My razzle dazzle is now frazzle.

Well, it's the day after Christmas Day, known as Boxing Day here in Australia. I have battled the Mother of All Fibro Flares the days leading up to Christmas. I should have won an Academy Award for acting the part of the festive bearer of gifts and delicious goodies whilst feeling like any second my body would fail me in a catastrophic way.

By 'catastrophic' I mean embarrassing, debilitating, humiliating and last but not least, painful. 'Embarrassing' as in losing control of my bladder, 'debilitating' as in sucking the last of my energy off my one remaining spoon, 'humiliating' as in falling asleep at the Christmas dinner table and 'painful' as in all muscles cramping and tearing as I move them.

Because on top of my fibromyalgia flare, I have broken my coccyx and cannot sit or even stand without yelping in pain. Truly I walk with the grace of a pregnant elephant, as the break in my coccyx has caused the other spinal injuries to flare and has resulted in slight bladder loss. Hence me saying that I should have won an Academy Award for acting "well"

So unless you knew me as well as Chris does, you would think that I was only as fatigued as the average woman who prepares for Christmas guests and sumptious fare and gift shopping.  I was able to feign excitement as the grandchildren opened presents and I scintillated with festive razzle dazzle.

At the end of the day as we made our way up the stairs- (groan) for bed, even my jaw was tight and sore with TMJ through smiling a lot... but it was worth it because at the end of the day, we made some lovely memories and I felt that I was living my life, not just enduring it.

Whether I stayed home or participated in what is usually a happy celebration of the birth of Christ, I would be in pain. So I decided (not for the first time) that sometimes you have to push through your comfort zone to live a satisfying life, even though you know you will pay for it the next couple of days or so. 

You can believe me when I say that I feel it already as I unpack our luggage, and I know I will pay for it tomorrow, but sometime's it is totally worth it even when broken bones and Fibromyalgia flares make anyone's scintillating razzle dazzle turn into a frazzle.

 

Today is going to be cancelled

 

I am beside myself in pain with my fibromyalgia. My muscles are feeling like they are being shredded as I move them. It is agony to extend them and typing kills me...

The weather has been inclement- very changeable with summer/winter in one day and frequent showers. It plays havoc with my fibromyalgia.

With Christmas so close, I am trying to visit family so that all the family have been seen without trying to do it all in one day, but with today's pain, I am not sure if our visit to my granddaughter is going to happen.

I am done in. Truly done in. I cannot stand the pain and need to sleep forever... yes. forever. just to escape. the. pain. and I painfully talk to you,  tapping out letters like a woodpecker. 

Driving Chris home from his heart scan yesterday has pulled every muscle in my neck, back, shoulders and arms and my legs hurt from trying to reach the pedals to drive. I cannot lift them to walk. Even my eyes hurt.

The depression and sense of failure threatens to overwhelm my consciousness: I have no friends to speak of for I only have enough emotional energy today to try to continue to exist without taking all of Chris's Tramadol as a desperate way of going on...

It's a lonely path.  However,  I just realised that I do have a friend who requires no emotion of me: my bed. Yes it's my one only true friend at the moment.  I am giving in. Today is going to be cancelled.

"Let nothing you dismay!"

With the continuation of my fibromyalgia flare, I have been simplifying my Christmas decorating, gift buying and so on.

Chris put a wreath on our front door and I decorated our mini Christmas tree. It sits on our coffee table measuring eighteen inches and has lights.

I have a couple of small nativity scenes on side tables in our living room- that is it for decorating this year.

I have no spoons to go shopping and have done most of my Christmas gift buying online over the year. It has saved me so much energy. These days, just getting dressed is a struggle, let alone going out shopping.

Woolworths supermarkets have a delivery service for online shoppers and I take advantage of that. I have my food list for the festive season and I will be ordering from that.

Cooking wise for Christmas Day, I will be preparing a trifle and bringing a store bought platter of nibblies and a slab of Coca Cola. We will be sharing a meal with family and friends who are all going to bring something.

I know I will be very tired after doing Christmas Day, so we will be staying overnight with family as the trip back home is nearly two hours. It's a long drive.

Gift wrapping is not a job I enjoy and with a fibro flare in full force, I feel even less like doing it. But my little granddaughter is coming to stay with us for the week, and she is chomping at the bit to help me. I can do with all the help I can get! 

Christmas with a chronic illness like fibromyalgia is a stressful time, but with a bit of planning, it is possible to get through and maybe even enjoy the day.

So I find myself ad libbing to the carol "God rest ye merry gentlemen!" by singing "God rest ye tired Glenny Hen!" followed by "let nothing you dismay..."

Let's resolve to make this Christmas a simple affair and enjoy the festive season as much as possible in spite of fibro. And remember- we will be making memories that will always be cherished in years to come. "Let nothing you dismay..."

 

While the lights were off

 Yesterday the power company interrupted our area's power supply to do some works. It was a beautiful day so we decided to just go for a drive.

We ended up in a lovely seaside town called Paynesville. It was a long drive, and I had fallen asleep on the long stretch of freeway as my fibromyalgia was flaring badly. 

The sun was warm on my sore muscles but still too warm to sit out under it, so we parked under the shade of a tree and ate some fish and chips.

The water was quite blue with frothy white capped waves and some black swans floated by, buoyed up repeatedly in them as they searched for their own lunch. It was easy to see how they caught their meal under the water, plunging their long necks under the sea.

The water was maybe only a few feet from our car and it was very soothing to hear the rhythmic pounding against the brick sea break...

The sun shone warmly, our tummies were full and there was a long drive home, so we cranked back our seats and soon were carried to the arms of Morpheus, which wasn't an unwelcome experience, especially as Chris was tired from the long drive and still not feeling the best- and me with my fibro pain and fatigue.

We woke after about a half hour as a dog barked excitedly on his seaside walk. We lingered a bit longer, enjoying the sea and watching a sail boat tacking and slipping into the marina.

Before going home, I walked to the toilet block to be greeted by three black swans and a grey cygnet  drinking from a fresh water spigot and bowl. They were unconcerned as I walked past them and just continued drinking. When I came back out, they were waddling back towards the sea, their barrelled bodies and long necks looking too heavy for their spindly webbed legs...

Continuing on home, taking it slowly, I received a text from our electricity service provider telling us the power had been restored to our homes. We knew it would be back on by the time we got home. That was the plan! 

The house was hot when we got back in the evening, so we opened it up, made a cup of tea,  and fell asleep together on the couch in front of the TV.

The day had been very pleasant, far more so than if we had just stayed home, trying to cope with fibro pain and Chris's shoulder pain. We were glad we had a diversion from our ills and decided to take our little trip to the seaside while the lights were off.

A welcome break

 

So yesterday, just after talking about kookaburras being prolific here, I was washing the dishes at my sink, when a baby kookaburra burst out laughing on my back fence.

As it turned out, his Mum wasn't far away, joining him in a chorus of laughter from my clothesline. By the time I grabbed my phone to record this for you, they had disappeared.

We have a very good feeding ground with abundant water and food in our back garden which has meant a lot of breeding goes on here. We love it.

These agapanthus plants have just blossomed and make a beautiful display in the backyard as well as at my kitchen window.  Some are white, but most are deep blue which is my favourite.

My fibromyalgia is so bad today with the inclement weather. Even my fingers are aching. I am just waiting for my pain killers to work. Not that they do much.

On today's to do list is washing and dishes. So far I have done two loads of washing- dried in the dryer and folded and put away by Chris. I usually do a load a day, but Chris's site where he had an abcess removed bled under the shower yesterday and I had to call an ambulance.

While we were waiting for them, I rolled a clean towel up and we applied pressure to the wound. There was a good deal of blood and when we transferred him to our bed to look at the wound, I had to cover the bed in clean towels to protect it. Consequently I had a lot more washing to do today.

Apparently I did the right thing by applying pressure to his wound and by the time the ambulance got here, the heavy bleeding had stopped. He didn't require going to hospital, thank goodness. But it did give us both a fright.

Even though I am mindful of the amount of electricity using the dryer is costing us, I find when my fibromyalgia is bad that it is actually worth it. In comfort and spoons, money sometimes has to be spent.

My bed is clean but unmade today as I really think I will have to give in to my pain and fatigue and take a nana nap later.

Dinner is farmhouse chicken in the slow cooker. I am so grateful for my hand maidens on days like today.

I am hoping to see the baby kookaburra with his mum again today.  They are always welcome at our place and were a lovely break from the dramas of the morning...

Fibro is the pits!

Some Christmas presents have come early thanks to family who are impatient for Christmas and so today Chris hung my hanging baskets and kookaburra wall ornament up for me.

We have been getting kookaburras by the bus load in our back garden and when I saw this ceramic one, I wanted him for my front porch.

This has given the house more kerbside appeal, and I think the kookaburra is very handsome.

I am psyching myself up to go pick up my grocery order I placed online. It's one of those days where fibromyalgia has reared its ugly head in the form of excruciating muscle pain in my arms and neck.

We will be having a frozen dinner tonight as we had a big lunch. To be honest, I just want to go to bed but that can't happen until after the grocery pick up.

The rain is bucketing down which perhaps accounts for the extra muscle pain. The weather always effects my fibromyalgia....

Better get on with it and rest up afterwards. Fibro is the pits! 

Don't lose hope

 

A restful reward

 

With the weather warming up, the fabulous bird life has returned from their migration up north. Every day there's a wide variety of minors, parrots, cockatoos, mudlarks, magpies, rosellas and corellas and kookaburras. And of course, there's crows and their cousins, pied corrowongs.

We keep the bird feeder stacked with seed and we also throw our scraps to them and they literally wait for us. In fact, no sooner is that back sliding door opened, than the magpies alight to snatch away the bread we've thrown. They are almost tame and even knock on the door for us to feed them.

This is so restful and when my fibromyalgia is flaring, I often lay on the couch and watch them. 

Lately, my fibromyalgia has been bad and even though I need to rest during the day, I don't necessarily need or want to be in bed, so I have found bird watching to be something I look forward to. Obviously, if I fall asleep, it doesn't matter. But feeding and watching the birds has a calming effect on me and I love it.

Today my to do list consists of washing a couple of loads of clothes and doing the dishes. I didn't get them done last night and they haven't miraculously disappeared. No, they are waiting patiently for my attention. 

With muscles cramping and spoons all used- obviously part of those waiting to be washed- I am meting out my limited energy with a zeal reserved only for survival these days.

I best get it done, even if it is in short bursts of energy. Eventually they will disappear and I have the birds to watch and amuse me as a reward afterwards.

Country life is sweet

I love our little country township. This is the main street. It consists of a few houses, a Post Office and a general store.

Although very small, the town always has something happening- today it was a nursery stall where plants and vegetables to cultivate are sold cheaply.

It is not uncommon to go to the Post Office and be walking among free range hens, pecking in the nature strip or front garden of the people's homes.

The Post Office is staffed with super friendly people and is pretty busy. Due to small population here, the mail is not delivered by a post man, but is delivered to PO boxes which we hire.

I have got permission from our landlords for Chris to make some waist high raised garden beds and I am planning to buy some vegetable seedlings for that soon.

Just across the Post Office there is a lovely park which has just been allowed to be visited after Covid rules lessened. I will be taking the grandchildren there on the approaching school holidays.

This little Post Office is within easy walking distance from our place. As soon as I get some spoons back with this fibromyalgia flare, I am going to try to walk it there and back. 

If I run into difficulties, Chris will be able to see me from our front porch and he will pick me up.

It does seem laughable that a short walk has to be timed and emergency procedures in place, but such is the life for a fibromite with barely a spoon to stir her aching old bones. 

I tell myself, "It is what it is!" and accept it but it still hurts. It's sort of like having a laugh instead of having a good cry.

I will get to walking it as it's fun to play with the hens who are quite gentle and tame. Country life is sweet! 

Planning to live

 

As you know, I have had fibromyalgia for over 24 years. It never gets better, but by careful planning of my life, I find I can most times live a balanced life.

There are occasions in life that are unavoidable. Sometimes it is of a medical nature like the time I simply had to stir my stumps and get to hospital for my heart stents. It was literally a matter of life or death. No choices about postponing because of a flare- it just had to be done.

Sometimes it is something we have looked forward to and simply can't miss- like our 10am wedding in Melbourne 22 years ago. You may wake up like a train has hit you, but you have to go or life as you want to live it, would take a turn for the worse. As I said, there are occasions in life that are unavoidable. And sometimes, it's worth the anguish! 

Living with fibromyalgia is very tricky. One does not know how one will feel on any particular day, and often accepting an invitation to a social occasion or  keeping a medical appointment is always on a tentative basis. It depends largely on how intense one's pain is at the moment.

Planning to live with fibromyalgia is very necessary and as seen, it is not for the faint of heart. It is necessary to plan and plot moments in our life to allow certain events to unfold.

If I know I have a special event tomorrow, I will plan my menu for the next couple of days to include slow cooker or easy to prepare meals, or I will cook ahead if I have sufficient energy. Or do frozen TV dinners. Housework is set on the back burner for a few days, with me focusing mainly on just doing a load of washing if necessary- and even so, I will use the dryer to save spoons.

As we Fibromites know, after a day out, the next day or two (or three) can bring on a fibro flare and we will be trying to recover and will not be fit for much activity for those days. So we have to plan ahead to include rest.

If we take care to include days of rest after a day out, we should be able to incorporate days out when needed and in so doing, we will be able to feel that we are actually living and not simply enduring or existing.

Medical matters must be attended to look after our health and happy occasions must be attended in order to make memories. If we fail to plan to live, we will always feel that we are on the inside of the window looking out as life passes us by.

 So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.  Psalm 90:12