is this massive juggling act. I walk like the tin man also and not very far at all. Waiting for the new glory ahead! I ALWAYS am trying to surrender and accept not only can I not do it all...I can't do much AT ALL. However the spiritual is always okay. Love Kelly T.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry it's so hard for you. Like you, I am waiting for the new glory ahead too!
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog today via Twitter. One of your posts was shared.
ReplyDeleteSome days I don't know which is worse. The pain and flairs or the fibro fog.
The fog can be so brutal.
They're all brutal in their own way. The pain is debilitating, along with the flares, which are limiting whilst the fibro fog is to my mind the only thing that people can notice. All other stuff is invisible therefore to some our pain doesn't exist, especially as we usually don't look sick... Thanks for having a cuppa with me today, Ellie.
ReplyDeleteThat does sound like quite a struggle. May God give you His grace.
ReplyDeleteThank you Donna. Blessings, Glenys
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